***TAMOXIFEN number 19***

[MaryAnnSingleton]

ta daa !

Gigondas - kk has said everything so well,so I can only echo it- you're having a really rough time and I will be thinking of you and wishing you a smooth journey through the operation and being away from your dear baby - I haven't anything else to offer in the way of wise words but send my love x

Oh Gig - sending you much love. I feel for you so much with your dcs so tiny.
Ned _ I actually found the onc appt a bit 'flat' - she basically repeated what the surgeon had told me a week or two before. Twas a bit of a waste of an appt really.
Am off to a Church fellowship meeting, but might take some Dairy Milk and brioche with me if I may ?

Gig - sending hugs and good luck in case I'm not on here before your op. I do agree with KK's approach. (She'a Sagitarian like me so we're on the same wavelength). I feel for you having to leave the little ones - but at least the op will be over and done with very soon.

Ned - hope you get onc treatment plan sorted out soon - its tough but at least once you'ce started you know you're further along the road of zapping every little ?XXXXX£$!" cell.

Gigondas, that's such a lot for you to take in! Op alone is huge, especially when you've such young children. Grade 3's a sod, but very common in younger women. If it makes you feel any better I was Grade 3 too - actually a fair few of us on here were and let's face it are still very much here. Kurri's right - be kind to yourself. xx

Gigondas I'm so sorry to hear about your day. Have they definitely said that dd can not go with you? The hospital should have a breastfeeding policy. When I was admitted about 8 weeks after having dd2 (pulmonary embolism) she stayed with me, well near enough. She wasn't allowed on my ward because of cases of tb, and I had to have a porter to wheel me to feed her or express milk. Once I was through the initial danger, I ended up in a room on the childrens ward. These days there may be a side room. Even if you decide you can't have her with you, you could still plan to try to maintain your supply over the 5 days and the hospital should help you with this if you want to. Sorry, this sounds like I am telling you what to do - I don't mean to, just saying what happened to me, when I told the hospital no one else could look after my ebf baby...

Thank you so much for kind words. And good advice on just one step at a time (had same talk from my mum). And also the comfort re grading (hell it is cancer - none of it is good news).

Dh and mum constructing plans to cover when am in hospital so am feeling better.

Am so glad and appreciative of everyone on this thread- not sure how could have managed without it.

Gig I have lung secondaries . If there is anything you want to know about it , please feel free to ask me . I don't want to launch into a whole post about it , as I don't know how much info you want right now .
When I was at your stage I couldn't take in any information at all . But I know others have wanted every scrap of info they could find .
Let me know if I can help at all

Thanks topsy- may well ask when can get my head round it but I am on information overload.

Eating nougat cookie (thanks to fancy bakery near hospital) - they are very nice ... So add them to fbs (which is most appropriate as we sit here watching the biggest loser )

Totally understand that Gig , the brain can only deal with so much in one go eh ?
Mmmmmm , nougat cookies ? Sneaks hand over and breaks off a tiny corner ...

Someone tell me to go to bed please ? Am back into my weird sleeping patterns . Always happens whilst I am waiting for my 3 monthly CT results . Results appointment not till 20th of Feb , so got a long old wait this time .

Topsy - GO TO BED >>>>>>

hope you went to bed topsy
Anxty dreams again (sorry to go on about it) and lying on my hip to avoid lying on my stitches !(and vice versa) gah !
Also noticed last night a post on fb which makes me think that friend's friend has died-not from my friend,who may not know this news (so haven't said anything- would be terrible to get things wrong ) The person who announced it made one of those (annoying in my opinion) comments about cancer being a bastard (which it is) but which elicits lots of 'what's wrong' comments.
Anyway,if that's the case then it's heart breakingly sad and my friend will be very upset.

Mas sorry you are feeling sore and the fb message can hardly help.

Topsy hope you managed to sleep in end- The waiting must be horrible.

Positive thoughts and fbs for all those feeling low today .

Feel bit better as managed to get some sleep (and thanks for bf advice - the pumping idea is good but dd Getting fond of bottles as is mixed fed so may well make up her own mind. )

Dh not that great - he had a chat with someone who Lost his wife (diff circumstances) and that is playing on his mind as well as I think realisation of treatment. So I know he was lieing awake (not helped by picking up a cold from dd). How have people's other halves coped?

Am going to do as little as possible and take kurris advice about just focussing on the op.

am sorry that dh is not doing so well Gigondas - he sounds very supportive but obviously it's very tough for him too. Glad you managed to sleep a bit.The best way I think is to remain focussed on one thing at a time -hard to do of course.

Oh MAS if that has happened I am very sorry to hear it .
I too hate those passive aggressive posts on facebook .

Finally went to sleep . Only to be awoken by DH at 7am . Not his fault , just time to get up . I am going to try to not nap today , but by 4pm I am normally soooo tired I just pass out !

Hope all are well and happy .
Who is on beakfast duty today ?

X posted Gig . My DH is not a Speaker About Emotional Things at the best of times . So we really haven't had much of a conversation about things . I guess we have been too swept up in all the treatment side of things , it all happens so quickly once you are diagnosed .
DH is lucky as he comes from a medical family , Dad is a GP , uncles and cousins are all hospital consultants . So he gets all his factual questions answered .
His other comfort is the fact that he is religious (I am not , or at least I am not sure !) , so I know he prays a lot .
Also (unfortunately) his brothers wife has an extremely life limiting illness , and I know he has spoken to him at length .
Did you know that you can both get counselling sessions (free) from Macmillan ? You can have them together or apart , group or singular .

Maybe we should start up a board for our menfolk ?
But then they would only get together and compare notes about us . And discover that all the things we say we can't do because "I Have Cancer You Know" aren't really true ...

Topsy sorry you got woken up. I am having to shift out of bed as cleaner here. Also toying with whether I go to nct coffees. They don't know (think said that wast going to mention) but not sure have energy or resilience to put brave face on even for an hour.

I think that board a good idea (but not the bit on what I can't do...). Dh very practical (right down to what would do with kids if worst happened) but I could see him looking at me and touching me to check I was still there. I am not scared for me but for dh and dc- also I can focus on treatment but it's hard when can only watch,

I can see how faith helps. I am not religious but I do keep muttering mantras/ prayers or whatever to make me better. Daft but it helps.

The Macmillan thing a Greaf idea- will look into that.

Have you done meditation Gigondas ? I am a very lapsed Catholic but i still ask God to help, and I mix it with some Buddhism for good measure. I try to mediate for 15 mins a day,not always successful in finding time or in fact doing it properly-though there isn't really a right or wrong way to do it..but it has been proven that it restores calm and can reduce pain - the really good thing is that it brings you to the present moment,so that you aren't getting ahead of yourself,nor are you dwelling in the past. Sorry- I do go on about it a bit- but I cling to it as my way out of various mental health issues which have come to the fore particularly since diagnosis- which in itself a probably a good thing as I've suppressed so much throughout my life.

btw dh and my family don't really talk about feelings so that's a bit of a prob. Hope you don't feel too knocked out by this afternoon topsy..is there anything tempting on the fbs trolley ?

Gig if you can make a brief appeareance at the nct coffee, do. I know you don't want to tell, but there may be some very supportive people there - and it may take your mind off things a bit.

Topsy that wait is plain mean. How is the knitting going?

My dh doesn't do talking. He does email his Mum a lot and ask her advice, they are very close. She is 10 years post mastectomy and very supportive.

good morning folks. i am happy to make breakfast, bacon and/or egg butties all round? i have some 'real' chickens eggs from my friend they are huge!

Gig, i second the idea to focus on just one thing at a time, although it must be really hard for you right now. i say to myself about a hundred times a day: 'just one thing at a time' and 'just get through today' it really helps. the alternative is far too overwhelming.
feeling for your dh too, it must be hard for partners/family to go through this and feel helpless.
re the nct thing, i think if you dont feel up to it then dont go, see how you feel. there may be some really good friends waiting for you there, but then again if you are not in the 'mood' then its ok not to go

i took the plunge and walked my dd to school this morning, my legs were like rubber after being indoors for 2 weeks, but it was great to take her and she was very happy! so nice to chat to people too. now im just doing my daily ritual of waiting for postie with appt letter!

sorry to hear of the fb message MAS , how sad if that is the case :( hope you are ok

topsy, waiting is just about the worst thing in the world , i have no patience at all, i am a rubbish sleeper at the best of times.

right, lets get some breakfast going x

Morning all- sorry for melodramatic post yesterday Have pulled myself together, like sparkle 's horoscopic curtains. . . Thanks for all support and love and positive thoughts - means a great deal to me. You're all right, or course. My cancer is gone, and I like MAS idea of chemo doing a thorough mop up job! Thanks kurri you are a legend who talks such sense x x

I can do late breakfast duty- fresh bread out of the bread maker, with proper butter and homemade jam?

Been to DSs Greek assembly- very cute! A real variety of different outfits, and DS looked very suitably dressed! I put him in pale grey trackies and trainers, rather than shorts and sandals. Lots of others sensible parents had done the same! He had a dark red scarf around his waist, tying in his sheet toga, and another red scarf over one shoulder. Will take some pics later if he'll tolerate it, as there wasn't time this morning, and post them on here!

Big hugs to everyone this morning x x x

X post holsten well done for doing the school run! Fingers crossed posting brings that letter soon x

we'll share breakfast duty then Ned, real bread sounds goood!
well done to DS and well done to you!

Hugs all round - apart from anything else we need them to keep warm. Got to run to a meeting, so can't post much, but Gigondas keep talking on here is all I can think of. It honestly dragged me through treatment and I think kept me sane(ish) too. Be kind to yourself.

Will post more later. Off to layer up and head out..

keep warm smee
Well done for school walk holsten and ned glad Greek assembly went well !