amber I was just feeding, out of interest, my details into that although it doesn't do double figures for years since diagnosis 
my current risk is as advised by Dr Geek but it was interesting to put in my original details as if diagnosed now, my risk, then 40% would now be 20%. Even more interestingly friend rang so we fed her details in and her risk, 50% 12 years ago would now be less than mine, 19%, the effect presumably of adjuvant use of Herceptin. Although our odds then were based on some finer details, eg she was breastfeeding it just underlines how things are changing. She is going to tell Dr Geek "I bloody told you so" as she tried hard to persuade him to give her Herceptin but he refused as not enough evidence on side effects v benefit
Topsy yes that fate for DH was in the subtext [ grin] , or Oleander, friend had aged aunt who claimed to have poisoned her horrible husband by making tea with it and was never found out 
. My negotiating position on ground rules will be strengthened by my handyness with spade (not today though) and a new oleander bush .......he has all sorts of ideas for hobbies , cooking (think pan instead of spade) , helping old people (Zimmer frame) and Big Copt just told me he has confided he would like to open a barbecue restaurant , (mad chef) and she is worried about her inheritance, he knows better than to run that one past me as I turn into marketing bore at every failed restsurant and business in high street, gigs will tell you it makes me very boring....
malt I still think it is early days, and pre op, it took getting the first chemo out of the way ( which you may well not need) for me to start seeing the future horizon clearly as a hopeful one . However it really does help in the meantime to try and not give dark thoughts too much space, CBT , visioning etc.
gigs Thanks for tips, it is probably the weight of my brain, rather than manhandling banana trees around garden [ grin]