*TAMOXIGANG* All the fours...44!

[GoodbyeRubyTuesday]

Apologies for the bingo reference, couldn't think of a witty title but the other thread is very nearly full.

In honour of our new thread I have piled extra apple pudding on the trolley so tuck in :)

Yay for healing boob HND!!!!!!

Thanks MAS

and thanks handbags

I accidentally Googled. I was looking up my op next week and found out that median life expectancy for my condition was two months ago. I am feeling a bit poo today as on day 14 of capecitabene but generally speaking I feel ok. Obviously now in the pit of despair.

Both dcs birthday s in the next fortnight. Will I see their next one? Seems pretty darn unlikely. Shitty disease.

Hnd fingers crossed for you
Handbags have a lovely lunch I'm looking forward to gbbo too please not ruby to win !

Trice I was wondering how you were, you know the rules on googling it's hard not to though big hugs x

Yeah hnd glad you had a good weekend, 4am at 11? Just wait until the 2018 reunion

mas I've been having super weird dreams, surreal and upsetting, I wonder if it is the change in weather / nights drawing in, I always get a bit down. I am going to have an extra long dogwalk today to try and clear my head.

knitting I remember all the hassles of chemo, getting the children sorted, the travel, the parking all added insult to injury but certainly get all the help you can. Macmillan are very good on campaigning to try and improve all the peripheral hassles. Good luck with your pic line.

malt are you feeling better. I would not worry about having a bloody good cry now and then. I remember throwing the syringe I was supposed to inject myself with everyday across the room in a huge paddy of self pity. I felt much better after though it cost my insurance company £37, thankfully that time they didn't query the extra it can be cathartic. Then I felt ready to carry on stabbing myself with impunity! I am still watching Downton after Homeland (and if you find the Downton story lines baffling at the moment NOONE knows what the hell is happening on Homeland, not even I suspect the writers) I record it and fast forward the slow bits, especially the bits with his lordship or Lady Mary drawling on, but watch every minute of dames Maggie and Penelope, that way it moves at quite a nice pace

On reconstruction all my friends who had reconstruction with mx had rads with no ill effects. In fact only friend whose boob was affected by rads had a lumpectomy. Maybe the machines available? but it is possible. It might be something to persue if you really want it.

GBBO tonight. Am quite warming to ruby after twitter spats (I don't tweet but these made papers www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/oct/21/raymond-blanc-idiot-bake-off-ruby-tandoh and now people are saying Kimberley is self satisfied anyway looking forward to it.

Hugs to everyone.
.

trice bloody google AND shitty disease but remember those stats are not your stats, and enjoy their birthdays.

(((hugs))) for Trice. Never google. You are unique and as Pigeons says those stats aren't yours. So tough though. xx

HND, we're twins..! Well almost, as am 48 early next year. Your weekend sounds a hoot and YAY and TRIPLE YAY for your scar healing. That must be one hell of a relief.

Has sofa arrived yet, Malt?

On rads/ skin. My skin has definitely shrunk and I have a pin prick rash, which is quite common apparently though terrified me when it first arrived as i thought it was recurrence. Other than that though it's fine. I was told putting implant in straight away at mx was helpful as it stretched the skin for Rads, making it more effective. Not too sure if they still think that, but it's one reason I went for immediate implant.

I think I need a new name as all the bake off hatred everywhere is really confusing me will have to think of something suitably Halloweeny.

I'm in a bit of a grump as I emailed my tutor to tell her I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and tearful. She emailed back to tell me she thinks I'm depressed she is not in any way qualified to make that assessment, and apart from feeling very stressed out by university stuff, I am my usual happy self. I don't mean I'm just being cheerful but feeling crap, I'm actually happy. I hate it when people throw the word depression round whenever anyone is a tiny bit upset. It's disrespectful to people who actually suffer depression. I am seeing her tomorrow so I can set her straight and hopefully we can discuss a plan to break my project down into more manageable parts.

I have my lovely meditation and relaxation class in a bit :)

trice remember Google really is rather out of date. There's new research being done all of the time and better treatments, and anyway you're not a statistic you're a person and no one can say from statistics what will actually happen to you. Go with what your onc says but even then, take it with a little pinch of salt :)

handbags shame about the drain, I hope it calms down again soon so it can go. Enjoy your lunch :)

HND fantastic news, everything crossed for surgeon appointment. Hopefully this will be the end of it!

malt hope the sofas are comfy and that the cat spray works!

MAS I hope the group goes well, and that you are feeling less anxious after the dream. You have so much on your plate right now

topsy congratulations on your thread!

kitkat good luck with appointments and costume shopping!

foofoo it's perfectly okay to not be okay with it all. However you feel is okay, there's no right way to deal with cancer. Do vent here if you need to x

Grr ruby by email as well! even if she was a. Qualified and b had a suspicion you don't put it in an email. It is probably the old stereotype problem, "if I was her age and I had had Cancer and been through what she has I would be depressed" - but you haven't so you have no clue how you would feel I am sure you can focus her on where she can add value and help

Actually just came on because I remembered foofoos post when thinking about some of the other cutting edge recon options dr geek has mentioned (see how random my memory is, at this rate I am going to need a mind map for the thread )

Firstly, yes there are also options for skin preserving surgery, so no need for painful expanding, and even nipple preserving surgery. All subject to your tumour and treatment but these things may not be on offer in a particular hospital but doesn't mean they are not available nearby, especially now it is your doctor getting the services on your behalf.

foofoo a couple of people I know switched oncologists, there is a famously wonky Oncy at our hospital, or was, prone to looking at your bloods or even dx and saying this is really bad and treating you like a naughty schoolgirl and entirely culpable if your treatment got delayed. As one friend said "another month of this and the cancer won't get me because I will have slit my wrists first" There was no problem with switching, they do understand that your psychological well being comes before their egos. Having someone you trust who you feel cares about you both as patient and person makes a big difference.

ohh HND fingers and toes crossed for you
trice big hus and dont google!!
malt i would so love a new sofa, mine broke a bit more the other day with hefty 9 year old doing wrestling moves on it

Working from home with a house full of boys is very hard. I work at the kitchen table and usually house is deserted, but they think they have carte blanche to disturb me and aske me questions. Its too wet to send them out.

trice I spoke to my bcn about this last week - she said that the life expectancy for lung mets was 18 months to 2 years, but no onc. would ever say that this will apply to anyone because everyone's disease is different and everyone's response is different...there is no point in dwelling on those figures.The only way to deal with this, apart from taking the medication is to not project forwards but to live every single day fully and as well as you can - this is the very essence of Mindfulness - what else can you do ? Whining about it won't help really- it's shit but it's happened so get on with living.

great news HND - hopefully boob will stay together permenantly now.

trice - agree with everyone else about not googling but know it can be hard to stay away. Hugs.

foo - you made me smile about it being too wet to send your boys out as it is absolutely hammering down here and no-one would go out!!!

well I had a grrr... appt with onc - even though he is very lovely. He was 1 hr late (he's always late so expected that) and after he confirmed I was OK after 3 weeks of Paclitaxel I asked about Rads and he had forgotten to find out - it was actually the only reason I need to see him . Anyway he said he will find out tomorrow and ring me as he is off on Thursday and Friday. All in all it is unlikely that he will (a) remember to ask and (b) remember to ring but we'll see ( he has my home number in his iPhone now!!). He is lovely and kind though so I will have to excuse him yet again .
He also said to go back in 3 weeks as we have to discuss hormone therapy .

Oh and had to go to a few shops but finally got the required Halloween costumes - have a funny feeling DDs will be too small though and may be heading back on Thursday.

HND I won't say "it" but that sounds very promising, so fingers crossed this is "it" :)-

trice don't you dare google - and in any case you already beaten the median you quoted thereby proving the average doesn't apply to you :) (and google stats will be way out of date anyway)

to everyone and throws some hot buttered crumpets on the trolley

Well my appointment with the breast surgeon was very none eventful in the end. He just asked me to explain my reasons for bmx, then said I'll just explain the various reconstruction options so we've covered all bases. Then asked if I'd any questions and was I still sure about bmx - I said yes and I've had 5 months to think about it. He said fine then I'm happy to move forward with that and then we went on to talk about the surgery, where the scars would be etc. I didn't even need to get my list out, get all assertive about it being my choice, no need to see a psychologist or anything. :) He also said that the onc reckons my main tumour has shrunk by at least 50% (onc didn't tell me this, just that he was happy with the response!) which is a good response for a ER+ ILC tumour. :)

I then had a long chat about the surgery and afterwards with my lovely BCN afterwards. So next thing is my pre op appointment and then surgery either w/c 11/11 or 18/11 (according to hospital protocol it HAS to be in one of those two weeks for chemo first people apparently)

The even better news is nothing in the pipeline hospital-wise for next week, so we are going to book a week away in a cottage somewhere :) (When I mentioned the possibility of going away to BCN she said I'll just tell the waiting lists/appointments team you aren't available next week, a holiday will do you good!)

x-post kitkat by the time I'd typed my essay...

boo for your onc forgetting about your yes/no for rads. I know what you mean though, all the staff I've seen are so genuinely lovely that you can't help but let them off! I'm sure the fact they are always running late is a symptom of their loveliness, they give everyone as long as they need and don't rush folks through in their allotted minutes.

Phew and hooray for you Betsy! How brilliant that the tumour's shrunk and that they're not going to fight you on the bmx.

Kitkat, that must have been so annoying. Nice is no excuse for forgetful. Have you got BCN who could bully him into calling? Mine was always v.good at that. I know it's not logical, but helped me to think of hormone therapy as a v.good thing. It's an extra line of defence, so if you're a candidate, it's something to celebrate. Easier said than done, but you know what I mean..!

Shooting I'm ok thanks think you're right a good cry and rant does us good sometimes, haven't thrown anything yet but have thought about it !
Kitkat that is annoying but hopefully he'll get back to you soon
Betsy good news and that's great you'll be able to have a holiday, any idea sheer you'll go ?

New sofa is very nice and taking the old one to the tip is keeping dh busy.

wow Betsy - what a lot to get covered in 1 day. So have you choosen your type of reconstruction and have you choosen a size???
And hurray for a holiday before the Op - it's worked out really well for you .

Smee - I do have a very good BCN but she mainly works with the surgeons. Anyhow I do not 'need' to know this now i just want to - I'll hang on and see if he rings me tomorrow. He did also say I could ring him for a chat about how my chemo was going if I didn't want to go in so it would easy enough to chase him up. I guess this is why he late for everything - when we are waiting for our appts eveyone has a tale about how he has gone above and beyond for them and everyone loves him (except the receptionist and nurses!!).
I know I'm getting tamoxifen but I've just got a bee in my bonnet about weight gain (I know it's pathetic but it's important to me ). Also when i did the NHS predict test it only gave a couple of extra percent for hormone therapy for my stats. I will take it but it has awlays been descibed as the most important thing for me so I am surprised to see how little diefference it makes. (am 8/8 for ER+).

Betsy that sounds fantastic, enjoy your week away.

Kitkat Hope your onc gets you the answers he wants, but grr to clinic running late. We are repeatedly told not to be late, but a lot of the time we are not even told clinics are running late.

Ruby Hope you get something sorted with your uni. Having been depressed I hate it when people bandy that term about.

Have spoken to our local hospice this morning, who do the Macmillan thing here and they are going to apply for PIP for me and if I send them my ESA forms they'll deal with that on my behalf as well. She also said I need to look into tax credits again because DH changed jobs when DD2 was born & took a pay cut which means we might be eligible again.

DD2 is doing really well with bottles, we are down to feeding overnight and first thing in the morning now and tomorrow we are going to swap the night feed for a bottle, and then last BF on Thursday before chemo starts

kitkat, just to reassure you on weight gain, as I did put on half a stone, but have lost it again. It's not as easy as it was to shift, but I am still the same size I was pre-Tamoxifen, wearing the same clothes. Bet I'm not all that unusual.

Hi All, waves to everyone......any apple pud left, I am starting to get my appetite back?

First chemo session on Friday didn't fair too well, I left the hospital fine at 3pm but was back by 6pm vomiting violently. To make matters worse the Doc's couldn't get a cannula in to start AV anti sickness meds and fluids, so it wasn't the best start to treatment. Eventually they managed to sort me out and on a positive note it shouldn't happen again - fingers and everything else crossed on that front.

I am now 4 days after chemo and feeling zonked - is this to be expected, when can I start to feel I can get up for more than two hours at a time? (My chemo is EC.) I am also feeling guilty that my Mum is having to look after my son so much - he's hard work, (but lovely).

Trice {{{Hugs}}} listen to the wise ladies - don't google. xx

Knitting glad dd is doing well with her bottles at least that's 1 less thing for you to worry about
Tiny everyone is so different on chemo it's hard to say what's normal but you do seem to have had a particularly bad time at least next time they will know you are probe to sickness and should be able to give you stronger drugs from the outset. On fec I found after a week I started to pick up but I was never in bed, just chilling on the sofa and was able to do the washing, cooking etc. like I say through everyone is different Betsy and Kitkat had a bad time I'm sure they'll be able to advise you

Love to all looking forward to gbbo, fancied soup for tea and dh has bought chicken and peanut which sounds a bit random but will hopefully be nice

Tiny- make sure they give you stronger anti-e's next time - Emend is very good if you didn't have it this time - but you need to take the first dose an hour prior to chemo. (supposedly very good at stopping sickness in most folks, but I needed more on top!) I was on FEC, which is similar. I ended up on Emend + ondanestron + cyclizine in order to control my vomiting. I still felt sick for about a week after each treatment and then it lifted...sorry probably not what you wanted to hear. I found nibbling little and often was the best way to minimise the icky feeling.

kitkat - I'm not having any recon done, I'm going breast-free I will get fitted for prosthesis (small ones!) but probably won't wear them all the time (one of the reasons I wanted bmx). I'm determined not to put weight on with tamoxifen, I'm going to try my best to move more and eat less. :)

malt your DH is really spoiling you this week :) not that I'm jealous, oh no!

Well holiday for next week is booked now (our half term is next week, I know lots of you are off this week) - a cottage near Alston (North Pennines), really looking forward to getting away and being "normal" for a week. :)

oh no Tiny - I only managed a few hours before I was sick on FEC as well. Like Betsy I ended up on Emend, Ondanestron, cyclizine and a couple of others - the sickness stoppped but I continued to have terrible nausea. I found I needed to keep eating stodge - same as with morning sickness. It was worst for the first week but by the 3rd cycle it did continue for the full 3 weeks.

I was also zonked for the first week - for the first time in my life i had days when i didn't manage to get dresssed.
(These are the reasons that my lovely, but forgetful, onc has me on weekly chemo now!!)
Oh and have yoiu thought about getting a picc line if you are already have trouble with the cannula?

Betsy - in the summer I met a lady who'd had bmx 9 years ago and was breast-free. She had never worn a prothesis and looked terrific - you would never have thought about whether she had breasts or not if you hadn't already known.

I'm also determined not to put on any weight but if he starts me on tamoxifen before I'm laid up for surgery it'll be hard to start with. I think I may ask not to start straight away - do you think that is feasible? I don't like swimming so will be joining a gym (which I like but has not been a priority since DCs).