Calling all Raggedies - the THIRD Ragged Bits thread. Childbirth injuries, sphincter problems, fistulae... all welcome.

[Jacksmania]

First thread here, May 2008 to June 2009.

Second thread here, June 2009 to Oct 2012.

Welcome everyone with ragged bits due to childbirth. We're sorry you had to find us, but we promise to hold your hand and listen.

There is no TMI here and nothing is too gross, too embarrassing or too horrible.

All welcome.

Aw maaaannnn... that didn't work :(

Ok, (((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))) instead.

Handholding is exactly what I need, thank you.

Sorry for everything you've been through :( I will also be here to hold your hand. I hope you get some answers soon.

Whodvethought, Aw I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't help, but I can completely understand your frustration. It gets bloody annoying when even top surgeons can't come up with an answer and all you want to do is go back to normal. I don't know what advice to give or what to say that will make you feel better, but we are all here for you. Right, girls?
Were the surgeons you saw nhs staff? sometimes, when things get rough for me, I've considered going private. I know I can't afford to do that, but I do think about it when I'm really low. Is that an option for you?

As for me, my next appointment is April 2nd. A part of me can't wait.
The gynae suggests I come off the pill (that I'm taking back to back) and allow a bleed. I'm terrified of all that gunk falling on my wound and infecting me! Plus, this is my first period after baby...what can I expect? Really heavy flow with massive clumps?!

There's some serious hand holding needed for quite a few of us right now, that's for sure. So mine is out there still for those needing it

whodvethought how are you feeling today? I understand the hopeless feeling that you have, its horrible some days but hopefully all your tears and vent have helped release some of that.

Jacks and anyone else that is having more appointments and procedures this week, hope you are all doing ok.

Shine probably the thought of a bleed will be worse than the actual bleed itself. I found my first period after my DS was heavier than normal but not horrendous like I was expecting it to be so it could be the same for you.

Shine, my first period was heavy, but not particularly crampy. I also wouldn't worry about menstrual blood infecting anything.

Whodvehtought - more ((((((HUGS)))))) your way.

My appointment today turned into a non-event, I was actually quite disgruntled. I assumed he'd be removing the cyst today, as last time when my GP tried, it was an in-office procedure. But noooooo... this one (possibly due to being a plastic surgeon) said it had to be done at the Ambulatory Surgical Centre (walk-throug surgery, anyone? :o) and the soonest date was March 27th. So, another work day lost. I'd already booked today off, assuming I'd be a bit sore.
All that anticipation and nerves and pffffffft .

I need cake. And .

Jacks - it's so annoying when you get all psyched up for something and it turns into a non-event! Grrrr! Enjoy your . Just finishing mine - it seems I have an infection and it feels liek I am sitting on broken glass. Am hoping that the will have a positive interaction with the antibiotics and the voltarol .
Whod've - how are you doing today? XXXX
Shine - can't remember what my first periods were like after coming off the pill, 'twas so long ago. But don't worry about the effect of menstrual blood after surgery. It won't mess anything up.

I know I sound like a fanatic, CG, but have you tried salt baths? I swear they've warded off an infection every time I did them on a regular basis.

Thank you for the reassurance, girls. Is menstrual blood really not going to infect my wound further? Sorry to keep asking but I'm so desperate for it to heal. Just took my last pill in the pack and am tempted to continue taking it to prevent bleeding:(

Oh, jacks, that really sucks:( I hate getting all hyped up about something and then not having it happen. It's unfair that you were mentally prepared for it and booked work off too. Having to wait a while sucks too, but at least it's in the same month. Hugs to you and holding everyone elses hand. X

Thanks for all the kind words.

I feel a bit better today. It seems to be swings and roundabouts. With all this hope and anticipation (and nervousness) in the build up to appointments, then hearing again that the tests haven't helped sends me off a downturn. But it will even out again, it's just exhausting! I would love some forward progress.

Jacks-sorry that you didn't get your procedure! So annoying!

Yeah, I know. Salt baths. Judging from my yelping when he examined me, it seems that the infection is higher up inside. Lovely. Can't I just drink more ? Alcohol disinfects, right???

... unless you spilled it and sat in it... which would be a sad, sad waste of wine...

:o

That would indeed by a dreadful waste of wine!
I was more thinking along the lines of getting the alcohol levels in my blood up .

cardamomginger, I am with you on getting alcohol levels in the blood up Anything else would definitely be a waste of wine. I'm having a glass or two this evening for the same reason. all round I say.

So, my (male) friend just emailed everyone to tell us that his wife had a baby boy last night. Both doing fine - lovely news!! But then he writes, "I?m very proud of them both and 'wife's name' especially, who delivered naturally (ie with no pain relief such as an epidural or nitrogen oxide)." And she had a home birth.
Just pisses me off. I'm pleased for her. Really I am. I really hope she is OK and continues to be. But managing a home birth with no pain relief shouldn't be cause for him to be proud. Neither is the 'natural' part of it. And why say it at all.
I know that if things had gone differently, he would still be proud of her. But that's not the point. I have no idea what the point is. But right now I actually want to cry. That's pathetic, isn't it?

It isn't at all pathetic :(
I want to cry right along with you :(
Seriously, every time I hear or read shite like this I feel like a failure again because I couldn't manage to have that kind of birth. It brings up all that "what did I do wrong, how could I have done better?" stuff. Which really is pointless because there are no do-overs...
This kind of thing always makes me want to hiss "bloody well good for you, here, have your platinum birthing medal and shove it up your bum" - which is horrible and then I feel small. :(

Have a tissue and a massive ((((((((HUG)))))) from me.

And interestingly, when births have gone shit, I've never observed the phrase "I'm so proud of her" anywhere.

I hate that shit too, it's so completely out of our hands what kind of birth we have- we have almost no control and it SUCKS. So much of it is down to luck, the positioning of the baby, the whim of the MWs, tick boxes and protocols etc etc.

Please don't dwell on what you could have done- you did do all you could have done but the way it works in this country takes most of the power away from us.

You are right, Jacks, women are never congratulated for going through hell to get their baby and they should be.

Its completely natural to feel how you do, and I too want to cry with you. Thankfully we have threads like this that we can be honest about it in the safety of others who have experienced the crappiest way of giving birth. Big hugs from me too.

Thanks Jacks. Hugs back.

I guess I don't feel a failure. My version is a crushing sense of injustice - it's down to a roll of the dice - the way the baby lies, the way your body is made, the decisions that get made during labour (and the decisions that get made in the run up to labour). Why did it have to go this way for me, when it goes so differently for others? IWhy can't I be like them? Why can't I be 'normal'?

I guess the other thing that bugs me so much is that these kind of comments show little or no realisation that so much is down to luck. That a process that is designed to work well on a species level, may not work at all on an individual level. And that which camp you find yourself falling into is really not a matter for praise. It's not moral, and people need to stop treating it as if it is.

Rant over. Posting here, where I knew I wouldn't be judged, has helped. But I don't want to de-rail the thread and/or upset people.

Thanks! Hugs and and and cake XXX

BTW - DH was always proud of me for getting through the birth. Every time there's something else - symptoms, tests, surgery - he is even more proud of me. I know he's proud of every single woman on this thread too, even without knowing you or your stories.

I think we need to add another disclaimer to the opening post, right along with there is no TMI here:

There is no derailing here, rants are always welcome, and tears supported, no matter what the cause.

Ok? :)

Otherwise I'd have been kicked off the thread long ago :o