Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

PMSL @ a Braille Big Book ? so sweet though. Is the electronic notetaker something you?d only use in AA meetings or something that could be used by several people at the same time? Just wondering if AA would consider buying one to make the group more accessible to people with the same needs as you. Sorry, it may not work like that though, I don?t know how they work.

If you?re going to be in London long enough to go to a meeting, I?d love to meet up. I?m crap at taking notes but I?d do my best lol. I?ll be in Putney tomorrow night (hopefully meeting Elibean) and in tooting on Saturday evening. I want to do 2 on Saturday so I can spend Sunday with my niece, but no worries if you?re just flying though.

Have a great weekend in Eastbourne

Hi Kokeshi and BM thanks for your posts. Yes did try DYDrink website and actually joined but they kept/keep sending me these bloody questionnaires that quite honestly were getting on my nerves. I know why because it is making me realise how much I drink but in all honesty being chased every few weeks to complete something is not for me. I would like to attend an AA meeting but one of the problems I have is that DH does not think I have a problem. Probably because admitting that would mean that he would have to too! So explaining that I'm just popping off to AA would cause issues in our house. Hope you understand that as really hard to explain. Will see how I get on tonight with the girls. Someone mentioned on another thread which has just started about drinking a little wine and topping up with soda and ice. May even try this for a couple of days but think I'm probably kidding myself.
XX

The questionaires got on my nerves a bit as well, as I got most of them when I wasn't drinking. The ones I got when I was drinking made me feel sick to fill in.

I understand why AA would cause problems in your relationship. Just because your both drinking too much though, I don't think it indicates that you both have a problem. If he's drinking because he wants to but you're drinking when you don't want to and have promised yourself that you won't, then it's different. I understand though. I found it really hard to tell EX-P that I was going to AA even though he was encouraging me. It must be really hard when you're in a couple and both of you are drinking too much but only one of you wants to stop.

Keep posting anyway

Hellobello, totally get the situation with your DH. I was in exactly the same position, and your right, if you start to look at your own issues with drink, it means he will have to confront his own. It's difficult enough on your own but when someone is facilitating your drinking it's so much harder. I had to take the drastic step of actually leaving the country to get away from the influence my late DH and I had on each other. I knew (and was told) that if I continued I wouldn't see my 30th birthday. I planned on returning to Australia after I was sorted to try to help DH. Didn't work out like that though, but it gave me a glimpse of exactly what would've become of me. Just stick with us for the moment, and take that step when you're ready. AA isn't going anywhere.

BM, I was going to try to see if I could make that meeting in Putney (have no clue about LOndon btw!), but the last bus to Eastbourne from London leaves at 17.45. Shame, but I will make it sometime - you can do the honours of showing round your patch!

That's really kind of you to offer with the note-taking - it's actually a service provided by professional notetakers for the deaf. They are trained to assist in large meetings/lectures - kind of like a scribe. They are expensive though (but actually if you're good at typing maybe a career option, my sister is considering it), so for an individual meeting it's cost-prohibitive. At the end of the night we're lucky if we cover the cost of the room hire and the tea/coffee/biscuits!

I was lobbying the General Service Board of AA and have also been on to my politician. There has been some progress but I've been told "the wheels of AA turn very slowly". Believe me, I employed full use of the serentity prayer when I was contacted by some "trusted servants".

I think I'm so shocked that I don't want to go anywhere near alcohol. I really feel as though this is all my fault and I've spent most of the day in tears really feeling sorry for myself and wondering what next. I can feel a great big lump in my boob and it's been there for ages. It's quite uncomfortable though not quite painful. Odd having a dull ache where there shouldn't be one. Anyway, it does feel as though it's all my fault for drinking far too much over the years, not that I can do anytyhing about it now. It's just horrible. And I can't even have a drink to cheer myself up with!

Sorry, I got the names mixed up before - my previous message was for Flowertop re her DH, and I meant to ask hellobello how you are today.

Your health situation is not your fault. You have no reason to think it's related to your drinking or otherwise - these things just happen unfortunately.

It's good that you're crying, you really need to let go of all that stuff that's bottled up. Do you have any good friends that can be with you? You know you can always come on here and just vent. I know it's not much but there are people here rooting for you.

Much love.

Kokeshi ? what a shame about tonight. I?d have loved to have met you. Hopefully another time though. I?d have been seriously out of my depth with notetaking though . Good luck with your lobbying and I hope you?re having a great weekend.

Hellobello ? drinking won?t cheer you up anyway. I?m really hoping this is just a scare that will launch you into taking good care of yourself from now on. I?ll be thinking of you and I?ve still got my fingers crossed for your appointment next week. Xx

Where?s IF btw? I miss her posts on here.

Cooo-eee! I'm here. I've been reading but not having anything relevant to contribute to the debate.

You're doing great BM. I'm proud of you. Even if that does sound a bit of a naff thing to say.

hellobello if it's any consolation to you lumps which are worrying in the breast are rarely painful. They are usually painless and immobile. I had a scare myself about 2 years ago with a rather large pretty painful lump by my nipple. It all turned out fine and it's now totally gone. Don't worry unless you have to. I know that's easier said than done though.

BM, its Sat morning and after lengthy talks with our provider last night, we have a new password and hey presto - internet working, at least for now, though Outlook Express isn't so can't email.

I'm so sorry I couldn't make the meeting last night - just hope you got my phone message/s (rambling, frustrated, sorry - had had no sleep night before, or one before that!). A week of fever for 3 yr old, baby teething, etc - evening meeting was beyond me, and beyond dh to cope with bedtime for them

Am away until start of September as from next week, but will look forward to meeting you then - from the skim-read that I've just had, sounds as though things are going well, I'm so glad

I might make Barnes Sunday night, but don't dare commit to anything in case baby or I come down with dd's virus. Give me a ring if you're going and fancy meeting up, otherwise, will be thinking of you and hoping to meet in early September!

kokeshi, you were in London too? Rats!

Hi IF, nice to hear from you again

HI Elibean, I didn?t get your phone messages but I?ve just got an email from you with your number on so I?ll text you. I must have given you the wrong one before, sorry about that.

No worries about not making the meeting. I like it there so I?m going to make it a regular for the time being. I can?t make Barnes tomorrow as my niece is visiting. I haven?t seen her for a year and I can?t wait to see how she?s changed. I was going to do 2 today but I?ve changed my mind and am going to make up lost days when the summer holidays are over and I can do afternoon meetings easily.

Hope DD1 is on the mend now and you?re getting some rest

I had an embarrassing emotional outburst at the meeting last night . The woman who chaired spoke a bit about how early recovery was painful for her and when it was my turn to talk I managed a few words and then I was sobbing. People were nice though and I walked out of the meeting feeling relieved rather than foolish.

This is so childish but someone was a bit short with me on Thursday and it really upset me and made me want to drink to just shut the continual analysing up. I didn?t drink so I was stuck with these thoughts of hating the person who wasn?t very nice and hating myself for letting it bother me and just continually summing it all up and not drawing any conclusions. So I spent all day yesterday feeling down but couldn?t explain why or let it go. Having a cry last night seemed to wash the feelings away and today it doesn?t matter so much and I feel satisfied that the person who upset me was rude but that?s her problem to own and not mine to worry about.

I?m recognising so much of my behaviour at the meetings, in particular the woman?s meetings, where you really hear about emotions and not just actions.

One thing I keep meaning to ask you guys who are still / once were drinking a lot. Did you find it affected your stomach? When I was drinking I used to find I would have day after day sometimes when I couldn't keep anything down. Have any of you suffered from that? I never realised at the time that it was due to the booze, I kept thinking I was getting a lot of tummy bugs

Hi IF. This is probably TMI, so don't read if you're about to eat.

I didn't vomit very often, never the morning after and only a few times during a binge when I drank too much too quickly on an empty stomach. I used to eat bread and crisps if I recognised the warning signs that I would be sick during a binge. The 'other end' was a different story though. I don't think I've had a normal bowel movement for years. I don't think it's diarrhoea as I only need to go once but it's loose and I get an urgent sensation when I need to go. I was really hoping this would have stopped by now but it's just the same - possibly because my diet is rubbish still.

I had a day off from meetings yesterday to spend time with my little niece and my mum and dad. DS and EX-P were also there and it was a nice normal day. I can't believe how much she's matured emotionally since she's been living with her dad. The last time I saw her she was having a hard time integrating with other kids and could be quite spiteful. She's really growing up and she's gained a bit of weight too - and she really needed to.

As we were getting ready to go home my dad asked me if I was going to have a beer when I got in and I blurted out that I don't drink anymore, because it's not good for you on a daily basis, and I can do without the hangovers - I basically went on too much when I should have just said 'no, I don't fancy one tonight'. It was too late to get to a meeting but I actually wished I could have - that's a first. The off-licence was closed so I couldn't even consider sneaking off but I felt like something was missing.

How is everyone else doing?

Hi all,

Got back from dahn sarf in the early hours of monday - we only passed through London, but it struck my just how small Glasgow is in comparison.

We had a lovely bus driver taking us from Stanstead to Baker Street on the new Easybus service (just an orange transit van!) and he was telling us about how much it costs to live down there. Think I'll be in Hicksville for a while longer!

Glad you had a nice day on Sunday BM, I think it's good to catch your breath sometimes too, and it fantastic for you to see your niece when you're feeling better. I bet she would have noticed if you'd still been drinking (kids who've alcoholic parents are so attuned to it), and the fact that you can be a positive role model for her will really mean a lot, I imagine.

The thing with parents, I find really difficult too - it's so hard to be objective. Although my parents went through hell with my drinking, they just don't seem to see how unhealthy their own consumption is. We were out with a group of people in Eastbourne, and my mum was conspicuously drunk and really embarrassing. The next day I told her that people were commenting on it and it made for quite an uncomfortable journey back. I'm still learning what to do in this situation myself and it really worries me.

Anyhoo, hope things are going well and if they're not, let us know about it.

How did you get on today hellobello? I hope you received some good news.

Hi Kokeshi ? good to have you back on the thread

Sorry to hear about your mum?s drinking over the weekend ? that must have been a really awkward situation. I try to avoid my dad?s drinking, not because of embarrassment as he only drinks indoors, but because I hate the behaviour that goes with it.

I spent yesterday with my parents as well, and I found the constant doubting over my sister?s alcoholism really draining. It really pisses me off that my mum is fully aware that my dad is an alcoholic but she can?t accept that anyone else might have a genuine drink problem ? everyone else is just weak willed and selfish. I could never tell them about me going to AA, even though I suspect my mum knows I?ve got a problem with drink.

Hellobello ? I?ll keep checking in to see if you?ve posted. Hoping for good news from you

Hi BM, thanks for your lovely post...I tend not to be in the company of my mum when she and my dad are drinking - she's a house drinker also and spending time so much time with her has made me aware of how excessive her drinking is. I think I was possibly in a bit of denial (as is she) as to the extent of the problem. I may be checking out Al-Anon myself again soon.

With your mum, she may be reluctant to admit that your sister (or any of her off-spring) can be alcoholic as she may see this as a reflection on her as a parent. Like it's her failure? Families are are so difficult, the best thing I think is to get on with your own recovery and let them get on with their lives. I'm talking about myself here too. It's hard to completely extricate yourself emotionally though.

I didn't go to my group tonight - I've been feeling really weird today. I think being with deafened people at the weekend has affected me, and a lot of the feelings that I've not dealt with are lurking at the surface. I suppose I've had quite a lot to deal with over the past year, and it's just about this time last year that my hearing started to go.

Anyhoo, I'm fine in that I won't be drinking, but I do need to confront these things, past experience has proven! Hope everyone else is OK...sign in and let us know how it's going.

Yes, I suspect my mum?s denial is mostly to do with how she feels it reflects on her. She is also extremely dominant and cannot stop herself from trying to sort out everybody?s problems. I had to walk away from her a few times yesterday as she kept talking about my sister?s upcoming house move and how it will mean she can have DN back to live. I get sooo irritated by this because my sister has never mentioned having her daughter back and her daughter doesn?t want to go back. Everyone is happy with DN living with her dad, but my mum cannot stop this daydreaming and pretending, even when she herself admits that she thinks my sister is mentally ill and a danger to herself and others. My sister is not even allowed unsupervised contact with her daughter ? another thing that my mum tried to meddle with over the weekend. It makes me bloody furious. I was really impressed with the changes in DN over the last year, particularly in her self-esteem and ability to socialise. Obviously she?s been damaged and only time will tell how her experience with her mother will affect her long term, but my mum found fault with everything. She?s still too thin, she?s rude, she only goes to after-school clubs because her dad doesn?t want her any more than her mum does, he?s too strict with her? the bitching just goes on and on, and sadly a lot of it is done within DN?s earshot.

I?m sorry about that rant. I really needed to say it and I feel better for it.

I think you?re absolutely right about getting on with your own recovery and leaving them to their lives. I think my mum could probably do with a 12 step programme even more than my dad could, and she?s the non-alcoholic one. I?ve worried a lot about meeting my sister in an AA room and her spitefully telling my mum about it (and the yellow card wouldn?t stop her), and imagining my mum?s disgust and disbelief (exactly the same as when I told her I had PND). Now, I feel like ?if it happens, it happens?. I am going to start going to meetings in my home town rather than traipsing about London, spending money that I don?t have on bus fairs and getting home late. I?m cross with myself because I?ve spent the last few weeks at meetings that are mostly 2 buses away from where I live ? it?s not sustainable.

You have had a lot to deal with over the last 12 months Kokeshi. It must have been a rollercoaster emotion wise ? and if you?re like me and like most of the other people in AA, emotions and feelings are not easy things to sit with. Good for you for being so productive and being able to recognise where you are emotionally. I wouldn?t mind going along to an Al-Anon meeting myself when I?m further down the road to recovery. I kind of thought I?d be unwelcome though.

Hope everyone else is ok tonight. Hellobello, still thinking of you.

BM, I don't think Al-Anon is a bad idea for you at all - I totally identify with the feeling of not belonging there. In fact I think I apologised for being an alcoholic the first time I went! I did go on my own and had no idea of how it worked really, which was probably a good thing because everyone reassured me that I definitely was in the right place. It's up to you whether you go sooner rather than later, I guess it's a case of figuring out how much you can deal with at the moment. Do go easy on yourself though, there's no rush!

I think your preference to initially go to meetings where you're less likely to know people is perfectly understandable. I did start off in my home town, but I found it quite claustrophobic. Not much recovery beyond attending meetings and I had difficulty identifying with 60+ year old shipyard workers .

I imagine where you live is possibly a little more cosmopolitan (admittedly, I am an ignoramus about London geography!)? It sounds exotic to me anyway. No harm in trying closer to home, you may even find people in your local who venture further afield too, who can ferry you about.

Tonight I went to Intergroup and asked for help with touch typists. My own meeting is fine, but I really would like to get to bigger meetings. I've missed out a lot this year and feel like I want to reconnect with people. I was quite vociferous...got on my deaf soapbox, lol. It's funny when you get to into service in AA, you meet so many different people. It's actually a great way to get your confidence back as well, in time of course.

Good, here I am rambling on again and I have another implant programming session in the morning. I've had a bit of a wobbly week and it was good for me to identify what was wrong. DP has been great - always encouraging me to talk about my feelings which is really not in my nature. I have a bank of 14 years sobriety to draw on (DP's) whenever I feel humble enough to ask so I'm quite fortunate really.

TAke care and keep posting. Hope the others are fine who haven't posted for a bit...cubby, hellobello, naswm, IF, earlgrey, oenophile, Elibean, all the others I haven't mentioned.

Hi all, just checking in, lots going on at 'OL towers' with builders and decorators. I also felt a bit ashamed as I fell by the wayside last week (friends came around and I drank a bottle of wine). Strangely, the experience has made me more determined to give up. And this time my head is prepared to mean it.

I have promised myself time and time again that I'll give up drinking, and I break it as soon as 6 o clock strikes. I'm sure someone clever must have said... it's the lie you tell yourself that really matters.

So in short, I've got through my first month with only one failure. I have to say that this thread has given me the extra determination to do it. So thanks guys.

Wow BM, everytime I log on you seem to have taken another epic stride, you must be so proud of yourself

Hi to everyone else, hope the school hols aren't taxing your metal too much.

Oldlush, that's fantastic! You should be on here bleating about your achievements...come and join us! It's great to see other people managing to get to grips with their drinking and does help those who're having a hard time realise that it can be done. Your wisdom and knowledge are needed too .

Kokeshi, how the heck do you manage to get up in the morning when you're posting at 4am!? I'm kind of envious as pre-dd I was a real night owl, I loved being up when everybody else was asleep. Am I right in thinking that you don't have kids? How did you end up on MN?

BM I was asking bout the digestive stuff because I remember I developed alcoholic gastritis when I was drinking and I don't think I've ever really shifted it. My stomach seems to get very unwell over even the stupidest thing and it's hard to recover again. I was just staying with my mum this week and I had chips from a chip shop two days in a row (I normally never to go the chippy but she lives by the sea and it's too tempting) and I've been suffering for days, blown up like a balloon, retching, feeling utterly lousy. I can't seem to digest properly any more. It may have nothing to do with the booze now but it definitely started when I was drinking. I often wonder how other people manage to drink heavily without it affecting their eating.

Well done oldlush by the way

Hi IF...it's more of an curse than anything, this insomnia but yes, sometimes it is good to have the whole house to myself when DP has gone to bed.

I don't have DC's as yet, something DP and I are planning in the near future but does take a heck of a lot more planning for us than the average couple. I look after my 30 month old nephew on a regular basis so that's what brought me to MN. He's been with us right from the word go really (his mum works full time as a nurse and me working in film allowed me to spend more time with him).

You know what MN is like though...once you're in you're hooked! The name doesn't do justice to really. It's a mine of wisdom, and I know I'll be well prepared when the time comes! I am broody as hell as it happens.

About the gastritis, I always had really loose bowels (sorry TMI) which was definitely a symptom of poor liver function. Pale stools and dark urine were worringly frequent for me. Thankfully I don't seem to have any lasting effects, but I really don't eat that much grease as I do get the odd twinge. My mum has IBS which is definitely exascerbated by drinking, but she'll blame anything else other than her daily wine intake.

Hope you get some relief, it's really miserable when your guts are unpredictable. It affects your whole life really.

How's it going today?