********The 37th Tamoxifen Thread, Fun and Tears in "Cancerland" *****

[Copthallresident]

Trolley Rolled over and "Its a small small world" playing on the ipod on repeat.

Malt, have you got any water yet? Hope you're in a bed, as maybe you can snooze a bit to make the time go faster? xx

Gigs, are you hot because of the infection or hot because it's hot?

Waving a hello to BetsyB. Sorry you're here too, but it's nice to meet you. I'm 1.7cm invasive ductal, grade 3 and in 4 /22 nodes. Diagnosed 2010, had mastectomy, chemo, rads, still on Tamoxifen. Also had preventative mastectomy of remaining breast last year. I have pert implants, so don't need to wear a bra...

excitement ! some of the Mindfulness graduates are setting up a meditation group in town- in one of their houses-on sunday evenings- no mysticness which I will prefer, just half an hour of meditation in a group- cracking (goes to dust off meditation bench)

oh ! scan letter has come - CT chest,abdomen/pelvis on 28th

Bit of both smee- need to put fan on. Have been lazing in my pyjamas all morning.

Mindfulness group sLinda great mas. Maybe with sleeping, you need to get back into wind down routine at same time each day whatever that might be. I had to do that after last spell in hospital .

Hope malt got a drink or even better is being operated on now.

Oh MAS. Maybe one bit of news helps the other. Scan's are always terrifying, but will mindfulness group help even it out a bit? xx

Gig, how long do you think you'll be stuck in there for? Have they said?

Yes scan letters give me the fear even tho I know they are to help. I have another one soon but not got date yet. Was in depression as convinced would be bad as last year had infection then radio then bad scan so was thinking its a pattern. Mindfulness needed here (helped me sleep last night).

Should get out tomorrow smee- I went to this surgeon as he is the best and doesn't believe in long stays in hospital. Downside is hospital is miles from home (it's in stanmore).

I wish Copt would reappear to tell us about her apprentice filming.

am a bit nervous about it but will have topped up on meditation by then ! In fact I really should get in the habit of night time winding down with it...

Sorry gigs slept in this morning

I'm not sure I can say much as can't think of anything that wouldn't be a spoiler, and was a good task with lots of classic apprenticeisms and wouldn't want to spoil tension of board room.

Dara O'Brain is another of those comic genius's where it just keeps coming. Not so sure about other comic They filmed for over an hour and most of it was him.

Was sat in bit of audience with all the people who had been "victims" of the awayday, but those are tales for piss up meet up....we may creep into shot when they turn the camera on them but they redid the shot so more of a close up on certain people. I doubt you will be able to see me holding up my card as sat behind very large even bigger than me woman with pink hair who stood up and held it high so that I had no chance.

If you really want spoilers pm or fbook message me but honestly I think it would spoil it. Lots we can discuss Wed evening! Like guess which colour card Copt held up!

Anyway glad that the antibiotics are working, at least you are in the right place to get it sorted out.

Hopefully Malt has only an hour to wait for drugs!

Have to go to help Little Copt, last exam tomorrow afternoon.

Think I already said about my tumours vital statistics and but if not see my tumour twinnie smee

BTW latest report came back from Ed Psych who thinks Little Copt is actually at Dyspraxic end of spectrum, when we read the symptoms it made absolute sense, including sensory aspect Amber We actually call her the nose because she will start complaining about smells we can't even smell. So now exploring implications but a bit as she is 17 and this is her third assessment, if there are things we could have done to help her more....

I'm still waiting ! They let me have water till 10. Anaesthetist just been round for a chat scary but ok. They said I should have had a letter saying that I could have a light breakfast grr !
Will be touch and go with the timings as to whether I get home tonight or not

Were they doing consent? They operate on prepare for worst, hope for best so good chance won't be that bad. I was told with neck op that wouldn't be able to swallow and I was fine. Also have to arse cover for legal reasons.

I know you want to get home but if it is late and you feel shit better to be in hospital so can rest /get help/drugs than let kids see you when not at best.

Afternoon all.

malt - I hope you get 'done' soon - waiting around with nothing to eat is horrid - look forward to the toast and tea you will get afterwards! Nice that there is someone you know in the hospital - someone to chat with. Loads of love - soon be over xx

I am waiting for phone call from DS - my DDIL is having an op. today, and he's going to phone me when she;s out of surgery.
Of course everyone in the world that I know has decided to phone me this morning - so I keep leaping up to the phone just to get 'do you want to come round for coffee next tuesday'

MAS - scan letters and the like are always a bit scary. But the mindfulnes meditation evening sounds lovely - you will enjoy that. I've been reading a book on mindfulness, and have been trying to do it - but I think at some point I must do a course to learn it properly.

Glad 'Your Fired' was fun Copt. - you will have to give us all the gossip once the programme's been on.

Good luck to little copt in her exam, - I know the feeling of 'could we have done more to help' - as it was similar with my DS who has dyslexia, - lots of general buggering about by the powers that be before he got a proper DX and statement.

Gig - hope you are OK and comfortable.

Waving to Ned - hope you had a lovely time in French France, and little ned enjoyed himself

love to all xx

I just woke up so rushing on to give my very best wishes to malt :) I will read through the rest of the posts in a mo. malt it will be absolutely fine, it's a lovely sleep. In fact, I rather enjoyed my second GA having slept badly for months it was really refreshing so you may find the same! :) anyway I hope all goes smoothly and that you are allowed home this evening x

Hope you're almost in Malt. It's frustrating waiting around not knowing when you're in!

Good morning Ruby. You're on a Canadian schedule!

I just saw that we're supposed to introduce our cancers: found a hard boiled egg sized lump Jan this year, diagnosed end Feb as 4.6cm with satellites triple negative invasive ductal, it became inflammatory right before chemo and I've now had 2 rounds of EC & 2 rounds of FEC with 4 rounds of T to come. Moving back to Canada (where my family all lives) and lots of court to tie up a very nasty divorce mixed in there too. I've been busy!

On that front, the money's come in from the house! I just need to send off the decree absolute paperwork and the whole mess is behind me. Feels like celebration time.

Actually Malt, I'm in the no food and water brigade today too. I'm getting my port put in. It's only conscious sedation but I look forward to seeing you on the other side.

thinking of DDIL kk - hope all goes well.
If I can start meditating again it's sure to be good for me- I am missing it ! I loved the Mindfulness course I did - fascinating and helpful.Highly recommended

link for Mindfulness courses

sparkle I think I could get used to being on Canadian time. Woohoo for money and putting all of that behind you! good luck with the port procedure too x

Kurri thinking of your DDIL too. Today seems to be a busy day for procedures :) I hope you get the call soon, is she going to be allowed home today or is she staying in?

MAS mindfulness group sounds fabulous. I used mindfulness/metta meditation to get me through my first CT. Hopefully by 28th you'll have had a few sessions and be verrrry chilled out :)

gigs I hope you're feeling better. Not going to make it to the post office today although might be able to send my dad when he's finished his work. Otherwise will send him/go myself tomorrow :)

Waves at ned I'm alright thanks, hopefully antibiotics are working their magic, I had a bit of a disturbed night but made up for it by sleeping in past noon! I'm a tiny bit shaky so think I might try and have another sleep, how are you? Hope you had a fabulous time in France

topsy I hope DS is enjoying his study day!

copt how frustrating! Ex was dyspraxic and dyslexic but not discovered until uni. I hope she can get any extra help she needs now :)

Waves to everyone else! The thread moves so quickly now I will never ever catch up with all the posts but hugs to anyone who needs them and love to all x

PS I can also recommend Headspace for mindfulness. I have only tried the free Take 10 programme but others look good, my dad has tried it too and it possibly has helped a bit with his depression :)

I am so over hospitals - having usual row as they unilaterally change my pain killer regime. May ring dr lovely to get him to yell at them. Also going on about my high heart rate again - well you are the medical team, you tell me if its an issue but as I am in here with massive infection that might be reason .

Kurri-poor Ddil, hope you hear soon.

Sparkle- yay for money and good luck with port fitting.

Ruby- you clearly needed sleep. Don't worry too much about package as no urgency. Mini gig is not short of babas (badgers).

Thank you for mindfulness and meditation recommendations I could definitely do with something to help me relax. Good to hear it helped your Dad Ruby.

No phone call yet, - not sure whether DDIL is staying in or coming out today - she's having a gallstones op, and apparently they won't know until they start whether it can be done keyhole (in which case she'll probably get home tonight) or need a bigger op (And she'll probably have to stay in a few days)

Gig - how annoying about the pain killer changing, def. ring Dr Lovely, - hospitals do love to mess you about.

Stanmore, Gigs?! Definitely call Dr Lovely. That's what he's there for. x

Good luck with port, Sparkle and Yay from me for money too. Does that mean you can get your own new place, or are you going to stick with your mum.

Copt, I'd bet you've more than done all you could for DD. Weirdly a friend had similar recently with his DS. He's at uni now, so was being assessed for support there and they said Dyspraxic not dyslexic. Weird as he's tested as dyslexic when he was 8.

Ruby, hope you can get out in the sun. That'll help with feeling a bit shaky.

Waving to Kurri. Hope DIL's out later if she's well enough. How are the shingles??

afternoon all - hopefully we'll here from Malt soon - hopefully a very boring operation

but back to me - my hair is starting to fall out ... i know it's nothing compared to chemo - but I assume it's the tamoxifen - any experiences anyone? Am feeling sorry for myself. Have time on my hands now my course is basically finished, so dwelling and navel gazing and trying to ignore the large pile of bils on the desk ... being terribly distracted by male boden models ....

hear not here

Sorry to hear that coorong -would this help nice sights in Perth beach at bottom of page

Painkillers sorted - now just relaxing.

Coorong - I haven't heard of hair falling out with tamoxifen, is it mentioned in the side effects leaflet? - But it does make sense that a hormonal treatment might have that effect. If it gets to be a major problem, they could probably swap you to a different drug.

I ignore all bills as well

Shingles OK thank Smee - although if I get hot they hurt, - so this lovely weather is making things a bit uncomfortable.

Hope you are feeling less shaky now Ruby, take things easy.

No call from DS yet - I have tried ringing him (I didn't want to pester him but anxiety got the better of me)but his phone is on voicemail.