***Tamoxigang - thread number 40!***

[GoodbyeRubyTuesday]

Hello all! New thread as we have almost filled the last one. Help yourself to chocolate chip muffins from the trolley! :)

Thanks everyone. I am home and safe. Op site is a bit stingy now the local anaesthetic has worn off.

I read your vents about the chemo side of things and am so thankful I was spared. You ladies are so
Brave runs and hides

I'm NHS and I got the full gamut of tests .
Mammogram , ultrasound , needle biopsy , core biopsy , chest X-ray , (multiple) ECG , (multiple) CT , MRI , bone scan .
Very , very thorough !

Nice to see you home mas.

malt love the wig and love the colour.

kitkat definitely don't suffer. After my 2nd chemo I really didn't think I could do anymore. I used to retch when the nurse arrived. By the third chemo sickness was sorted. I had Emend, Lorazapam, Nozinam, Ondansatron, Dexamethazone and I also got a double quantity of fluid as onc thought it would sort out my dehydration. Hopefully next one will be better for you but don't suffer in silence.

trice hope your results come through quickly.

Onc appointment tonight, had a headache all day as feeling a bit stressed. He is thinking of doing another scan after Herceptin finishes just to check on the bone 'thing'. He weighed me again so is amending my prescription for Herceptin as I have lost 8 kg .

Waving to all. hnd hope your 'hole' is sorted and you are feeling ok.

kitkat - yes I think I've just about decided I want bilateral mx - just need to convince everyone else now (going to ask my BCN shortly how I kick things off to get this agreed)

crikey Topsy - they must know you inside out!!

My mum and aunt both had BC and neither had any test other than mammogram and ultrasound (and biopsy). Fingers crossed everything is going OK for my mum (3 yrs on) but my aunt was not so lucky.

wow Gracie - looks like I still have lots of options then.

Betsy - are you heading straight from final chemo to Op? That's the plan for me - final chemo then Op 3 weeks later. If so we will be in around the same time. I have to see the surgeon just before the last chemo and he will make his decision then.

HND glad you're home and feelig well - fingers crossed this sorts it out for you.

kitkat yes - BCN said it's normally 5 weeks after chemo "to give you chance to recover from chemo" but onc says he likes surgery within 3 weeks - so something else I need to check - I will be pushing for 3 weeks if I can, as then hopefully I can get everything done before Xmas (most probably rads after surgery - but where and how much will depend on path results after surgery. (also complicated by the fact that both mine and DS's birthdays are in the 4th week after end of chemo, and DD's is mid Dec.) trying to get out of project manager mode and the urge to draw up a plan as I know things may change!

ah Betsy - you've obviously been counting the weeks like me - I'm on the same mission to get as much done before Xmas. I was told Op then 1 month break then 1 month of rads so am counting on no delays. My birthday is in December and DS end of Oct (probable Op week) but to be honest i've written everything off and we'll celebrate later I think.

I'll still be plodding on at Christmas, all being well last chemo will be November 7th, then node clearance op then rads ! Seems ages to go. May die of boredom by then without work and holidays !

hnd hope not too stingy and sore - well done for getting through that.
Still not up to speed with you all... btw smee is in French France -meant to say that before, having a well earned holiday because I know she works like a demon.

Ooh lucky Smee (begs for nice cheese and crusty baguettes)

Has anyone heard anything from EMIN ?

No,I was thinking about Emin earlier
and wondering how she was

I am feeling very weepy today. I had a lovely cuddle of a friends new baby this afternoon. She is a pretty little thing, all big blue eyes and the most beautiful long eyelashes. I wish I could have a lovely new baby instead of a chest full of tumours. I was so jealous it actually hurt.

I bloody hate hospital appointments. It makes it all too real and I can't pretend it's not happening. I have a head full of stupid intrusive thoughts.

Thank you all for being here. It helps to write it down and then throw it away.

I hope Betsy and Kitkats plans to be done by Christmas go smoothly. Fingers crossed.

Malt I shall still be plodding on at Christmas. My last chemo will be 20 November, then possibility of surgery, then radiotherapy will take me well into the New Year.
It is so boring ...
At least I'm able to get to work some days and work a bit from home so I feel I'm not just a sick person.

Bless you trice it is bloody unfair x x
Lily I wish I could work it must help take your mind off it a bit, I must make myself go out and do stuff

Trice, Malt is right, it is bloody unfair and you have every right to feel like this. I know exactly what you mean about hospital appointments too, they make me want to run and hide, but not an option is it.

Well, my hair went on Friday, it was coming out in handfuls when I pulled at it but on Friday morning there was lots of it on my pillow so I made up my mind that I was going to shave it off that day. When I imagined the moment that I was going to have my head shaved I thought I would have people around me but in fact I took myself off upstairs and did it all alone. I thought I would cry, I didn't, in fact I laughed at how awful I look as a baldy I then called DD upstairs to have a look and we both burst out laughing, not at all morose and not as bad as I thought. The wig has made plenty of public appearances and very few people realise it's a wig which is reassuring. I haven't let DH see me sans hair though, I wear a brown sleep cap in bed, I thought brown would give me the illusion of still having hair if DH looked over at me in the night. Instead it makes me look like a medieval crone!! All I need is the bad teeth.

Second dose of FEC today, feeling very similar to last time, no nausea so hopefully it will continue. I found out today I'm having 4 FEC and 4T not the 6 doses I thought. I must have misheard the Onc while I was thinking what a miserable bugger he was but find it oddly comforting that another 2 doses are going in. This means my chemo will now finish on the 10th December providing all goes well, and my node clearance will be 3 weeks afterwards which realistically will be the first week of January. My rads will probably be in Feb, I have to go to Clatterbridge for that as our island hospital doesn't offer radiotherapy here. It means I will be away from DH and the children from Monday to Friday for 4 weeks. If it falls over Feb half term then they can come over and we will rent a cottage locally and spend the week together which would be great and give me something to look forward to.

Right, I'm going back up the thread to catch up properly.

Morning. I'm late for work :( will put on and fly! My appointment has been put back to September, an extra week of paranoia...

Morning all - from sunny York?

Have read all posts and seeing

Trice I am squeezing your hand and feeling lots of empathy. I should have been messing about in baby groups with mini gig. Instead when she was 12 hours old I was told my lump might be cancer then had an MRI the next day. If there is a god , I wondered why it took 3 years , a mc and scares while I was pregnant to have this wonderful baby that should then have a sick mum. So yes i am angry sad jealous and fed up too at times. And it helps me too to write this.

That said I am having a lovely time. I have opted out of some trip to a bird sanctuary (sorry is there anything more dull ?) so can wonder round York and shop/drink coffee .
Also better ring dr sec to start to organise the op.

Hnd hope you are more comfy today ,

Waves up everyone else.

Emin thinking of you .

Oh no jchoc - that extra week probably seems like nothing to them but will be ages for you.

How is your foot jchoc?

picture you made me smile @medieval crone ! you are sounding upbeat and that's good,I hope all goes v smoothly.
trice am sorry you are feeling so low - I can't think of anything helpful to say particularly I'm afraid. At the moment I sort of feel I'm ok -I sometimes feel as if there's nothing wrong with me which I suppose is maybe denial or some peculiar brain coping perhaps ? But mostly I know on one hand there are nodules in my lungs which are being kept in order by the drugs at the moment. The rest of the time I think of my work and creating stuff and getting on with being here. This is where Mindfulness is helpful- the present moment is the only time we are actually living in -seize it. (sorry- mindfulness evangelism might be a bit too woo)

Good morning from me. trice sorry you are feeling like that but we all do sometimes. I often want to have a full blown tantrum and lie on the floor shouting 'it is just not fair ' over and over again.
I have got into the mindfulness thing too and it does work.

I have been very busy at work and getting my caseload in order as I will be off for a couple of months altogether. My manager asked me to tell the team at a meeting that I would be off and I have found having to tell people why difficult as I try to forget about it. I just mumbled 'medical treatment ' and left it at that. The cancer Tourette's is making a return when I get the head tilty 'I hear you will be off again' comments.
I guess they can't win as if they ignored it I would be moaning about that too

I still want to scream and shout as it is just not bloody fair.

Nj- I guess being off will be a relief in one way but you would rather not have to be off cos of this sodding disease. When do you start to wind down drugs before the scan?

Mas you working on anything new or still the book?

Another vote for mindfulness . I have found it even more relevant since my recent dip with pain as I can appreciate the good times more and just focusing on today. there is nothing I can do about the disease by thought but I can help myself feel happier.

Best go and eat some breakfast . Also mr gig very excited as has found that his great grandad lived in pub a few doors down so is planning a visit later in interest of beer family history.

Morning all
Picture I'm sorry about your hair though glad you sound ok about it. It scares me even though I have a nice wig now. Didn't realise we were so similar in treatment, will be hard for you to have to stay away from your family while you gave rads. Do you think they're giving you more chemo as your body is coping with it ok ? I wondered if they'd say that to me

Gigs sounds like you're having a lovely time don't blame you shopping instead of birds ! Still not made it myself partly as its the holidays and ds hates shopping and partly as I'm being stubborn and think what is the point of buying clothes when I've got nowhere to go to wear them

Jchoc hope you weren't too late for work bugger about the delay

Mas you do always seem positive :) don't forget the pills today

Nj telling people is rubbish I agree shame you couldn't have explained in an e mail rather than face to face

Kitkat how are you today ? Hope you're feeling a bit better

Morning everyone else