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Black nail. Terrified.

163 replies

Pinkbedsheets · 08/05/2018 17:49

So since I was younger (about 9) I had a black pigment band on my nail (19 now) during my pregnancy (my dd is 16 months now) I noticed it spreading. Google tells me pregnancy can do that, or that I have melanoma. If it helps I am of darker skin and I’ve noticed in my family people have them quite commonly on their toes. Tbh I’m so scared I have melanoma and I’m going to die and not see my daughter grow up. I can’t sleep, can’t eat and withdrawn from my daily life. I’m going to go to the drs but that won’t be for a couple of weeks as I can’t get an appointment. I’m so scared

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Desmondo2016 · 14/05/2018 22:00

She's said 2 weeks so she can see how it changes as the nail grows i imagine. Not because its cancer but to see if you would benefit from having the nail removed or something uncancer like. Im not sure your anxiety should wait for a referral. Please make sure she realised how severe it is when you see her in a fortnight.

Pinkbedsheets · 14/05/2018 22:06

Thank you. My mind feels more at rest, tomorrow I’m gonna call my family nurse and explain everything to her, she’s excellent and will probably get the help this week.

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Wolfiefan · 14/05/2018 22:07

Great plan. I've developed a way of kind of talking myself out of fears or shutting down my thoughts when they start to spiral and thinking of something else. Good luck.

Pinkbedsheets · 14/05/2018 22:18

The mind really is a complicated thing. It really helps seeing an outsiders opinion on this as my fears may be over the top to others but to my my fears are very very real. Thank God for mumsnet honestlyFlowers

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Wolfiefan · 14/05/2018 22:19

They feel completely real. It doesn't matter that they aren't founded in fact. That's the nature of anxiety. Torture. And since it is in your head you can't escape without treatment.
But it can get better.

Pinkbedsheets · 14/05/2018 22:24

Yes I believe you can. Do you also suffer with this wolfie ? It’s unfortunate I come from a family who doesn’t really think it’s a mental health issue but more so just me being dramatic. I think if they all knew how it affects me on a daily basis they would be shocked. I only have one cousin I can talk about to my mental health as she deals with it too, but more so depression

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Wolfiefan · 14/05/2018 22:27

I have depression and anxiety. Not so much health anxiety at the moment. But I sympathise. It's not helpful people dismissing your fears. Fine to encourage you to seek help and try and offer a reasoned view. If people have never suffered from these kinds of issues they can't understand how they can take over your life. But with help things can get better.

CollyWombles · 14/05/2018 22:38

Hi OP, you are having a tough time!

Okay so, the doctor said it's not cancer. So it's not. It really is not cancer. You are giving in to your anxious thoughts OP. Thoughts are literally just thoughts. We think hundreds of thoughts a day and I can tell you now, most of what we think is absolute rubbish! Just because you think something does not mean it's factual, that it has any real substance.

You have to challenge your own thoughts. So you think you have cancer. Get your Sherlock Holmes hat on and investigate that thought. For it to be true, there has to be evidence right? Hard evidence. So you make a list for it being cancer and a list for it not being cancer. I can pretty much be certain that the list for it not being cancer will be much longer! The fact you have had it ten years, the fact that you must have had bloods done in pregnancy and there would be cancer markers in your bloods, the fact you have seen a doctor and the doctor said it's not. The fact you have no other symptoms. The fact you have health anxiety.

Think of it like changing rails so your train of thought is going in the right direction. You have to learn to separate the rational thoughts from the irrational thoughts.

Secondly, you need to try to understand what anxiety really is. Once upon a time, it was anxiety that saved us. It gave us the symptoms that seem so scary, to save our lives. The feeling of fear, quicker heart, tunnel type vision, wanting to run away. It's what we did in prehistoric times to get away from danger. It's a healthy thing to have. Nowadays, we don't need anxiety like we used to. We live longer, we don't have to worry something is going to eat us. So anxiety seems abnormal. It's not.

Anxiety, when there is no actual danger, is all to do with having irrational thoughts. Anxiety can not kill you. Think about behaviours that feed your anxiety and STOP them. That means googling. That means reading gruesome stories on the net, getting too involved in the news and so forth. What you put in your brain, is what it will give out. It would be hard to be anxious if say, your brain was filled with comedy films and funny cat videos no?

Also understand that because we read stories and watch things, it can seem like young people get sick all the time. This is not true. There are millions of people in the world. It is incredibly rare for a young person to become seriously ill.

Finally, if medication seems scary, why? We think nothing of taking paracetamol, antibiotics etc for physical health, but panic at taking medication for our mental health. Yet our brain is just another organ! Same as a heart or kidney or liver. Diabetics don't refuse insulin because they need it. Sometimes where mental health is concerned, we need it too.

Most people turn to the internet when they have a problem. You look on forums about antidepressants, you will read post after post from people that have had this that and the other. Then these people disappear, because their meds kick in, life goes back to normal and they don't have a problem any more.

You may not be able to control anxiety, but you can absolutely control things like avoiding anything that lowers your mood and causes you stress. You can control staying hydrated. You can control staying away from caffeine and taking a little walk each day. You can control whether you jump on Google or not. And you can control which thoughts you choose to listen to. The anxiety will go as a result.

Bubblegum89 · 14/05/2018 23:42

Not read the entire thread but OP, I suffer with health anxiety (mostly cancer-related) and I went through a stage of never sleeping and feeling sick because I was convinced I had this cancer and that cancer and I was going to die young and never see my daughter grow up. For example, I was having weird abdomen cramps and diagnosed myself with cervical cancer. My smear a few weeks later was clear. Not long ago I was convinced I had ovarian cancer but I had multiple scans done (for fertility purposes) and they were totally clear too. My biggest challenge was when I had to have a mole removed and the results came back as pre-cancerous. I had another removed a couple of months ago that had the same result but I go for regular check ups and they are very good at keeping an eye on me.

I am getting a little better. I’ve currently got a very sore patch on the roof of my mouth and of course google told me it was oral cancer but I’m slowly learning that it’s the worst case scenario and there are hundreds of other explanations before that becomes the conclusion. It’s good to be an advocate for your own body and you should always go to a GP if you think something isn’t quite right but try to trust their judgement. My thing used to be reading articles where cancer or fatal illnesses had been missed by doctors so then I’d go into overdrive wondering if MY doctor hadn’t diagnosed ME properly but I try to remember that these things make the news because they’re extremely rare.

I would advise getting help for your HA if you don’t feel you can control it on your own. It’s an awful thing to live with, I know. I actually joined a forum a couple of years ago, specifically for people with health anxiety to post their worries and others who had suffered with HA but overcome it would come along with a more logical explanation and I found that helped a lot. I think it was called no more panic. Good luck with everything!

Pinkbedsheets · 15/05/2018 00:51

Thank you colly that is true, that really helped me. Bubble, it really is so so hard to go through, you know exactly what I’m going though as you go through it yourself..it’s really hard because there’s no escaping your thoughts. My mind is on complete overdrive all the time, I’ve had a headache for the past three days, which I’ll probably start to convince myself soon is a brain tumour. It’s really a never ending cycle

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Pinkbedsheets · 15/05/2018 00:52

Posted too soon - yes bubbles, i’m definitely going to get help for it. That’s the only way I’ll get out of this way of thinking

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Pinkbedsheets · 15/05/2018 08:38

Trying to keep my sanity by thinking I would be referred straight away if she thought it was cancer. Have woken up with really bad anxiety today

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Bubblegum89 · 15/05/2018 09:03

Doctors tend to work on worst case scenarios too. If they have any inkling something might be wrong, they will refer you on. Like with my moles, I thought they were nothing but the doctor insisted I get properly checked as a precaution. A few weeks ago I had a bad case of tonsillitis and I was actually very ill with it and the GP did my heart rate and temp and told me she was sending me up to the hospital immediately because both were high and that is a sign of sepsis which can be fatal very quickly. After a lot of time (and IV antibiotics) I was given the all clear. I just had a very severe form of infection but the GP was right to send me to hospital to be safe. If your doctor had any kind of doubts at all, they will have referred you on so I would take that as a positive sign. Doctors are very rarely wrong :)

Pinkbedsheets · 15/05/2018 11:37

Thank you. That’s true, my anxious mind is just overthinking. Any normal person would just listen to what the gp said but no not me. Any normal person would also think it’s just from when I was pregnant, the gp even said that like if you have a hyper pigmentation, when you’re pregnant it gets worse. Any normal person would also be sure of what the dr said, it just makes me uneasy she wants to see me in 2 weeks. That’s the scary part for me, the waiting. I can honestly see myself an anxious mess while I wait for these 2 weeks to pass

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Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:12

So it’s been nearly three months and my anxiety is back and stronger. No matter who I talk to it doesn’t help. I’m still convinced I have melanoma but also I’ve find a small bump on the back of my head which the same part of my mind says it’s a swollen gland but the health anxiety tells me I’m doing to die. I can’t sleep, eat, when does this end...I can still manage being a good mum which I’m proud of. But the thoughts just consume my mind constantly. Anyone up? I can’t sleep

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Ereshkigal · 27/07/2018 01:33

Did you see your GP again? If not, make an appointment tomorrow and see her x

Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:36

I haven’t seen her again no, I don’t think she really helps me at all. The sane part of my mind says “you’re fine”

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OkPedro · 27/07/2018 01:37

What did your gp say back in may/June pinkbedsheets ?

Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:43

Hi she said I didn’t have anything wrong and I shouldn’t worry basically as it’s been there so long and it looks as it’s fading a bit, now I’m not so sure. I basically had an anxiety attack in her office and she just said she would refer me and never did, my health visitor has and I’m still waiting to be seen

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Ereshkigal · 27/07/2018 01:46

Go back and ask her to refer you for the health anxiety. Say that it's making it difficult to function in your life. Big hug Thanks

Ereshkigal · 27/07/2018 01:47

Maybe ask to see a different GP in the practice?

Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:48

My Gp, always seems to write it off. Tbh I can’t even talk about my anxiety without having a panic attack

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Ereshkigal · 27/07/2018 01:49

Do you have any family to support you? Tell them how you feel. They might not have any idea.

Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:49

Yes I think I will do that, I’m also gonna call my health visitor tomorrow and ask about the referral as I’m struggling, she’s always someone I can talk to.

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Pinkbedsheets · 27/07/2018 01:50

My mum doesn’t know, only person that does is my cousin. I’m very close with my mum so I’m going to tell her how I’m feeling and I hope she can be there for me

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