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Had a abortion yesterday

164 replies

debliz5 · 09/02/2007 16:36

Hi all,
After lots of deliberation, tears and anguish, I descided to terminate my pregnancy. It was one of the most difficult decesions I've had to do, but I know it's for the best. I've got 2 small kids and just couldn't face at the moment a third one. We live abroad without any help from family or even friends and thought it wouldn't be fair on any of us, to add another child at this stage (speacially when things with DH are not the best). I definitely want a third (maybe 4th?), but this one came at the wrong time.
Yesterday, I came home relieved and very sure of it all, but today this relief is combined with the fear that I won't be able to get pregnant again. I was reassured by all the doctors I consulted that most chances that it wouldn't, but still would like to hear your stories (if any) about having kids after a termination.
Please, any of you who are against abortion, don't lecture me and those of you who have bad stories to tell, please don't tell me either.
I just need some reasurances please...

OP posts:
edam · 09/02/2007 18:44

My sister had a termination aged 19 and then her dd aged 32. Has never regretted the termination.

whoopswithminiwhoopstinybump · 09/02/2007 18:47

Zephyrcat - {{{HUGS}}} I know how difficult that decision must have been for you If there is anything I can do to help with the kids or anything let me know

bumblebeee · 09/02/2007 18:49

It's a difficult decision that's for sure. It is a day thing and you have a heavyish period afterwards in my experience. Must go now, give yourself a virtual hug from me

zephyrcat · 09/02/2007 18:51

Thank you whoops. It's a shock to say the least! Can't get my head around it all really - maybe it's best that way so it's done whilst I'm not thinking straight.

I think my biggest problem is that having my 3 already, I know every single stage of pregnancy like the back of my hand so kowing exactly what is developed at what week is what makes it so difficult. But it is the right thing for me to do.

Arrgghh

PoppiesMum · 09/02/2007 18:55

zephyrcat - you will cope with the termination so much better if you are as sure as you can be that it is the right decision. What does your dh think?

About looking after the kids..bumblebee is right. You can be in and out of the clinic in an hour, and then just need to take it easy for the rest of the day. As long as you've got someone to have them for the day (could they stay overnight with a relative just to give you some quiet time?), you should be fine.

MarsLady · 09/02/2007 18:58

Debliz.... you're in my prayers honey. Lots of love to you.

zephyrcat · 09/02/2007 19:09

It is the right decision. I'm 100% sure of that. There would be one reason to not do it and a hundred reasons to do it. I still feel sad, guilty, angry at myself for thinking of doing it, but I have to.

zephyrcat · 09/02/2007 19:11

DP doesn't even know yet. We have talked about it before though and I know he feels the same, as in we aren't going to have any more chldren.

debliz5 · 09/02/2007 19:13

Thank you again, all of you. You're fantastic! i never expected to get such lovely responses and to actually really feel better! so thanks XXXXX

zephyr, I'm sorry you have to go through that. It IS horrible. I think it's even more horrible, as you said, when you have kids already and can't stop thinking that this pregnancy can also bring a cute lovely baby... but, I found, that it's very harmful and irrelevant to think this way. of course, any baby of mine will be just as cute as my other two. But I have to be able to take care of ALL of them. And at this stage, I didn't think I could be good enough. I thought we would all suffer.
About the procedure, it was much much easier than I thought. I was very surprised. My gynacologist told me about the pills, and I had the same reaction as yours. Less traumatic, just take pills and it goes away. but since I'm still breastfeeding, he adviced me not to take it and apart from that I was also convinced the surgical treatment was safer. You're under supervision by doctors who know what they're doing. With the pills, you don't really know what's happening. That's what I felt. It's not nice, I wouldn't go back, butit wasn't that painful - more uncomfortable and very quick.

OP posts:
zephyrcat · 09/02/2007 19:20

Thank you debliz5 - I'm glad this has picked you up a bit - that's the wonder of Mumsnet

DP has just come in so I'd better get off here and work up the courage to tell him...

Thanks again everyone

DimpledThighs · 09/02/2007 19:22

deb - I hope you are feeling better. I had a termination at 19 and went on to have two children without any problems.

zeph - I don't know what to say, but I am thinking aout you and wishing you the very best. Any questions or things you want to go over just post. Will look out for you.

WideWebWitch · 09/02/2007 19:25

Zaphr from a pov of being back on your feet asap I think surgical is easier prob.

Debliz5, very sorry, I waded in and answered without replying to your post. I had a termination aged 19, had ds aged 30, had a termination aged 33, had dd aged 37. Hope that helps. I'm glad you feel relieved, I did too and both times it was 100% the right thing for me.

debliz5 · 09/02/2007 19:42

zephyr, good luck with everything! Thinking of you and if you have any questions at all about it - i will be glad to help. Also, will be looking out for you, to see you're ok. All the best xxxxx

OP posts:
theheadgirl · 09/02/2007 19:50

Just to add my support - you chose to do whats right for you and your family. My sister had a termination with her ex, and thankfully when she met her DH succesfully carried her beautiful DD, now a gobby 6 year old. I wish you happiness for the future xxx

dingdongjustforyoufg · 09/02/2007 19:52

just to support what has been said already - I had an abortion at 25 and got pg first time of trying 7 yrs later - with twins must be super fertile

becaroo · 09/02/2007 19:57

Zephyr and debliz...wishing you both all the very best....such a difficult time for you both. (hugs)

suejonez · 09/02/2007 20:05

I haven't been through this myself but have at two close firends who have. I just wanted to say that whatever happens with your next pregnancy, whether it happens quickly or slowly is really not related to this termination. It's tempting to link the two but that just gives you a stick to beat yourself with... "if I hadn't had a termination then maybe I would have got pregnant more easily" kind of thing.

Truly the two are unrelated. You have made the right decision for you and your family at this point and you have obviously given it a great deal of thought. You can only do what feels right to you at any time - trust the doctors, they are not lying to you. If they think it won;t affect your chances of pregnancy in the future then they are right.

Good luck, hope everything else you are dealing with works out.

lazyline · 09/02/2007 20:37

Well, I am relatively new here so not sure if I should be sharing such a thing, but I had an abortion 2 months ago.

Zephyr, at first I wasn't sure what to do, was erring towards the termination way. Once I had called BPAS and made an appointment, a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I knew I had made the right decision. I realised later, as I went through the procedure that if it was not the right thing for me I could never have gone through with it, it's not the sort of thing that you can do lightly, there and then.

I was all set for the medical abortion, I was 7 weeks pregnant. However, when I had my consultation with a doctor and she explained my options I decided to go for the surgical option. I guess TBH, I had always assumed that the early medical option was the "easy" option, but as I found out more, you will be off your feet for less time with the surgical option. I was out of the clinic quickly, and spent the rest of the day in bed. I felt uncomfortable but not too bad. The next day I was mostly fine. I would not have gone to work, but I was up and about and well. With the medical option, you could be bleeding for more than 2 weeks, heavily. Having said that, the feeling during the surgical procedure is not pleasant. To put it mildly. I'm not sure I could do it again.

Only you can make the decision, but I guess that I wanted to highlight for you that if you are in any way unsure about being able to go through with it, it will be harder when you come to that point in the clinic. As many more people have said before me, so I am sure that what I have to say is somewhat redundant, you are not alone, there are many other people who have also made your decision, both ways, and are okay.

Two months on, I do not regret my decision and do not imagine ever doing so. And I would recommend the staff at BPAS.

DimpledThighs · 10/02/2007 09:12

deb and zeph

how are you toady?

x

MamazonAKAfatty · 10/02/2007 09:34

i have had a baby girl after a termination and treatment for cancer of the cervix and Dr's telling me i can't get pregnant.

You came out of theater knowing it was the right decision and feeling a sense of releif which is good.

You need to expect to feel a bit sad as no one Wants to terminate (as much as the pro lifers like tomake out we do) its just that that is the best decision for our family at the time.

Take your time in dealing with how you feel. if you want to talk about it then do, dont feel you need to hide your emotions because of what people may say....there are plenty on here who can offer lots of support.

i hope you are feeling a bit better today

hitchcock · 10/02/2007 09:46

{{{{hugs}}}} to you xxxx
never had a termination but just wanted to say take care and that i send my love . you made the right decision for you and your family

take care xxxx

fortyplus · 10/02/2007 09:52

Poor you. I know several people who have had an abortion and then gone on to have a baby.
A friend was in a similar situation to you - except that she didn't want any more. She confided in me beforehand and asked me whether I thought she was doing the right thing. I replied that it wouldn't be right for me, but that it was her body and that as long as she could be sure that the lost child wouldn't haunt her thoughts later then she should do what she believed was best.
That was about 5 or 6 years ago and she says that it was like a weight being lifted from her and she hasn't regretted it.
So - if your decision was right for you - you need to move forward with your life and not dwell on it.
No point in worrying about how anyone else would judge your decision - women fought long and hard to have these choices.

PeachyClair · 10/02/2007 10:07

Hi Debliz

haven't read rest of thread but

I've never been there, bt I'm sure it was a very ahrd decision for you to make. Have faith however in your own ability to have amde the best decision for yourself and your circumdtances- only you can know what they are.

to Zephyr cat- I wish you strength and hope you get the pill option if that will suit you best.

And to the rest of you who were so brave as to share the stories.

debliz5 · 10/02/2007 10:41

Hi Dimp, Mamazon. hitchcock, fortyplus and Peachy, thanks for asking about me. It's really thoughtful of you . I'm better today. I haven't cried yet... Most of the time i feel relieved and glad I'm not pregnant at the moment (although physically I still feel I am). but I have these little moments in which I think 'it wasn't bad being pregnant, maybe we could have managed..'. but I know that when I was pregnant, I didn't really think that way. All in all, apart from being afraid of an infection or something going wrong, I'm ok. I think... thanks again for asking

OP posts:
Muminfife · 10/02/2007 12:01

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