**24TH** TAMOXIFEN thread !

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go...

X posted with gig, and wondered about hospital cape too! I hope your incarceration won't be too awful. Maybe you'll be able to read a bit though, I've not been able to read 'properly' for a while now, v frustrating, so can see that might not work for you. I imagine you'll be in side room though so maybe fewer distractions? I have 2 unread Patrick Gale novels and might give one a try, thanks to whoever mentioned them above.

I had thougths this AM on hospital garb, when sitting in public area with my wee goonie on. At least it didn't open at the back like 'bad old days' but was too short as I am quite tall, and it got me thinking about 'joined up' care or lack of it. And I'm thinking of writing a letter, not of complaint exactly, just a few polite suggestions. eg. if having upper abdominal scan, as I was, esp if letter/inf sheet says, 'dress loosely and you may not need to undress completely', do they tell everyone to take off all except pants, socks and shoes? This for a basic ultrasound so nothing fancy like CT/MRI. I could easily have worn my jeans and slipped them down in the room, likewise my bra could have stayed on till last minute. Indeed I could have taken iot on and off countless times in the time I waited IN the room for the sonographer to drag herself in. I was thinking of women who have had breast surgery feeling self conscious about lopsidedness and having to sit braless in skimpy gown. At least ofr me it's just size and droopiness that leaves me slef conscious.

Enough!! I have a house to tidy, scrub, etc and another parcel to unpack. I HATE housewifery with a passion, much prefer knitting and 'netting'.

HI all haven't been here for a while as have had a rough week admitted once for query blood clot which turned out to be asthma and now have had all biopsy and mri results. Going to be a mastectomy. I had convinced myself it wouldn't be so now quite scared. Think I will have reconstruction getting the muscle from the back...Seriously any ideas How long does it take to get over this sort of surgery? Want to go to the Olympics!!!
Also had to have more lymph biopsies and may have to have some nodes taken in a quick op before the real thing???? Am not very happy :(

On an uplifting note really enjoyed the torch relay this morning with a dear friend carrying the torch.It was worth getting up at 6 a.m. for. Hugs to all

Well done Baskets on getting through your scan. sounds a bit ouch to say the least. Do you have to see Consultant for results or will they call you?

Gig, pj's aren't a luxury, they're essential. Have you got lots of podcasts and the like downloaded. Audio books are fab for hospitals. I always find it impossible to read.

Sympathies, Baskets. Well done for gritting your teeth and getting on with it though.

Jennie - bugger. Can't advise on a mastectomy I am afraid, as I haven't had one - but I think you would probably be able to get yourself to the Olympics. Hope someone is along in a sec with a more considered view.....

When would you have your surgery Jenny? Havent had mastectomy but I would say from experience of having 2 big ops in quick succession that at about 3 weeks you could do stuff and it's closer to 6-8 weeks before you are anywhere near normal. But that assumes no infection

op prob on 23rd July...so really not sure the Olympic Park will be the best place for me in August esp as will need to travel from Scotland. Appreciate your advice everyone. Now for that cup of tea x

MAS I have just pm you

Yeah for Topsy

Hi jennie. Lots happening for you and sorry results maybe not what you hoped for. Can you fit in a few olympic events before your big op? looking at the timings, it may be poss? but I might be wrong as not sure when olympics happning - is it beginning 13th july or thereabouts?! If your lymph node removal is before the mx, you'll be sore but less so, but you'll have GA to recover from. If you're having reconstruction at same time as mx, then you 'll have wound on back too, so will be sore for a good bit afterwards and prob very tired. A few weeks at least, i'd have thought. No experience of these ops but have had other major surgery in the past. A difficult one as you want to balance nice events in amongst the shitty stuff, and obv you were looking forward to olympics so much. if you look at the logistics v carefully and expect nothing frm yourself (and nobody else does either!!) - so only travel, walk, rest, sit, eat, but no carrying luggage, doing domestic stuff, etc, then maybe you can do some of it???? You'll be able to discuss this with your Breast care nurse. I think you are in edinburgh? have you had contact with Maggie's Centre yet? Someone there would listen to you, discuss this with you. Outing myself a little here, age and background wise. i remember the Edinburgh Maggie's being opened - it was the first one and a very exciting and unique venture at the time. I worked as nurse at WGH at the time. BUT I know NOTHING about oncology :-).

Glad your nipple is behaving topsy and well done to your DS. Such a clever boy, does he take after you?

baskets hope your results are good. Your description of the hospital gown made me remember my experience when I was pregnant. I went for my first scan and they put me in a changing room and told me to strip from the waist down. There were absolutely no gowns and I had to walk from the changing room into the consultant's room, which were connected, completely naked from the waist down. Mortified isn't the word.

jenni sorry I can't advise on mastectomy as I haven't had one but I wouldn't imagine you would feel much like going to the Olympics that soon after surgery. Hopefully someone more in the know will be around soon.

I may have purchased some chocolate cupcakes (which look delicious) I will share before I scoff the lot.

Oh, i meant to say, glad you saw friend with torch, Jennie. We saw torch in Perth. Being cynical and a female 'miserable old git', and not sure I was that bovvered, i was amazingly excited by the experience!! in a low key kind of way, of course :-)). I've given up on MN emoticons. Too stressful .....

Am i completely mixed up over dates?! not a new experience here .... I thought olympics began two weeks before Jennie's probable date for big surgery. Ignore me if I'm all mixed up. V tired. ds4 landed on my bed at silly o' clock, 1.30 am, i think ('I want cuddles and company' - i told him he should look for his father who was elsewhere in house), and then was on 'red eye' bus at 7.30 for a 9.30 appt. Bloody Brian Soutar and his bus services!!. I am day dreaming of bath and bed already. Only an hour or so to go. Maternal guilt rules okay, about going off to bed already.

Gracie, that tale of gown (or lack of it) just annoys me so much. There's an assumption that you will speak up, eg ask for a gown if there isn't one in the room, but it's common knowledge ppl in stressful/new situations won't ask. Or not always. And then they are left in mortifying positions. . Today an elderly woman just behind me questioned the 'trousers off' edict (of course i have no idea which body part she was having scanned), came out with trousers on under gown, but was sent back in by nurse to change 'properly'. I was too hypoglycaemic to question anything.

Bleurgh. . . Very tired today. Done very little except chat with Mum a bit and half heartedly pushed a bit of Lego around with DS. Taste gone completely, worse than last time, but not feeling too achy, which i guess is a bonus.

Sorry to have missed so much. . .

topsy good nipple news - well done you! DS clearly a genius and takes after his mother. . .

kurri sorry to hear DH struggling. Must be a difficult for both of you. Can he be gently encouraged back to the GPs? Thinking of you both x x

sometimes good shopping results - you definitely deserve nice new things!

MAS exciting about Patrick Gale web chat - will definitely have to check it out! Glad T had good report from teachers - clearly another genius like master Topsy who takes after his mother!

gracie I would agree with your boss about time off. I have got increasingly and cumulatively more and more tired as I've gone through the chemo, and I have found it much less stressful being signed off totally, rather than feeling the stress of "having to go in because Ive said I will. . . "

jane hope funeral OK. Thinking of you x x

Waves to smee, lime, gig, baskets, jennie and anyone else I've missed. . .

dashing in before going to do some work- waving to jennie and baskets - grrr about the 'undressing properly'...
I'm just eating a choc ice to sustain me...
ned thanks too for kind words about T - I need to nag him shortly to practice his piano and to write some thank you cards for birthday presents...

for Jennie sound like you have been on a rollercoaster. That whole gown thing is annoying :(

Funeral was fine. Lots of family turned up and 20 - odd from church. Lots of lovely cakes and savouries. Glad I made the ginger biscuits as they were mentioned by M's granddaughter at the service - M used to bake them and they were much appreciated. She was a lovely old lady.

Hi Jennie, x posted earlier. Sorry you've been through such a haul. I've had two mastectomies, but haven't had that type of reconstruction, as have silicone implants. Do you mean you'll have the reconstruction at same time as the mastectomy, or are you having that later? That will make a massive difference to recovery. And are you having nodal clearance too. Let me know a bit more and I'll try and help if I can. Ask anything you want though. Mastectomy's not nice, but genuinely was nowhere near as bad as I was expecting.

Jane, glad funeral was okay.

Waving to Ned. Glad to see you're back, though sorry about aches. Still, last time eh. Soon be running with your marine.

Grrrrr - I just wrote a long post, then lost it - my computer randomly decided it was going to install updates and shut itself down

So I'm just waving hello to everyone as I can't cope with writing it all out again

Eight - I'm sorry you've been poorly and hope you are feeling better now.

Jennie - I had a mastectomy - please do ask any questions you want and I'll do my best to answer (if i can remember - mine was 4 yrs ago). It took about 3 weeks before I felt reasonable again after the op, but I didn't have a reconstruction at the same time, - so I think you might need longer - I don't know much about the back flap op. but with the two procedures (MX and back flap) maybe 5-6 weeks of taking things pretty easy.

to you - a lot has happened to you in a very short space of time and it is a real shock to the system. take care of yourself xx

Still catching up on posts - hospital gowns are hideous, ours never have any ties on them so you have to hold them shut at the back, and they are always enormous (one size fits no one all )

Baskets - I hope your scan proves helpful and gives them more information, - do you have to wait long for results?

well done to topsy junior for his exam marks, and to MAS's T for good teacher comments

Sometimes - I have papery old skin, let me know if frankincense is a miracle cure, - I think industrial strength engine oil might be what I need though

MAS - your package arrived - thank you xx

DH has lost more weight since last week, he says he is going to the docs. but I am trying to hurry it up a bit, because the sooner he goes the sooner they can test for anything or arrange a referral. He doesn't think the antacid is helping much, so he needs to get looked at properly soon.

Thanks smee feeling a bit crappy and weird today. Not sure why, just a bit low. Will perk up with a better nights sleep, hopefully. Just want to get through to Monday-ish without hospital admission, then I might feel a bit more like celebrating!

Ned - It think there is definitely a low feeling at the end of chemo - made worse usually by the fact that everyone thinks you should be jumping around with excitement. But you still feel lousy while the chemo is in your system and I think the end of that part of the treatment bring everything home a bit, and what you've been through - you steel yourself to get through it all, so there's bound to be a bit of an exhausted deflated reaction, if that makes sense.

I know I definitely felt that way, - and I've read that feeling a bit down at the end of treatment is very common.

Agreeing with Kurri, Ned. I felt wiped out and depressed at end of mine, just because it's such a haul and I think it takes time to climb out of that. Was most annoying, but v.normal apparently. Rest up. The future's bright, I promise.

Kurri, that's worrying about your DH, though I'd still vote for stress. Weight loss v.common with that.

Yes Smee - I think weight loss could def. be explained by stress or depression.
He's just not himself, and seems worried about everything atm, - work (he has a nasty bully of a boss), car MOT, hole in the roof - all quite legitimate worries really. Hopefully a break at Mum's and a few nice long walks on the beach will help.

Kurri - poor you and dh. That is quite a list of worries for someone who is already a bit down. Am sure the depression, stress, stomach probs and weight loss all related. Hope the GP can do something useful x

Ned - take it easy, chemo effects are cumulative, and you have really been through the mill. x

Well done to MAS Jr and Topsy Jr - and the two proud mammas!

Had my bone scan today. First we played 'hunt the vein' which was fun as usual. I always wonder whether I really have 'small veins' or whether it's just all the fat they're hiding in nowadays that makes them so hard to find . I don't like to ask... Then during the 3.25 hours I had until the scan, I set off on a tour of the town's many Pound shops, and good old Wilkinsons, in search of goodies for DS2's birthday. The catch was, they want you to drink about 1.5-2L of water in that time . Hard to concentrate on the frankly amazing array of stuff available for 99 or 100p when you have a niggly bladder... After all that traipsing about I was glad for a good long lie down under the scanner, and nearly fell asleep. At one point I so nearly snored! Hope all is OK; tried to be nonchalant when they wanted to re-scan my neck and head from a different angle. Have had very achy/clunky neck recently, my position at the PC is certainly no help, so wouldn't be surprised if something's up there. How strange to be kind of hoping it's 'just arthritis' .

thanks everyone. I have had 2 inconclusive Aspirations of one slightly dodgy looking lymph node and so have had third go with biopsies this time, when I was at clinic on Tuesday. I think (?!) the plan is to see what this says and poss clear some nodes 2 weeks before the mastectomy. I am hoping that all is clear and that may mean no chemo. Am feeling a bit confused about the immediate reconstruction option I thought it might better to just do it once but not so sure... All advice welcome...

Kurri kurri long walks on the beach seem a great plan hope the sun shines for your DH and he gets to relax. My DH is such a bloke goodness knows how he is going to cope with all this!!!

Thanks lovelies you are all wee stars.