Thanks again all 
not really having much adult conversation ATM as DH at work. Nice to be able to talk about it here. I still don't get it. I keep re-remembering :( I didn't even think of her as old until quite recently (she was 93!) - she was always really fit and active and incredibly sharp of mind for her age, it was only once the cancer hit that she suddenly got frail. I will miss the hugs, she was mad about hugs :) and kisses too - two on each cheek and more if she could get away with it :o
My dad is picking me and the kids up tomorrow so we can all spend the day at mum's. DH working again and I didn't want to be on my own.
About work - I work in a library so it can be quite physical and involves being on my feet a lot. I don't think I'd ever go back to full time now even when (if?!) I'm better as the hours aren't very family friendly. I have now been told I can reduce further to 12hrs (currently on 16) if I want to, I am tempted as it would mean I never have to do more than one day consecutively. Currently I either do two or three in a row and that is too hard, it feels like there's no chance to recover from a shift. So I need to make my decision by Monday, eek. Hopefully DH will pass his NVQ (can't remember if I mentioned it already - fitness training!) next week - he's already passed his practical with flying colours :) - as he really wants to get a part time job in a gym. If he got some consistent work, as opposed to just the casual/unpredictable stuff he's already doing, it would make a big difference.