Post-natal Depression

[dmozzo]

Help!!!!
My wife had her fourth child back in January.
Her children's age ranges are 19,15,10 and 7 months.We both recently came to the conclusion that she is suffering from post natel depression due to the way she is reacting to things and how she cries over absoutely nothing at all.
Please has anyone got any natural remedy suggestions for her to try as she doesn't want to start on tranques,
I look forward to anyone's suggestions,thanks.

Chinchilla - sorry to hear you aren't feeling so good. I was depressed a lot before I had PND (seem to be made for it really) and it is scarey thinking you might have to go back on the tablets.
Hope it is 'just' a reaction to your friend letting you down that is causing this.
Can we have a competition? I can eat for Scotland!!! (or drink, whatever you fancy!!!)

Susanmt how are you feeling now? I know the "at a loose end so surf aimlessly and hope something interesting turns up" feeling - driven to junk sites like the ones which give you the transcripts of all the Friends episodes (we don't have a TV so this is extremely weird I know). Lots of sympathy, tell us how you feel tomorrow?

Girly - I have just read your post about 'highs' and it struck a chord ... I don't know if anyone else has replied to it as I just skimmed through the rest in my hurry to post so sorry if it has been covered by someone more articulate than me!

I used to have these 'high' days when I felt I was flying... it was really really strange ... I felt indestructible, I felt that my baby was the most beautiful, the most clever etc and that my DH was a god ... I felt like laughing all the time and used to giggle hysterically at the most stupid things (like silly adverts etc).

Usually the following day I would fall into the abyss of depression and would have a truly horrific day and would not get dressed, would cry, would not answer the phone, would beg DH to come home early from work (then threaten divorce if he said he couldn't) etc etc.

My counsellor described it as 'Peaks and Troughs' ...my medication helped to cut off the peaks and the troughs but it still happened occasionally after once I began to get better.

Really weird it was ... I felt that I had totally lost the plot!!!

Morning everyone, lets hope today is a good day.
Ghosty, yes, yes yes, I do exactly the same thing (ringing dh at work), I don't know about you but I feel so awful about afterwards and could really kick myself for feeling so weak. I wonder to myself, I used to have a Stressful but interesting job in town, went to university, had lots of friends, social life etc and I do not feel like the same person, my life has totally changed, from being completely independant to dependant on my dh for everything and sometimes I hate it. There are compensations though, my 2 kids are lovely and i would not trade them in for a billions pounds, so why do i feel like this?
Does anyone else feel this way?

Susan, how R U today?

Much better this morning, ta, Girly.
And I know how you feel! Used to be a head of a school department, had a good degree from a good university, worked and played hard, adn now I am a 'homemaker' on questionnaires and I feel like screaming 'YES!!! BUT!!! I also did .....' as I feel I am totally indistinguishable from eveyone else, just the little woman dependant on my husband for everything.
But I too would not change it for the world at the moment. I have two amazing children, and I dont' have to work, and I love being at home.
But there are still the odd days, like yesterday, when I could SCREAM!

Is going back to work the answer? My dh seem to think so. I do not want to leave my ds with anyone yet, he's too little, my dd goes tp playgroup every morning, I just don't think i could manage. He thinks i should go back part time, not for the money, although the extra would digs us out of a hole, but for myself. I'm not sure, its too scary to contemplate working with my current state of mind, I just can't seem to think straight, get things into perspective. The thought of juggling childcare, school rund, driving, time keeping, and then having to put a brave face on for others is just sending my brain spiralling out of control. I just wish my brain would just click back into control and let me get on with things instead of feeling like i'm in limbo land.

Sorry to go on, if i don't get this all down i'dve gone mad!

Someone else surely feels this way too? Or is it just me?

Girly, I know how you feel. *I went back to work p/t when ds1 was 5 months, so I don't know if I would be worse if I hadn't. I think the only way is to suck it and see. Work can be a nice distraction, but I worry about ds when he's not with me, so I think really that I am swapping one type of neurosis for another.
At present, I ward off / cope with ds2 induced depression by flippancy, which someone else here spookily mentioned. It seems to work to a certain extent and I hope it doesn't offend too many people. As a coping strategy, it just seemed to evolve naturally.

Droile, i think you'll find that both myself and Chinchilla use flippancy as a cover, works quite well does'nt it!

I think i might take Willow2's advice and re-think the hair cut, although if i still feel like it in 2 wks then i'm going for the chop!

As for eating, i can eat for Middx, Susan for Scotland, where are you from Chinchila?

I thought going back to work was the answer after dd, and I went back half time. It was terrible. Dd would not settle with anyone, nursery, childminder etc (she only settled down when she started to walk on her own, which was at nearly 16 months) and we ended up both working pt with dh doind all his research in the evenings to make up the time he was spanding with dd - they have a fab relationship now but I don't think it did our marriage a lot of good at the time! I just worried, and I had a couple of nasty classes, and was jobsharing (which isnt very easy in teaching) and for the first time in my life felt I was a bad teacher.
So when it came to ds I decided not to go back - I hope I will be able to return after they go to school and I do do the odd day here and there, and mark exam papers (in Scotland!! The A-levels aren't my fault!!), and lead a couple of inservice courses for the council just to keep my hand in with it.
That isn't to say that I do nothing but look after the kids. I am on the playgroup committee, am training to be a bfc (at last!), run 2 self catering holiday properties and make bespoke wedding stationery and cards. I think that is why I cope with life without work, as I am proably busier now than I ever was while teaching!

I had a similar problem with ds not settling with anyone else. Glad I'm not the only one (but sorry you had to go through it, susanmt, if you know what I mean.)

I'm from Essex Girly, but I am already eating for England (see my earlier posting), so I'm in the International league!

I'm feeling REALLY blue today. I'm not sure if acknowledging my feelings has made them worse. It's almost as if the mantra of 'I'm sure I'll be happier in a few days' seemed to hold off the feelings for a while. Didn't help with dh saying 'Can't you do ANYTHING right' earlier, when I accidentally taped the wrong TV channel. AND it's my 33rd birthday tomorrow. Great day ahead for me then!

Know what you mean Droile. It is good in a way to know others have the same problems as you, even if you would hate to think of anyone else going through what you are going through.
Chinchilla - talking about it does sometimes make you face it and feel worse. And critical husbands are the worst thing when you are feeling a bit low. My dh is great at taping all but the last 5 mins of films, so at least you are not him .... just waiting for the clincher when ... parp ... switches over to some b***y Grand Prix race thingy he taped 6 months ago!

has anyone else who has experienced pnd behaved out of character i have been doing some really odd things and now i have been diagnosed with pnd i wondered if you
had some stories of how you felt and the things that were happening at the lowest point

Hi there,
I too behaved very oddly and out of character when I was first depressed and had very wild mood swings - one minute everything would be all sweetness and light, tidy house, cooked tea, cheery baby, next thing I would be crying sitting in the middle of the floor with the house a tip, dirty nappies all over the place, and seriously listening to the (real to me) voice in my head telling me to top myself.
I would find myself packing my case even though I didn't know where I was supposed to be going, answering the phone when it wasn't ringing, and lashing out at my wonderful husband who eventually managed to get help for me.
The worst thing was that I couldn't get a grip on my head - awful thoughts would come into it about mainly killing myself, and I couldn't stop them.
It took a lot of careful treatment which I can go into if you are interested, to get over this. But I did, and even went back to work, though I didn't enjoy it much. I now have 2 children and am a fully in control full time SAHM, and although still taking antidepressants I am generally well.
I dunno if this is any help, but you are definitely not alone! Please ask anything else you want to know.

I've just had 4 weeks off work with depression - if it was PND, it was very delayed (although my mum commented that it seemed to start once I stopped b/f after 13 months).

I just got paralysed - I felt I had so much to do, I couldn't do anything. I was also starting to avoid social situations - even though I was feeling lonely. I used up a hell of a lot of effort to force myslef to go out, and even though I would feel better having done it, the next time was still an effort.

It manifested itself worst at work - I would just sit and look at e-mails and think "I know what I need to do", but not do anything. It was like I was using all my effort to keep home life going "normally" that I had nothing left for work.

Dh complained i was withdrawing from him - and I know I was, but I couldn't face any "heavy" discussions. He kept on saying we need to "plan" more and that that would help, but the idea of "planning" just made me freeze. It felt like more pressure on me.

The GP was great - my boss made me make the appointment. (She'd actually gone through a similar thing earlier this year, shortly after getting her promoted post). He's put me on Cipralex, which apart from making me bruise dead easily, seems to have few side effects.

My boss has been very supportive and encouraged me to come back part time initally - prior to a 2 week holiday (the time for which had been booked for a while, even if we didn't decide where to go until the last minute) and I've now been back f/t 2 weeks. Things are still up and down - even though I enjoy my job, I'm still not fully motivated to be pro-active in the way I know I can be. But I'm taking things one day at a time.

Dh was the worst intially - he kept on wanting to know what had "caused" my depression - and couldn't accept "everything and nothing". Typical Martian - if he knew the cause, he'd be able to "fix" it. He got jealous of my best friend when I went down to spend a couple of days with her because he thought I would be talking to her mpre than I'd talked to him. I didn't talk to her any more than I had to him - but as a working mum (GP herself, with 4 kids), she could understand the "just being overwhelmed" problem. But dh has been more understanding in recent weeks - the holiday helped and he's also now himself less stressed (for a variety of reasons).

I've also recognised that I didn't have any female friends locally just to natter with and let of steam - which was putting too much pressure on my relationship with dh. So I'm working on doing something about that!

I've not really exercised since ds was born 2 years ago, which I'm sure didn't help - both weight wise and also for the positive benefit that exercise has on your brain chemicals. The week I was back at work before going on holiday I started cycling to the office (20 minutes each way), but now it's got too dark and I need to get my dad to help me kit out for winter cycling.

I'm sorry to have hi-jacked the thread - but I just needed to share where I'd been the last couple of months - and I may also be looking to Mumsnet for support as I get myself back on an even keel.

Janz - thinking of you! I know so well that feeling of 'I know what I have to do but I cant'

There are now quite a few docs who recognise that post-weaning depression is very similar to PND, and should be treated as seriously. It is a hormonal as well as an emotional event and should be treated properly - sounds like your GP is doing all the right things but not recognising this could be part of your problem. My GP is great and refused to let me come off the tablets until I had stopped bf for 8 weeks, just to keep on top of those feelings while my hormones settled down.
HTH, just ask if theres anything else!

janz, glad you're tackling it and getting some support. Keep posting.

Ditto - people are here to help if you want it.

Thanks for the support. I'm up and down at work - get a surge to do stuff and then lose the impetus. And at home we've not really got sorted and back into a routine since we got back from holiday over two weeks ago. However, I'm trying hard not let it get to me and just to do things a baby step at a time.

This is my first msg and I'm nervous in case no one answers - however nothing ventured nothing gained. Just under a year ago shortly after having a miscarriage I was diagnosed with PND and put on Prozac. I'd always know something was different after the birth of my daughter 2 years previously but it just never occured to me that it could be depression. I was always someone so in control and outgoing and happy etc. My doctor spotted it when I said her that thing weren't going well. I can still remember saying that my dd preferred her Dad and my mother over me and that I wanted another - almost as if to try again. Without going into a long story it took ages to find pills that had any affect but when at last I found some it was as though someone had turned the light on. Not only do I now feel confident as a mum but I soooo enjoy being in the company of my daughter. Rather than resent the complete chaos that she often causes I find it wonderful that someone so small can so completely rule me. However 1 year on I do now feel confident enough to try for another child to add to our family but however in trying to come off the pills (very slowly and under guidance from my doctor) my emotions have gone haywire. I don't feel the same sort of blackness that I used to feel and I certainly still feel happy as a mum but I will cry at the drop of hat or alternatively bite someone's head off. This scale of emotional swings is really hard work and I suspect that my doctor would suggest going back on - but that would mean delaying falling pregnant and I so didn't want to do that. A friend (who is also a midwife) has suggested that these swings will go away once I'm pregnant but if they don't its going to be an extremely stressful time for all and not particularly pleasant. Any adivce?

Wills, think the best thing to do is take things very slowly - not quite sure how prozac works, but imagine it replaces your serotonin levels in some way, so what you need to do is slowly encourage your own body to make serotonin again. Be lead by your own body's demands - if you find yourself climbing the walls again maybe you are decreasing your dose too quickly. Don't underestimate the power of these drugs - you cannot just "stop" them. Sure they might not be "addictive" in as much as you won't be craving your next fix, but coming off too quickly can cause horrible withdrawal symptoms, so don't rush things.

Thanks Willow2,

I've kept going but I suspect I need to throw in the towel before all others around me throw it at me instead. I'd never really thought of it in that way - but then I've not really considered what I've been taking full stop - I've concentrated too hard on the reasons why I'd been taking them. Thanks

my pleasure - let me know how you get on (she said sounding like Claire bloody Rayner)

I have to say this talking to other parents in the evening is great! Being a working Mum I don't get to talk to many other mums - I work in investment banking and unfortunately we're a dreadful rarity which makes it extremely difficult to get people to change their minds. I can't help but feel that sometimes I'm carrying on a very difficult crusade but I shan't get on my soak box cos that would be sooooo boring!

wills, welcome to mumsnet, glad it's helping to talk.