***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

Not mental at all, holsten I regularly say, "do you know what? This is sh*t. I give up. I just want to go back to work on Monday and forget all about it." I am coming to realise that its all part of the rollercoaster.

I would second the support on here being second to none, from the point of view of another relative newbie. Love and much gratitude to all the ladies here x

Definitely a this evening. I have guacamole and pitta for dipping if anyone fancies a nibble with their glass?

Thank you all so much for your helpful info, tips and thoughts. I will pass them on and will send her the info on the counselling site (thanks kurri) - very helpful to me to read through too. Thanks very much again - and much, much good luck and good thoughts to all of you.

X post kurri I have two very middle aged Jack Russells, one of whom thinks she's a rotweiller and must defend the garden from pigeons across Dorset!

Sorry you're feeling tired today - hope the sleep has helped x x

Have got thermometer - quite important with DS and his temperature regulation business - so should I take my normal temp at various times of day so I have a baseline?

Such great advice from everyone - thank you all so much x x

Baseline is a very good idea - you are far more on the ball than I was at this stage (imagine a headless chicken)

Two JRT's - that suggests a brilliant amount of mayhem - we have very dangerous pigeons round here too, - they aren't even allowed to sit on the roof, - sometimes she gets so outraged about them she tries to bark, but no noise comes out

Ours likes to put her hackles up and turn herself into a bottle brush, because clearly that intimidates the pigeons more as she stands at the patio doors and barks at the bird table [hmmm] The other one is much more of a follower, and you can imagine her saying "just calm down! what's with the barking? Oh, another fricking pigeon. . . just give it a rest will you?"

Take it easy kurri - an early night for you?

Kurri, that's really funny about your dog woofing but nothing coming out haha. I love JR's, they are always a bit nuts.
My sanity is saved by coming on here at the moment!

And thanks Ned for saying I'm not mental (having doubts haha) x

another tiring day, whole day at work and fit for nothing now. I'm going to have a hot chocolate and go read in bed. Guess when I give up chocolate for lent that will be off the menu too. ds came home from uni and cooked tea tonight :)

well done to mini ned and his new tooth :)

Still haven't packed yet
Am in such a procrastinating mood
My excuse is I am having to defend my knitting from the attentions of pig/dog (german shepherd who would love a couple of jack russels to play with !) For some reason he has decided that it all Must Be Sniffed And Drooled Upon this evening . Lord alone knows why ?

Now DH is home , must get orf the pooter and act like a decent wifie ...

ha - loving your JR's Ned

Holsten - my JR is 14 and a half, and probably couldn't catch a pigeon if it sat on her nose, - but in her head she's a ferocious hunter

jane - always nice to get tea cooked for you, - I made a big pie yesterday, so there was plenty left over tonight - just had to shove it in the oven.

am off to bed very shortly, - just watched a sort of thriller thing we've been following called Inside Men, but I kept nodding off and losing the thread of it.

topsy - all self respecting home knits should have a bit of dog drool and dog hair in them Is it tomorrow you leave, or Saturday?

would it be ok if I just sidle back in like I haven't been away?

Brief explanation for all the many newcomers since about May/June last year: I was diagnosed in Dec 10, had WLE, node clearance, chemo and rads finishing last October. Since then have been struggling with anxiety and depression .

These ladies here saw me through from diagnosis to mid-chemo, when I had a bit of a meltdown (various factors including my mum being rushed to hospital with heart problems) which coincided with a lot of new joiners and I was just no longer able to keep up with the speed of the board. So I just disappeared for a bit, then the longer I was away the harder it felt to get back in.....daft I know. But I was so down - ill with it - I just couldn't manage it.

I made a New Year's Resolution to dive back in but still didn't manage it!

But I keep seeing questions I could answer, and I really want to give others some of the wonderful help I got

In particular.....Ned - it was only when I got to the end of my chemo that I realised I had not missed a single school run! But I also had a couple of friends on standby just in case, so just be prepared and then play it by ear. I had chemo on a Thursday, was there from about 10am to about 2pm (did the cold cap). Rested, pottered and ate for an hour (not big enough lunch there!) then did school pick-up. Then lay on the sofa a bit more until it was time to cook tea. Every Friday (on FEC) I felt really quite energetic! This was the steroids I think. I was basically fine all day until late afternoon/evening when fatigue/nausea set in. Days 3&4 (Sat & Sun) were the worst, but still manageable. Most of the time I likened it to early pregnancy - that queasy/nausea, grumbly tum, bit achy, tired, light-headed kind of thing. My worst side-effects were the mouth ones - no sense of taste for several days combined weirdly with really yucky taste in my mouth, grainy-feeling gums, sometimes multiple mouth ulcers. So my top tip is also mouthwash several times a day (but not too much of the Corsodyl that's usually recommended as it actually contains alcohol which is NOT good for your gums!) The warm salty water is good.

But remember - as Kurri says - it's really 'suck it and see' - and do ask for stronger anti-sickness drugs if you need them. And do get a support network in place for in case you do just need to stay on the sofa some days.

But I do so remember the fear before starting - we are all here and rooting for you, we'll see you through it x

Lovely to see you back LJ, - have really missed you , and so sorry to hear you've been struggling with depression, and that your mum has been poorly How are things with you now?

Pull up a chair - we've kept one warm for you, - and don't worry if you lose track - we've all been doing that - we have more people, so more posts now, - which is sad that people are going through it all, but good that they've found their way our little bolt hole.

Much love xx

LIME !! Welcome back !!!!
Am incredibly tired today-I walked back into town and back after my friends had gone and as a result my right hip is agony -ridiculous really. We're going to be walking a lot tomorrow (off to London on one of ds's architecture tours) so hope it isn't too sore. I guess ibuprofen would be a good idea.
Dad is framing a print I bought for dh's birthday and he said that mum looked terrible today- not ill but he (between the lines) thinks she's v depressed -she also didn't want ds to stay overnight on Saturday as we're going to dsinner with friends.No problem as ds can have supper with them and come home on his own-it's just that she seemed to want peace and quiet and no ds (who is a quiet boy as you know-though seldom sits still)
Sorry-it's a bit self indulgent of me - lots of love to you all xx

Lime -awful of me not to ask about your mum and to commiserate about depression-forgive me

Aww thanks Kurri - feel all teary now (again, grr). My heart's been aching for you all through your sad time recently. A resurgence of missing my dad has been a factor for me recently. My mum's not too bad at the moment thanks, but she was very ill with her own depression for a while (the heart thing probably did some damage, but they don't investigate much in 80+ year old ladies...)

It's funny but it's the fact that there are SO many people here now that I actually feel more able to post. Like now there is absolutely no chance of keeping up with and replying to everyone, so I feel it would be more OK to just come on and toss out random comments

Get away, MAS! That was a lovely welcome

Don't apologise for not asking questions for, as I have intimated, a reply may not be included in my random postings!

Sorry to hear your mum's got it too though...there's a lot of it about

Lots of love and hugs to you xx

Off to bed now.

Remember to dose up on ibuprofen MAS, and enjoy your day out tomorrow. x

thanks Lime will do- have a good day x

Lime- welcome , I am sorry that you have had such a bad time but am pleased you could come back.

Mas enjoy your day out.

Feeling brighter today. Think part of reason may have felt so yuck and down yesterday was it was first day in a month i didn't take painkillers with codeine/tramadol... Apparently (and I should have guessed before dropping the dose unilaterally as don't feel need for too many painkillers) there can be withdrawal symptoms incl mood swings, upset tummy and nausea...

Dh home today and feeling lot brighter at moment so trying to hold that feeling.

And thanks Ned for words of sympathy - I know it sounds a bit odd but I do take comfort in fact you are slightly ahead of where I am now so there is empathy.

Will go and find some FBs to go with my coffee.

Shiiiiiiiiiit !!!!
Leaving today and still not packed !
Have 2 hours to get DC up , bathed , and dressed . And then get them over to Grannys by 11am . And also get myself bathed and dressed and packed .
I am a bit useless at this logistics stuff aren't I ?

Hello Lime , we never met , but the ladies were all hoping you were ok when I joined the board so I feel like I know you already
I was diagnosed May 2011 , mx and node clearance June 2011 , chemo and rads done . Lung secondaries being watched .
Glad to meet you properly !

Gig I forgot to take my anti ds for 5 days and felt like I was going to fall over constantly . So I understand how not taking the tabs can make you feel all discombobulated .

To everyone , I am going to turn off the lappy now and get my arse into gear . I shall probably not post till Monday now as internet on my poorly Crackberry induces the White Screen Of Death .
So wish me luck and watch out for photos on Facebook

< scatters brioche , crumpets and creme eggs on the fbs trolley before she leaves >

Oh LJ, it is so good to see you back. Woo hoo!!!! We have missed you, and also LittleGreenFrogs who went awol at about the same time.

I am sorry to hear that you have been so down, and your Mum poorly too. But it is great that you are through the treatment and coming out the other side now, I do know what you mean about finding it hard to keep up, but it is absolutely fine not to try always. Personally, I always want the random musings of a fellow traveller, anything else is a bonus. I think this thread is a bit like the Hotel California [gimmer] - you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.....(unless you really want to, of course)

MAS - have a lovely, ibuprofen-soothed day.

[waves at Topsy's disappearing back]

Hope she has a good time.....

Bye Topsy ...what have I missed where is she going?

LJ - missed you, so glad to see you back, I have been thinking of you. I have to admit that I have no chance f keeping up with the thread, but pop along to indulge myself at the FBS trolley, and generally give support (I hope) and feel supported (definitely).

Love to everyone, half term here, so frantically trying to keep 8yr old, 6 yr old and 3 yr old happy....oh and dh too. So have been awol. Whats the news, who has appts/treatments today?

Don't ask me, sparkles, have been intermittently here myself what with work and half term and all.

Have a homemade ginger biscuit, I am sure they are quite healthy really. Shatter like a bugger though, so use a plate.....