***Tamoxigang - thread number 40!***

[GoodbyeRubyTuesday]

Hello all! New thread as we have almost filled the last one. Help yourself to chocolate chip muffins from the trolley! :)

for all those shouting at God or anyone else that will listen.

ha ! remembered my meds this morning !!
Feeling bit sick though
Am working on 3 pictures -a 40th birthday and 2 new baby family groups...am anxious to get started as it's making me nervous !
Hoping swimming stuff will arrive today but swimming scuppered as pesky period has arrived and I don't like to swim when it's in the middle- will certainly go when tailed off a bit.
Also, I really should apply myself to a bit of solid work and not be gallivanting off.

Don't think swimming counts as gallivanting but hope it arrives soon.

I suppose because swimming is fun and I think I feel guilty if not working
Hope Mr G enjoys his beer family history exploration !

PictureThis I shall be having my radiotherapy about the same time as you - and my chemo has been extended from 6 doses of FEC-T to 8 doses of T only. I was moaning about having to go into the hospital everyday for 4 weeks for the rads, but I can hardly complain about a half hour drive in and out every day compared with having to be away from home for 4 weeks!
My hairdresser shaved my hair off - I'm not sure whether I would have been up to doing it myself. It is now growing back, though next chemo should knock it back again. I'm quite pleased with my wig - someone at work yesterday complimented me on my new hairstyle and nice highlights!

Am sure he will.

need kick up backside again as looks like op will be next Tuesday in neurological hospital . Should be in for a week.

feeling very ambivalent about it as means no France (can go another time I know - in fact could stay and recover there when on feet).

hospital medically the best but not so swish as other one and food crap. which sounds like small thing but not eating doesnt help me- but suppose can get relief packages .

And most of all I am reminded that hate being away from mini gigs and mr gig.

I am being stupid aren't I? The sooner I get robo'ed up the better.

morning. Much better today thanks everyone - will aim not too moan so muh for a while particularly as compared to some I really do not have a lot to moan about.

Did anyone get stained teeth on chemo?

Oh cross posts lily - radio will go very quickly once you get into it. assume you will still be working tho thru it? I would just factor in some time to rest as I found rads physically exhausting and needed a lot of rest .

Morning all.

trice sorry you are feeling so rubbish - I have had lots of "why me" moments and I haven't even had "proper cancer" so I have been told.

malt keep strong and I love your wig !

gigs thanks for all your messages on here and FB, it is nice to know you are thinking about me. I would SO love to join Mr Gigs for the beer family history trip, I find pubs the best place to be fascinating.

MAS I love your work - I get pictures on my newsfeed and they are instantly recognisable and can I say brilliant !

picture your holiday for radiotherapy makes me very grateful that I can get all the treatment I need 15 minutes down the road

nj I managed to just blurt it all out at work and have told them everything, there is a certain morbid fascination in what is going on in my life .... I do, however, work in a building with only about 20 people most of which are lovely, young and good fun. I came into work today only the day after my wee operation as it is more peaceful and restful here.... the first comment was "you still have both your boobs then ?" lol

The night before my surgery, my DS(4) had a vomitting and diarhorea (sp) bug all night and DS(9) was having nightmares about dog fleas !!! We don't even have a dog !! Then I got my pesky period - all y9ou need when you are going in for surgery - I was almost laughing with the what the hell can happen next ?!?!?!

My DH had to go for a CT yesterday as there are symptoms of some degree of kidney failure - my DS managed to stop being sick for long enough for us to go to the hospital .... I am beside myself with worry and trying to hide behind my jovial self until the results are known. He works in the hospital so everything has been hurried along and I am hopeful that his private physician friend who is a Dr on his ward can get the results soon and we can either deal with treatment or be geiven the all clear. I don't know what the feck I will do if he has cancer too :(

Was very odd having sugery under local anaethetic, chatting to my surgeon about holiday clubs for the kids and regailing the leeches story to the scrub nurses. Was nice to have a couple of hours rest in the day surgery ward as surgeon wanted to see me before i went home and she had two lumpectomies to do ! Anyway all is well, a bit stingy but in work and as you can see not doing a great deal.

Neither of us are ones to be at all mushy but I think it needs to be said .... thanks topsy for being there for me at every turn during this journey, I know I am a terrible enabler with pub nights and talking you into buying stuff but I really appreciate you being there both physically and emotionally - there it's said, I can go back to relentlessly taking the piss out of you now !

Gigs - good luck with the op. Food makes a big difference. Once spent 6 weeks on traction on hospital unable to see what was being dished up to me. My DM told me that I wouldn't have wanted to eat it if I could see it, but supplied food parcels of tasty home made food to keep me going.
And as soon as I was off traction (and could see the food) I ensured that I left hospital immediately!

kitkat my teeth went brownish during one cycle, not sure if it was the chemo or difflam but pharmacist thinks chemo, they're back to normal now :)

gigs you're not being stupid, it absolutely sucks that you'll be away from your lovely family and stuck in a hospital with horrid food! But it has to happen sooner or later so at least sooner the op is over, the sooner you'll be pain-free and recovered and able to do lots of fun things with the little gigs and go to France and all sorts :)

Holiday is going alright. I'm feeling a little frustrated as all through my recovery from op (when I found out I needed chemo) and the chemo itself I was telling myself I just had to get through it and then things would go back to normal but now I'm through it and things aren't back to normal at all. I just thought I'd bounce back but of course I have to get my strength and fitness back and at the moment my stupid bowel issues are still ruling my life. And for a lot of that time ex and I were still together so I was looking forward to all the lovely things we would do together and I miss him terribly :( and I'm so angry they took away a fairly important organ and this op is the best they could do to replace it. It affects every aspect of my life, it restricts everything I can do in the daytime, what I eat, where I go, and keeps me up half the night and this is apparently the finished product

Sorry that was such a massive rant :( it's really hit me today that things will never go back to how they were before the cancer :(

Hugs to everyone who needs them! And sorry to all the posts I missed, the thread is so busy now! :)

pesky about France gig but certainly a good place to recuperate,what with the nice foodie things...we'll send food parcels for reinforce you during robo-ing.
Quite a few people having rads when I was were staying in hotels near the hospital as they came from the Isle of Wight and I think even the Channel Islands. Still, not nice to have to be away from family.
hnd fingers very crossed for dh - and agree that topsy is a brick

special hug and cuddle for ruby xxx

ah Ruby - sorry you're so fed up. I don't know your details but it sounds like having got through the treatment everything is hitting you now. I do hope your 'finished product' becomes more managable as you gradually get more healthy. You have every right to rant.

Hnd that was lovely what you said to topsy, you're lucky to have eachother
Gigs that's a pain about op and having to stay in for a week but on the positive side at least you've not got long to dwell on it
Ruby remember its still early days, hugs, hope you manage to enjoy the rest of your holiday, is it nice where you are staying ?
Kitkat glad you're feeling better
Morning lily nice you got a compliment about your wig does it get hot wearing it all day ?

amist all the dome and gloom that seems to be around at the mo just thought I'd let you know that my critial illness claim has been accepted (cheque next week) so many thanks to those that encouraged me to go for it

Morning all, - sorry to have got behind with posting, - been a few tricky moments in RL unfortunately.

Trice - big hugs, you are entitled to be angry and sad and this is just the place to put it down. It's a bloody horrible illness, and I think seeing new babies make us all a bit reflective at the best of times. Loads of love to you sweetheart xx

Dear Ruby - again you are perfectly entitled to feel fed up with what has happened to you. You have been through and are still going through a huge trauma, it will take time to get your head around it all. And then there is all the fall out from the illness in terms of effects on relationships and physical problems.
I know we don't go in for 'brave' and all that mush but I want to say that I think you have coped with this horrible thing that life has thrown at you with a dignity and courage remarkable in anyone, let alone such a young woman as you are.
You are so cheerful and encouraging to others. No one would wish for this horrid disease, and there are no positives. But I think the way you have dealt with this experience should fill you with self confidence and pride, you have great inner strength and empathy and those things are great bonuses to carry through into the rest of your life.
Chin up special girl xx

HND - your lovely words to topsy have inspired me to bare my emotions xx (and yes that topsy is an all round good egg )

love to all xx

*Malt, I think the plan all along was for me to have 8 doses as this bugger appears to be receptive to everything and they want to hit it hard. I wasn't anywhere near as upset about the prospect of losing my boob as I was my hair, because with my falsie in no one could tell, but I was terrified that people would clock the wig. Vanity? No. It was more to do with people knowing I had cancer, and I find dealing with their reaction hard. Someone said to me the other day "you are so positive". What is the alternative? I have to believe this treatment will work, my babies need me, if nothing else but to save them from a diet of orange coloured food!

Anyway, now the hair is off I'm fine. I wear my wig all the while I'm not in bed , it is really comfy, but I know others do differently. You'll know what's right for you and don't be scared, you'll still be you.

It will be very difficult being away from the family during the week, especially the children for different reasons. DD is 6 and a sensitive little soul. If I'm honest she is a Mummy's girl and I'm worried she'll find the separation difficult. But we will have skype so I'll be able to talk to her every day. DS will be 17 months. He's 1 next week, has just got his first two teeth and is bum shuffling to get to where he wants to go. Laidback is an understatement, he is such a gentle soul my handsome boy. Leaving him will be hard too as who knows what new skills he will develop and master in my absence. But, this is a necessary part of my treatment that I cannot shirk, so I have no choice. I do have a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends who will help DH so I know they'll all be fine, DH included. Who knows, he might even venture into the kitchen and carry out his threat of learning to cook in my absence!

Amber interesting read re deodorants, even roll ons contain aluminium as this is what stops us sweating. I made the change a few months ago to Pitrock crystal deodorant. This stops the odour but not the wetness, but TBH it's not a huge issue, so I would recommend it. Moogoo also have just brought out an aluminium free deodorant cream.

And yayyy for KitKats payout no emoticon for champers so have a instead, it's almost lunchtime.

Gigs, you are not being stupid. Not in the slightest.
I, on the other hand, am being rubbish at being here and saying supportive things - but I am thinking supportive visual images for everyone.
The Bionsen seems to stop wetness as well for me. Not sure how.

Oh interesting, I'll take a look at that.

You lot do natter! Will do my best to include everyone but my memory is really random

ruby big hug, yes it is really horrible to be landed with an unreliable rear end at your age. My cousin had the op ten years ago and she rants about it regularly but she is even older than me. It is a bastard disease. It is also normal to have a dip when treatment ends, all my BC friends had a serious depression and I was the only weirdy who managed to stay elated. I think when you have kept it together through so much, looking forward to the end, it can be an anti climax. Especially as it comes home to you that you are on your own now with the reality, no more heroic treatments and drama, real life in the new normal awaits....

gigs that is soon, no wonder you are struggling to come to terms with it. They could have waited until Reuben's gets back from holiday so we could send you supplies. Still focus on the last couple of days of northerness. I used to quite favour trips to the bird sanctuary near the ILs nothing to do with fancying the man who did the shows

kitkat psychosomatic sickiness took about a year to wear off, but I would go gigs route and get some help with that, if you tell the BCN , they probably offer it on the NHS, it must be very common. It was a real pain being off dim sum, asparagus and South Ken for a year! Hand bag is a Mulberry del ray. It is a bit of a joke as I am not type to get excited about labels but did enjoy the thrill of he hunt for fakes in China, been in all sorts of seedy dives in search of the A grade designer handbag when we returned DH bought me a real one on understanding it was for life, but it has been back to company twice to be repaired where I have worn it out this one is supposed to be for best but can't help stroking it still.....

hnd awwww, glad you are through with OP and fingers crossed for good result, and well, just awwwww

trice big hug

Argh as anticipated friend has just rung, here in 5 mins, wants to go to Adventure Playground for picnic agh I can't deal with culture shock of picnic amidst small noisy children at 5 mins notice gah!

Blows kisses to all as flies out of door....

HI Cop - yes that's the sort of handbag I was thinking about - I don't always hear good reports about how they wear though. Same as you it will be a huge treat to just buy it in a shop - no shopping around etc. Am thinking I will wait til my Op is over then look but it is really my reward for getting through chemo.

You are all a bunch of soppy gits and I luffs you all muchly !

Everybody seems to have hit a low patch at the same time . And that's what I love about this thread , we can all blow it out here so our "other" lives can get on as normal !
I think my DH would honestly collapse if I tried to tell him some of the things I tell you guys .

HND stop being a soppy bugger and get on the bun run
Mwah xxx

Aah can I join the love in ? I luffs you all too. You put up with my selfish moaning so well.

I agree this thread is a great place to vent as you all understand so well. At work I have all the professional social wanker worker head tilters and cancer is spoken about with hushed tones. Non one else really understands.