**Tamoxigang heading towards hearts and valentines - thread 47**

[BetsyBoop]

roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
but cakes are better

Hope your head feels better Really. I bet your mum feels terrible about having a row with you but you can deal with her when you are ready and she has got herself under control.

Goodness, you must be so relieved. It's all up from here.

Hello trice, lovely to hear from you. It's been a while, I hope you are keeping well.

Hope you are managing to get some rest really. Please put yourself first for a change and take it easy for the next week. Did you get any sleeping pills? ( unlikely I know with everything else you've had to deal with).

Managed to cry myself to sleep for a couple of hours. But woke with bloody heartburn AGAIN!

Heads still pounding and temp is up a bit. But that could just be because I was snuggled up in my duvet (she says hopefully) Going to take it again in half an hour and if no change, I will call the hospital for some advice

This is so much harder than last time. I don't want to read too much into everything. But I also don't want to miss something and end up having a stroke or worse

Sorry clearly having a wobbly day! Need to listen to some relaxing music. Without bloody crying!!

Spoke to hospital and been told to go in just to be on the safe side
hope to be back on later, telling you all it was nothing, just me being paranoid and over cautious!

I'm a bit scared

Hope you all have a good wknd. Xx

really and I so hope it's just you being "paranoid and over cautious", but safest checked out given your history and the hospital obviously think so too. Everything crossed and prayers said that it is "just" a headache brought on by all the stress you've been under. Xx

really hope all is well

mona you need to go to your GP and get it checked out.

Really I hope everything is ok, big hugs

Mona it's hopefully nothing serious but you do need to get it checked out

Trice good to hear from you how are you ?

What's everyone up to this weekend ? I won tickets to see an ice hockey match so we're going there tonight :)

really hope you are ok.

It's a shame your mom went off on one, but she was probably reacting to the shock she got when you told her. Very unreasonable of her though, and not at all helpful. She probably feels terrible now. A very bad case of shoot the messenger.

Do follow up on any possible symptoms. Consider it sensible rather than paranoid! And it is part of the Terms on which the doctors allowed you proceed with chemo. Please, do not take any chances.

Someone else also asked, but do you have sleeping tablets? After giving in to them on cycle 5, the difference between getting sufficient sleep, and getting to sleep easily is unbelievable.

And remember, we are all here for you, ready to hold your hand or give you a hug virtually.

really it sounds as if your mum is scared and has overreacted because of that. Doesn't help you though and I hope everything is okay.

I've had to be careful what I tell my mum as the bits I have told her have caused her a huge amount of upset. Fortunately I know how she reacts to news like cancer as I've been through it twice with my late father. He had cancer when I was 18 and she completely went to pieces. He survived but it returned a few years later and she couldn't cope then either. Neither could my brother. It means that I just don't tell her anything in detail or tell her things like the odds I have.

goodness you must be relieved and I assume this means you will now get Macmillan support?

Yesterday was my last day at work before I go into hospital this week. Seemed really odd. The last time I took any long absence was for maternity leave and then I didn't actually have a leaving date as ds arrived 7 weeks early when I was still working! I emailed most of my clients and had some really lovely messages back. The I got told off by my head of dept for emailing them because he had wanted to tell them I was going to be away. He's had weeks to do that. Fortunately his boss said it was completely up to me whom I emailed and what I said. He knows my clients whereas my HoD doesn't.

I'm now spending the weekend trying to do lots of housework, trying on my hospital wardrobe (lots of pjs and 'leisurewear') and doing a spreadsheet to organise who will be taking/collecting ds from school whilst I'm away.

Two questions I have is firstly when you lose your hair do you lose all your hair from everywhere? Secondly do they provide towels in hospital or do I have to take my own? That seems a bit random but it is amazing what silly things seem to worry me at the moment.

hello 'pickle' - you sound very organised. I don't know about towels as my treatment was private but I do know that I lost all my hair - eventually. My arm hair, eyebrows and eyelashes lasted through 6 chemo cycles and finally gave up the ghost about 4 weeks after I had finished but leg hair, armpits and pubes went straight away (I think - a dim and distant memory already). I suspect everyone is a bit different.
Have they confirmed how long you are staying in for?

Have you organised someone to do your washing or is your DH going to be responsible for that (I'm very precious about my clothes and washing.)

Not that organised as haven't done my will (the person who said they were happy to be ds's guardian has now said that they can't do it so I'm panicking about that).

The only inpatient NHS care I've had was when I had ds and I can't remember about towels! I will ask when I go in on Monday to have my Hickman line fitted. I was going to go privately but both the local and London consultants have confirmed there is no point as the care I will get is exactly the same (private room). By opting for NHS care my health insurer will pay £100/day for the days I am an inpatient so that will come in handy if I'm off work for more than 6 months (when sick pay will stop and I'll then get two-thirds).

I have 10 days chemo - one drug twice a day and then a second drug as well on days 1, 3 and 5. I've then got to spend a further 2-3 weeks in hospital until my blood counts recover. After that I will have a bone marrow biopsy to check if the chemo has worked. If it has then I will be able to go ahead with the stem cell transplant. If it hasn't then I'll need to repeat the chemo but with probably different drugs.

I'm hoping my mum or friends will do the washing (single parent so no dh around unfortunately). Mind you I've probably bought enough clothes to cover two weeks without needing anything washed!

pickle - I had similar hair loss pattern to kitkat, my eye lashes and brows were the last to go and the first to come back. I had just about total hair loss from everywhere, apart from my head where about 5-10% of my hair seemed to be totally chemo-resistant It didn't grow on chemo and went extra fine (I have very fine hair anyway) but refused to fall out... You also lose the hairs inside your nose which causes constant nasal drip...At my hospital you have to take your own towels.

No news from really yet? Been thinking about you all morning, hope you are ok.

Thanks for the hair info! When your hair grew back was it the same as it was before the hairloss or different? Will it be the same colour? Silly questions when faced with all of this.

I'm so pleased this thread is here as there isn't anyone I can have these discussions with in RL. I'm also relieved that I will have access to wifi in hospital.

I also lost all of mine pickle and I put a towel in my bag but didn't stay in long enough to use it

My hair has grown back much greyer than before ( great not ! ) and it has a wave whereas before it was poker straight. Don't know if this is permanent or not

Meant I didn't lose all of my head hair but Iost it everywhere else including legs arms eyebrows and lashes dine below etc. it is awful but it does grow back

I'm a bit worried about clogging up the shower in hospital but I guess they will be used to that?

pickle everyone is different re hair regrowth, it could grow back straight or curly or a different colour, or exactly the same as it was (so far mine doesn't seem that different, but I'm still sporting a no. 2, so difficult to be sure just yet) - but it is supposed to slowly revert to whatever is "normal" for you over a couple of years.

Thanks Betsy that's interesting to know. I'd love curly hair. At present it is very fine but thick with an irritating wave. At least I won't have to worry about how I wash my hair in hospital after the first couple of weeks as I'm told it will all be gone by then.

Updating - yes, we are on the same timeframe. I had my op on 18 Jan and my first chemo will be on 19 Feb.

Really - I haven't read the previous thread so don't know your history. Wishing you all the best. You are the most important person right now and you need to put yourself first. It's hard, but try to ignore your mother's yelling.

Mona - do get it checked out. It might be nothing and we won't see you on this thread again. If it is something to worry about it is best to know as soon as possible.

I have been quite suprised by how many of my friends have said they never check their boobs, or even know how to do it. I thought it was pretty much indoctrinated into women of a similar age to me to check our breasts regularly. Seems I was wrong or too many believe it won't happen to them.

Posted too soon...
Pickle - I too am careful about what and how I tell my mother. Her generation, I think, hears the word cancer and are totally fearful. She has lost too many friends to various cancers. In my case at least the treatment is until the summer then hopefully it will be over. She finds that hard to comprehend.

The info about the hair is useful too. Mr GoodBits is positively relishing the fact my hair might grow back differently.

Cupcake bouquet, anyone?
I have had The News
Results if histology were delivered over the phone last night, as I'd asked surgeon/ consultant to do.
Low grade sarcoma.
Clear margins.

Far better than what they'd thought it was on operating and seeing it: fibromatosis.
I'm now waiting to hear from him (by letter) re. my care plan.
It's good news. Better than it could've been.

I was posting on old thread... talking to myself.
I do that sometimes. Lol

Goodbits I also start chemo on the 19th - it's good to know there will be others starting around the same time.

Goodness So relieved for you.

Wren How are you doing after your first chemo?

Really I also had a row with my Mum over the phone recently and had to hang up on her. Now is the time to put yourself first.

difficultpickle I think you'll need to take your own towels although hospitals usually have everything you need if you don't have it (my DH was in hospital pjs as an admission was an emergency and we didn't think to take any) They're not a fashion item though so i recommend your own!!

How is your DS handling the prospect of separation? Is your mum coming to stay while you're in? I hope you find some answers about your guardianship, what an awful worry to have to have and I'm so sad your friend has decided she can't do it. Hugs and . Think working from home is a great idea....daytime TV is enough to make anyone depressed!!!

That's good news indeed goodness. I find that conversations with myself are often my best.

I have raging hunger so it's as well snack trolley is virtual or it would be empty.

Hair loss was about 2 weeks in for head, similar fir body hair, eyebrows/eye lashes went after about 4 cycles but were back quickly. Cold cap working well for me - I would say maximum loss about 20%.