******The 36th TAMOXIFEN thread******

[NedSchneebly]

You all out there? Pop this way!

Comes to steal . And bring French France goodies... I need it as we are trying mini gig in a big bed tonight... Don't think she will stay there .

Had lovely fun night at wedding party (and great food). Then off to French France (got delayed by the Anti gay wedding protestors... Mainly shipped in from the country). It is good to be away as I had some wobbly moments on Friday/Saturday. Mainly as I am incredibly stiff with sore hips and knee (mainly bit to be zapped but am finding getting major post radio ache on other hip- well hope it's that as its been scanned often enough so don't think it's more sinister ) .

Agree with mas and jchoc that people departing is due to life moving on rather than anything sinister. And life here after secondaries- you are still a person, not an illness however much it feels like that.

Copt and amber- u can have me as ref if you like as am qualified fa ref (nor reffed is since UNi but am sure that can sort goon dog ).

Ned- have a lovely week.

Malt and not Jenkins- enjoy kid free time.

Gentle hugs for ruby- chemo did build up but I did feel better within 6 weeks .

And there is rosé, crisps and chocolate here .

Hello all,

I'm feeling a lot better as I slept for over three hours in a row last night and have been dozing most of the day. The tramadol really helps take the edge of the pain and stops me needing the loo so often. Only downside is that it makes me a tiny bit delirious but nothing too concerning :)

I'm just chilling out in front of Springwatch having dug out my massage cushion - thanks for the idea copt

I have two more infusions left, but I'm having my blood transfusion tomorrow so I'm hoping that'll make quite a difference. And, touch wood, I've made it past the first difficult bit of the cycle - when the tablet effects are building and the infusion hasn't worn off yet and this has been when I've had to stop the tablets each time. Seems like they've finally got the dosage right!

I've contacted my bowel nurse etc but no one really has anything useful to offer, I'm in a rather rare situation as this op isn't usually used alongside chemo. Most people with bowel cancer only need a section removed, and they would usually find my condition before it beame cancerous so the op would be preventative. My team have only treated a few people with my condition and only one of them had cancer, and I think she had her stoma reversed after chemo not before, so I'm really a bit of an experiment

Anyway am rambling away! :) I hope everyone is having a good bank holiday, hugs to anyone who needs them x

Glad you are feeling better Ruby.

I have been pretty good today. I enjoyed springwatch with the dcs - they really worry about the chicks !

Malt, you really are more likely to be fine than not. You could do some cbt exercises to stop the negative thought cycles. It might help.

Glad you're feeling a bit better tonight Ruby , and that the tramadol is working for you . (It makes me vomit !)

Question for you all .
Have you ever seen , or even better bought , a strapless mastectomy bra ? I've been looking , but can't seem to find any .

Ruby I'm glad you're feeling a bit better been thinking about you
Gigs hope mini gig is fast asleep in her bed ?
Waves to everyone else and hugs/coffees/ wine delete as appropriate
it does help to hear that people carry on after this and that previous posters havent pegged it.Thing is before I have my results I don't know how bad my situation is so I'm imagining the worst I suppose. As I feel fine but know the cancer is there in my breast it could be everywhere and I wouldn't know. But I'm sorry for being negative. Honestly if you met me in real life I'm not all doom and gloom I am getting on with things.but it's always there in my head

I've had a lovely day shopping with dd and sister in law then we had tapas with the rest of the family. Really lovely day.
Night all x

any good topsy?

Do you have John Lewis near you? - they will put a pocket into any bra - so you could pick a strapless one and get them to customise it for you.

glad the tramadol is helping Ruby - and hope the blood transfusion perks you up tomorrow

Wedding and FF sound fun Gigs, - hope mini has stayed in her big girl bed

Night all x

Kurri we posted at the same time night x

• night night lovely.x

Malt tapas sounds yummy .
And that's the whole point if this board , so you can come and off load then be normal in real life !

KK that's a great one .
But ooof they know how to charge don't they ?
Unfortunately no John Lewis over here , but I did find a site to buy pockets from .

Had a rather enjoyable evening at tiny theatre watching db on the stage. He had a big part and did very well! Pub afterwards too :). Nighty night lovelies.

? Sending dh for breakfast patisserie so plenty for trolley.

Hope blood transfusion perks you up ruby. Day of rest sounds excellent. Can I also say that since I started melatonin supplement at night ( amber tip and my cousin tip) I have been sleeping so much better.

Achy today( not as bad as have been) but its very annoying not being able to do much without being stiff.

Mini gig didn't stay in bed (no shock). Thanks for all tips on big gig (yes it's private school so your thoughts on expectations right ).

oh I could murder a croissant ! and some divine french coffee...
Am off to meet friend (one of tamoxifen ten ladies) for coffee in town this morning...dh and dad going to local brewery to buy beer for dad's party (dh off today which is jolly) then return to tidying up my stuff for accountant- almost done.
Hope blood transfusion goes well ruby and that it perks you up with goodness.
Dh and T might come with me to my appointment at hospital on Friday- wonder if this is a good idea ? It might bring things home a bit for T. Also wonder whether I might feel constrained in what I say to onc or onc understudy. I do want to say that am not feeling quite as tip top as usual and achy.
Hope everyone has a good day- well done to db in his theatrics jchoc

Malt - I do hope you don't think that I was dismissing your fears. You have had a serious diagnosis. Cancer removes that sense of safety that you didn't even know you were relying on.

My dm who is otherwise lovely refuses to entertain the possibility of my death and insists that my secondary cancer is the same as her diabetes in that medicine will cure me or just keep me going indefinitely. I hope she is right, but by dismissing my fears she prevents me from talking about them. It is annoying.

Ruby - glad you are coping again. It doesn't really help to know that your condition is incredibly rare does it? It is just super unfair that you have to go through it. Hope blood transfusion helps.

Sun shining here but chilly. DS went in sea in his wetsuit yesterday - response 'man, that's cold!' No shit, dear. .

Hope everyone ok today x x x

Morning all
I'm still in bed letting the inlaws entertain ds and his cousin who ended up staying here last night, dd still asleep sensible girl. Dh has gone to work. We're here till Wednesday so getting looked after which is nice and finding feel bit better in myself as I'm having to just get on with it and not cry
Countdown to op now a week today

Trice thanks for your words and don't worry you didn't dismiss my fears. Find it quite hard to think about dying as just feel normal. I guess your dm just can't allow herself to think of you gone
MAS enjoy your coffee and chat
Gigs I remember those days of trying the big bed, we used to put a stair gate at the door so they couldn't get out of the room
Jchoc well done to your db sounds like a lovely evening
Topsy have you got a dress in mind for your strapless bra ? Hope you get something sorted

Chill out day today I think, weather looks rubbish and we had a busy day yesterday what's everyone else up to ?

Ds brave as not sure even a wetsuit would tempt me into cold sea.

Trice my mother has similar reaction (she had cancer so has some understanding). I guess it's understandable when it's your child.

Malt- luxuriate in lie in. And it isn't long now til op.

No help on bras topsy - if it's a matter of sewing in inserts I would give it a try.

Off shopping (and possibly have coffee) as others have gone to aquarium which is too far for me to walk tho can walk to shops fine which I am missing as hate fish.

Gigs shopping and coffee sounds much better idea than fish ! I always find aquariums really expensive for how long you spend there
Ned lol at cold sea
Nice cuppa and toast here, late breakfast! Boys quiet as watching on tv the wembley game they went to see yesterday long may it last

It went to extra time so should buy you time

I know what you mean tho malt - fish in a tank is not exciting but kids like it so we got season ticket which dues offer some saving .

Hi everyone, just back from a follow up x-ray on my hip operation.

While I had seen, and counted the scars and metal staples (30 ish) the surgeon beckoned me over to have a look at the set of x-rays I had done on my hip 7 weeks ago and I was mezmerized. I could see the area the pin went down and the nut things that screwed it in place once there.

While he is happy to see me again if I have any problems he does not envisage any so he wished me good luck and goodbye. What a lovely non-arrogant man

It makes a change to have a day thats easy to pass through. I hadn't slept well last night so was dreading having to go out today. I have no idea where my sleep pattern has disappeared to but its, annoying to say the least.

Trying not to me morbid, it's as though I would be wasting time if I slept normally. Gawd Can't do right for doing wrong lately x

Topsy You can get that bra a bit cheaper here www.woman-zone.co.uk/t2/ABC-Bra-Range/c37/p167/ABC-112-Seamless-strapless-bra/product_info.html?osCsid=a1ca9c377eed3ef4b3cf307db47e2138 Bit naughty piling on another £10+ Think I will try it. I did try those multiway ones with clear straps but straps were useless, even my 36Bs stretched them (or should I say my 36B)

Malt One thing that struck me when I was ill is that what with the pink candyfloss and all the women walking around who have come through it, or with it, people can get desensitised to the fact that it is a diagnosis of a life threatening illness and the treatments are scary. In fact it is probably comforting for people to think that way, especially mothers, my mother too, Trice and gigs. However it is a bugger and of course you are going to struggle to come to terms with it and have heaps of worries for the paranoia box. Being rational and knowing intellectually that you are almost certain to get through this is a different thing to knowing emotionally, it takes a little longer.

Ned Hope DS has fun even in the cold. Enjoy, the Copts won't go near cold sea anymore but it was fun whilst the enthusiasm lasted

Gigs Oh yes posing sitting in a café in Paris definitely better than a dank aquarium

Having a very lazy day today as cough has got much worse (I know must book a trip to Dr Lovely as never did get results of blood tests either, what am I like) and my neck shoulder and arm muscles are out in sympathy with gig's Don't know if it is crick from thrashing in bed (both sides ) or overdoing gardening but every muscle hurts and has seized up, so there was absolutely no chance of sleep last night, but only a little taster of what you have been through gigs Anyway I think a good book and some crap TV in order.

DH on way home, finally after a few more wobbles, they have agreed a deal and once paperwork is done , he will retire in three months. A bit about him being home all the time, it will be hard for him not to be controlling after all these years, his job was all about controlling, but I think with some ground rules, this should be the best thing for him, Counsellor agrees. A tentative

EMIN Xposted. Glad you are having a good day. We like those sorts of doctors

That's good surgeon so positive. ime between mets dx and major surgery both knock sleep patterns all over the place so it's no surprise.

Copt- it's good that dh got some resolution but ground rules sounding idea as it will be an adjustment and I suppose the tension won't disappear overnight. Poor you on bad shoulders- propping yourself up and arms so don't have to weigh you down is the most comfortable thing. Also might help with cough.

My arm not as achy but no stronger. I took some anti inflammatory this morning which helped my radiotherapy hip- am hoping that is sign that it is stiff from sudden use not more cancer (shouldn't be as scanned it often enough but never say never).
Trip out was nice for cafe- didn't actually buy anything as hard to want summer clothes in rain. Can offer some lovely macaroons for those that want some.

Off out for dinner with friends later-am passing on Montmartre in rain (tho I quite like tourist tAt of it) to rest up and Ou. Steps there probably a bit much . May have to eat some of the nice chocolate while others out .

Hope ruby transfusion helping.

Topsy - they certainly know how to bump up the prices - it annoys me, not only do you have to have your breast removed plus cancer treatment, you also have to start paying silly money for a bra - I have a sot of home conversion I did on one of those multiway bras, to wear with a low backed dress - I sewed a pocket into it, its OK but I feel a bit insecure in it, I think maybe a proper designed for mastectomy bra might be better.

Emin - glad you had a reasonable day at the hospital, do you have anything to help you sleep (not necessarily to take every night, but just to have on standby if you are feeling v. tired and just want to sleep for a good length of time).

Ruby = hope the blood transfusion goes well today.

MAS - enjoy your coffee and chat
malt - you deserve a lie in, take them whenever you can!

Copt - it will be strange to have your DH at home all the time, but also a new chapter and may very well be for the best once you get used to the new arrangement, - my DH is by nature a controlling person (in that he panics if he thinks things are not under control and cannot deal with variety of 'methods' of doing things, or with anything unexpected, but hopefully without the pressure of work your DH will be able to relax and go with the flow a bit more

love to all.

I am trying to make cakes for my art club tonight - and every single thing so far has either burnt or fallen apart - getting very fed up (I was pressured into making the cakes so there is underlying resentment anyway )