******The 36th TAMOXIFEN thread******

[NedSchneebly]

You all out there? Pop this way!

Amber impressed that it is 15 suitcases, dead posh. I make big Copt bring it back in bin bags and usually only one doesn't get lined up by the washing machine! As she is in a flat now most can stay put but last flat move took 3 runs in quite large estate car she isn't coming back this summer as has internship in hospital near her flat.... (shouldn't moan as only a half hour drive away but still will miss her). Next trip pop in!

EMIN don't feel guilty, it isn't your fault you are Ill. where was she going? For what it is worth if it will help pursuade her. We lived a 12 hour plane ride away from the UK for 3 years and in some ways felt closer to friends and relations than we had before, lots of emailing and an adventure to share, we laugh now that we don't talk nearly as much because nothing happens to talk about. The distance is psychological, it has taken longer to reach my parents via the M1 ! and that was pre Skype , I have friends with DDs at school /uni in the UK who just switch on Skype early in their evening, which is our afternoon and stay on there for hours, chatting, whilst going about their business. I am sure that it would be a distraction for you to share her adventure at a distance.

gigs look at you, off out dancing...

We have just been to a christening and 3 year olds birthday party, with bouncy castle and lots of children running around. It was a bit of a culture shock as it has been a long time since our group of friends went through that phase especially a culture shock as bipolar friend, not sure if meds or , passed out in the middle of the lawn, all the kids just jumped over her it was as if she was providing everyone with an insight into life after 50!

Road is just recovering from having six police cars, three ambulances three fire engines and two very handsome silver fox types role up in unmarked cars and don special gear to go into house at end of road that had a fire as result of arson attack. If they were still with us it could have been SteveMcQueen and Paul Newman in towering inferno.... Actually quite sad as it is sheltered Housing and new school being opened behind with reception playground overlooked by it, of course you would think the thing to do would be to put the infant playground somewhere else but apparently not enough budget (catholic church short of funds ) and Council officials overheard talking about closing the lodge instead If they do I really think we will be taking to the barricades......Especially if we can get Eddie Redmayne on board.

Strictly speaking it was three suitcases 5 times each and the site survey Land Rover as the dumping ground for the contents

Yikes re collapsing friend and variety of emergency vehicles!!!

Thanks Copt. She was/is, if we can persuade her to go/get her bosses to ignore her knee-jerkyness, going for 6 weeks to Zambia. An opportunity and an adventure of a lifetime

Morning all just woke up in nice hotel with dh, we had a lovely meal but still not the same as it would usually be with everything hanging over us
Earth I understand how you feel and I hope you can persuade her to go especially as its only 6 weeks. If it was my mum I probably wouldn't want to go either though so I can see how she feels
Gigs how was your night, it looked like fun!
Copt sounds v dramatic where you are and I hope your friend is ok
Topsy hope the Indian went well
I'm sure I've missed lots of people so hi

Woke up this morning and mentally wrote all the cards id leave for my children to open on their 18th, 21st. Wedding day, passing driving test etc is it normal to think like that and apologies if I'm being insensitive/miserable

I started writing a goodbye letter to each of ours yesterday, I don't know if it's a good thing, or, even if I'll giving or leaving them but I know I can't do them in a rush so hence the beginning now.

I don't feel it's not normal just something I need to do, for me first then perhaps passed on.

Weird thing thats happened a couple of times now, I have a tendency to fall asleep, drift off, at the drop of a hat lately and if I have a drink of juice etc it goes everywhere and frightens the life out of me. Must be all the drugs etc???

Yes Malt, perfectly normal. I wrote letters to all my friends and family telling them how much I loved them ad a sort of memoir or autobiography of all my stories for the children. And I recorded myself reading all of Harry Potter in case I died before we finished it as a bedtime story with ds. Dd is currently enjoying those recordings!

I have bought some lovely albums and am making memory scrap books for the dcs. With lots of photos of us all together. I got the idea from a friend of ds whose dad died suddenly a couple of years ago. He takes his 'dad' book with him everywhere and uses it to talk about and remember his dad. Very maudlin but helpful I think.

I am going to enjoy the sunshine today. My bedding us out on the line so that will be lovely and fresh tonight. Dcs are in cossies ready for the sprinkler already. It's going to be a beautiful day.

I don't intend to go anywhere so am not doing any of that !

I'm with Mas , it'll take more than this to finish me off !

2 bottles of wine
Lots of lovely food .
Great company .
Last night was a blast

Now , where's my coffee ???

Good morning from me.

My bedding is all hanging neatly on the line in the bright sunshine too. Makes me very happy. Simple pleasures and all that.

Camper back and fixed for an unknown number of miles until we need to bite the bullet and have a new gearbox. Hopefully that will be a few months away.

The children are off to various grandparents for sleepovers today. Whatever shall we do with ourselves ? I feel the first trip to our local pub for an afternoon tipple may be in order but I am not looking forward to seeing people for the first time since dx. I just don't want to cope with other people's reactions any more. Do I have permission to be assertive and just say I don't want to discuss it. I really don't want to offend people but I want to try to forget sometimes not be reminded of it all the time.

Sorry to hear your news earth I can't add anything as the wonderful ladies have said it all xx

Have a good break ned and I hope you don't all out with the in laws [ grin]

We are hoping to get away to a campsite near here tomorrow once the majority of tourists have departed.

NotJ - absolutely you can decline to discuss it. That was my approach al the way. It's your private business, and anyway, it gets really, really boring talking about it. Just decline and stick to your guns people are bloody nosy

Oh and MAS - too right you are going nowhere......x

Mas and topsy good for you I wish I could be like that
We're shopping today just said to dh is there any point me buying any clothes and he rolled his eyes and said of course there is
NJ I think you're perfectly entitled to say you don't want to discuss it I find the 1st time I see someone is the worst, after that they realise I'm still the same person and go back to talking about normal stuff

EMIN What an amazing opportunity. I understand how your daughter feels but I hope that you can persuade her that it will be an amazing opportunity for you all. I actually planned a trip (I am always planning trips but most turn out too expensive or get sunk by DHs work ) and between KLM and BA there are daily flights London / Amsterdam to/ from Lusaka and plenty of internal flights with safe companies and even more with dodgy ones

Malt I meant to do letters and books at first but never got to around to it before I realised I wasn't going anywhere. Thank goodness as the Copts would tease me mercilessly now ! We do have a wall of photos of our most important memories that we talk about quite often, that actually had to come down for redecoration so must get it back up again.

Amber sorry misleading writing , friend didn't collapse just said "I am tired" and sank to the ground where we were stood talking in the middle of the lawn and laid out straight fast asleep whilst children jumped over her! We have had a ten year "journey" of such high melodrama and tragedy that I am afraid that thinking I will not worry about what I cannot change has become the only coping strategy. One of her symptoms is that she is perceives she is the normal one and the rest of us are the ones who have the problems, she isn't entirely wrong This really was a very minor bit of eccentric behaviour in the context of what has gone before , we were very concerned about her driving home but she was quite sure she was fine and she got back without incident.

topsy fat coke ?

Also Reuben's special for trolley seeded cinnamon muffins with sultanas and poppy seed loaf with lemon and orange zest....

Plus EMIN flight I'd 10 hours, just down the road

For goodness sake Copt, some days because she works in a very rural area and we are up north and it snows, it can take her 2-3 hours to get to work.

At the same time she could be almost home if needed

Morning all

Blimey, been absent for a week, and I am missed oodles of things, mostly people needing hugs. Have at least finished all my school reports, reading, writing and maths assessments and washed/ packed for holidays, so finally having a bit of a sit down!

MAS How is T about leaving school? is he ready for the next step? They often are, in my experience. What did he decide to take at college next year? All very exciting for him!

kurri my love, how are you feeling? Went to that pub where we had lunch the other day and thought of you. How are the shitty shingles? And have you been severing any more limbs recently? Hope DH not being too much of a pain in the arse. Sending you huge hugs x x

topsy sounds like good news on the CT results? No treatment at the moment sounds positive to me. SOunds like you and HND had a riotous time!

NJ bugger about the camper. What news? is it fixable? What house news too - any movement in the market? Hope you have a nice DC-free day x x x

gig what did big-gig's teacher say? Anything to worry about or just give it time? I think that sometimes in private schools the teachers think they have to be seen to be very pro-active, when its not always in the best interests of the child. That's my experience from teaching in one, anyway. Hope you came up with a plan of campaign anyway.

amber gentle non-threatening, non-overwhelming hugs for you, lovely. Sounds like you need them. Glad you enjoyed your holiday - pics on FB look fab!

malt at swabbing your perineum - I definitely didn't have to do that! Its all getting one step closer to the next stage though - I really hope you'll feel better once the surgery is done, and you know something has been done about it - I know I did. Thinking of you lots, love x xx

Ruby good namechange! Hope you're doing OK x xx x

Probably loads that I have missed, but sending loads of hugs out to you all. x x x x

waves to everyone... again i've been reading but tough to keep up!

chemo number 4 was on thurs and that's the last of the EC/FEC. I'm feeling better than last time, hopefully the shiatsu and just getting a bit more settled is helping. i've also gone group crazy - joined 'expressive arts' and the young women's group, where I'm still the youngest (at 35) by 10 years. both are good but I'm enjoying the expressive arts one quite a lot. the facilitator uses mindfulness stuff and I like having the time to draw without pressure. just another way to get this all out, i guess.

earth - i'm sorry to hear about the mets and your daughter's trip. i don't imaging anything serious is going to happen in the next 6 weeks, especially when they're talking treatment! Maybe she could go with an escape clause if absolutely necessary? Not yours to choose, but it would be a shame.

amber - so sorry to hear about your DH, and your wobbles are most welcome here. Hope they've eased up by now...

gigs - i wouldn't be worried about a 5 year old not writting yet. many countries don't even introduce it until 7 and their teenage literacy rates are at least as good as the uk. as long as she's engaged and interested, that's the most important. it will come.

ps malt - they got me to swab too when i was admitted. you're not alone :)

waving to sparkle and ned Well done for latest chemo sparkle
It's weird thinking that T has left school,apart from exams and revision classes and singing lessons - he's doing A levels in hist,geog,Eng and Govt.and politics ned - music also a possibility but think that 4 is quite enough
He seems very happy with how things are at the mo,not stressed or anything.

Popping in to say a quick hello

ned - hope you had a good lunch at 'our' pub Shingles a bit better but still a bit tiresome on my head (rib ones have cleared up a bit) - I haven't done any more home amputations so far

Am waving to all, - have been gardening all morning and just going back outside - it's lovely and sunny here and I suspect it may not last! love to everyone x

Hello all,

I've spent most of the day in bed again but ventured outside briefly ths afternoon. I'm very uncomfortable and have the same horrid bruised feeling all over that I've had after the other infusions. I'm also about as close to having diarrhoea as I can get without stopping the chemo tablets so hopefully I can keep that under control for the next few days :) I very much feel like I'm just existing at the moment, I've just been lying in bed wishing the time away almost which seems like such a waste but it's all I can manage right now. My skin is raw again but luckily have tramadol this time :)

sparkle lovely to hear from you, the groups sound like fun!

MAS sounds like a good combination of A levels.

KK hope the shingles clear up soon, and that the sunshine has helped.

ned hope you are enjoying a well earned break now! :)

Will leave it there with replies as struggling to remember what I want to say between reading and typing! Hope you're all having a good day, love to all :) x

Ruby bless you sounds tough sending you healing vibes and a hug. Staying in bed/ sleeping probably a good thing
I had a lovely night away with dh and now at the inlaws with all the family. Nice but feel a bit detached from everything.
Hope everyone's having a good evening x

massive gentle hug dear ruby

Still failing to catch up, but waving to all, especially those who are having such a tough time atm. Ruby, I really hope the tramadol works for you. xx Waving to all though.