Essbee, sorry you're feeling this way. ADs will help temporarily, they may clear your mind and make you strong enough to tackle the future. But I understand your reluctance.
What I would say is you DO need to speak to someone about what you are going through. A regular appointment to offload onto someone makes the world of difference, and you actually start to look forward to your appointment. It gets you out of the house, gives you something to focus on and helps you to put things into perspective.
One thought that kept me going through my depression was that nothing, ever, stays the same. So no matter how bad things are now, you will feel differently and things will be different in just a few months time. In a year from now, this will be but a distant memory. I know that sounds like a long time, but just think back to how you feel and where you were at this time last year, could you have predicted how things would have turned out? Well that's just the same now, you cannot predict what will happen, but things never remain the same.
I will email you once I have prised ds's little fingers from the keyboard! Keep focused, surround yourself with people who love you and remind yourself of the wonderful things you DO have in your life, and the achievements you have made. You are a wondeful person and you can get through this.
I'll speak to you soon.