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Dh and update and greatful thanks

147 replies

Blandmum · 08/12/2006 10:50

I thought that I should post and say thank you to all the wonderful Mnetters who were involved in sending me the frozen food. It was so amazingly kind of you all, all the more so since I had been saying , no help, thanks

The food is in the freezer and will be a life saver on those days that we spend dashing round hospitals, seeing medics and waiting on medicines. And the MN foodies will be delighted to know that it is eve organic That did make me smile.

I don't know all of the people involved, but I do know that MI, Tamum, and Jimjams were all involved.....my profuse thanks and apologies to those of you involved who are unknown to me.

I won't pull any punches; this is the hardest thing I have ever had to cope with. DH is terribly thin, often in pain and vomiting. He has always been my true love and best friend, and I find it almost impossible to imagine life without him. If anything I love him even more now when I see him fight to make sure that the kids and I are financially 'sorted', that the garden is done, that people are told. He wants to die in a hospice so that the children don't have to see anything awful. How can you not love a man like that?

We have his care sorted out. The Macmillan nurses have met us, we have a care package set up with the GP, the Hospice will see us soon, I have support sorted out for the children, and for me after he dies. My school is being more than supportive. The RAF is doing all the right things. All of this is very hard to cope with, even though you know how important it will be.

But at the same time this has been a time of great joy. I am amazed by the kindness and goodness of people. Everyone has been so good to us, from the Macmillan nurse who looked me in the eye and said, 'We will control his symptoms so that he will live, and then die with dignity', to the lady who cleaned to ward and would tease him about tickling him with his duster, to my friends and family who don't know what to say, but say the right things anyway, and to the gentle kindness of women round Britain who I have never met.

I have always said that nothing is ever so bad that some good doesn't come out of it. This time has tested that theory to the utmost, but in the end I have to stand by what I said. This time has made me realise that people are good. Systems may suck, but people are at heart good and kind, and give each other support in the most awful of circumstances. And that thought will help me to cope 'the other side'.

This has to be the longest post I have ever made on MN, and I have even spell checked it . Thank you again for all your help. Have a wonderful Christmas and know that life, and people, are far more magnificent than we ever realise.

OP posts:
DINOsaurmummykissingsantaclaus · 08/12/2006 11:11

Smile Sad

hulababy · 08/12/2006 11:13

What a great post MB. So moving. So sad but so much hope too.

CantSleepWithSanta · 08/12/2006 11:13

Tears running down my face. Wishing you the most wonderful Christmas as a family with much love to share.

A young girl I talked to at soft play told me this week of a baby who was now a star in the sky, and said that he shone brighter than all the other stars. May your dh shine brighter still when his time comes.

xx

anorak · 08/12/2006 11:17

Another one in tears here. You'd have to be blimmin hard not to be I think.

Your DH sounds like a wonderful man and my hope for you is that his loving care and the happy years you've spent with him will be your strength in the future. No one can take that away from you.

People do not really die until the people who love and remember them are gone.

I hope your Christmas contains small joys to give you strength. xx

expatinscotland · 08/12/2006 11:19

Martian
I wish you and your family peace this Christmas.

I wish you even more strength.

Life is so precious, so wonderful indeed.

Tiggiwinkle · 08/12/2006 11:21

That is a lovely post MB. You and your DH deserve every bit of the kindness you are receiving. Very best wishes to you both.

pelvicfloorSNOWmore · 08/12/2006 11:22

Lost for words MB at your bravery.
Thinking of you all.
xxxx

anorak · 08/12/2006 11:25

Also I would like to thank you for sharing all this with us.

I've been quite ill lately with anxiety and grief. Reading about your troubles is helping me get well, you are inspirational and remind us all how lucky we are to have what we have. Thank you so much.

Blandmum · 08/12/2006 11:29

I'm really not brave, not one little bit. You just don't have any choice, you have to keep on going.

I cry, we both do, but you can't cry all the time, that would be a waste of the time we have. We also have to think about the children.

It isn't bravery, its is just survival. You would all be the same.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 08/12/2006 11:30

I'm glad you have the support in place mb. I'm sure it's a testament to you and your family that so many people are willing to help. xx

DingDongMellowmasOnAHigh · 08/12/2006 11:32

Another one welling up reading your post MB.

The love you and your dh have is so precious and most of your posts really move me as I can almost feel the love you have for each another when reading them.

Thinking of youxx

FestiveFrex · 08/12/2006 11:36

Not much I can add to what others have said.

I wish you joy over the coming year and truly hope that you will feel able to come back to your friends here whenever you wish.

sandcastlesforanaussiexmas · 08/12/2006 11:38

MB, what a moving post. Couldn't get thru it without a tear or 2 (or several).

Your dh certainly sounds like an amazing man. You, an amazing woman.

I hope you have a wondeful Christmas with your children.

saadia · 08/12/2006 11:38

mb I am also in tears here, you really are an inspiration and also I wanted to thank you for letting us also see that there is goodness everywhere and that it is possible to find something valuable in the most heartbreaking circumstances.

nearlythree · 08/12/2006 11:40

A beautiful post, MB.

Your dh sounds like a wonderful man, and you are a wonderful wife. Sending you all the blessings I can. xxxx

Sugarfree · 08/12/2006 11:40

A beautifully dignified post Mb,but I so wish you didn't have to write it.
Thinking of you all.

kando · 08/12/2006 11:45

What a beautiful and moving post. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I wish you all the best for the time you have left together xx

7swansaswimmingup · 08/12/2006 11:48

what a tearjerker of a post mb

you sound like youre really keeping it together well for your husband and children, i admire you immensly for being so strong

JessaJingleBells · 08/12/2006 11:56

I have a lump in my throat...what an eloquent and touching post.
All the very best for christmas and the new year mb and family, you are in my thoughts.
( at MNers providing organic food - but of course!)

turquoise · 08/12/2006 11:57

The strength and dignity of that post is overwhelming MB.
I am so so sorry. I just wish you the very best for every minute you have left together.

QuadropheniaonIce · 08/12/2006 12:02

I am lost for words, what an amazing post, sad but truely a reflection of the wonderful people you are, much love to you all xxx

wickedwinterwitch · 08/12/2006 12:06

Mb, I'm crying too. I'm so sorry, there's nothing I can say that will make any difference but I'm glad you're being supported well irl.

suedonim · 08/12/2006 12:07

MB, I don't do crying - it gives me a headache - but I'm crying now. Tears for you, dh and your children; and for the goodness, love and kindness of others that we hear so little of in our world, but your experience shows actually, quietly, exists in bucketsful.

I hope and believe you will indeed cope with 'the other side' because you'll have your dh's love and memories to sustain you, and there will be no bitterness or regrets. Thinking of you, Sue xxx

mumblechum · 08/12/2006 12:09

So very sad this has happened to you, and impressed at your dignity and courage. I also cried when reading your post.

We are all thinking of you and hoping you have a peaceful and happy christmas together.

xx

Gizmo · 08/12/2006 12:13

I've obviously been on another planet to have missed this so far - MB I'm so sorry.

Your post is beautiful, but I wish you didn't have to write it. I hope you and your family get all the strength and peace you so richly deserve.