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Original poster

Had a abortion yesterday

164 replies

debliz5 · 09/02/2007 16:36

Hi all,
After lots of deliberation, tears and anguish, I descided to terminate my pregnancy. It was one of the most difficult decesions I've had to do, but I know it's for the best. I've got 2 small kids and just couldn't face at the moment a third one. We live abroad without any help from family or even friends and thought it wouldn't be fair on any of us, to add another child at this stage (speacially when things with DH are not the best). I definitely want a third (maybe 4th?), but this one came at the wrong time.
Yesterday, I came home relieved and very sure of it all, but today this relief is combined with the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again. I was reassured by all the doctors I consulted that most chances that it wouldn't, but still would like to hear your stories (if any) about having kids after a termination.
Please, any of you who are against abortion, don't lecture me and those of you who have bad stories to tell, please don't tell me either.
I just need some reasurances please...

OP posts:
Stargazer · 10/02/2007 12:05

Sending you hugs - it's a tough decision to have to make. But, if it helps, I had a termination years ago (and am not mentally or emotionally disturbed by it) and went on to have DS (11) and DD (5). No lecture from me - just lots of hugs.

Original poster
debliz5 · 10/02/2007 12:09

Muminfife, thanks for your reassuring words. It's terrible what happened to you, but you seem fine now with lovely kids and a lovely one on the way. I'm also still breasfeeding DS although he seems to be reducing drastically, Maybe because of the pregnancy. My DD stopped immediately when I got pregnant with DS, so expected it from DS too. I also was given antibiotics, but my tummy is more swollen than it was a few days ago, so I feel a bit strange... I'll be ok, I know it. I just wish time would pass and that the trauma and anxieties go away with no infection or problems...

OP posts:
Stargazer · 10/02/2007 12:11

Zephyrcat - just read your message. Sending you hugs too.

Muminfife · 10/02/2007 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hitchcock · 11/02/2007 20:34

hi just wanted to say hi and to see if you are ok
take care xxxx hitchcock

Heathcliffscathy · 11/02/2007 20:41

debs and zeph...

great support and advice here.

very important not to link termination with future preg prospects.

please don't beat yourselves up...you've both done/are doing the right thing for you and your families.

expatinscotland · 11/02/2007 20:43

wishing you well, debs and zeph.

whoopswithminiwhoopstinybump · 11/02/2007 20:45

yes was thinking of you too,
Zeph let me know if there is anything I can do to help, looking after dc's or going with you to fpc if you want

fortyplus · 12/02/2007 10:15

debliz5 - glad you're feeling better. You're bound to go through a phase of questioning your decision, but hopefully that will go away as the pg hormones subside.
The main thing is that you've been reassured from these posts that you will not have made any difference to your chances of having another child when you're ready for it.

jabberwocky · 12/02/2007 13:26

I had a surgical abortion at age 18 and went on to have my two lovely ds's. The OB said it wouldn't have any effect on my ability to conceive again and she was right. It only took 2 months of trying each time

Take care of yourself. Your hormones will be all over the place for a little while.

HTH

jabber

tinnedmoggy · 12/02/2007 13:31

my aunt had an abortion at 16, she couldnt concieve naturally after that

but she did manage another when she was 41 after her 4th round of IVF

Original poster
debliz5 · 12/02/2007 14:12

Thanks you guys for your ongoing support. I didn't think you'd still be thinking of me... . I'm ok now. I don't feel pregnant anymore and that at least took away a bit of the very mixed feelings I had... I still feel funny and anxious and scared, but not that bad... so thanks. xc

OP posts:
gingermonkey · 12/02/2007 15:12

Zeph. The risks of uterine eruption are higher with the abortion pill and it is unlikely you will be offered it, or at least discouraged from having it because of having c-sections. However, the surgical method is quick and easy and only uncomfortable rather than painful. You can take nurofen and paracetamol and you will be fine. After having 3 children you will be no stranger to a little bit of pain, so don't worry . Emotionally is a little different, it is a hard decision but comfort yourself in the knowledge that just because you are pregnant now there are no guarantees you would carry to term and this pregnancy is not a baby yet, and could not be viable if it were born now. Both of you are very brave, just carry on being positive and remember the reasons you chose to terminate. Sending you both all the very best and hugs x

izzybiz · 12/02/2007 17:00

I had an abortion 2 years ago, and thought the pill would be easier at first, after reading up on what was involved i opted for a surgical procedure.
I felt it would be easier to go to sleep and wake knowing it was over.
Zeph, i really feel for you, it is a really hard desision to make, please be sure it is the right one, i hope all goes as well as it can IYKWIM.xx

debliz, I really feel for you too. Feel that you can greive if you need to, and any guilty feelings and worry will pass. I promise.xx

fortyplus · 12/02/2007 17:13

debliz5 - glad you're feeling better. Still early days so I'm sure any remaining doubts will soon be gone.

Zeph - how about you?

hitchcock · 12/02/2007 19:50

glad that you are ok take things easy

ill check in a day or two to see how you are

xxx take care xxxx
{{{{{hugs}}}}

hitchcock
xxxx

zephyrcat · 12/02/2007 21:28

Hi all, and thank you for your messages. I had a couiple of days off since posting as my head's been in a bit of a spin. I went to the family planning place tonight to find out what I need to do. It went ok. The lady I saw was lovely. She made everything very clear and it seems like the surgical option would be better after all. She said if I had the pills, the re is a chance I may not miscarry while at the hospital and would then have it happen at home, with 3 young children there which would make it even harder to deal with.

I did really well and was very brave - until she said I had to have a scan, at which point my heart sank. I don't want a scan. I know that it's not going to be visibly a baby but I've read so many posts on here about seeing heartbeats at 6 weeks or so. I'm not sure how I'll be able to deal with that

We have talked a lot and it is still the right thing for us to do. It's just so so hard.

zephyrcat · 12/02/2007 21:31

debliz5 I'm so glad to see you are feeling better and it's really encouraging

fortyplus · 13/02/2007 09:32

zephyrcat - I suppose they have to scan you to make sure that the foetus isn't any more advanced than you've told them. But I'm sure it won't be like a pg scan where they point out heartbeat and so on because it's a nice thing. The operator will be well aware of what you're there for, so I'm sure they'll keep the screen turned away from you so you don't see anything.

WideWebWitch · 13/02/2007 09:33

You don't have to look at the screen Zephr and you won't hear a heartbeat (I didn't anyway)

gingermonkey · 13/02/2007 10:53

Make a point of telling the doctor you don't want to see the heartbeat (you won't hear it, the volume is off on the monitor) and she will make sure the monitor is out of your line of vision. They usually do this anyway, but it's best to make sure. If you are early in your pregnancy they may not find a heartbeat anyway, it's not a given.

hitchcock · 13/02/2007 14:35

i am so sorry that you both have had to go through this horrible experience take care both of you . {{{{{hugs}}}} to you both
take care xxxxx hitchcock

zephyrcat · 15/02/2007 09:56

How are you debliz5?

Original poster
debliz5 · 15/02/2007 13:52

Hi zephy! Thanks so much for asking. I was actually looking for you everyday to see if you wrote something.
I'm actually, doing fine (very surprised about it) . Physically, I feel fine. I didn't have much pain or bleeding (although the clinic said that I shouldn't worry if I did), just a funny feeling. Now, I hardly feel anything which makes a very big difference emotionally. I'm (nearly) back to myself, happy with the kids, and relieved I have time to spend with them without being so worried and on adge all the time. I still have this fear at the back of my mind that this changed something and I won't be able to get pregnant again, but at least it's now a small fear and not taking over my thoughts as it did last week...
How are you doing? thinking of you
XXX

OP posts:
zephyrcat · 15/02/2007 16:35

Hiya debliz - fantastic to hear that you're feeling that much better - you'd be surprised how much it is helping to hear that. At the moment I'm getting worked up at the time it's taking to get this done. Pregnancy feelings are kicking in now, I'm starting to feel sick and tired which makes it all the more 'real' and that little bit harder. I've got a scan tomorrow and dreading it, although I'm going to make sure they don't tell me anything. I'll have ds and dd2 with me for distraction as well which I'm grateful for!!!

Did it take long for you to get your appointment? Mind you I guess that varies from place to place. There's so much more to this than I realised, scan, internal 'check' for STI's (not impressed about that!) etc etc.

I've obviously watched too much tv thinking it was a quick process!!!