Tamoxigang thread 50 with summer sun, sangria and maybe even some sand

[foofooyeah]

Welcome to thread 50 .... Yes FIFTY.
Lots of us are rising 50 so rather apt!

I take my tamoxifen at 6pm, have an alarm on my phone then another at 7 to check I've taken it, I don't get any side effects

I know Amber has mentioned sleeping in a very dark room at night but I thought that was to discourage cancer cells growing

Wee hope your sisters appointment goes well

Curious the waiting is horrid hope it goes quickly for you

Wee hope appointment with your sister goes well.

Good luck today nelson.

The rain is coming down so need to tidy!

Hello all

Just pulling up a chair to join in, if that is OK.

I was diagnosed last Thursday with a Grade 3 (6cm) breast cancer, no other results (receptors etc) available yet. Nothing suspicious spotted in the lymph nodes on the ultrasound, so consultant tells me he has no reason to suspect spread at the moment (so I have no other scans booked at the moment).

Mastectomy is booked for 4th Sept as we already have a fortnight in Ibiza booked between 16th-30th August and so consultant and breast care nurse said it was OK to go ahead with the holiday. That feels a bit risky, but apparently the rest and Vitamin D will be good for me (and have two DC aged 7 and 4, a holiday with me feeling well should be a good thing for them). The chemo and rads will kick in after the surgery of course.

Am just at the telling people stage, which is difficult. My boss has just sent an email to all my company (there are only 12 of us) with the news, and only one reply, so I suppose people don't know what to say...

DH is taking it hard, and is more wobbly than me at the moment, although getting more used to the idea day by day. We have told the kids and read the Mummy's Lump with them and they took it OK, considering.

I'm sure I'll need a lot of hand holding once the treatment kicks in, so I'm glad to have found people going through the same thing. Have you found support groups (in person, organised by the hospital or charities) useful? I'm just at the leaflet reading stage that I got from the hospital (I'm in Bristol by the way) and there are some (especially ones for younger women with small children (I'm 43)) which I thought might be worth a look. Has anybody any experience of the Penny Brohn Centre? Their national centre is near to me and they seem to specialise in living well stuff and preparation for chemo workshops and the like.

Looking forward to chatting with you all and sending my best to everybody
x

My angels I'm sorry you have to join us but am glad that you have found us :) I was diagnosed last May and have finished treatment now, back at work, hair growing well. It's horrid when you think how long the treatment is going to take but you will get through it too
I had to wait a month for surgery so don't worry about the wait, I agree that the holiday will do you good
This thread has been my support to be honest, I haven't joined any other groups, have met some lovely ladies on here though
My kids were older, 10 and 14 but I was 41 when diagnosed so understand the shock, you just expect it to happen to older people don't you, and it's so weird that you feel absolutely fine but have this thing inside you
Ask us anything, we've all been there and understand x

Hi angels

This thread is a good support. I am heading towards the end of my chemotherapy sessions but then I will have surgery afterwards. I haven't joined any support groups but have found this thread to be invaluable. I also have a friend going through breast cancer as well so we are helping each other.

I have all the information from penny brohn too but haven't organised anything yet. Definitely worth ringing and speaking to someone as they were very helpful. I am hoping to go in between chemo and surgery.

Enjoy your holiday, it will be good for you and your family.

Hello angel just wanted to say Hi and glad you found us. I haven't needed any other support groups other than this forum, people in RL think I am breezing through the whole thing, this is where I come to vent, whinge and ask for hand holding. Hope you manage to enjoy the holiday, will be good to get a lovely family break under your belt before the treatment circus begins. I had a BMX and node clearance in April. (I also waited for over a month from diagnosis), I am just coming through chemo fog of cycle number 3. All variety of flavours and treatments going on here, so please ask anything.

Hi Angles - I had my treatment in Bristol (finished in Jan this year) so if there is anything I can help you with do ask. I did go private but it is the same consultants and treatment plans and I had to go to Southmead and the BRI a few times.
I believe the team in Bristol are very forward thinking and seem to very up on the latest treatment protocols - they are very keen not to over treat.
oh - and i was 45 so not much older than you. I had some chemo, mastectomy, more chemo, reconstruction now Tamoxifen so I cannot help on Rads.
Enjoy your holiday.

Hi Angels and welcome, there are a few newbies like us on this thread and I have found it a lifesaver. It's great you can still have your holiday too, should be the perfect way to relax before treatment.

Got my MRI results today - no mets in my spine (yay!), they were only checking as a real belt-and-braces thing, but still good news. Also had a seroma (sp?) near my surgery which they aspirated - disgusting. Feeling exhausted again by another fun day at the hospital!

Oh elporto - I took had recurrent seromas. They couldn't drain them during rads so I had them done (for the third time) when rads finished and they aspirated 2.5 litres. Surgeon said I almost didn't need reconstruction! I agree, disgusting!

hello all,

welcome Angels, sorry that you had to join but feel reassured that you are in a great group for support. I am another 'newbie' - diagnosed 2 weeks ago with Stage 2/Grade 2 BC with Lymph Node involvement. I start Chemo on Monday, then the surgery in about 6 months. These initial stages are a shock!

I also have younger kids (5y/o and 3y/o). Telling them has been a slow process, my youngest doesn't understand but my oldest does and will often come up with odd questions as she process various pieces of information. I joined the cancer support center at my hospital (I am in West London) and the support has been invaluable, particularly with how to handle work, tell the kids and deal with emotional stress.

It is great news that you can still have your holiday - try (As much as possible!) to focus on the family and to relax. I keep reminding myself that this treatment plan is a marathon (Or an Ultra-Marathon??) and not a sprint - so we need to pace ourselves

Thanks all for the lovely welcome.

It does seem that there is such a mix of treatments, which I'm still getting to grips with - its good to know there'll probably be someone who has had something similar and can offer advice.

Just seen a couple of emails that DH has sent to his oldest friends to break the news - they are of the "its all looking pretty bleak" tone - I don't want everyone dusting off their funeral ties just yet! I suppose he must be feeling a bit fragile so will make sure he has a proper hug when he gets home from work. Expecting my mum any minute for her first visit since hearing the news (she lives 200 miles away) - more tissues needed I think...

Is it normal to feel that you have to manage everyone else's emotions too?

Absolutely, think we've all found ourselves comforting friends and reassuring them when it should be the other way around ! It must be hard for partners as they want to help but aren't sure how to. Ditto mums, I know mine apologised when she had a mammogram and it was clear, guess she felt guilty

Angels, if you have time quickly google 'circle of care' re: dealing with other people's emotions. I found it really helpful as I definitely cannot deal with anyone else's feelings about this, I can barely manage my own. When my mum starts to get upset I'm afraid I am very gently asking her to talk to someone else.

Briteside, I am waving at you from East London

Weebarra, I had to re-read that: 2.5 litres?!? bloody hell you must have walked away feeling a LOT lighter!! Mine was a titchy one, only about 100mls, I feel like a total wuss now

MyAngels - there is no doubt that (a) telling people was one of the hardest parts of the diagnosis and that (b) comforting others seems more frequent than being comforted ourselves! I do think that I have learnt so much about the emotional intelligence of others in the last few weeks.

I have had some lovely support & responses - you need to remember that most of the comments that made us are probably said with the best of intentions.

Having said that, I have become extremely selfish and ruthless about only surrounding myself with people who are supportive & positive. I have learnt to swiftly & assertively change the topic if I do not like where a conversation is headed and avoid phone calls or conversations with people that I do not feel ready to speak to. (Unfortunately my MIL is one of them....she is a classic me-me-me-me-person).

My mom took the news really badly, although she has calmed down now. Initially I was frustrated that she was so upset (when I wanted her to be strong for me) but, as a Mother myself, I completely understand where she is coming from. One of my first thoughts after the diagnosis was that at least it was ME going through this and not one of my children.

hello elporto!!!!!

Hi MyAngels and other new folks. Welcome from me too. Yes, don't let people dump their needs on you. Hopefully mn has let me put the Circle of Care diagram back on here. People need to lean on those further away from you, not on you. Very important for them to learn straight away. There's good support via Macmillan etc that they can turn to.
If it helps both them and you, I've taken the considerable liberty of staring at the info you have just given us, and can tell you that you're not about to die from it. In fact, the odds of being alive as long as the rest of your mates are about 80% even on the old data with the old potions. Now they have more modern genetic stuff to aim at it so the odds are even better. You can't die from it being in the breast. In fact, you can't even die from it escaping elsewhere these days unless it manages to get into lots of really critical places at once. And to do that, it has to get past the lymph nodes. If it hasn't even done that, it's good.
Treatment is not a lot of fun, for sure - but it's doable, and becomes the 'new normal' for all of us.
Lovely people here and lots of support. Hope that helps a little.

Hi myangels and welcome aboard. It's the club I never wanted to join but now that I've been forced to I've discovered it has some great supportive members.

I was diagnosed 4 weeks ago and like briteside will be starting chemo next week followed by surgery in the new year. I don't have the staging yet but I've got a grade 3 tumour that's HER2+ so ill be starting a year of herceptin at some point.

Like you the ultrasound didn't show any suspicious nodes but I've just had a bone scan today and will have a ct scan soon. Just shows not only only how individual cancer can be but also how different each hospitals approach can be.

I'm 46 with a 7yo DD so am learning what it's like to deal with this and a small child.

Enjoy your hols though, I gave to say I'm hugely envious of all my friends going away. We didn't have a holiday last year and we were just about to book a week in the sun for this year when I got the diagnosis

Briteside, hello to you from SW London!

Elporto, will try and pm you later

Elporto, fab, fab news on your clear spine!

minty, I hope you get your scan results soon. I had a bone scan and CT too - you're right as all hospitals do it differently.

Myangels, sorry you've been diagnosed. Your DH sounds in shock. Maybe pour him a large drink and tell him about all of us. There are honestly so, so many of us who have at some point needed this thread and are now happy, living, healthy. I was diagnosed 4 years ago and have never been more scared, but I'm honestly fine now and that's true for the majority of the women I've met on here. I'm not denying it's scary, but the odds are still v.much on your side.

Dp is really low today (3 weeks post op).
He has indigestion which is resulting in him being very burpy and it is exhausting him and affecting his mood.
Can anyone tell me if this is normal (the indigestion and burping that is).

He had these symptoms for a few weeks before diagnosis and he's concerned it means something else is wrong.

We will seek medical advice tomorrow but was hoping someone could allay our fears overnight.

Hi ludoole, obviously totally different cancer and totally different op but I suffered from hideous indigestion for some time after my BMX. reaction to the GA apparently. Was put on omxiprazole which stopped the symptoms but told that it would take some time for the stomach to repair itself - could this possibly be the case with DP?

elporto - forgot to say fab news for your clear spine!

Minty - Know exactly what you mean about jealous of the holidays - we cancelled our 2 week summer holiday as it clashed with the first Chemo and I couldn't bear to postpone the start of treatment. I am jealous of everyone setting off for family holidays, but also (selfishly) finding childcare for DD (5 y/o) challenging as most of her friends are away so no possibility of playdates!

So are you also in West London? What Hospital are you at? I am at West Mid, very happy so far.

amber your post was great - I am going back to re-read it. You put so much into perspective - both the emotional aspect and the practicalities of the cancer spreading. Thank you

Today was my last day at work before Chemo starts next week. I have that excited-end-of-work-before-holidays feeling and have to keep reminding myself WHY I am going off! I have told them that I will be off for the whole first cycle (3 weeks) but intend to work part-time after that, around my side effects.

I have some fun activities arranged with the kids between now and next Monday, so maybe I am allowed a little bit of excitement!

Considerably I guess it could be the case. We are definitely going to get the doctor to give him something tomorrow.
Hes perked up a bit tonight as we have really talked (he needed to get his thoughts out).

It hasn't helped that as soon as mentioned to his relatives about the indigestion they said he would be back in hospital soon... or when he told them about the oncologist appointment, they said "thats when we get the bad news..."

Everyone else is being positive but his family seem to have written him off!!

I hate the way they drag his mood down after every visit or phone call.

ludoole sorry to hear about your fiancé, I ave a good friend with the same. He was diagnosed about 2 years ago. He had surgery, and mets removed from liver and lung, he is currently spending the summer in the South of France and looking disgustingly well.

Someone mentioned Penny Brohn .... That friend has been there and highly recommends it, you can take partners too I believe.

Foofoo Lovely to hear about your friend! That alone gives us hope. Thankyou so much. Positivity is what we are using to keep going

Ludoole, your DF's family sound quite unhelpful! People react differently but I think it's very tricky to have close family being so negative with you, I hope you can see your way through it and get support from elsewhere.

So, I have another post-op question for anyone who has had reconstruction with an implant. My new breast is 'engorged', I can only compare it to breastfeeding when my milk came in and I thought my tits would explode I had it checked thoroughly yesterday by my surgeon and also on ultrasound so I am guessing this is normal, but immediately after surgery it was smaller than my other one, and now it feels quite a bit bigger and harder.