21st TAMOXIFEN !!

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- how did that happen ?

If the rubber room has fb trolley and a comfy bed, bring it on.

Can we have a sofa and tv?

I'm in, budge over!

If NY has only been made possible by the fallout from your diagnosis well, then, there's proof that good can come out of everything, if you let it. Bloody good for you. It will be a serious blast.

I do think good can come out of something bad. And totally intend to follow smees example if I can ever stop being a pus porn icon

Off to eBay baby clothes now and silently admire autumn for having 4/one in eight for having twins .

Hmm interesting isn't it - I read an interview with that lovely poet Jo Shapcott, not long ago, who said after BC she now has moments of intense euphoria. I totally get that - feel like it's left me with heightened extremes. I alternate between insane optimism, then plummet to pits of depression never hit previously. Hard to keep on an even keel, though NY is a v.big plus.

Smee, I interpret your dream as you anticipate being a small fish in a Big Apple, but you will break free,and it will not rain. (It's a sort of weather forecast dream )

That'll be £400 please. Next.

1in8 - is it anything specific that your DS hates, or just general fed upness? - maybe he does just need his Easter break. Sympathise though, my DD went through a phase of not wanting to go to school, - it turned out to be that some other girls were bullying her, - and a word to the HT did sort it out, - it just took her a long time to tell us about it. - Not suggesting that is the problem with your DS, but I know it's upsetting when they have a problem and you don't know what's causing it.

It sounds like good news about the drain Gig, - worth carrying a pump around if it works. Mini Gig is doing well with her sleeping, (and her toy punching )

MAS - good luck with the illustrations - I'm sure they will be beautiful as always. Try not to worry about your trip to MIL's - I'm sure she values your confidence, and the relationship you have - there is nothing wrong with relying on people - these things come in cycles - someone helps us, and one day we can help them in another way. I'm sure she loves to see you all and have your company.

Sometimes and Smee - about the hats, - it's a stealth night time raid, not a circus, but we will have to work with the outfits we've got. (My balaclava is a child's one in green, knitted for DS in the days when his ambition was to be a Ninja Turtle )

Ned - two soluble disprin in two thirds of a glass of water used as a mouthwash (not swallowed) can help with the sore mouth.
DS sounds sweet in his assembly

Sometimes -

Oh me too. Sometimes I laugh like I'll never stop, it is odd.

Kurri - i bet Andy mcnab never had this kind of issue kitting out his crews for raids.

Cross post with KK!

I love the idea of the photo when we get caught on the CCTV camera (which i am sure neighbours have installed to protect their pride and joy) - three old birds (I am thinking mainly of myself in that remark ) carving a phallic picture in a pristine lawn, wearing totally mad hats. I wonder if we would get charged, or only sent back to smee's rubber room

I can provide black face paint, if that helps. Though I suspect it won't, given the lurid nature of the hats.

Learning to drive is very, very hard and scary, KK. I take my hat off to you. Positively one of the most stressful things in my life.

I love driving now, though, so reckon it'll be totally worth it. I find it very therapeutic, actually

I got a bit (understatement ) about driving. Strangely feel braver now but bit awkward to sit/drive til wound healed.

me too (love driving) -it really will be worth it kk
Thanks for comforting words etc - I am just hopeless at veering off a normal route and doing something different,ie going away- it really throws me- all Mindfulness practice goes out of the window. That why I love to hear things like smee's NY trip -that people cn do spontaneous things and not implode and their house will remain standing if they're not around to guard it.
Very good dream analysis too kk
Rubber room looks very inviting- I'll join you.
Anyway- I've had a go at some of the illustrations and things seem to be going ok.

- they are bound to have CCTV (and probably booby traps of some kind), maybe we should wear masks. I have one of those decorated ones on a stick with bits of feather and stuff that DD wore for a masked ball at uni

I do get moments of panic thinking about learning to drive, - it is scary, but it would make such a difference to my life if I could, even if I just drove on quiet country roads.

I know what you and Smee mean about the euphoria - I get that too, I laugh like a drain about the silliest things. I do get the downs too, but I've got a lot better as seeing them as temporary, and just something to be got through until I feel good again.

It's weird but in many ways I feel a lot freer and bolder, - just little things, for instance before I would never gone to an art club and let anyone see my pictures, - I would have thought 'they will laugh, I'm not good enough' but now I just think I don't care what anyone else thinks, it doesn't matter. I've just put a couple of pictures into a little tiny exhibition our group has (a wall in a community centre) - I'd never have dared do that before.

Passes smee a

....that is one weird dream honey!

kk interesting,the boldness thing- I am much more experimental in my work and much more confident - shame it doesn't extend to anything else !

MAS your confidence in your work is an amazing thing, well worth a celebration in itself.

I don't give a flying toss what anyone else thinks now, either. I didn't much, before, but now it really is irrelevant. So that's a freeing aspect to the whole thing. I am very glad there is something to recommend it, because i was struggling to find anything

I've got one of those masks on a stick too, KK so we are good to go.

I have to say, I am amused by the prospect of several boob-mangled women getting caught in a booby trap: the headlines could be magnificent

KK - it is really excellent that you have put pictures in a show, you know. MAS - give it time, give it time.....

Afternoon all.

Just popping in to say had the morning off work due to still feeling wibbly-wobbly and weak. Hopefully I'll be fighting fit tomorrow.

KK, I totally relate to your boldness thing. A few weeks ago we went to a party and I wasn't drinking, so no dutch courage. DS2 wanted to dance with me but there was no-one on the floor and, prior dx, I would have felt too shy and self conscious. But, to my DHs and DS2s surprise, I got up and couldn't have cared less. I thoroughly enjoyed it and threw some shapes on the dance floor. It was a "seize the moment" type feeling. I'm not usually a spontaneous person but think I'm leaning that way.

MAS, your BC nurse sounds a rock. How lovely to have that sort of support when you need it and not have to burden your nearest and dearest with your thoughts. I think we'd all love to have someone like that to talk to. I can't remember if you've said before, but do you get on well with your mil?

Gig, hope you find lots on e-Bay. I've become a bit addicted since I was dx last year and couldn't get out as much as I'd have liked. The postman comes at least once a fortnight.

Dream made me , Smee. I love KKs analysis - get that cheque in the post.

DH is on his way to The Lakes - left at 4am. He'll have a fab time, I just hope his cough clears up a bit and that the other 6 have taken their ear-plugs (they share a dorm in a youth hostel). As their average age is about 58 I think the youth hostel must be desperate and ought to consider a name-change.

Sneaking on at work as everyone out and about.

Rubber room sounds good - I'll go in too as long as chocolate is available in vast quantities.

Autumn - Hope your gynae apt comes through soon and all is ok.

Topsy - First day went well and I felt fine. Under my arm is a bit more tender today, not sure if I have over-done it yesterday.

Oneineight - Did your echo go ok yesterday?

Sometimes - BUY THE CAR - alternatively buy me the car and I will drive it with you in mind :)

Speaking of cars Kurri good luck with the lessons.

I really need to summon up some enthusiasm for going out to the bank and get some lunch. I stand and make the children and DH lunches each night and make myself nothing. So today I have had 2 weetabix and 3 Rich Tea biscuits. Those cranberry cookies sound nice, anyone fancy passing a couple my way?

As I am Little Miss Paranoid at the moment think you may need to employ someone with a larger bottom to sit on the box as my paranoia seems to be escaping on a regular basis.

Hi Gracie, I bet your bottom dollar I've got the hugest rear-end on this thread - shift yer bums and I'll plonk myself down. Bugger that paranoia.

figgy hope you are up and about tomorrow and dh has a great time . Am more a seller than a buyer on eBay at minute (but do Iike a bargain).

gracie the box has room 101 proportions so don't worry it can hold it all. Waiting on appt etc horrid.

at mangled womAn- I can add my less than j lo style bum into this mix (oddly Cos of where it is I am bothered about healinf but not at present about cosmetics of it).

Nanny felt sick again so did stint looking after kids. I don't mind naturally but was hoping for a rest ( general anaesthetics give me chronic insomnia) . Feel like a cow but worried about how reliable she is with radio coming up (ironic that this matters more than when I am working ). Also she is generally fab so I hate the idea that she is trying it on (dh thinks she is).

Gracie, I have a large bottom , I know it's an awful cliche, but one day at a time yes?, you will feel all over the place, its only natural, its getting through the waiting time that is hard, honestly it does improve - the early days after DX are such a shock to the system, so give yourself time to get accustomed to your new situation. Bit by bit.
I know you don't feel hungry, but try to have a bit - even if it is biscuits, anything you fancy, bugger healthy eating.

Figgy - yay for throwing some shapes, good for you , I'm glad your DH managed to get to the Lakes after all, hope his cough is getting better.

at the aptness of a booby trap to catch booby compromised women! I think the masks will add an air of sophistication to the whole enterprise - if we are caught, we want to look our best

Freeing the spirit is good, but you are quite right, cancer is a drastic way to achieve it - there must be a better way!

Waving to Sparkle - hope all is OK with you atm.

It's fair enough to wonder, Gig - you do need someone reliable during radio. I'd have a word so she understands these are appointments that aren't negotiable or flexible except in direst emergency, and even then, these usually need to be the hospital's emergencies, not yours.

gracie - how i would love to buy the car. You are not helping.

I'll sit on the box for you all. My paranoid bum is not too paranoid at the moment, but it is large enough to hold all our assorted worries down, no bother. The three McVities chocolate digestives I have just eaten can only help in that respect.

Parents' evening tonight. Yuk. Got to go alone too, as DH is yet again ministering to sick old rellies when I need him here [selfish emoticon]

Hurling some more cookies in for Autumn.

Figgy, glad to hear you're a bit better. Love the shape throwing.

Getting very crowded on this box now, Gracie. Hope the collective weight is helping.

Gig, nanny thing sounds annoying to me. No matter how lovely and good she is, it's useless if she's not reliable.

Sometimes, we have parents' evening on Thursday. DH not going here too. I am taking DS this time. Should be interesting..!

Kurri, I do like your analysis. How much though. Will have to save up

• sophisticated mask.. ?! Will a home made Lone Ranger mask do. I could draw on a moustache too? Ooh + can I wear a cape?!