*TAMOXIGANG* All the fours...44!

[GoodbyeRubyTuesday]

Apologies for the bingo reference, couldn't think of a witty title but the other thread is very nearly full.

In honour of our new thread I have piled extra apple pudding on the trolley so tuck in :)

Malt - I had lunch out again today - that's 4 days out of 5 this week. Thank goodness things wil be back to normal next week - not sure my waistline could stand much more of this. Enjoy yourself tonight.

handbags - well I'm getting Paclitaxel specifically so I can have the weekly version as I am useless at chemo.
I did have the day after injection when I had FEC (don't need it on weekly) but a nurse came to do it each time.

Just popping in for a quick hello and to send love to you all, thinking of you lots but not quite up to posting atm. (To any new ladies, welcome and my very best wishes to you as you cope with this bastard illness - I have not posted for a few weeks due to unforseen domestic events ) but just wanted to send my love xx

handbags For me, peppermint tea became drink of choice over my usual milky tea. Taste was to my liking, and it is also supposed to settle my stomach.

kitkat that's a lot of dining out! Sounds like fun.

Oh handbags good you have a start date! Did you enjoy the film? Saw judy dench on tv talking about it so may go and see it soon.
Will put a on. Setting off to parkrun at 8.30. I do like Saturday mornings :).

to kk.

I had to phone the hospital to get my next appointment date as I don't know where I put the letter. Was thinking how lucky I am to be on 6 monthly checkups.

Morning all

Hope everyone slept well.

weebarra good luck with the wig shopping, we can compare experiences later. I'm not sure if I am looking forward to going or not! All feels a bit surreal

Hope everyone has a great day. Xxxx

Morning all, hope everyone has a lovely weekend planned.

Just had a lovely shock this morning, turned on BBC breakfast news to see a friend of DH discussing the breast cancer story. Not something you expect to see at 8am.

Because DH took DS to the rugby last weekend this weekend is DD1's turn. She has decided to DH's horror she wants to go swimming. He can't say no, because I can't take her now due to my PICC and he promised her anything she wanted to do.

He has even offered to take all 3 DC out later to give me a chance to maybe get some sleep as I am not sleeping very well at night due to my pain being so much worse at night. I think I might take him up on it too, now DD2 is on bottles it would be nice for a proper child free break before back to the grindstone of school runs next week and shocking the playground with my VERY short haircut.

I don't know if I will loose my hair, it is not a given with my irinotecan/folinic acid/5FU mix but is mentioned several times so I went from shoulder length wavy, surf dishevelled bleached look to very short dark crop last weekend. I am looking forward to shocking everyone on Monday!!

Morning all
Love to Kurri x
Knitting hope you enjoy a bit of peace today. Do you like your new hair?
Jchoc good luck for the park run

Had a great night last night, nice meal and plenty of rose wine. Quiet day today then tonight dh and I are going to see the Paul Potts film so I'll report back how that is
Hope everyone has a good day

Morning. Feeling a bit crappy today, worried sick about the reality ahead. I think my main cause of worry is the lack of reassurance I got from my onc. He refused to be drawn on things like my likelihood of the cancer returning (I have a friend who was given an x% chance of the cancer returning with no chemo vs a more favourable y% after she'd had chemo - I guess I was looking for similar reassurances). I know that no-one can say or know if it will return, but I suppose I was looking to come out of my appointment feeling reassured that I'm on the road to recovery. I feel really flat, having felt very buoyant last week after my smiley surgeon/consultant confirmed I was cancer free.

Kurri - waving, hope you're doing ok.

Mom - yes I also really enjoy mint tea and drink it every day already, along with fennel tea which is also great for settling your tum.

Jchoc - Philomena was lovely, pretty emotional, but surprisingly for me I didn't cry. It's defiantly worth a watch, a very simple, sad story, but the two main characters are hugely watchable, funny and carry the story brilliantly.

Knitting - enjoy your quiet afternoon, hope you manage a snooze.

Am off to gym now - my last weekend of gym activities for a while, which is also making me teary.

Hello all - have been trying to skim and keep up whilst I was on holiday but you post so fast!

Handbags - I am sorry that onc not more definite but it's a very individual thing between drs . Amber might be able to reassure on stats. The WBC injection is ok if you do it yourself as only takes a sec and is just a matter of pinching some tummy fAt and injecting into it. Which day do you start? I am meant to start Tuesday.

Had lovely holiday but been bit off colour for last few days with flu like thing so spent a lot of time in bed. Hoping it will be well and truly gone by Tuesday. Am apprehensive enough about it without this.

Love to kurri, malts , really and everyone else. I will try to keep up better.

Gigs glad you had a nice break, pics of the girls were lovely as usual didn't realise you were starting chemo quite so soon I'm sure you must be apprehensive especially after going through it before, bloody disease. Hope you feel much better by Tuesday it's not a reaction to the flu jab is it ?

Hi all

Just a quick check in from me to say I'm back from hospital with a new perky implant boob, one drain in a rather fetching flowery bag, and a very ill-fitting bra giving me a Madonna pointy look on my remaining boob. Will be sending a friend bra-shopping for me in a bit to try to find something a bit rounder.

Lots of progress here on the chemo front. Hugs for everyone current or up-coming for that. I may opt out of that conversation for a while as won't know my fate until results are in and need to focus on recovery from the surgery for now. I feel as if I have a major hurdle out of the way now whatever else might be in store

Will be lurking and you all have my good wishes and positive thoughts

Morning.

I've not been up long as I had a really good night sleep and decided to lounge in bed until DS woke up. It's his party this pm so need to save my energy.

Marshy - when you've had a bit more time to recover I'll be back to pick your brains on your Op is that's OK - maybe on the reconstruction thread.

Gigs - yes, lovely pics of the minis as usual - hopefully you'll be feeling better for Tuesday.

And hope wig shopping is going well for everyone .

Hi Gigs - also starting chemo on Tuesday. Thanks for reassurance re injection; am sure I can find some tummy fat to stick it into!!!

Marshy - so glad the new boob went well and is nice and perky! Take it easy x

Marshy - glad you are back and rest up.
Malt-when does I a celeb start? And you watching strictly ? Not that I know you like junk tv like me.

Writing this from a v nice hotel room after a couple of glasses of wine and a facial. Wig shopping went well, think I might look quite nice.
Portacath insertion tues, chemo wed, hope everyone is doing well, good to see you back kurri.

Just popping by to say hello. Nothing to report really. Rest of family trying to persuade me to get a dog !

Hi all

Nice to see gigs and marshy back, hi ladies xx

So I am now the proud owner of a wig. Not something I ever imagined myself saying. Lady at the shop was amazing. She let me try on loads, and was full of suggestions and good advice. I got a little emotional at one point. Think that was the realisation that this is all really happening.

I found a wig that matches my current hair perfectly in fact it's probably better than my own hair ( less grey hairs ) both mum and dad said it looked exactly like me perfect.

I also found a shorter wig, which was a different colour. Which I really liked and might go back and get at a later date. It looked nice on, but it was very different and I don't think I am ready to look different yet! Baby steps!

Anyway I have bored you all enough. Hope everyone else had a good day, night night Xxx

Ah really, that's nice.

I just started wearing my wig this week (on Thursday, Halloween). It is not like my usual hair. It is straight instead of curly. It looks somewhat similar to how it looks when I get it blow dried straight.

It looks nice enough, but weird to see a new 'me' in the mirror. My DDs don't love it. DD2 (9) still likes to rub my hair, synthetic wig not to her liking. We'll all get used to it in the coming weeks, I'm sure. I do feel self conscious about looking 'different'. Lady serving in my usual Saturday morning coffee shop didn't recognize me today, or the receptionist at Dr office didn't recognize me yesterday. That weirded me out a bit. Ah well. In a few weeks, most of my normal contacts will have seen me in it.

Morning all
Marshy glad the op went ok
Weebarra and really glad you've got your wigs sorted bet you both look lovely
Mom of 2 I think the more you wear yours the more you will get used to it

Mine had a big test last night in the howling wind, didn't enjoy walking down the street at all but it didn't blow off ! Resting the night was great, enjoyed the one chance film and we had a few drinks before and after. Kids are still at grandparents so I'm enjoying a lie in

Gigs I don't watch strictly I've always watched X factor instead. Love I'm a celebrity though not sure Shen it starts must be soon. How are you feeling today ?

Blowing in from a v.windy half term. Hurling cream cheese bagels on the trolley. DS and I cycled to Brick Lane so we have lots.

Gigs, that's come around quickly. Glad French Tescos was lovely, but flu feelings not so good.

Waving to Kurri too and sending hugs. xx

Marshy, that's good that the op went well. Hope your perky implant continues to behave.

All oncs are different, Handbags but if you really want to know stats, ask again. They can't not tell you if you want to know. I'm the type who needs to know everything so moaned on until they told me, but can't say it really helps. Even if you've 99% chance of no recurrence you'll still be awake at 3am thinking you might be the 1%.

Sorry I've been awol. Very hard to keep up, but will try and do better from now. Hope everyone's vaguely still upright.

So quiet on here. Hope it means everyone is just getting on with their lives.

Am feeling a bit over-whelmed by the prospect of chemo, like it has taken over every bloody aspect of my life. This morning was 'last time at the gym feeling normal', followed by 'last time I am able to tie my hair back' (being chopped off tomorrow), am currently having 'last glass of wine (or three) that tastes normal', and will be followed tomorrow by 'last time of dropping dd2 at school before I get hit with the drugs'. Please tell me I'm being stupid. Why am I so much more fearful of this than the surgery?

I had PND with dd1 and I can feel similar feelings creeping up on me. I am struggling with the ups and downs of this experience. Fucking bastard disease.

Hi handbags I think everything you are feeling is normal. BUT maybe you need to try and look at the bigger picture, which is although the next few months 'could' be really crap. The next few months are also going to give you your chance of a long and healthy life back.

If you aren't happy about cutting your hair, don't do it! Maybe just trim it! Are you going to try out the cold cap? I think the fear is of the unknown. We hear so many stories about how awful Chemo is. Made worse by the fact that generally we feel perfectly healthy before Chemo starts. But you will get through this, and in a few months time you will be on here telling others, not to worry and supporting them.

I'm obviously not looking forward to Chemo. But I am feeling ready to get going. The sooner I start the sooner I finish.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you're allowed to be scared. But don't lose sight of the fact that the Chemo is a good thing. It is clearing up those last little Cancer cells. Also think about all the lovely ladies on here and how they have been through it, and come out of the other side. You will get through this. We all will xxxx

Really xxxx

Handbags what you are feeling is completely normal I bet all of us who have been through chemo felt similar. Chemo is hard but for me it's only the first week I felt rough, the other 2 weeks I was able to get out and about and do normal things, including drinking wine ! Mine don't need walking to school anymore but most days I would have been able to

I would say keep an eye on how down you're feeling though as I'm sure the drugs and steroids can affect you. Go and see your gp if you start to feel depressed I think it's quite common to take anti depressants while you're on chemo
You'll be ok honestly, plan some nice things to do when you're feeling well and time will pass quicker than you think

Really, you are right, or course, and you are being much more rational than me. I am honestly not feeling 'poor me' about this. I need to get some time with the BCN I think, and have some counselling. I have a great life, and then this bastard come along. I should be grateful for what I have, but I'm sinking a bit. I'm ok about the hair thing really, just don't like having the decision forced on me. I will probably love my new haircut, and I have a lovely friend coming with me to hold my hand tomorrow. Yes am trying the cold cap, even if it means I just end up with a few wisps to pull out of a bobble hat when I wear one. I think I need a chemo-buddy to rant at and with. Or a time-machine so I could fast-forward to, say, March.