Yesterday, I found out that ... and I'm scared.

[GoodnessKnows]

I will be brief as I feel like I've entered a time warp where my brain has frozen, incapable of long sentences:
Had hip pain and have been waking at 3am most nights with back pain (not terrible) for about 1-2 years.
Thought I needed a firmer mattress.
Finally went to consultant.
Two MRIs and an X-ray later, I was ushered into a private room having just been told that a large tumor is at the base of my spine.
They called me back in within one working day of the second MRI.
I'm now waiting for a biopsy which will be on Wednesday or Saturday of next week - to determine its 'nature'.
Scared
Shocked
There was talk of chronic bone erosion in the lower back as a result of this thing. Also discussion of nerve paths and tumors, rare cases and cups of tea.
Now, lying awake as usual in mild discomfort, I'm in utter shock and disbelief.

I hope OP goes well x

So glad that DH is home. Hope you have a good weekendxx

Thank you all. Feels oddly like my last 'as I know it now'.

The new weekends of the future could be better and pain free in the end.

I hope so!

Glad your DH is home, enjoy your weekend.

Thank you!

You too [Big grin]

Cheers!

I'm starting to panic. Like water is coming in, near the top of a room I can't escape - can't breathe.

Deep breaths ...you can do it ...

Goodness it is totally a normal reaction to panic in your situation. Try and sit in a quiet place and concentrate on just breathing in and out slowly. Our situations are different as it is my son who has cancer. He is 18 years old and very aware if what is happening. He is showing signs if tumour growth and is having lots if panic attacks. To help him I sit quietly with him for a while, ask him to put one hand on his chest and breath slowly. I tell him to feel his chest moving so that he knows that he is actually breathing. I hold his other hand for comfort (for me too). After it's passed we try and do something nice to distract. There is no point in trying to distract him when he is panicking it is best (for us anyway) to accept the panic as a reality of what is happening and get through it to the other side.

I don't post often in your thread as we are in a difficult place at the moment but I think of you often. I hope that the op goes as smoothly as possible and that you are swiftly on that road to recovery.

Have you any relaxation tecs. that you find helpful? lie down with your eyes closed and count backwards from 500? tense and untense all your muscles from your toes up? Remember to breathe out for a longer count than you breathe in, anxiety feelings can be caused by shallow over breathing. You don't need to escape you can just float.xxx

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, it's perfectly normal to be anxious. I second the breathing techniques above.

Hi Goodness - I have just come across your thread and although I have no advice just wanted to let you know of another person thinking if you, holding your hand and wishing you well. I'm not surprised you are panicking. Anyone would.

I'm shocked at the run around you have been given by the medical people though. It really is shocking and just adds to the stress.

Breathing is the first stage.

Then accept.

Then focus on something specific.

This is utterly normal and natural. Don't worry. You'd
be odd is you weren't.

Hand holding.

Thank you all. Breathing better. Had row with DH. Everyone is anxious and he's list both of his DPs over the last three years (both times following operations). My messy garage reminds him of theirs.

Oh dear, it's not easy for our nearest and dearest is it?
I had a row with DH this morning about how messy my clothes were in one corner of the bedroom.
We had another row after lunch about DD, he was being far too hard on her, which culminated with me flouncing out and going shopping.
He's asleep on the sofa now so I'm tip-toeing around!

Hard isn't it. I find my DH too hard on my son. But then again, it could be said that I'm too soft and move boundaries that he would benefit from having set more clearly.
Anyway, I'll be in hospital for about a week and am v anxious that the children are ok and treated with the right (mummy mixture) of love and firmness. I want them to have the perfect parenting as mummy won't be here and they'll naturally feel upside down and frightened by it all - even if it's subconscious.

GoodnessKnows, I hadn't seen your story till now and just came over from AIBU thanks to livelablove's message there. Good luck for tomorrow. I'm sure you're in safe hands and it will be such a relief for you to get through that op.

Good Luck!

Really hope all goes well!

I hope you have a lovely evening with your DCs tonight with lots of hugs and kisses.

Thinking of you and hoping all goes well - and all the best for the family too x