Alcoholics or Dependant Drinkers Club

[Rhubarb]

For SoftStuff, tyedye and anyone else who wants to join.

The rules are that you HAVE to sign in every night to let us know TRUTHFULLY how much you have drunk. You need to let us know your triggers too. So if you resisted for 12 hours but then cracked and had a beer - what finally snapped?

We'll be here to give you encouragement, support, advice and opinions.

Hi to you all...

Well I have gone the last 2 nights without a drink,,, which is a breakthrough for me! I do have to tell myself NOT to buy a drink everytime I go into a shop!

As far as feeling ill goes.. just think of it as like any detox diet! I was on The Atkins diet once and everyone I knew who went on it had very similar symtoms to what you have described. .. The feeling does pass,, but you have to bear with it. I know I probably wont give up drinkng all together, but if I can gain control and only drink on weekends when I go out or have friends over I will be happy! I too drink when stressed or bored!

Tyedye.. I had high grade pre-cancerous cells detected when I had a long overdue smear whilst in NZ. It took time but after a couple of small procedures the docs got rid of the damaged cells. I had a smear since and so far so good I am clear now. Try not to worry too much, they can do so much to help now. this too happened to me in the middle of my break up with my ex hubby! With no support network around me whatsoever!

Thank you for your kind welcomes. A few things got me to this point - I do not eat all day, drink about 8 cups of coffee (also now cut that down to 1 as of yesterday) and live on cigarettes. Have started having cereal for breakfast for the first time yesterday in 4 years.

I do not want to be 40 (next year), overweight, wrinkled, smoking, drinking, etc. Now is the time to do something about it.

Last night was not too bad for me - the first night without alcohol. I had a headache during the day but I think that is more to do with the caffeine withdrawal - no diet coke, no coffee.

I did post another thread - no responses - about my addictive personality and I need to prove that I always had a drink because I wanted it and not "needed" it.

I know one day is only a very short time, but for me it is a start.

The days I work at home (Monday and Friday) I normally start drinking when I start cooking dinner.

The two days in the office (Tuesday and Wednesday) I have my first one as soon as I get home from work. It always used to be just 1 or 2 drinks a night (but my measures, not pub measures) and now it seems it can be 6 or 7 a night - not good.

I always have the excuse that it de-stresses me, I am a single mother to 3 children and work 4 days a week (2 at home).

But that is not true, if anything, sometimes it makes me more stressed.

It will be better for my body, I will look and feel better for it and it will save a fortune on my weekly shopping bill.

Bumblelion, welcome. WELL DONE!!!!! sounds like you are doing terrifically well. Ditto onedayatatime, i'm very jealous. tyedye, my thoughts are with you {{{{hugs}}}} at this very stressful time.

As for me, i'm crap. Did stop at 1/4 bottle of whiskey last night, but only because that is all I had (also had glass of rank red cooking wine I was that desperate) how am I????? No better this evening, have had incredibly busy day and have just sat down with an ENORMOUS glass of gin. So how crap am I? Feel like a total twat in one way, actually, but just can't get my head around not having this couple of hours of an evening where I feel floaty and relaxed. Other than that I'm tense and anxious and overworked. And I know that I would feel better if I didn't, there have been brief periods when I haven't but can't just seem to get my head around it. Sorry, rambling. I'll bugger off. Well done all.

cubby, don't bugger off, keep chatting on here. How long have you been drinking a quarter bottle of spirits each day? Have you tried drinking something else just to keep your levels lower? I'm envious of the amazing successes here too as i'm nowhere near reaching an alcohol-free day let alone week.

Cubby, this thread is for everyone who is unhappy with their drinking, or the aspects of their lives that lead them too seek solace in drink. Some have want to quit, some have already and others can't even fathom it. We're all in it together. Don't leave, and anyone else who is lurking or scared to come back and share...come and off-load.

Oh, and you're not crap at all!

Morning...feel a bit stupid now for blowing up like that. I am having a particularly difficult time with alcohol at the moment, and I'm really not sure why. I don't ususally drink quite so much spirits as I have in the last couple of weeks, as a general rule (and I know this is still WAY too much) I try and stick to one small (for me) measure of whiskey and 1/2 bottle of wine. (This is the only place I can say this, anywhere else folks would be reeling back in horror, so it feels good to be able to be honest - finally.) I just can't figure out why I'm having such a hard time even sticking to these limits, let alone having alcohol free days/weeks. In lots of ways things are better at the moment than they have been since ds was born. Had a really traumatic birth (emergency c/s in the end after 3 pretty horrific days), I found the early weeks of motherhood so unbeleiveably hard it blew my mind and have been struggling with pnd (all whilst looking after my disabled dh). Am now enjoying my ds very, very much (finally feel as though I've bonded with the beautiful boy), he is such a happy chappy, a real delight. I'm getting out to the gym or swimming 3 or 4 days a week which really helps my head as well as my body (I'm probably about 3 stone overweight - pretty much all because of the booze...am very healthy eating vegetarian otherwise!!!). And I finally bit the bullet and got my pnd diagnosed and am now taking ad's. So what the hell is making me so desperate for oblivion? I just don't understand it? Would SO like to just get a pleasant relaxed feeling from a couple of glasses of wine, without stumbling to bed after swilling gallons of the stuff. SO SO SO want to stop all together, and yet cannot face the idea of never being able to have another drink. Then I start scaring myself to death that I'm going to die in a few years time and my ds and dh need me so much. Sorry if I seem a bit self-obsessed and rambly, but I just really, really need to get this stuff off my chest.

How did everyone else do last night? Hope you managed better than me, lol. Thanks for your encouragement, and for being there, btw.

Sometimes when you finally 'come out'and admit you are addicted to something you abuse it even more for a while in the lead up to stopping.My brother was aheroin addicy for years and kept it to weekends only and never at family do's etc and as soon as we all found out (he told my dp )he started really doing it day and night for about 6 months before giving it up

Last night, again I did not have any vodka. I only had one cup of coffee all day - I normally have about 8. I once again ate properly as well. It helps me that I do not have any vodka in the house. On the way home from work I was contemplating popping into the office licence or petrol station (they sell alcohol) to buy a bottle but fought it. Because there is no alcohol in the house, I found it easier. When my boyfriend comes round, he does not drink but last night he did have a can of fosters. He said to me to have a glass of shandy and I said no. I hate lager. Vodka and diet coke is my downfall. When I start I cannot stop.

I remember when I have tried to stop smoking in the past and have given in. I buy 10 (or 14 or 20) to have a few, then decide I hate myself for giving in, smoke them all and then start all over again.

I know if I had bought a bottle of vodka last night even if I only had one drink (but that would not have happened, it would have ended up 3 or 4 "Jacqui measures") then I would again drink tonight and I would carry on drinking until it had gone.

Before (well, up to Sunday really) as soon as I was nearing the end of a bottle I would buy another one ready to start as the thought of having no vodka in the house used to "scare" me (if that is the right word). I was worried and tense at the thought of it.

I struggled a bit last night, hard day at work, getting home, dropping my mum home, getting daughter from nursery, cooking dinner, bathing kids, etc.

Normally, when I get home, even before I leave to pick up my DD from nursery I have one quick drink (while my mum is in the front room putting on her coat). Last night, I didn't have any alcohol in the house so couldn't.

The crunch for me is that when I go out with my friends and we get talking about my drinking and I ask them if they think I have a problem (my friend's boyfriend has a bit of an issue with drink - drinking every night about 6 cans of Stella) they say "not really" whereas really I am asking them to confirm to me what I already know - I DO have a drink problem.

It got to the stage where I would have a bottle in my drinks cupboard (well just a cupboard in the kitchen - it is not a drinks cupboard - it only ever has a bottle of vodka in it - surrounded by soft drinks) and have a "spare" in another cupboard. It got to the stage where my boyfriend would find my "spare" bottle by accident and ask what I was doing. I could not admit to him that I was "hiding" drink - which I know is a sure sign of a drink problem.

For me, I have got to the stage where I need to break the habit of drinking indoors. I am not going to be tee-total, just want to get out of the habit.

One day at a time. Tonight is another night.

As I have said before, I think I have a bit of an addictive personality but this time I will succeed (the first time of trying) as it has got to the stage where enough is enough.

Sorry to have waffled on but this is my "therapy".

Bumblelion wow! You sound exactly like me when you describe being 'scared' at not having any alcohol in the house. I used to hide a vodka bottle in my glass cupboard so on my 'non-drinking' days i would sneakily put a double vodka in dandelion and burdoch (the only drink my dp despises so i knew he wouldnt touch it

Hi all,

so glad that everyone is doing well, and the newcomers, well done for taking the first step of admitting that you have a drink problem.

I am still alcohol free and definately do not intend to drink again till friday as i am determined to stick to the one night per week rule.

Anyway, i have weighed myself and i have lost 51b's, so not only is my liver reeping the benefits, so is my overweight figure.

It just goes to show how damaging drink can be on a whole.

Thinking of all of you.

Butty.xxx

welldone Bumblelion!!!! Keep it up.

You too, butty!!!

Butty i joined the gym and started swimming over a month ago, but missed last week, done no excercise whatsoever and have too lost 5 pound. Can stopping drinking really make me lose that much? I am of course thrilled kept having to check the scales also feeling lots better regarding sickness im not sure if that is down to the milk thistle. Only problem is that i have no appetite and am having to force myself to eat this week????? Has anyone else experienced this?

I am drinking lots of water (just under a litre a day) but trying to increase this which is difficult as I do not like water (bit boring).

Saying that, I cannot bear the thought of diet coke on its own - too chemically - but with vodka it is fine.

I am out on Friday night, only a quiet one as 2 children are with their dad overnight but my eldest wants to go to a "gig" in the local hall which finishes at 10.30. I can go to the pub and then pick her up afterwards. If I do not drink before I go out (which I normally do, but can't this week as I will not have any vodka in the house) I won't get through as many. It is the 3-4 that I have before I go out that sends me on the "way". Also I think I could possibly get out a bit earlier. When me and ex-DH first split up I was out of the house by 7:30 - 8:00. Now it is nearing 9 as I am not in a rush to get out as I am drinking so much indoors, takes me longer to get ready and the pub measures are not quite the same as mine!

I know my social life does not have to revolve around the pub but I am not giving up alcohol completely, want it to be a social thing. The trouble for me started when I became happy to be a "lone" drinker and did not need company to enjoy a drink.

Another thing - it has got to the stage where any one of my three children sometimes say to me "is that your coke - has it got vodka in it?". Not good.

It is only by reading all the messages that have given me the courage to be honest with other people (and myself) and the encouragement that I need.

Okay, I am still smoking but one step at a time and I have given up smoking before (for 9 years). Alcohol is a relatively new dependency for me, but one that scares me.

I have also had conversations with my boyfriend and cannot remember the next day what has been talked about.

I don't think I have ever been in a compromising situation because of alcohol but I hate the thought that sometimes I cannot remember conversations, etc.

I also become very sensitive when I have had that "one too many". Things that people say in jest upset me.

Two weeks ago, ended up in a local bar/club with my boyfriend and some friends of his (who I have only met once before).

I had been drinking since about 5 pm that afternoon, went out about 8 and started on double vodka's (singles just don't taste the same as mine). Also had 2 or 3 shots (can't remember what they are called but they are creme de menthe and baileys). We were all talking - I felt fine and fairly confident - one of my downfalls is my lack of confidence - I am older than my boyfriend by 3 years and 1 day. We were talking about our ages and my BF said to his friend's GF how old was I (me). She looked me and up down (which I felt strange about) and then said "43". F*cking 43, I am 39 in 3 weeks. I was horrified and my confidence hit rock bottom, I got the right hump and wanted to go home - although it was quite late by now and I had more than enough to drink.

This was about 3 weeks ago and it still sticks in my mind.

Morning.. how's everyone doing today?

I am turning 40 this year and am desperate to sort my life out before september!!
I am single mum to 3 kids, and do not have a partner or a life other than that of a mother. As much as I love my children I really get depressed and lonely, which is a major trigger for my drinking! :(
I have just joined the gym so I need to motivate myself to get out to it! I really should have taken the opportunity today of getting there, but no I am on here again.

Onedayatatime - you could be describing me, but I also work. I drink because of loneliness, boredom, habit. I love your name, I like to take it "one day at a time" but also "one step at at time".

OneDayAtATime i found going to the gym in the evening helped. About half seven - that way it isnt full (no offence to those who gym regular), and full of people who don't break a sweat even though they have beeen there for hours. Not only that but by the time you have had a good workout, got changed and got home there isnt much time left to drink

I don't have anyone to look after my kids so I can go to the gym in the evening. My 18 yr old is in New Zealand, and the oldest of the other 2 is not quite 13! Don't know what the age for being able to legally look after my little one! But then saying that, I may as well not be here when I am drinking in the house on my own while the kids are in bed!
I do tell myself off, and think OMG what if something happened and I am too pissed to deal with it!

Cubby and Bumblelion, well done for your honesty and resolve. The inability to admit there's a problem is pretty much a death sentence for some drinkers. I am not exaggerating. Sharing about how you feel is one of the cornerstones of being able to take each day at a time, drink free. Knowing that there are others here too who will empathise and care about how you are, when sometimes you find it hard to be good to yourself. I really admire your courage.

Practical things like not having any drink in the house (I always had a vodka stash somewhere), staying out of pubs and clubs and keeping sober company really work in those moments of weakness. Let's face it, why else would you go to a pub? Really? Excuses and self-justifications aside!?

These are all things to do at the start if you are trying to give up, or cutting down by breaking old habits. Also, doing some exercise or another diversional task. You all have busy lives anyway!

I got to the stage where I only drank at home, and I would get this horrible anxious/restless feeling about 9.30pm if I hadn't had enough to drink (i.e 30 mins before off-licence shuts). I guess my whole day was focussed towards when I'd be able to drink at night.

Pepperpots and Butty, well done for losing that weight! Alcohol is laden with calories so you'll no doubt feel a difference. It tends to make females bloated as well due to water retention. My whole face changed shape to resemble something more like a beach ball!

Anyhoo, waffle, waffle, waffle. Glad you're doing well. Thinking of those going through hard times. Tyedye, big hugs, and SoftStuff...where did you go, are you alright?

kxxx

Hi all,

thanks for your positive vibes regarding the weight issue.

Pepperpots, i don't go to the gym, although i have extended my dog walking to 1.5 hours per day.

My background with weight was before i fell pregnant with dd, i was constantly in the pub getting wrecked and doing what any other young person my age did if they could afford it in my area.

When i fell pregnant i was a size 18 and weighed in at 14st71b's.

Anyway, i gave up beer and fags whilst pregnant and lost weight rather than gained it, people were shocked when i told them i was pregnant.

On the day after giving birth, nothing fit me and the nurse weighed me to find that i was 10st81b's and a size 10-12

This is when i realised that drink had piled the weight on me.

I kept it off and then i had my ds, moved to my local area yet again and passed my driving test, on top of all that, i found the pub enjoyable again and started going on benders.

Anyway, the weight has piled back on and i am now back in an 18 bottoms and 16 top, and before xmas i weighed 15st3, i now weigh 14st4 of which i have lost 5 of it by cutting down the last 2 weeks.

I have also applied for jobs that involves not sitting on my arse pen pushing, so hopefully by cutting down the booze and getting fitter, the weight should slowly but surely come off, and i would be happy at a 14 bottom and 12 top as i am pear shaped.

good luck with the weight loss, we shall have to spur each other on each week with our acheivements, keep up the good work lass, you can do it.

Butty.xxx

Reading all the comments everyone has written regarding their weight loss, I thought I would weigh myself at lunch time and will weekly from now on to see if it makes a difference.

Today, still only one cup of coffee so far - very good for me and won't have any more today - and over 1 litre of water. The trouble is the water now seems to be finding its way out of my body - I never used to wee a lot before - and this afternoon I have been to the toilet 4 times. Luckily I am leaving work soon. My colleagues keep looking at me as I never go to the toilet in work.

Good luck everyone for today. I may not log in tomorrow (my day off work - both in the office and at home - but will catch up on Friday).

My mantra is that I have now been 2 nights without alcohol - will definitely not buy any tonight - fingers crossed - so can't drink even if I want to.

Evening, hope you're all good. Have had a good think today, and given myself a good talking to. Hence, I have allotted myself a pre-determined amount of alcohol for tonight, and am determined to stick to it. (One gin and 1/2 bottle of cava). I know it's not as good as none at all, but given how I've been for the past few days, (if not weeks) it will be really good if I manage it, because I know it's an amount that I can safely consume and be thoroughly compus mentus come bed time.

When I was pounding away on the treadmill at the gym today, I was reflecting that I burn about 600 cals 3/4 times a week at the gym/swimming, and if I wasn't pouring quite so many calories down my throat I would have a supermodel figure . (Well not quite but I'd be a hell of a lot thinner!!!!) And what was the point of all this grind if it is only keeping more weight at bay given all the drink? I know that's probably a sad motivation, but it worked for me! . Anyway, I hope you all have a good night, and thanks again for your support. {{{{hugs}}}}}

Good luck, cubby, go for it! Let us know how you're doing?

I've had a rubbish day today as I went for a pub lunch with some friends and ended up having a pint of lager but haven't subsequently cut back on my evening's quota. I guess that's one of the downsides of the 'regular' drinker, if anything upsets the routine you're screwed ...

oh b**s i haev just had my second glass of wine i can't believ after all this have failed

Well done all of you. This thread seems to get more positive each day

I'm off to bed in a min, having achieved 3 evenings without drink. Reading all the new people's stories is interesting... there's a bit of me in all of you!

I went and sprained my ankle at the running club last week, so haven't been quite so active this week. Managed an hour's swimming last night though. I have managed to keep the 4lb I lost last week off though, but have had massive pot of Ben and Jerrys Chocolate brownie ice cream tonight (shared with DS) YUM.

To Bumblelion - about somebody guessing your age as too old. At the end of last week after 5 alcohol free nights, I definitely looked better with fewer lines on my face and no dark rings under my eyes.