Please help me

[PinkPearls20]

I have a massive fear of bleeding between my periods.

I check every half hour to an hour daily.
Since having my DD 20 Months ago I tend to spot at certain times in between periods.

Iv had GPs look at me, 12 months ago scans in my ovaries (all clear) 12 mi the ago a smear (all clear) and a gynecologists loom at me and say I look fine, its just a hormone imbalance.

I tend to spot in the middle of my cycle and then I have ovalatiom discharge and then I don't spot until I have my period.

This month tho, its 7 days before my period is due (I have 35day cycles) and I have the smallest ever streaks of pale pink blood in my discharge. Iv inky seen it because iv shine a bloody torch on it. It's happened twice in the last two days.

I'm so worried. Every time I ot to my GP she says 'Your smear is clear, The gyno said it was a hormonal imbalance....what do you want me to do?!...she gave me the pill about 5 months ago but I havbt taken it as I'm scared it will develop into cancer. I saw her again last week and ahe just said 'try taking the pill'.

I can't live with this fear anymore. I'm 27 and its literally taking over my thoughts. I check and I check and I check every day...some times I even have to were sudocream because of the repetitive wiping to check.

Why have I got light pink streaks when I wipe? 7 days before period is due ? I just want to go to sleep to stop the worry

He has just come to me and gave me a big cuddle and said that he knows I hav'nt done anything wrong.

I will take your advise re MIND, thankyou so much xx

Please take Polly's advice and phone MIND. And maybe when your DP has calmed down he can read the rest of the thread. He doesn't understand and he needs to. Please phone and get some help. Xx

Oh xpost, glad to see he's come back to you.

Please just get help. Not 5 weeks worth but permanent help with your mental wellbeing. Your life must be miserable when it doesn't need to be. You are to all intents and purposes a physically fit young woman.

Ive been following this thread.
You don't need to talk to a gynecologist, do you see that? Or are you just agreeing to keep people from going on?
I have had serious gynae problems over the last few years.
It was never cervical cancer. I was told it wasn't, the same as you. The drs have nothing to gain by lying.
You need to speak to a psychiatrist.
You must be miserable caught up in an endless cycle of checking your pants/weeing.

I am caught up in a endless cycle of checking. How I manage to wee as much I have no idea because I don't drink that much!

On the outside, I'm a young woman, I'm 5ft 1 and eight stone with shiny hair and great skin. I'm the picture of health. People must wonder why I always need a wee.

I'm feeling okish so far. I have been up since 7 and checked about 4/5 times. Only once was there a tiny bit of blood in the toilet.

I will contact the referral tomorrow and get this sorted.

This really sounds like OCD. I have it and recognise the obsessive thoughts. CBT and fluoxetine have turned my life around, I think you should talk to your GP about maybe getting help for that rather than the bleeding, which you logically know is nothing serious.

The thing is Pink, if you find blood, what then? Do you think - in your own head- it shows you are ill? Or do you understand it's a hormonal blip and that's why your GP has put you on the Pill? What do you actually hope will change if you find blood? You've been told it's hormonal. Looking every 5 minutes of the day is not going to make a jot of difference to your treatment.

The same applies to your breasts. If you had a lump, surely it would be better for your partner to find it and you could be treated- than ignore it? It's totally illogical.

Go and get proper help because otherwise your irrational fears will spread to any area of your body.

If I know I'm bleeding.... then it saves me spending the rest of the day living in ignorance...feeling that everything is ok and going ahead planning things when I shouldn't plan things because I can't eventually enjoy the thing I had planned because I could have a appointment to worry about, results to wait for, the phone ringing, a man sat at a desk explaining its cancer, more tests/operations/ it not working, me saying bye to my children....then at the end juat as I m really ill and dieing, thinking back to the moments before I saw the blood when I was planning something nice and feeling sad that that's what it used to be like

People are living out there right now with cancer and they don't even know it. There laughing, planning things, feeling a content. Then one day a symptom will arrise and their life will change forever.

Their life will never be the same. It's so sad. It is the worst thing in the world. If you haven't got your health what have you got.

My sister in law had cancer about ten years ago. She still sits in her dressing gown eating chocolate and pigging out. She loves life. I'm GOBSMACKED when i see her. I don't say a thing tho. She's been lieing around in bed all morning, sat watching telly, I have been up since 7, hair washed and fresh, clean clothes, house immaculate ready to go out. But she has had cancer

so you have chosen to waste the life you have- as a healthy person- worrying about something that two drs have told you that you don't have? Right.

I really don't know what else you expect to get from posting because your thinking is completely screwed up. You don't have cancer. You have been told you don't have cancer. You have a hormonal blip.

If you want to waste your life worrying about something you don't have, that is your choice.

The sooner you get psychiatric help the better- seek it out fast.

PinkPearls, I don't understand the thought process about your sister in law. Sitting around chilling out has nothing to do with the fact she had cancer. What do you mean are you insinuating she should be up washed, dressed etc and getting on with things because what she's doing is wasting her life otherwise?

This is very much what my therapist referred to as "faulty thinking" OP. I had had it all of my life. You don't need help for the bleeding, trust me, you need help frontage faulty thinking. There are methods that you can be taught which will help.

How long shall I give this spotting tho before I go back to Drs?

What I mean about my sister in law is that I envy how relaxed she can be when she has had cancer when I'm a total manic can't sit still mess

Filled out this form... going to phone tomorrow

Please take this as far as you can as quickly as you can. Your bleeding is absolutely normal for lots of people me included. Your way of thinking is absolutely not ok.

No it's not normal. Three things contributed to how I think.

When I was about 13 and hit proper pubity I became so so worried about the 'wet feeling' down below. My mum took me to drs twice and I used to sit with my mum going through everything it could be - I ven suggested worms! Until one day the GP said it was all in my head. Looking back now...the new feeling was probably discharge which I wasnt used to.

I had a dog. I loved him so much. He has made me who I am now... quiet, caring love outdoors. When you saw me, you saw him. When I was 18 my dog became ill literally overnight. I would sit in the vets with him for hours waiting for tests and blood results. Until one day they told me he needed to be put to sleep. That night was the worst night of my life. I sat up with him all night and I litterally stroked him from 7pm till 8am the next morning. I said bye to him and put him in the car for my mum and dad to take him. I didn't say a word about him for three years. Not his name, didn't look at a picture. I then had counciling for five weeks and wrote him a letter. Now I can talk about him easily and look at pictures.

Soon after my dog died my sister inlaw was as diagnosed with cancer. My brother and mum talked alot about alternative therapies... B17 diets, special washing powder/toothpaste. Don't eat this food, don't eat that food. Live on bloody nuts, seeds and oranges. That kind of thing. It did my head in and scared me to death and I think it's still doing my head in eight years later.

My dog was just 6 years old when he died. The month before he was fine. I watched him die and had to take phone calls and listen to and wait for vets to tell me how he was doing. I would sit in the waiting room shaking violently waiting for news. Three years later when I spoke about my dog for the first time, I found out I as pregnant with my little boy that month

You kniw the night he became poorly, we was all on holiday. The day before he had been running around on the beach happy. Then he was sick and breathing funny and he was never 'my dog' ever again.

Well done for doing the referral OP. The therapies with the best evidence for health anxiety are CBT and mindfulness based CBT. Please be really honest at the assessment about all the checking that you are doing at the moment and that you can't have sex for fear of HPV so that they offer you the appropriate level of care rather than just self-help support.

Pollypearls, do you think it could be the case that your mind has seen this bad stuff happen to your dog and others you care greatly about, and that these bad things happened 'out of the blue' which made them more scary.
Maybe in order to try to protect you from the hurt of that, your brain made up a rule that 'bad stuff could happen at any time; so your brain now thinks if you keep checking stuff maybe you could stop that type of thing?
But the funny thing is - these very thoughts are so strong and so frequent, that they are actually taking you away from the people you care about! You can't enjoy your lovely family because the thoughts keep making you worry and check stuff all the time.
Your thoughts are trying to do the right thing, to protect you, but they are doing the job too well. When you get help with this, the number and intensity of these sorts of thoughts and the feeling of fear should reduce a lot, and allow you the freedom to just go about your normal business.
Sorry that happened to your dog, that sounds very difficult and you loved him so much. Best of luck with it.

I just read through most of the thread and agree with the others about significant health anxiety.

I have just had the all clear from cervical cancer so if there is anything you want to ask that might put your mind at rest - ask away.

Sadie... that is exactly how my mind works. I'm protecting myself from shock.

Inneedofacupoftea have you just had cervical cancer? I have never spoken to anyone who has had CC. When it was all on the news about Jade Goody having it... I used to tense up my groin 24/7 as I somehow though it was there.

I don't really know what to ask you as I am scared I won't like the answer. You must have been so scared

Actually it was ok. I had no idea I had it although looking back I had a niggle in my pelvis which might of been related. I had some miscarriages which saw me seeing a gynae and had some odd bleeding after the latest. He had a look and could see some sort of lump or sore and did a swab and smear. Came back as cancer. No real other symptoms.

I had chemo and radiotherapy and I'm fine. I'm checked on every 12 weeks and every time my consultant says my cervix is clear, it's confirmed by MRI scans so for you I would trust in the clear smear and clear gynae examination - it's unlikely that there's cancer there xx

Did you bleed a lot after your Dds birth? I only ask because I was very upset during my periods after having my last dc - I had bled heavily after and it was causing me real problems remembering it!

I would def go to your gp and ask to start on antidepressants. I started fluoxetine when my dd was 3 months old by that point I was in a right state.

They have helped me get my life back - I recently ran out and started feeling pretty crap again and it has just shown me how much of a difference it made.

I did have counselling but the thing which made the huge difference was the anti depressants.