Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support Thread

[BrassicMonkey]

The last thread will close soon, but I want this one to be about everybody, not just me. So Hidesit, Earlgrey, SoSo and anyone else that needs support please post and keep me company.

I've lapsed again tonight, which is a shame as I hoped I'd be able to start this off on a postive note.

Link to the last thread.

Actually another sign looking back was that he became quite angry about little things. He has always been very gentle, passive even, and the drink did change that. He is a lot more like himself though.

I'm sure you could re-arrange your meeting. People who offer help generally do it because they want to.

The thing about AA is that the members there find it helpful to their own path to help others. You won't be a burden.

BrassicMonkey...when are you going to try to get to a meeting?

I'm going to a meeting tomorrow afternoon Kokeshi. I don't know where yet but I think there might be one at wimbledon.

Good stuff. If you can keep one thing in your mind at the moment it's staying away from the first drink.

You'll get there. Keep on keeping on.

There is indeed one tomorrow - and it's a women's step meeting.

Country: ENGLAND
Area: GREATER LONDON
Town: WIMBLEDON
Day: MONDAY
Postcode: SW19
Time: 12.30
Group Name: WIMBLEDON: WOMEN'S STEP
Address: Holy Trinity Church Centre, Wimbledon, (Broadway).
Disabled: Full wheelchair access.

I got all this from the Online Where to Find

BM my dp was at wimbledon fantastic support Please go.You need to maybe go continually for a few weeks even twice a day as odd meetings here and there don't have the same effect.Good luck

BM hope you can keep on slogging away at it and get to a meeting tomorrow.

BM, get to that meeting today. I really feel for you. You're fighting so hard and you need to let yourself be supported.

Thinking of you

I'm actually really glad others have dome on to post about positive experiences of AA - especially from a partner/loved one point of view. There are so many misconceptions about the fellowship as a whole - perpertuated by stupid TV programmes and films - that it puts people off right away.

The reality is that it does work, but only if you work at it, and only when your back is agaisnst the wall. BM, from the outside it sometimes looks like we, as alcoholics who can't stop drinking are just really selfish and self-serving. I pissed a lot of people off with my inability to stop when it was blindingly obvious to everyone else.

What I did need I found within the walls off AA, and understanding and compassion that I didn't believe anyone could have for me. I was disgusted with myself and the shame of not being able to fix it myself just made me drink more.

What is unofficially recommended (it's not in the literature or anything) is that you try 90 meetings in 90 days. Only then will you begin to see how it may work for you. I saw a slogan on the wall of one of my first meetings.:

"Come to 90 meetings in 90 days. If you're not satisfied, we'll gladly refund your misery".

You have nothing to lose right? Go for it, we're behind you.

Once again, ditto Kokeshi...

...'morning, BM, sorry not to see you last night but really hope you make the women's meeting today.

The person sharing their experience last night (a young woman, probably same age as you) put it very well - when she was drinking, it didnt' matter what anyone said, she couldn't stop. NO ONE could stop her. She couldn't stop herself. But somehow, when she reached out, some love (or Higher Power, or whatever you want to call it) got in, and she started to get well.

You know, I went to LOADS of meetings in my first months without alcohol, and some of them made no sense to me at all - doesn't matter, they said, keep going, and I did. I was scared enough to, even when I hated it and even though I told myself things like 'I can always change my mind next week and stop going' to make me feel less out of control about it all. It doesn't matter if you don't 'get it', doesn't matter doesn't matter doesn't matter. Just get yourself on a seat and be there. If you manage to listen to things that sound familiar, or try and open your mouth just to say hello, thats a huge bonus.

Hi, firstly, obviously I'm really sorry (again) for fucking up so much. I didn't get to a meeting this afternoon - I'm too ill to move. I've sunk to new levels of rankness and I haven't got the strength to sort myself out right now. I've just rung the lady from AA and have left a message about a meeting tonight. I'm going to one anyway and EX-P is taking me. I can't do it on my own today.

I am going to try and get to a meeting everyday now. Kokeshi, thanks for the link - I've lost my 'Where to find in London' booklet so I'll be relying on that over the next few weeks. I won't judge this time, I'll just go in and sit there and try to give in - I feel like I'm being brainwashed and lumped together with a load of people that I don't relate to (I'm sorry).

I'm going back to bed now. I'm still drunk from the weekend and I'm filthy. I have to sort myself out in the next few hours or I'll miss another night.

Please don't anyone post to have a go at me. It won't help and I'm frightened of falling down to a new level of lowness. I don't like where I am at the moment. I did a lot of bad things yesterday and I'm beating myself up enough as it is.

BM

Bm, flipping this situation on it's head, you're probably at the best ever time to give AA a go.

It's really not about anyone else, you have to make the decision, and although I'm sorry (and understand more than you know) how bad you feel at the moment, I am relieved that you have finally reached this point.

If you can only do one things for yourself today (and if you don't think enough of yourself at this time, think of your ds), make a meeting.

You've made a decision to go today and that's fantastic and what brought you to this position, in the big picture is probably the best thing that's happened. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it's the beginning of another chapter in your life. It won't be this difficult forever.

I'm off out in a mo, but please continue to let us know what's going on.

k

Good luck Brassic

hope you go to the meeting

I just noticed what you said about being brainwashed etc,. and I laughed because I felt exactly the same. Once you are in for a while, you start tto understand yourself better, and then that's when you can take charge of your own recovery.

I did think it was weird that everyone spoke in these slogans and repeated the same things but now I know it's only because they were telling me what I needed to know, that I couldn't possibly deduce for myself.

I had a go and doing it myself - repeatedly - and went back to AA time and time again with my tail between my legs. There are people in AA that would seriously terrify me if I met them in the street but I've been sat in a meeting overcome with their self-awareness and recovery. For all my loolking down my nose at them, I don't know if I could have come through some of the things that I've heard in the rooms of AA. Some people just don't seem to have a chance from the outset, which makes their recovery even more astonishing.

JUst listen for identification, take what you need and don't worry about the rest.

It's a disease. It's not your fault and you know there's a problem which is half of the battle. Lots of people don't admit there is a problem and you want to do something about it and you've taken action in calling the AA lady. That's all great.

Whether you go to an AA meeting or residential centre they always do seem to put people in groups to some extent so presumably that's because it works, rather than just that it's more practicable. My mother just stopped any drinking on her wedding day and that was that from 1983 until she died. I don't know how she did it and most people do seem to need more help than just taking a decision as I think you've found from giving up on the last thread for a period.

Anyway it can be solved and I'm sure you'll do it.

90 meetings in 90 days is what my dp did.You can always do 2 a day and then have a day off if it is too much xx

WEll I'm recovering from a boozy weekend. It really takes it out of you and the depressant side-effects go on a bit. It's pretty bad when feelings start coming back, but it does get easier and the need to drown the whole lot in booze lessens. It's really positive that you are feeling stuff again, BM, and I think what I understand about AA is that it provides a safe place to work through some of the pain and anger that are part of the addictive illness. There is no safety in a bottle.

Well, I told the NSPCC about my family problems and the stupid woman I spoke to dismissed me out of hand. She implied that unless the children were dirty, thin and undressed that bullying didn't matter. She suggested I had therapy WITH my brother who's a nutter, and that all she could do was nothing. I was shocked by her attitude and really wondered if she should be working with vulnerable people.

Blimey HB, what an ignorant woman. Have you considered involving Social Services? I know it's very hard though and I could never bring myself to call them regarding my niece. Other people did though and they were very supportive and tried to keep the family together - I know it's not always like that though.

I'm going to a meeting in Wimbledon tonight. If anyone's reading that wants to go but is frightened of going alone, then CAT me and we can walk in together - I'm not really expecting anyone to do that, but I'd love it someone did. I'm kind of hopping around here almost bursting with nerves thinking about it. The lady from AA hasn't rung me back yet and I know that if I sit and wait for a call that might not happen (she could be on holiday, ill, busy etc) I'll leave it too late and I'll miss another opportunity.

I hate myself now. I can't wait for EX-P to get here and run me a bath - I know it's pathetic but I don't trust myself to be dressed in here alone as I think I might go out and I know where I'll end up. I don't battle like that everyday but when the alcohol is leaving me and I know I could delay the symptoms with another drink, it's really hard to resist.

I know I should stop the analysing and I will once I've put some space between now and the weekend. I realised on Friday how bad this problem is. I haven't admitted this yet but I had a bottle of wine on Thursday night after the meeting. I wanted more afterwards but couldn't get out because DS was here. On Friday night I convinced EX-P that I'm not an alcoholic and just like having a drink and that it's none of his business as long as I'm looking after DS and am not getting drunk. Obviously he didn't believe that but I kept on and then went to the off-licence. I did a really sneaky thing. I bought 2 bottles - a quarter and a half - the quarter stayed in the off-licence carrier bag and the half went in my bag. I would have bought more if I'd been able to get away with it. I didn't feel good about tricking him and I knew I was cheating myself as well. I left a few shots in one of the bottles and I used that to treat my hangover on Saturday morning. Since then I've been drinking to ward the withdrawal off at first and then not being able to stop and being blind-drunk by the end of the day.

I'm sorry. Please don't have a go at me about this. I'm really, really low and empty. I've promised myself that I'll never have another drink again and I'm more determined to see that through than I've been before.

90 meetings in 90 days sounds almost impossible, but it's not is it? After-all I've wasted enough hours, days, months being pissed and useless and whatever I do to fill my time has got to be easier than that.

It isn't impossible BM esp if you really want it.I understand that it might all sound like b***ks to start with but it will sink in eventually.

I think the next step is SS although I don't really want to. I looked up the number today. I hope your meeting goes ok tonight. I expect the awfulness has been going on for some time by now and the extent of it is just beginning to surface. At last you have somewhere to move from, BM! It's a better place than you were in a few months ago although it may not feel like it. Keep climbing.

Thanks everyone.

Change of plan - I'm now going to a meeting in Chelsea. The nice lady from AA has just called to say that she is chairing there tonight and I'm actually looking forward to hearing her talk in depth about herself rather than just listen to me.

I am intending to do the 90 meetings in 90 days thing. I've told EX-P about it and it's become a challenge. So, I'll be sourcing out lots of meetings in SW London (may as well try and go to as many different ones as possible). If anyone is reading and wants a mate to sit with then please CAT me. It's going to be a big deal for me to walk in on my own and you'd be doing me a huge favour and helping yourself too, of course.

Jules I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Thank you for reading and appreciating my posts. I'm really glad that they're helping you to understand your dad's drink problem and although it's not much compared to how much support and kindness I've received through this thread, it makes me feel a little bit less selfish and greedy.

HB, contacting SS is a brave thing to do, and it's awful to be in a situation where you have to make that decision about your own family. They really worked hard to support my sister and to make DN's life more pleasant. She wasn't put straight on the 'at risk' register either (if you're worried about that). Things got extremely bad before that happened.

Need to get dressed now anyway. Feeling so much better.

There is a different tone to your post BM hope it goes well for you I wish I was closer I'd come with you.

Thanks Noddy. That actually means a lot more to me than you probably realise

BM, wont AA provide you with a buddy?