***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

gigondas snuggle on the sofa feeding baby as much as you can with plenty of fbs. It is a lovely time, I remember it well, couldn't quite get the hang of it with ds but the dds were lovely feeders and it is a time to put your feet up and regain your strength.

Morning All

Gigondas what time are you expecting your phone call ? It feels so long ago that I was snuggled on the sofa with a new born . My youngest will be 9 next month , eeek where did the time go ?

Jane pass me a , DH made me one before he left for work , but I was so tired I fell back to sleep and it got cold on me !

< sniffs air and cranes neck to see what mas is baking , pityfully eyes up the fbs trolley >

for me, thanks jchocchip!

Thanks for all your good wishes- I so appreciate your love and support. Am actually walking around with a big smile on my face, which is a bit weird, but a good positive step forward for me. I don't think I knew how worried I was about getting the results until I felt the relief of it all being OK at this point.

Thought I might get a haircut today - i have quite short hair anyway, but need a trim and going to talk to my lovely hairdresser about what might happen with chemo etc. The breast nurse yesterday was talking about wigs/ scarves etc so I guess she's thinking I'll lose my hair. I wouldn't do the cold cap because the thought of it actually makes me sick, as I hate, hate, hate being cold and I am quite prone to headaches.

Hope everyone else is OK this morning x x x x x

Ned, I am so, so pleased that your results are as good as they could be. I think you are right, the chemo regimes offered for BC pretty much all make hair loss inevitable. I also didn't do cold cap and lost every last strand, but honestly, it isn't as bad as you think it will be. The worst bit is when it starts to go because it happens really fast - once it's gone you just adapt, and then it comes back much, much quicker than you think it's going to. It really is a good idea to think about getting it shorter, it makes the fallout part less painful.

Gigondas - lie back, relax and try not to think about the call until it comes. We are all sending you positive vibes and willing it to be good news.

I am dog sitting again this weekend - the hairball has just arrived. She is very sweet, although dd's rabbits do not agree.....

Thanks for good vibes - will get call some time this afternoon. Feeling oddly calm (which hope isnt misplaced) and doing jobs . I suppose part of it is nothing I can do.

Ned- not sure what cold cap is but agree that if it is as would expect and makes you cold I wouldnt fancy it.

Gigondas a hug for you and sending lots of good vibes your way.
Am baking some spicy cheese scones this afternoon - will of course put some on the fbs trolley.

Who was it who recommended orange chunky kitkat? Yum yum! They are very tasty. . . Have popped a few on the fbs trolley for sharing!

Now have rather scarily short haircut. . . Lovely hairdresser said that as and when hair starts going, to ring her and she'll stay late and clip the rest off for me. I probably should have waited to have it cut til nearer start of chemo, but it feels like taking control somehow. . .does that make sense? Needed a cut anyway, so just went for really short.

Have been for nice walk this morning- its proper chilly here!

Sorry, Gigondas meant to say, thinking of you today- got everything crossed for you. Big hugs to give you strength x x

Rushing in to offer huge hugs to Gigondas. Hope you get that call soon with good news on CT results.

So blinkin' cold here. Cycled to pool for a swim, which was a bit daft as there's ice on the roads - didn't realise until it was too late, so went very slowly.. Waiting for feedback on one project, so pressing ahead with the next. Better get back to it. Holstein hope the antib's are kicking in and you're feeling a bit less sore. Waving to all others.

Just passing through to wish Gigondas good luck, and eye up FB trolley.

Good news re clear nodes and margins Ned.

Thanks- sitting here waiting for call and imagination going into overdrive. Glad dh here

Still suffering a bit here, but taking it very easy...just wanted to say good luck Gigondas xx

and well done Ned

and Hi to everyone else

xx

Went to see friend with new(ish) baby today - baby is 12 weeks and she admitted she was only dressed by 11 because she knew I was coming I remember it well!. It was lovely, just chatted for about 3 hours, putting the world to rights. Who needs expensive therapists eh ?
Thinking of you Gigondas.

Popping back for update on Gigondas , will try again later .

It was me and the orange chunky kit kats . They are a bit lush aren't they ?

Went out for lunch today with a friend , and we went back to the wool shop . Got a ball of chocolate brown and a ball of speckled beige . Starting my neutral squares now .

< Snaffles 4 or 5 a spicey cheese scone off the fbs trolley >

Holsten sympathy re infection - have had to watch c section scar .

I did manage getting dressed today but cant say have always managed. dd cuddles do help and she does offer distraction.

Got call and news is need more tests. There are small spots on my lungs and also on sternum/spine that they want to MRI. They are small and dont look obviously like secondary but can't be sure. They think may be hormone related as never had anyone this close to giving birth before.

So scan early next week and also oncologist visit then they discuss scan in Thursday meeting and take it from there.
This may mean op next Friday (my lump isn't small on my arse so I would quite like it off!) or later after radio treatment.

I know this isn't definitive but they are being through so have to know what there and given they missed it til now I would rather they hit me with the worse now. Also am naively hoping even if secondary the fact they are small/not obvious makes them more treatable . Or am I being Ott here?

Consultant rang dh and I was glad of that as dh better messenger I think (am not usually this docile but I know I can't ask right questions or listen right).

Even though it's not the best news I feel better for being in process so thanks for all those who said it would help.

Am listening to lovely "concert"on toy piano that my mum gave dd1. Let's just say her taste in music is freeform

And thanks for all handholding and fbs

Gigondas - I'm pleased for you that waiting for the phone call is done. More tests is tough to wait your way through, but good that they are being thorough. It sounds as if they are optimistic though, and I hope that has helped make you feel a bit calmer. If its any comfort at all, I had things show on the CT scan on lungs and liver, - which they went on to further check - they turned out to be nothing to worry about, - and I know quite a few people who've had similar experiences, - CT scans will show up stuff you've probably had there all your life, just didn't know about.

How are you feeling in yourself - is your lump very painful? - I hope it's not too sore as you must also still be recovering from your c section.

I hope you can relax a bit this weekend, and enjoy your lovely little girls, - your DD1's concert sounds very 'experimental and avant garde'

Ned - you must feel relieved, - its such a tense time, that its a bit of a drop back down to earth when you been running over every scenario in your mind, - so take things nice and easy and have a lovely weekend. I think hair loss unfortunately is a given with BC chemo, (I had cold cap, but a) it was very cold which I hated and b) it didn't work and all my hair fell out anyway, apart from a few days when I went through my Arthur Scargill period - then fortunately those odd strands also left the building

But forewarned is forearmed and all that, there are various different sites which do quite nice chemo hats, - and I had a little soft wool one from J Lewis as well, - you'll probably want a few to keep you warm at night, and if you want a break from your wig at home. (Or if like me you decide not to have a wig).

Just waving (not drowning ) to everyone else, before I do too huge a post.

I did zumba this morning, and seemed to have buggered one of my hips, - serves me right

It does sound optimistic Gigondas -though obviously unsettling until you know what's what for sure- hope you can relax a bit and that the bottom op is soon and not too uncomfortable.
Car is back - amber's diagnosis was correct. There's a small tiny lightbulb on the dashboard ( indicator for the full beam on headlights) which has gone- the actual bulb costs pennies but it's £89 to replaced because they have to dismantle everything and take the steering wheel off...would amber care to come around ? I'd pay in fbs.

poor hip kk zumba sounds dangerous (and sweaty)

Oh yes it's very sweaty MAS especially if you are slightly on the portly side

Am in awe of Doing Zumba. I am lazy at best of times!

That's interesting kurri - my mum has same thing as had other friend and turned out to be nothing so let's hope it's the same thing or at least nothing that is too set in.

Bum lump is sore (Its not small -12cm hence got "missed" as was told originally that might be related muscle issue due to hyper mobile hip in pregnancy ). At least I can take painkillers now which couldn't in pregnancy so was in agony. Basically pain is due to swelling/bruised skin from lump.

The good news is the evening concert has started and peppa pig on in background . It has helped me to get back to normal a bit playing with dds and if it snows have Perfect excuse not to go anywhere (fires are on now and it's lovely).

Gigondas, I second what wise-Kurri has said, as it's quite common for them to find things on CT which turn out to be nothing to worry about, so keep hold of that. Does sound like they're moving at pace for you now, which is always good.

I have just eaten a box of chocolate fingers with a lovely neighbour while our boys played upstairs. We had to hide the packaging as I'd bought the packet for them.

Still can't remember what those scarf things I like are called. It will come to me..

Kurri, that hip sounds like it needs wine.

MAS, I fear my car fixing days are behind me! but yes, it's a total ripoff.

Ned, hair loss - yup. Most people do end up losing their hair. Mine waited until about 14 days after chemo and then decided to part company with me amazingly fast, so I got hairdresser to clip the rest off fast and found a brilliant wig specialist. Matilda the Wig is still going strong a year later (have hair, but it's come back curly and a weird colour so it's staying under Matilda until it learns to behave ). Most people assume my wig is my hair that's been restyled and are really complimentary about it, and it's so easy to look after. Plus I can change hairstyles by whipping out a new wig.

Thought I would not get a wig, although I like the name of a named wig amber : Matilda is a very classy name! I have always had short hair anyway, and don't feel that it is a big part of me. Would rather make statements with fancy hats and bandannas, I think. I don't think I'm that worried about losing my hair, in the big scheme of things, but maybe I'll feel differently when it happens. . . I think I'd read that 2 weeks in is the key time for hair loss.

Thanks for your wisdom kurri hope all OK with you today x

topsy orange chunky kitkats are indeed filthy and wrong. . . Yum

anyone? Having a sneaky glass of Pinot grigio here!

Hope holsten and Gigondas are OK this evening. Thinking of you both, ladies x x

BUFF - that's what the head bandy things are called. Promised to post for that days ago, but my brain's only just remembered. Ned, have a look if you like the idea of scarves and bandanas. Just google and lots will come up.