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*TAMOXIGANG* All the fours...44!

960 replies

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 21/10/2013 19:43

Apologies for the bingo reference, couldn't think of a witty title but the other thread is very nearly full.

In honour of our new thread I have piled extra apple pudding on the trolley so tuck in :)

OP posts:
reallyreallyworried · 03/11/2013 19:57

handbags IF you find the time machine, may I come for a ride with you? Alternatively I will happily chat and moan with you over the next few months. Obviously you are getting a head start. But I hopefully won't be far behind you.

I think speaking to your BCN would be a great thing to do. But just try and relax a little and remember that you have family who love and care about you. Also clearly some very good friends. I hope you enjoy a nice lunch or coffee and cake after your hair cut tomorrow. I bet it'll look lovely.

You will get through this Hun! Xxxx

UKsounding · 03/11/2013 19:57

Handbags Listen up! - chemo is becoming the "end of something" only because you are thinking in terms of "lasts"! Having cancer and chemo is not what your life is about now or in the future. You are a mother, a partner, a sister, a daughter and a friend and nothing stops that. The fact is that chemo is simply one extra thread in the tapestry of your life right now, it will last until some date and then it will stop. All of the important things you are and that you do now, will continue to exist during chemo, and will continue to be there at the other end - even the wine!
The gym will be there all the way through chemo and beyond - and remind me why you won't be going?, your hair will start to grow back as soon as you finish chemo, your kids will be around and want lifts to places all through chemo!!! On some days it will be easy (and you might briefly forget about the whole chemo thing for minutes or hours) and some days will be hard and you will have to ask others to fill the gaps you can't fill for a few minutes, hours or days - but they will be your gaps under your control and they are only for a while.

For my first two rounds of chemo, I had to get up the morning after chemo, travel across the city by subway and stand in front of hundreds of students and lecture for 3 hours. I did it before I started chemo, I did it until the end of term regardless of chemo, and I do it now that I have finished. Having chemo was never what or who I am. In fact the distraction was a healthy thing and I am glad that I had that forced continuity in my life, although I cursed it when the alarm went off and I just felt like I wanted to puke until the drugs started working - but chemo is only a change (or an end) if you let it be.

Who and what are you? and why do you have to stop being any of those things just because of some sodding chemo and cancer?

Gigondas · 03/11/2013 19:59

Did you wish for a chemo buddy handbags? Well here I am as I start Tuesday too.

All you feel is normal - I feel that and it's my second time. But malt is right that it is ok when you get into it.

I world second the advice on anti ds - they have been invaluable to mAny on here.

And if it helps wine tasted fine on chemo, it was tea that I couldn't get right.

handbagsatdawn · 03/11/2013 19:59

Malt, thank you. I want to keep things as normal as possible, for my girls in particular, and school drop-offs are a key part of that for dd2 who is freaking out about me loosing my hair. I will go and see the GP if this continues. I failed to do so and be properly diagnosed with PND following dd1's birth, and it was only with hindsight that I realised that I had been depressed. I have been offered anti-depressants in the intervening years, but have always declined and managed my moods by exercising, and I think that's part of this; my ability to go and exercise will clearly be affected by chemo.

Sorry, didn't mean this to be about me, me, me. I'm honestly not that sort of person, but you are the only ones who really understand x

Gigondas · 03/11/2013 20:00

X posts with uk - her last paragraph (whole post) is so true.

UKsounding · 03/11/2013 20:02

... and obviously counselling is not my subject. I am sure that your bcn will be much more tactful than me. ^smile

handbagsatdawn · 03/11/2013 20:22

Bugger it - you lot are right. Sorry for wallowing.

I just need to get through this shite, will be ok once it gets going, fear of unknown is crap. I will get the anti-ds if I need them this time, what's a few more drugs? Or turn to the wine.

Gig - you can hold my hand and vice-versa. Same goes for Really.

Thank you, I really need you guys to keep me sane. X

UKsounding · 03/11/2013 20:32

My DD who was 7 at diagnosis (now 8) and was totally freaked out about my hair loss too. She had strict rules about when I was allowed to not wear my wig (an object which I hate - the summers are very hot and sticky here) and we settled into a new routine. Most of the time I was able to drop her off and pick her up from school, even if it meant taking the car when we would normally walk to school... With help from my hubby and occasionally a couple of good friends and some adaptations to the way we did things, it has been possible to keep DD`s routine unchanged. The thing with chemo is that the side-effects come and go through the 21 day cycle and only gradually get worse with each cycle. Especially at the beginning, I felt okay for almost all of the day, two out of the three week cycle - more normal than abnormal... as it went on I got tireder, but I still had bursts of feeling fine and then needed a nap...

DD now says that hair is only hair, and that I was the same mummy with and without hair. I think that she was afraid of there being an end to normality or our relationship - and found that life simply went on.... I was pretty freaked out that my DDs life would be turned upside down by cancer, but really looking back over the last 8 months I dont think that it has been the huge terrible thing I feared it would be for her... I guess there are several life lessons in there for her... although I certainly wouldn`t choose for her to learn it this way!
She does think that chemotherapy is mis-spelt, and it should be kemotherapy. Grin

UKsounding · 03/11/2013 20:42

Handbag Exactly - the whole fucking thing is fucking shite and its not fucking fair that we got so fucking unlucky and do this fucking stuff - but we will squeeze it into our days so we can continue to do all the other things in our lives (like tell DD for the 97th time to pick up all of the clothing and toys off of her bedroom floor!) Hmm

handbagsatdawn · 03/11/2013 20:54

UK It is indeed shite. At least it's coming up towards winter here so the wig can be a disguise and can keep my head warm. Dd1 (11) is ok about things, dd2 (6) concerned about hair, but has subsequently said just now that love is more important than hair (queue more tears).

I will have bastard 14 day cycle (yay lucky me, I get accelerated chemo programme), so not sure how much reprieve I can look forward to between poisonings. Everything is flexible though, if a 14 day cycle proves too much I shall kick up a fuss.

UKsounding · 03/11/2013 22:33

Handbag I have a chemo buddy that I met in the breast clinic who had 14 day cycle chemo. She had an 8th month old and an 8 yr. old at diagnosis - the 8 yr. old had no idea that her mum had health issues, chemo or anything... I have no idea how my friend kept that deception up [shocked], but she did and life went on exactly as normal in their household. I wouldn't have not told my DD, but everywoman deals differently.
I hope your treatment goes smoothly and it will all be behind you soon
Xxx

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 03/11/2013 23:54

handbags I'm happy to be chemo buddy too. I have second chemo tomorrow (Mon). My first cycle went OK. My taste buds were at their worst on the first week. I was drinking wine on weeks two and three. Like somebody else above (sorry, can't remember who), wine tasted fine, but tea didn't... I've no problem switching from milky tea to peppermint, but it would be a total bitch to give up on wine for 6 months!!

My DD1 is also 11, and I also have DD2 (9). Neither are impressed with my wig (tough), and neither have any interest in seeing my (almost) bald head. Wig place shaved off my hair for me, I didn't like it shedding. But I know within two week or so, it will become an non-event.

I have only one chemo cycle under my belt. But I can tell you that I corrected homework each evening (checked spellings, tables, etc), and did violin (Suzuki method) with them as usual. I also gave them breakfast and dinner, and kept the house tidy(ish). And while DH did some of the drop offs to hobbies during week 1, I did the usual hobbies taxis on week 2 & 3. The main thing that changed for my DDs is that a lovely neighbour (whose girls are friendly with mine) did the school run for me on weeks 1 & 2. While I went back to bed for a few extra hours and stayed out of the awful weather. I could have driven no problem during second week, but I was in drug fog for the first 3 days after chemo. I did drive during this time, but I probably should not have.

I'm crossing my fingers that chemo 2 is not too much harder than chemo 1. I do know it does get a bit harder each time. Tomorrow I'll have 2 of 8 sessions done. For me that means 25% complete. I'm on count down until March. Its totally doable.

trice · 04/11/2013 04:44

I am back from hospital. Horrible experience, I think I need counselling. Gradually recovering.

My bowels are paralysed from the morphine. Any tips to get them working again? I am mainlining movicol but it has not helped yet. Sore tummy.

handbagsatdawn · 04/11/2013 06:46

Thank you Mom and UK. You have reassured me and I think my head is in a slightly better state this morning. I'm not sleeping terribly well, even my dreams are absorbed with cancer. Hopefully the drug fog to come will mean I can sleep at least, or will the steroids do for that?!!!

Trice, sorry you're feeling crappy. Yes morphine seems to harden everything up unfortunately. If you want to go down the natural route I find figs are good (fresh or dried). Otherwise Senokot, although that can give you stomach pains. I hope things ahem get moving for you very soon.

foofooyeah · 04/11/2013 07:09

trice sorry your experience was so tough. Recommend prune juice for getting things going. Worked better for me than anything else.

handbags worry about stuff WHEN it happens. It might not. I am half way through chemo. Done all school runs, walked 4 miles three times a week, still have hair albeit it a bit thin and grey, and been working 4 hours a Day. It doesn't have to rule your life. I have a 9 year old who is blissfully unaware.

I know other people have had a much more grim time than me and I am very thankful, but you might be one of the lucky ones.

malteserzz · 04/11/2013 08:25

Trice I've been wondering how you were sorry you've had a bad time was it the op itself or the hospital experience ? Hmm

Off for my blood test in a bit for LAST chemo on Thursday Smile then going shopping and out for lunch
Hope everyone has a good day

topsyturner · 04/11/2013 08:46

Morning All

If you are on any form of codeine Trice , that also bungs you up !
Plenty of water (to drink , not as an enema Grin !!!)

I'm off to the hospital later for my CT results .
Not feeling very positive this time .
Hey ho , what will be , will be .

malteserzz · 04/11/2013 08:50

Keeping everything crossed for you topsy what time is your appointment ? X

topsyturner · 04/11/2013 09:25

Not until 2.30 Malt
I can't believe you start your last chemo this week !
Where did all that time go ?

PictureThis · 04/11/2013 09:33

Good luck Topsy, keeping everything crossed for you here too.

smee · 04/11/2013 09:48

I second dates, Trice. Hope it all works soon, sounds grim. Sad

Topsy, am rooting for you. Is DH going too? xxx

handbags, everyone obviously does it different, but my DS was 5 when I was diagnosed, but even with him being so young I thought it best to tell him a version of the truth, if only so the head tilters didn't alarm him. He's quite blasé about cancer now, as he knows it's scary but also v.common and it depends on what type you have, etc. I honestly think he got me through it all, both as a reason to live, but mostly as you can't switch kids off so I did all the walking to school, park, playing, reading, etc just because I had to. You'll soon be through. Feels epic when it's ahead, but once you've started it's a known quantity so easier in a way.

Gigs, how are you today?? hope feeling a bit better. x

weebarra · 04/11/2013 10:05

Handbags - I can be your chemo buddy too, I start on wed. I'm having chemo first then op, as my tumours are big and hormone -ve.
I have two DSs who are 3 and almost 6. We told them the basics of what was going on and ordered the Mummy's Lump book from breasy cancer care.
I have 5 miles worth of school run to do each day (also pushing 10 week old DD in her pram) but I'm hoping to be able to do it the vast majority of the time.
I've told school just in case they need any extra support.
DS1 is a bit confused and keeps mixing up chemotherapy and archaeology but other than that, life is going on as normal!

smee · 04/11/2013 11:07

weebarra, that 'Mummy's Lump' book is a bit of a marmite one. Can see why it's useful, but we decided not to read it to our DS as we found it really too sad for little ones. There's lots of 'daddy's very worried', 'mummy's scared' sort of thing in it. I know it's good to be honest, but I didn't want to project that onto him, so preferred saying things like, this is really boring but if I don't take the medicine/ chemo I will be very ill. So it's good news as the medicine will stop me getting ill. Trouble is taking it will make me lose my hair/ make me tired and probably a bit boring for a while, but it's not forever and then I'll be okay again'. So I didn't go for the 'it's very scary' thing, more annoyance! Love your son confusing chemo with archaeology. Grin

weebarra · 04/11/2013 11:46

smee, I did think that re scared/worried so we skirted over that and explained that the medicine was a bit not nice but was making mummy better.
Also didn't like the gender stereotyping - DH is perfectly capable of looking after his children!

smee · 04/11/2013 12:16

God yes had quite forgotten that. Felt v.1950's. Made me quite cross and feel like writing another one! Grin