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Original poster

Had a abortion yesterday

164 replies

debliz5 · 09/02/2007 16:36

Hi all,
After lots of deliberation, tears and anguish, I descided to terminate my pregnancy. It was one of the most difficult decesions I've had to do, but I know it's for the best. I've got 2 small kids and just couldn't face at the moment a third one. We live abroad without any help from family or even friends and thought it wouldn't be fair on any of us, to add another child at this stage (speacially when things with DH are not the best). I definitely want a third (maybe 4th?), but this one came at the wrong time.
Yesterday, I came home relieved and very sure of it all, but today this relief is combined with the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again. I was reassured by all the doctors I consulted that most chances that it wouldn't, but still would like to hear your stories (if any) about having kids after a termination.
Please, any of you who are against abortion, don't lecture me and those of you who have bad stories to tell, please don't tell me either.
I just need some reasurances please...

OP posts:
ohsmellyjelly · 15/02/2007 16:46

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wheresthevalium · 15/02/2007 16:59

Hi Debliz and Zephyr

I haven't been through what you guys have, I made the other decision, I had the baby. So I ended up minus one DH (not for that reason, things were awful before), with 2 girls 15 mths apart, PND that lasted from when I had the first until DD2 was 15 months old.

Although I love DD2 beyond words, I would say that I wish I had had the courage to make the decision you have had to. God bless you both, think of you

DrunkenSailor · 15/02/2007 17:15

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lazyline · 15/02/2007 17:36

Zephyr, I had my scan and the screen was also turned away and there was no sound. After that I had a meeting with a doctor and they looked at appointements for me. It depends on what they have got available, but I got one within 3 days.

zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:02

Well nothing could have prepared me for what happened at the scan this morning.

The scan took about 2 minutes, didn't see anything and they didn't speak. Then they asked me to go and wait in the waiting room again.

The doctor called me in and said they needed to discuss the scan with me because it is a twin pregnancy

I think she said they can see 2 definate sacs and one yolk, but it is very tiny as I'm only 5 weeks.

My initial thoughts when she said twins were let me out of here I've changed my mind.

I can't have twins. I would have 5 children under 6.

I've always wanted twins.

Oh SHIT.

coddysmummywummy · 16/02/2007 13:03

oh mate
do give yourslef time to think

kittylette · 16/02/2007 13:03

omg zephyr (((((()))))

was it a hospital scan or a termination scan?

you sound so torn, poor you!

zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:05

It was a termination scan. Just a little portable one that I couldn't see. Just to check the dates.

ohsmellyjelly · 16/02/2007 13:14

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zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:18

He doesn't know yet, I tried to ring him but he must be driving.

I feel guilty for immediately thinking of changing my mind at hearing it was twins. How can I want to keep them because of that but be prepared to go ahead if they hadn't said anything? That's not right is it? You can't determine a life by one being more special than another. ffs. I hate this.

It would be impossible to cope with 5 children under 6 wouldn't it?

zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:20

Then there's the fact that they only saw one yolk - does that mean only one will actually develop?

Is it possible to have twins safely, from their point of view and mine, after 3 caesareans?

kittylette · 16/02/2007 13:23

it is an odd concept, to go for a termination of one baby because of coping, but then want to keep the pregnancy because there 2,

but thats exatly how i would feel, id feel 2 babies is somehow a miacle and meant to be

have you told your hubby yet about the 2nd pregnancy?

were you due to have the procedure today,

what a bloody mess eh?

do you think you want to go ahead with it now? is there a history f teins in your family

sorry for all the quesions your head must be spinning already,

(((((( )))))

kittylette · 16/02/2007 13:24

zeph there were only sacs at 5 weeks with both of my pregnancies but both grew normally, dont know if theres a difference with twins

zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:26

Hiya Kitty

There's no history of twins in either family. It just feels like twins is something special. I've always said I would love to have had twins. On top of that, I had already taken the morning after pill with this pregnancy and it didn't work so in the back of my head the little 'meant to be' thing keeps popping up, which makes it harder.

CountTo10 · 16/02/2007 13:27

debliz - well done you for making an incredibly brave decision. I had a termination at 19 and for me the hardest bit about it was actually making that decision. I went on to have ds 6yrs later with no probs (albeit unplanned!!). I know several people who have gone through this and I don't know anyone who has not been able to go on to have more children.

Zephyr - so sorry that you are going through this but sit with dh and give yourself some time to get over the shock of it all more than anything else! Don't beat yourself up about the options you are looking at. You are being responsible and thinking about the bigger picture which I think you're totally right to do. Whatever you decide I'm sure will be best for you and your family and I hope it all works out for you x

kittylette · 16/02/2007 13:28

i can imagine it would,

i dont know what to say

i guess you have to talk to your dh, such a difficult situation

fennel · 16/02/2007 13:31

Oh Zephyr, how stressful.

I know exactly where you're coming from, I also have 3 small dds and would probably terminate if I was pregnant again, but yes, have always had an urge for twins too.

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 13:32

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zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:36

I'm not sure what to think Cod! Her telling me it was twins was the first shock, my immediate thoughts of 'I'm keeping them' was another shock!

I can't justify to myself the idea of keeping them 'because they are twins' when I was prepared to have a termination thinking it was one.

What a mess!!

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 13:37

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FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 13:37

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zephyrcat · 16/02/2007 13:39

There is also the practical side of having already had three CS.

DD would be a couple of months off 6, DS would be almost 3 and a half and DD2 would be almost 18 months.... plus 2 newborns.

Too hard

kittylette · 16/02/2007 13:39

this is immensly simplistic, but i think that if you are having thoughts that you want to keep them you should,

if you do have them it will be bloody tough, and there will be times you wonder if you made the right descision, and you may end up grey! but you will have your children there and there will be lot of good times

if you dont have them, you may (or it may not, if it is right for you then you will carry on fine - and if thts your choice i sincerely hope you are) forever wonder, forever greive and wish you hadnt

i know thats awfully simplistic as i said, but it just seems that if your having doubts now then the doubts wcould turn to guilt and possibly regret if you go ahead,

im only saying this because you expressed doubt,

i wouldnt have suggested this if you hadnt done that and you were adamant termination was 100% the right tthing for you at this time

i hope you tdont think im being all prolife, im not, i learned a while ago on here that my original opinion of termination was unrealistic

but whatever your descision make sure YOU are happy with it!

(((( )))))

FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 13:40

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FluffyMummy123 · 16/02/2007 13:40

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