Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Brassic, from what you have posted I think you have actually moved from "person who drinks insane amounts, hates themselves, life is out of control, can't function properly and is in danger of having their child taken away from them" to "person who is on the road to recovery, learning to love themselves, being really brave and reaching for a happy future". Drink or not lots of people have issues to work through and are flawed - some horribly but no one said you had to be perfect and it doesn't mean you aren't both lovable and loved.

Whatever else you feel about yourself right now try to be proud that you are facing up to your alcoholism and looking your problems in the face.

It will get easier. Be kind to yourself in the meantime.

Try not to worry too much about the 'years of therapy' BM. You are already starting to help yourself rather than beat yourself up with booze at every opportunity. I've just finished a year of some really helpful therapy and now I feel a bit at a loose end. I'm not quite in the same place that I was in before, but I'm not really sure where I am but I do know that I really DON'T want to go back to the same hell I've just left. Perhaps a bit like you, I'm teetering on the edge a bit?

I do feel now slightly more as though I may have some place in the world and perhaps there are opportunities to be looked into. It's as though some people charge through childhood and adolecense (sp?!!?) and hit the ground running into adulthood. I just hit the ground and stayed there. It's nice to have a bit of air, but also a bit scary.

Where's Cubby? Come back! We want you back!

Brassic, personally I think you have actually moved from "person who drinks insane amounts, hates themselves, life is out of control, can't function properly and is in danger of having their child taken away from them" to "person who is on the road to recovery, learning to love themselves, being really brave and reaching for a happy future". Drink or not lots of people have issues to work through and are flawed - some horribly but no one said you had to be perfect and it doesn't mean you aren't both lovable and loved.

Whatever else you feel about yourself right now try to be proud that you are facing up to your alcoholism and looking your problems in the face.

It will get easier.

sorry - didn't mean to post that twice!

Hey - BM

Just thought I'd mention that my husband came back from his meeting last night. He told me that he felt that he is now living his life in a way that is better than he ever thought possible. I think he called it the best life he ever had. He has just got himself a sponsor (this is his ninth month of sobriety) and he really is a different man. I dug out some photos of us on holiday last year and he has lost so much weight. I, on the other hand, am still overweight but that is another issue!

Giving up alcohol has really slimmed him down, even though he eats far more than he did before. He is also more confident than he was before, and I think this is in part due to the fact that he has faced up to his alcoholism and tackled it. Years of therapy? I don't know if that is true but he gets a lot out of the AA meetings.

Keep going - you're doing really well

hi bm

you know there are a lot of people out here rooting for you. we might not contribute much to the threads - not much to offer by way of constructive advice or positive experience - but we are on the sidelines cheering you on.

bon courage!

BM, I can't beleive how quickly you're progressing with all this stuff, it's truly amazing. Some people take years to actually feel anything and if you can tap into your emotions (feeling sad is good!), you're well on your way.

Whatever you're feeling right now is OK, it's absolutely how you should feel. No feeling is wrong - just different and the getting better part is actually riding out those bad feelings without taking a drink.

If you don't like things about yourself now it's just because you've not had a chance to get to know the real you. The ultimate goal in AA (and I guess outwith also) is to be able to love and forgive yourself. This presents the greatest challenge for all of us who've dealt with drink problems and whatever lead us there.

Please keep posting, keep sharing - there's nothing you can say that hasn't been said or felt before (even if you think you shouldn't feel that way!)...and you're definitely not unique.

Noddyholder - there are loads of partners who don't avail themselves of the support of Al-Anon, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was suggesting it as something that may help loved ones who are having problems dealing with being excluded or resentful of their changing relationships.

How is everyone else?

BM - after sounding somewhat harsh in my last posts (I was so upset by you drinking again and that told me I had got too oversensitive ) I just wanted to say that you sound so much stronger, and you ARE recovering slowly - you should be so proud of yourself for your progress so far. My sister is due out of rehab on Friday after a 28 day ATP, and I hope and pray she maintains through AA, as I do not think I have anything left to give emotionally if she decides to lift that drink again. Just wanted you to know that I am one of many many MNers wishing you success.

Hi. Following this thread with fascination, interest and great admiration. well done bm. thanks 4 asking kokeshi. .

Cubby, don't be embarrassed...just come back and post. You've been missed!

Yes, come back Cubby. I miss your posts on here. And Hidesit, where are you?

Callmemadam - I was really drunk the night you posted and probably very paranoid too. You wern't harsh, I just took it in the worst way possibly at the time. I realised I'd got it wrong in the morning though. Thanks for posting again.

Thanks so much everyone. Tonight has been mostly really good. I went to a local meeting where I knew a few people from other meetings. I got my '24 hour chip' tonight which was very emabarrassing but also great to get a great big cheer . I know it's actually 8 days sober but the person giving the chips out didn't want me to miss out on my ceremony. It was really special.

One thing has put a downer on tonight though, and it's my fault and I'm really beating myself up for it. I was running late and I asked EX-P to drop me off at the meeting. When I got home tonight he blurted out 'so you've met X then' (X being a bloke that he works with who is openly in AA). I hadn't met him and I have no idea what he looks like. He was apparantly in front of us when I was being dropped off outside the meeting, but he mysteriously didn't appear to notice our car and didn't say hello to EX-P. Perhaps he was being sensitive! I feel so embarrassed and exposed now. Why couldn't he just use his common sense and think about why X didn't say hello? And why couldn't he have just kept it to himself. What I don't know can't hurt me. I feel so humiliated, but at the same time, terrible that I layed into EX-P about it and have made him feel like an idiot. I've said sorry but he's being hard on himself and now the roles have reversed and I'm trying to convince him that it doesn't really matter and he's telling me that it does matter.

Anyway, 8 down 82 to go. I hope I start looking forward to the meetings soon and stop doing this countdown.

I wouldn't have minded so much about finding out that X knows who I am if I'd found out about it on another night. I just feel such a pratt now for being so proud of myself for getting my 24 hour recovery chip, knowing that there was someone in the room who knew me. It makes me really cringe.

Oh, and Kokeshi, I definitely agree that you'd be great working in this sort of environment. I'm not arse-licking but there's a lot you've said over the past few months that has struck chords and stayed with me. In particular about not maturing from the age you started drinking, taking a leap of faith with AA and how you've been so open about being afraid and ashamed. Thank you for giving me a push with it.

I have struggled tonight. I haven't considered having a drink but I've recognised the craving that happens everytime I have to deal with a problem and the urge to 'opt out' by getting drunk. It is scary and I do feel out of my depth a lot of the time but knowing that I'm still here after doing things over the last 8 days that have terrified me gives me a bit of a buzz. I've got all my meetings set up this week apart from the weekend where I'm aiming to go early and probably on my own.

Thanks for all the posts everyone

All day yesterday I was promising myself that once my DD was in bed I'd crack open Harry Potter and have a good read. I found this post by accident and its something that I have no personal experience of. But I read it from start to finish last night (3 hours!!) JK Rowling didn't get a look in.
I'm fairly new to mumsnet, mainly lurking, not many posts, but I felt compelled to post to say how amazing the support provided on this thread is, and how amazingly well you are doing BrassicMonkey. You're an inspiration to so many.
Well done and keep up the good work. xx

Thanks Elfsmummy. Wow - a thread I started is more appealing than Harry Potter. I'm honoured

The support on here has been fantastic though. I started the last thread because I didn't know where to go, I was drunk, I wanted to be faceless and I couldn't cope with telling anyone in RL about how my drinking had got so out of control. People posting supportively (or keeping negative opinions to themselves) has given me a safe place to be honest and get good advice and support. I needed that so much before I could talk openly in RL. Thanks for reading and for your lovely post

I think that growing up is hard enough anyway! They say that you get stuck emotionally with eating disorders too. And relationships, but I suppose that we have relationships with alternative things to people.

How are things today?

Bloody awful, K. I have a hangover from hell and started drinking spirits last night. I went to the doc this morning because I thought there was a lump in my boob. Dh wouldn't touch me when I asked if he could confirm that it was a lump or just to deny all (again) and ignore it. Anyway this time next week I shall know a bit more about what is wrong. I have an emergency appt with the breast clinic where they have all the labs and horrible machines. I do know the hospital runs a very good breast cancer support group. I'm feeling rather frightened and keep crying. Dh has gone out, rather inappropriately I thought. Poor man really is in my bad books today.

God hellobello, so sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you managed to get to the doc and have a follow-up appointment. I know this will sound really trite but try not to project ahead too much you'll just frighten yourself.

If you can try and apply the minute by minute thing at the moment, and concentrate on what's in front of you, then it may stop your head going off in all directions. It could be just a benign lump and you'd be putting yourself through all of that worry for nothing.

I've never been through this before but had a similar thing waiting for a diagnosis for my hearing loss. I think that was the worst part for me - luckily DP encouraged me to sit down and just talk about everything I feared. It helped to get some of it in perspective.

Please use this thread to get anything off your mind, I'll be here.

Take care, and sending you lots of positive thoughts.

Sorry to hear that HB. You're probably out of your mind with worry, but Kokeshi's advice is good. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. xx

I've just got home from my 10th meeting in 10 days. It was another women's meeting and I introduced myself as a newcomer. I must look to see if there are any local women's groups as I find the atsmosphere more calming and I don't stress as much before I go. The first person I made contact with in AA chaired the meeting, and then we went for a Lebanese meal.

Tomorrow night I'm going for a Chinese after the meeting. I must stop this because I can't really afford it and I'm piling on more weight. It's nice to be invited though.

I felt angry all day until I got to the meeting. I don't know why. Nothing bad happened, but I felt pissed off that I had to go to another meeting and I wanted to chuck it all in. I know these are the times when you're supposed to phone people but it's at these times when I don't want to talk - I don't know what to say. I'm realising that I haven't dealt with 'feelings' for so long that I don't really know how I feel. Every time something happens or I don't like how I feel I drown it out with vodka and then sit and cry about things that don't cross my mind when I'm sober and aren't even my problems.

I did get some good news today though. My niece (sister's daughter) will be in London for the weekend. DS is so excited and I can't wait to see how she's changed physically and emotionally since I last saw her - I think it's been about a year.

How is everyone else doing?

Oh yes, HB, keep posting on here and definetly let us know how you get on next week. I'm sending positive vibes. Poor you

Hi all. HB so sorry to hear that you have this worry. I can't imagine how bad you must feel. Just keep posting your thoughts/feelings as at least this will let you pour things out. I am pretty shit at the moment and don't know why. Actually I do. It's the realisation that I can't stop drinking every night. DH was away this week for 1 night and normally I don't drink but what did I do had three glasses of red wine. I am concerned about my health and desparately want a liver test but don't want to go to docs as already am on all sorts of medication (for other issues!) and she actually is not that nice. I always feel she is smirking at me when I go and see her; like Loser!! Know this is all in my head but hate going and there is noone else. Going out with the girls tonight and have insisted on driving. Obviously they don't know why but it is better that way as a) I drink too quickly when out whilst everyone is 'nursing' their wine and b)as I don't ever have one drink and drive will make me not drink at all. Going on hols next week and really want to not drink so much but unforunately always do. Anyway sorry about that but just needed to let it out. BM you are doing really well and quite honestly you must have loads of strength.
XX

Hi all,

BM, it's great that you've actually introduced yourself - what huge progress from even last week! Sounds like you really prefer the woman's meetings, and I think it's not unwise to protect yourself as much as possible.

What you were saying about being in a bad mood - there are still days when I really have to drag my arse to my meeting. In fact since I lost my hearing I couldn't attend any, and now I can hear a bit, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when I ask if I can have someone to takes notes for me. Sometimes you just want to blend in - I don't have that luxury anymore!

Flowertop, have you tried any of the tools like Down your Drink? I think it was mentioned on one of our threads last year by someone (cubby?). It is good that you're recognising it, and it's getting to you. There's no point in trying to tackle your drinking if your heart's not in in. I guess this is a kind of limbo time - not wanting to keep drinking, but frightened of stopping. Been there myself.

Again, mentioning AA, it's not just for people who've reached the gutter literally, it's for anyone who has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. It's a big step psychologically (I'm sure BrassicMonkey will back me up on this), but once you open the door on it, you can start to see how much alcohol is limiting your life.

Hellobello, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

HI Flowertop. Down your Drink is a good site with tools that you can use to track your drinking. I tried it a few months back but it didn't really work for me because I was either abstaining or bingeing. A few years ago it might have been able to identify a pattern to my drinking or highlight a future problem.

There are a whole lot of different people in AA, from the business man that was on the streets 20 years ago to the housewife who drank half a bottle of wine a night (but couldn't stop). There's a lot of binge drinkers too and I identify with them the most as I don't crave drink every day but once I start it will always turn into a bender. I'm definitely not strong btw. I wake up every morning filled with dread knowing that I have to go to another meeting in the evening. I have to put it out of my mind or I wouldn't get there.

Hellobello - how are you today?

Kokeshi, I really do prefer the women's meetings. So far they've been fairly small groups (20 - 30) and I can identify with everything. I'm not afraid of the men but I'm uncomfortable with the slightly flirtatious atmosphere and I just want to leave as soon as the meeting is over, but I can't as someone is usually giving me a lift.

We have groups in London for people with hearing loss, but I don't know if that's just because there are hundreds of groups in a fairly small area, so it's easier to make some more accessible for groups of people that would find regular meetings difficult.

Yes BM, I've been trying to organise something similar for up here - I've been in contact with the group founders. They have a weekly BSL interpreter, which is fantastic for those who're born deaf. My needs are slightly different (I need an electronic notetaker) and I really felt excluded when I was deaf.

Unfortunately AA aren't very good at progressing things (what do you expect in a bunch of alkies lol), so I was sometimes left banging my head off a brick wall. One man (bless him0 asked me if I needed a copy of the Big Book in braille .

I'll be in your neck of the woods this weekend, we're travelling through London to get to Eastbourne. I'm volunteering for the Deaf charity that really helped me when I was going through tough times.

I hope you have a good weekend all.