Spoons! Support for those with chronic pain & fatiguing illnesses

[Grockle]

Spoon Theory here

Sorry you're both feeling awful.

H has left. He's on a flight now. He left at 5am and woke me up when he got up (he's not quiet in the least). I'm really tired so DS2 and I have had a lazy morning on bed. He's watching pete's dragon on sky go on my iPad and I've been dozing.

I need to go out and get some stuff before his parents arrive. A trip to ikea for a couple of folding chairs to supplement our existing dining chairs and some towels as we don't have enough for his parents to have one each. H got all arsey in matalan yesterday because I wanted to buy them some towels. This had just followed him getting arsey because I was not impressed with his moaning about having to buy a £18 suitcase from matalan for his trip when he really wants a £250 fossil one. Apparently it's just not the same quality (well it is less than 1/10 of the price and absolutely fine for getting him to LA and back) and all his friends have fancy suitcases so he'll be embarrassed!? He was annoyed that I wanted to 'waste' money on frivolous things like cheap towels so his parents can actually wash at our house when he has to make to with a perfectly adequate and unremarkable embarrassing cheap suitcase. He later claimed he was joking but he wasn't. He got annoyed at me because other matalan customers might have heard me explaining that we don't have £250 for him to spend on a fancy suitcase. I'm pretty sure the other customers would have been on my side!

Good grief he is such a man child! Enjoy your time without his whining and grumbling all over the house.

I had a brilliant day yesterday. I've been in a lot of pain last week and when I woke up I thought I wouldn't be able to make it to my dear friend's hen party in London. I've had a lot of tummy trouble and sharp aches - this is relatively new, and it is making me scared to go out. It's really got me thinking about how paralysing fear is. I am really hoping the tummy issues are a temporary blip :(

Anyway, I managed to go out and took it very slowly. I barely ate anything - even though the main event was a chocolatier class! No alcohol either. It was quite a change as normally if I go to a nice restaurant I tend to pig out as I don't often get the chance to eat fancy food. But the tummy ache meant I genuinely didn't want to. A shame as Mexican is one of my favourites and they had amazing cocktails

It was a really good day though, I met some lovely people and my friend was so considerate about making sure I was ok and had a seat etc. Some people were asking about the CFS, they were very nice about it. I was quite sore by the end - particularly my hips, and my legs felt really wobbly. I arrived home at 10.40, I don't remember when I was last out that late!

I didn't get much sleep due to hip pain but I am having a slow day with the DCs today as DH is working. And as I am safely at home I am now scoffing the amazing chocolates I made in the class :o

I am back at work tomorrow I get to start an hour late (a 'reasonable adjustment') and then I will be seeing my manager about my new hours so hopefully I can just do four hours tomorrow. There is NO WAY I could manage to work til 7.

Spoons to all xx

AB...gosh that's hard. Sorry.
My dh goes away a week tomorrow to South America for 7 days...am dreading it :(
Am hoping not to take any pain meds today as I can get rebound headaches from the meds if I am not careful.
Dh taken boys swimming. And after dinner we are off to my mums for frisbee games :)
Might just have a nap before dinner!

Fuzz im so glad to hear you had a fab time, sometimes we need to push ourselves.... im paying today for the late night and ? alcholol on friday...
Achy arems legs, and sore head.. i so want to sleep but DD coming back from her dads soon, and i have to go get my mam who is babysitting for next few days cos of school hols... im not actually sure who will be caring for who.but at least they will both be safe..

AU and Badvoc hope your week this week isnt too hard..xx

I have a bit of a cold and very sore throat so I didn't go to work today, dh has been most attentive and asked me if I was up to going out for a drive earlier!
He never normally takes any notice of the fact I have lots of things wrong with me that cause me to feel fatigued and achy and in pain etc!

Really bad headache today. Have resorted to paracetamol plus aspirin capsules. Only thing that seems to touch these headaches.

STILL washed out. Didn't help that despite DS2 & DS3 being at their dad's so I could have lay ins, DD bloody woke me up!! She's 15...

(Autism means she only thinks about HER wants and needs...)

Am off to slowly cook a risotto. Possibly will rope in either DD or DS1 to help. Unsure which...

At least you know why your DD only thinks of her own needs/wants/whims. My H has no excuse!

Glad you had a lovely day, fuzz. It sounds like loads of fun. And a night out too belle.

The PILs are here. They helped me to clear out the back reception room (which is just full of crap) so it can get plastered tomorrow. I now have a bedroom full of crap instead. H was supposed to move the stuff but, of course, he didn't. He left the task of carting loads of heavy books and toys upstairs to me.

He's in LA now, presumably. I bought loads of nonsense in ikea. Got a mattress topper to try to make our awful sofabed vaguely comfortable, some folding chairs so everyone can sit round our dining table, some towels, and a little side lamp so the PILs can read without having to have the big light on. I've set up DS1's room for them (he's away at his dad's atm) so one can sleep on his (lovely comfy) bed and the other can take the sofa bed, and so they have a bit of space to themselves.

I am really not looking forward to this week!
New windows for the back if the house tomorrow...ugh. So I will be freezing cold all day :(
Ds2 crying before bed saying he doesn't want to go back to pre school tomorrow :(
Still got this bloody headache from yesterday :(
Too tired to even have a shower.
Sometimes life can seem unremittingly shit can't it?
I realise that I am being uber pathetic but am feeling so low and fed up.
Off to get some pain meds....
Couthy...hope you get a better night tonight.
AB...sometimes my dh can be mind numbingly insensitive/unfeeling towards me. I am not sure why. He is usually ok and quite understanding. Is your dh usually like this?
Dh encouraged me to go away fr 3 days with my parents to Ireland to see some family. I was very unsure about going but at the same time am aware I really need a break.
So, it's booked.
And now he is being a total arsehole about booking the time off!! It's only 1.5 days and he was so insistent I go!
I can see a it argument in the offing, because until he books the days off I can not going. He is not palming the kids off onto the pils for 3 days.
Grrrrr

AU... your H sounds a bit like my exH. He has a PhD & has his own lab etc. He has no diagnosis of anything but I know he is 'quirky' and lacking in social skills. I often wonder if he is a little bit ASD. I know I am but in a different way (lining things up, rituals, doing things a certain way) but I blame that on work... the longer I work with ASD children, the more like them I become! I need to go to Ikea this week.

I've had a horrible few weeks, feeling very low. Today feels a little better but I still have a lot of worries & no obvious solutions. I feel like my illnesses have robbed me of the life I expected & hoped for & I feel rather helpless & defeated.

My sleep has been awful so I have been taking 200mg Tramadol every night. It helps me fall asleep but is more than I am meant to take

Luckily, I have this week off but am dreading going back to work already.

The new windows will make everything better once they're in though, badvoc. There is that thought to help you through the cold tomorrow.

Grockle: at least you are sleeping. I think it would be much worse if you didn't take the tramadol and didn't sleep. Might be worth dragging yourself to the GP to talk about it though (even the thought of someone else having to see their GP makes me groan).

H defnitely has some issues. He is ridiculously self-obsessed, but I have no idea what the issues might be. He has some OCD behaviour/thought patterns, but its more than that (or maybe it is that x a lot). One thing that's coming out of counselling loud and clear is that H does have real, problematic issues (and I was bloody right when I told him he should see someone/the GP) and he needs to address them. Sure there are relationship issues too but they mostly centre around my dealing badly with H's 'foibles'. Partly that's because I just don't have the energy/patience any more, and partly it will be due to to my own foibles and unhelpful traits.

H is like this a lot (he didn't used to be as bad, but he's always been a bit selfish). He's currently having what one might describe as a mid-life crisis (if he weren't still in his 20s). He's complaining about being 'held back' and not being able to live some fantasy life where he's king of his little quadrant of academia, has a perfect job in the best possible institution that allows himself to spend his life jollying around the world on a whim, having 'writing retreats' in exciting locations and doing a bit of teaching here and there (at other, equally wonderful institutions) with no responsibilities and shit loads of money to spend on tat.

Thing is, that fantasy life Does Not Exist. Anywhere. And, even if it did, he wouldn't be living it. even if he were living it, he'd still be miserable because nithing could ever be good enough for him. He'd be all poor me because he was fed up with flying and feeling like he should be able to teleport, etc. He has applied for other jobs; the fact that he hasn't got them/had an interview is absolutely nothing to do with me 'holding him back' indeed, it's arguable that he wouldn't have gotten as far as he has without my help. His parents both told him to stop being silly and count his (many) blessings. So it isn't just me that thinks he's being ridiculous.

Yes, it's nice to sleep a little better, although I am still awake 3-4 times each night. It's no wonder it's hard to recover.

'He's complaining about being 'held back' and not being able to live some fantasy life where he's king of his little quadrant of academia, has a perfect job in the best possible institution ...'

That is my exH. He had an affair with one of his PhD students. He was infatuated with her for ages because she read Nietche, wins awards for her lab work, is also a medical dr, a concert pianist & an artist selling work in local galleries.

My sights are very different from theirs - I want DS & my career is very much second to him. exH & GF would never put DS before their jobs.

An affair with one of his PhD students indeed. Way to live the stereotype!

H doesn't have any PhD students because his department is too crap to have any. I wonder if partly he is just disappointed in me. On paper (and certainly at the time he met me) I looked like the poster child for academic ambition/achievement but I clearly don't live up to the promise. I didn't know this previously, but H said he's heard of me before he met me. I'd never heard of him, but I suspect he had some kind of preconceived ideas that I could only fall short of.

Of course, the only reason for the overachievement was that I was a single mum and had to make sure I got a job. And I wasn't ill either (which really makes a big difference). The whole subsequent evil pregnancy, maternity leave, difficult baby, moving hours away and commuting to work, fucking awful illness thing is obviously no excuse.

Anyway, he just phoned. As ever, he's turned everything into a bloody drama. He's arrived at the hotel to find out that his university haven't paid for the hotel. So they've put a hold on the card linked to our joint account (not his personal account though, of course, where he has his wages paid into; just the only account that I have access to and which contains my salary, DS1's maintenance payments and child benefit, and from which all bills and household expenses are paid). So he was phoning (and sounding angry at me, and having a go at me for this!?!) to let me know that I now have access to absolutely no money at all. Wonderful (of course, he has access to all the cash he changed into dollars and his own account, which has money in it).

Apparently he's going to try to find a way to get access to online banking and transfer some money into the joint account. And he's going to get on to his employer/their travel agent, which undoubtedly will do nothing t help. Bloody good thing that I filled up the petrol tank this afternoon. I have to go to work tomorrow and buy food to actually eat. I am relieved that the in-laws are here as they will make sure I'm ok (not least because they'll be embarrassed by their son again).

Sorry for the thread hijack. I'll seethe quietly elsewhere.

For the record, grockle: my sights are much closer to yours anyway. I achieved a lot but it was because I knew I had to make sure I could provide for DS1. I don't need to overachieve any more, and couldn't even if I desired it more than anything in the world. I've had to reduce my sights to underachieving a bit less than I am at the moment!

I know, AU, so tacky isnt it? I was never going to be the amazingly clever, bilingual, blonde 21 yr old who worked 100 hrs per week that she was. And I'm quite content with that.

You need to sort the bank account situation. Can you open another account with the same bank & have your wages paid into that? Most banks will sort the transfer out for you & lots have incentives and/ or cash offers.

Yes AU upstairs and the kitchen will be a lot warmer :)
Am so sorry about your Dhs selfishness. It's such a bloody cliche though isn't it? And an affair with a student!? Ugh.
Thing is I would say that I am in the middle of a mid life crisis of my own! Turned 40 last year and my youngest dc starts school in sept and I guess I am thinking...what now?
I dotn see it as a bad thing per se, rather that its a new stage/phase of my life.
Just wish I knew what I wanted to do! :)
20s is rather young for a mid life crisis!

Def get your own account.
It's easy.
First direct offer £100 for opening an account ATM!

Arb he sounds very controlling. LTB

On my way to work for the first time in... erm... actually can't remember how many weeks. 5 or 6 maybe.

Right ear/tonsil playing up again but it's been like that for a few days, not bad enough to warrant yet more ABs. Didn't get much sleep last night as I'm so nervous.

I could quite easily get signed off for a lot longer but I just want the decision about my hours made. I don't feel like I will make any significant improvement in the near future anyway. I don't want to do this anymore, I'm done. :(

Fuzzpig.
Hope today goes as well as it can for you x

Sorry about the throat, fuzz.

Yes, H is quite controlling. I am going to get my bank to open me up a sole account and pay everything in to that. Then I think H and I should each contribute 50% of the bills/expenses into the joint account and we can keep the rest. This will, of course, mean that I have far more money in my account than he does (because I earn £8k more than him and get maintenance), but he can always ask me t help him out if he's short. See how he likes it. (Except I'm not an arsehole, so I'd probably agree to something fairer).

He's apparently put £1000 from his account into the joint account so there is money in there now. But I'm pissed off that he was annoyed at me about it in the first place. And tried to make it my fault for ridiculous reasons.

I can buy a train ticket and go to work now though. So that's useful.

The more you post about your situation the more worried i am for you AU :(

Oh. I'm OK really. Very annoyed with him, but OK. Two jobs locally have come up so in going to apply but my bloody health problems will undoubtedly stop me getting them. If I work in this city then it makes no difference what H does. I earn enough to pay the mortgage/bills on my own (I effectively already do) and can sort everything with the kids on my own. The most local job is far worse than my actual job, but it would make my life much easier generally. And I'd perform much better at work without the commuting issues, so my health would probably be better.

And H isn't quite as bad as he sounds. He controls the money but doesn't refuse to let me spend it. I just really resent having to ask him to put money in the account. He isn't trying to be awful either, he's just so caught up in himself that he forgets about everyone else. Not good, but I'm not in any danger.

And it's tricky for him to fully control it, as I contribute most of the family income.

Cannot believe I only just realised this thread had properly started.

AU you need to join us over on Relationships on the 'regale me...narcissists' thread. You might get more of an insight into your h.

I wonder if your therapist is actually waiting for to snap and say what you really think.

I'm really, really flat today. Had a shower but don't seem to be able to get dressed. Mum is here for a day - had wanted to get a bit of work done but have to rest so I can cope with the rest of hold.

Hols, I meant.

Hello, may I join in with the new thread? Minding my manners I should introduce myself-I have relatively new dx of CFS and PoTS amongst other things, and have been ill for 4-5 year, and now only work a little. Like many on here my son(13) has autism with learning disabilities - the two things really do not mix (my low energy state and tendancy to keel over and ds high energy high needs constant on the go personality). we muddle along. I have slowly improved with the usual ups and downs. I was very active so life changed dramatically. I think my ambitions had slowly given way to reallity once ds arrived so fortunatly we had already accepted that loss before illness added further losses. As a family we are slowly (if reluctantly) adapting.

Someone (sorry to be so impersonal - but my memory is malfunctioning) up thread mentioned itchy shins- I have this (and itchy ankle bones)- its deeper than the skin and drive me insane. It often keeps me awake but I have found nothing to help,and there is nothing to see (except bruises from rubbing as I try to not scratch) Heat and cold make it worse.Has anyone found anythingh to help?

Hope your meeting goes well Fuzzpig, and you get hours that suit you. I think I only really started to get slowly better once I accepted that I could not return to my pre-illness hours, and stopped trying to rush back.
Hope you have a nice day for window changing in April Badvoc. Hope you have a hottie or electric blanket .