Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

How did you get on BM? Or, how are you feeling today?

Elibean, we'll just leave it as a casual thing just now, you must be dead busy with your wee one so no worries!

Hello there BrassicMonkey. I just wanted to add my congratulations and best wishes.

I know I keep mentioning my husband but he has found a meeting that suits him and he often comes back telling that he really enjoyed the meeting. He says he feels odd about it - like he shouldn't really enjoy the meetings! But he does and that's good isn't it?

So glad the meeting went well. Keep posting

Hello everyone, hope i am not hijacking the thread but would really appreciate some advice. dh has very stressful, business lots of time away, socialising etc. As a result he has rather abused his body and it has become evident that when he goes out he gets plastered.

He has been to the doctors today and doc said he has a liver count of 195. Is this really bad? Sorry if i am hijacking and really do not mean any upset to anyone but I just thought the posters on here may have experience.

Thanks

HI cba, you're not hijacking and your post certainly didn't upset me, at least. I've not had a liver function test and don't know what 195 means - good or bad, I've no idea. Hope someone posts with some advice for you. Good luck and fingers crossed for you.

oyu, it's lovely to hear about your husband, a real inspiration. Please keep posting

Tonights meeting was...different. I called a few people but they were busy and I was (unfairly) disheartened so stopped calling people and just got on with getting ready to go alone. It was excruciatingly embarrassing for me. I didn't know where I was going and couldn't look at anyone because I was close to tears. A man came up to me and said 'you can talk to us you know, we don't bite', and I know he was being friendly and trying to break the ice but I almost ran out, I felt such a fool.

No-one sat next to me, no-one shared their book with me during the reading at the beginning and no-one spoke to me. One girl smiled at me and that small gesture made me relax a bit. I liked the person who chaired and some of the 'sharers' made me laugh a bit but I was eager to leave and the time really, really dragged.

Got out and thought 'thank fuck I smoke', lit up and a woman about my age came and spoke to me. THANK GOD. I'm not sure I could have gone alone again. An hour later and we were still chatting and have arranged to go to a meeting together on Thursday. She's driving me so it's a break from printing out maps and wandering around towns that I don't know that well feeling lost and stupid. I was sooooo glad that she approached me and I've come home feeling quite excited and like I know it was worth the effort of going.

Tomorrow I'm going to an afternoon meeting in Putney with the lady that first introduced me to the meetings, and then Friday I'll be back there again and hopefully Elibean will meet me outside.

I feel like I achieved something really big tonight and I overcame a few fears. The biggest being walking in alone but also just phoning people that I don't know.

Off to bed now. Thanks for posting everyone.

cba,

An initial step in detecting liver damage is a simple blood test to determine the presence of certain liver enzymes in the blood. Under normal circumstances, these enzymes reside within the cells of the liver. But when the liver is injured, these enzymes are spilled into the blood stream.

Among the most sensitive and widely used of these liver enzymes are the aminotransferases. They include aspartate aminotransferase (AST or SGOT) and alanine aminotransferase (ALT or SGPT). These enzymes are normally contained within liver cells. If the liver is injured, the liver cells spill the enzymes into blood, raising the enzyme levels in the blood and signaling the liver damage.

But you should get your DH to ask his GP which liver enzymes he was testing for because the LFTs (liver funtion tests) each have their own reference levels and the whole picture gives the clinician a better idea of what's causing it.

The best advice for him though would be to stop drinking to allow the levels to return to the normal level. That in itself may indicate of he has a deeper problem with alcohol.

I hope that makes sense, there's so much information and I didn't want to swamp you with it.

Brilliant BM. Yes, it is really scary isn't it. You're showing a lot of courage by doing this, and I know every time I went alone I was really anxious at first.

It's great to have someone to go along with -you can support each other. I would also say try to get your hands on a hard copy of Where to Find, they have contact names and numbers for the group members. It's worthwhile giving these guys a call before you go to let them know you're a newcomer. People will help you, but you have to ask first I've found.

All meetings are different, and attract different crowds. It's OK to not like one, it just means you're narrowing down your options. Tis a good thing believe me. If you go to a group regularly, you'll make friends and you'll no longer feel awkward hanging about the doors.

Can I ask what kind of meeting it was? Some of them are well established so unless they know there's a newcomer, it might seem a bit insular. Just a thought.

Keep us posted about your meeting experiences, I'm going to my home group tomorrow night and looking forward to it. Most of the group members are good friends of mine now and we see each other regularly outwith AA.

I would never have believed it was possible. The day I was invited for a coffee after a meeting I was terrified...I was thinking "What the hell do peole talk about? They just sit and drink coffee and talk?!" It's become something of a ritual now and I'm never short of anything to say. Not like the frightened kid I was a few years ago.

All the best.

Hooray! A night without a bottle of wine! I'm sorry it sounds trivial when there are people battling with bigger demons. Instead of drinking, I filled the gaps between the floorboards - gripping stuff - and something I've been meaning to do for at least 4 years. I will be thrilled if I can sand the floor by the weekend. I am really fed-up with how alcohol affects my sleep. I am so bored with being tired due to waking up at 4am and not going back to sleep again. I sleep so so much better without booze. Sorry this all me me me. Well done, BM! Kokeshi, you are a great support to everyone here. It is a tremendous achievement to take on your demons and get the better of them!

I have so much packing to do and the place is chaos. Really I cannot afford not to sleep with so much to do.

Hi all, not been around due to stuff going on with family, kids and builders (NOT in that order), so have just caught up. BM, sounds like you've been through a lot in the last few days, it was always going to be an emotional rollercaster, especially with AA. The important thing is that you've tackled so many personal hurdles, well done.

Hi Kokeshi, I look forward to reading your post as you are a treasure trove of information and support.

Hellobello, great news, a victory is a victory. This will sound bonkers but ... having a drink problem is a bit like having chicken pox...doesn't matter if you have 6 spots or 306 spots, the itch and the desire to scratch that itch is still there.

Hurdles? chicken pox? sorry everyone I think I've accidentally swallowed a theasaurus.

Oooh, BM, I have felt like that so many times! Hats off to you - you've certainly faced a lot of fears, and look what came of it, a new AA pal and someone to go to a meeting with. Brilliant.

I'll email you on Friday to confirm (hopefully) meeting, and some details about where the meeting is in case its helpful.

Re LFTs, I think the 'normal' is under 40 for women and under 50 for men - if the LFT in question was an ALT (usually is). It measures the degree of inflammation at any given time, and the range of abnormal ALTs can go up into the thousands - 195 isn't scarily high, if its a one-off, but if its a consistent reading then there's chronic inflammation which, eventually, can harm the liver and cause scarring. Thats a very very basic description, I'm not a medical person, but I've had hepatitis and more LFTs than hot dinners. I agree with Kokeshi's feedback (sorry K, am so boring, keep agreeing ) would advise not drinking for a while, then re taking tests, and talk to GP about results. Incidentally, what does GP have to say about it all?

Hi everyone

Kokeshi and Elibean ? yeah, it?s well scary and a bit sort of humiliating as well, to announce by default that you?re an alcoholic (not that I?ve been brave enough to actually speak at all in the meetings).

So, I?ve done 5 meetings now and have come across different groups of people at all of them. Even though I didn?t like the Wimbledon meeting I will go back there again as it?s so convenient to get to. Now I know where I?m going I can think ?sod them? if they don?t speak to me. I know my attitude is very childish ? and that was spoken about today as it was another Step 12 meeting (3 in a row ? how weird?) and the reading made me cringe as I could really recognise myself as someone who?s always let other people look after me. It did NOT occur to me to say hello to anyone else or smile at them but I was furious that they didn?t approach me. Sorry, Elibean, I won?t be as unreasonable when I meet you, I promise.

I was at an afternoon meeting in Putney today and I felt more comfortable with it. My AA friend/mentor was with me though and I had a good rant about how much I hated last night and she laughed. After that I went into Putney high street and had my hair done. It really needed it and I was dreading it, but my scalp psoriasis is better so I didn?t feel as hideous as I have done about it before. It was great to have a couple of hours flicking through magazines, being pampered and knowing that I?d got the meeting out of the way for today. I really needed that meeting when I woke up this morning though. The cravings are always bad 2 days after finishing a binge and looking back I can recognise a pattern where I thought I was abstaining but I was really just recovering and preparing to get hammered again.

Tomorrow night I?ve got a meeting in Tolworth, and then Friday I?ll be back at Putney, and will hopefully meet you, Elibean. It is helpful to have a few details such as if it?s opposite something, or what colour the door is. Anything like that as unless there is a huge sign up I get anxious that I?m in the wrong place and am going to make a fool of myself.

I can?t believe how tired I am. I know I?m getting a lot out of it though, even if I disregard what I?m hearing in meetings, and I?m still not really understanding how it will keep me sober long term ? I?m just doing it to keep sober today. The sourcing out meetings, phoning people, thinking about what I?m going to wear (not that I have many clothes), having a bath, topping up my oyster card etc etc. These are all things that I haven?t done for me in years. Obviously I?ve got dressed for the school run and I?ve had baths, but I?ve only done them so I?m not a disgrace for other people. It?s hard work for me (I know it?s pathetic) but obviously, so important.

Hellobello ? well done on your booze free night. Hope it continues
Oldlush ? thanks

Sorry about the long post (again)

BM, just back and its very late - small one will wake me at 5.30 am so keeping this short and fast.

The church is on the corner of Gwendolen Avenue and Upper Richmond Road, its a big one and the entrance is the main entrance - well lit, steps leading up to double doors (I think) and should be a round blue AA sign on it. The meeting is just inside the main door either in the room directly on the left, or directly on the right - very easy to spot, either way.

My 3 yr old dd has hurt her foot, and was wobbly about me going out tonight - am hoping all will be well by Friday, but am also aware that I'm out Saturday night (dh's birthday) so if she's not ok I'll have to postpone till next week. Fingers crossed, but I promise I'll let you know - and if I dont' make this Friday I'll make next, I've missed that meeting and want to get there anyway, plus be nice to meet you!

Sleep well, you deserve to - doing great. xx

ps re humiliating: just remember every single person you're admitting you're an alcoholic to is, by default, an alcoholic. Probably doesn't help, because its admitting it to ourselves thats the worst, IME

pps wasn't clear - church entrance is on Gwendolen Avenue.

Morning,

Just a short one from me because I haven't actually been to bet yet...I've had somthing of a lightbulb moment myself and it's unsettling, but it's greta because I'm ready to move on and tackle more stuff from my past that I haven't been able to deal with before.

The thing about AA is that we are all constantly learning and evolving, whether you're 20 hours or 20 years sober life throws up new challenges all the time. Some people get it quickly, for others it's a long educational process and you can never predict when it will click for you.

So yes, I totally understand BM, and I'm still making leaps of faith all the time, fighting against my "logical" head, trying to put my faith into something I don't understand. If I need any assurances that it works, I look around AA at all those people who were hopeless cases, including myself, that just couldn't stop drinking.

The whole process that you describve, making an effort doing seemingly normal things is so much a part of recovery too. Our meeting tonight was very focussed on the point we realised that we just couldn't continue with drink. I thought of you and how strong you have been - you have reminded me of where I was and how I felt and for that I'm grateful.

Same goes for everyone else on the thread, you're all helping me too. If Elibean and I echo each other it's because I imagine we've tried all the other get out clauses and had to just throw in the towel and do what's suggested to us in Alcoholics Anonymous. Do you know why?

It works.

You hit the nail on the head BM. I stop drinking for a bit, then it builds up. I hadn't thought of it as preparing for the next binge but that's exactly what it is. Last night dh and I drank a tin of beer and I felt my anxiety levels rocketing. I thought booze was supposed to relax you! I sleep so much better without alcohol and I am so much better able to deal with boredom. Boredom becomes very real without drink. You have to do something about it rather than reassure yourself that it's just a hangover and it will pass.

Elibean ? I?ll be there tomorrow regardless, and if you?re there ? great ? but if not, then next week . Hope your DD?s foot is ok now, and if I don?t see you tomorrow, have a great weekend. Oh, and thanks for the info about where the meeting is ? I REALLY wish they did that in the London guide and on the website too, perhaps they don?t because of anonymity.

Kokeshi ? I expect you?re sleeping. It means a lot to me that you feel like you?ve benefited a bit from helping me so much. I hope you?re ok today.

I?ve spent hours and hours over the past few days talking about me (and being honest) and I?m watching people nodding enthusiastically and relating to how I feel, and I?m beginning to be able to cringe along with people rather than cringing on the inside and keeping a brave face on show for everyone else. The weirdest thing is that I?m doing this with the most unlikely of people (IMO) ? people who I would have thought of as ?cocky cows? or ?being up their own arses? or ?smug? ? all types of different people are telling me (trusting me) with embarrassing secrets and really being honest about how they feel. It is such an odd feeling to be so totally exposed, but it feels safe because I?m hearing about things that are so much more soul-destroying than anything I?ve been through so I know I?m not going to be blanked for admitting about my own failings.

Last night I got a call from someone from the Chelsea meeting and we?re meeting up in Victoria on Tuesday. I?m finding phoning people that I don?t really know very hard, but I?ve been lucky that most people have taken my number and have made the first contact. I?m going round someone?s house tonight before the meeting which I?m really nervous about, but it?s a good thing because I?m so fixated on being nervous about that, that I?m not obsessing about going to the meeting.

Hi Hellobello Hidesit and Cubby ? thinking of you both and hoping you?re ok

I feel bit of a fraud hanging out on this thread because it is my husband who is the alcoholic. It helps me cope, though, to read your experiences and I hope the stories that I share from my perspective are similarly helpful.

I wanted to respond to the comment that hellobello made about her thinking that a drink is supposed to be relaxing. I don't think it is - I think it can be totally the opposite.

What I haven't shared previously is that I used to binge drink. I just don't know when to stop drinking. So I guess both my husband and I have issues with alcohol. My mother too - I suspect that she has dependency issues and it certainly contributed to my parents divorce.

I was pregnant last year and am breastfeeding this year so drinking has not been an issue for me in this time. However reading the AA stuff that my husband has shared with me I have identified that my own relationship with alcohol isn't healthy so I have made the decision not to drink again - this is partly to support him too.

OMG, BM, you sound so much better supported - I'm so glad! Will email you forthwith re meeting up. xx

That sounds good.
Article in yesterday's Times about someone's alcoholism. Like my mother she managed to stop drinking (although her own mother didn't).
[http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2091630.ece]]

OYU - keep posting about your DH. I should have put something in the title about supporting an alcoholic as I know that my EX-P could do with support (not that he would post on here, but there must be a lot of MNrs that are supporting their partners who might like to post or talk about their experience). It's nice to see things from the other side and it makes me appreciate how hard it has been for everyone around me.

Elibean, I do feel more supported. You were all right about face to face contact being important and I'm beginning to benefit from it - it's still incredibly hard and I'm still so nervous but it's never as hideous as I expect it be. Tonight was great actually. I went to a lovely meeting and I'm hoping to make it a regular Thursday night thing. It was a newcomers meeting, and best of all, the chair-person was a mum. So, I feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin, living with the shame that I was a drunk mum. There was so, so, so much that I related to tonight and so much that made me laugh. Also, 4 of us went for a chinese afterwards. I have never in my life before had a soft drink in a restuarant, so I nursed my glass of diet coke, frightened to put it down - it was weird! It was good fun though and I've got more numbers and more meetings planned for the weekend.

I've only just got in - shit! it's a bit like having a social life, but a sober one

Xenia - I'm going to read your link now. Thank you.

Woo-hoo, what a difference a couple of days makes eh!? Fantastic, I'm sure there will be many more invitations to come.

I couldn't get my head round that for ages...people actually eating when they went out for a meal - when I went out for a "dinner" the food as a bit of a side order to my wine .

Take it easy and enjoy your meeting tomorrow.

oyu, have you ever considered Al-Anon? The same idea as AA (in the face to face contact and meetings) but it's for anyone who is or has been affected by someone else's drinking.

My late husband was an alcoholic (we faciliated each other's drinking) and I know how painful it is to be on the other side too. Unfortunately he didn't see recovery and took his own life, as a direct result of his drink problem.

I got a lot of support from the members of Al-Anon as I carried a lot of guilt about not being able to help him. I think I've now reached more of an acceptance of my powerlessness over his alcoholism and his decision to end his life.

Remember to look after yourself too, they call it the "family illness" because the ripples of alcoholism affect those who are closest to the drinker. Al-anon helps to understand all the AA jargon as well!

The website is here:

I thought this was interesting in breaking the disease concept of alcoholism down in a general way. She could have been descibing me.