**TAMOXIFEN 18**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

oh my,we're starting our 18th !

Topsy, am sure your Onc was in total adoration, but you're right as I had bone and CT scans too, though I had them straight after diagnosis. My BCN was fantastic and pushed them through for me, as I was anxting over it having spread. Not sure I've ever had an Echocardiogram though.

hello all, i managed to sleep til 5 this morning, til the pain woke me! have got codeine, but by god they make m feel sh*te! im just going to do a rant if thats ok ''PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN MY MINGE OR WHATS LEFT OF IT, STOP HURTING!!'' thank you. I need to make myself feel a bit better, what can i do? its hard to pamper myself as i cant sit in the bath properly only kneel. usually im rushing here there and everywhere, i just feel so sluggish, so flabby, so sick. i need a bikini wax but thats out. my legs are stubbly. i cant wear proper clothes. i want someone to come in and pamper me up whilst not hurting me!! can you pay someone to do that?? sorry for the moaning.

I do have tons of food, if anyone wants some homemade shepherds pie which was made for me!

Holsten I think you need better pain relief - maybe a combination of codeine with something else? Phone the hospital or your GP, getting comfy is the very first step. I am very on your behalf. I wonder how they would like to deal with butchered bits with no more than over the counter pain relief? I have to say from my experience BC surgery (lumpectomy at least) is much less painful than we mostly imagine, and I am sure we still got sent away with better pain relief than you have been provided with.

All the other stuff about feeling sluggish, flabby and sick is pretty normal post surgery, you are still packed full of GA, you know. A bit of time needs to pass, that's all.

Don't look at the hairy legs, that will be easily sorted when you feel up to it.

If you really would like some pampering, how about a facial? You can sort of recline for that and it should take your mind away from your lower regions at the very least. Personally, I have also found hypnotherapy very grounding and relaxing, if you feel you could handle that right now. If you are in the Midlands I can give you a number.....

Holsten, get more drugs !! I'm for you too and they should be able to find something which doesn't make you feel as lousy as codeine. Call GP and say it's an emergency, or maybe call the ward you were on at the hospital and ask them to sort something. Sometimes is right about the GA, they linger and make you feel lousy for ages. I reckon 10 days at least before you start to feel okay and that's not mentioning the aches and pains from scarring.

Here, can I just shout : I LOVE MY GP.. He was adorable, checked me all over and says I have a cold and one small slightly swollen lymph node. He told me what to look out for so I can share if anyone's interested. Am v. v. relieved. Celebratory fbs all round?!

poor holsten - a comforting gentle hug for you- what about a head massage ? or would that involve sitting still for a bit ? or that foot thing,whatever it's called ? FBS definitely ! and more painkillers.
smee hooray for everything being ok and lovely GP - hope you can relax a bit now xx

Foot thing is reflexology - very nice, good idea!

Smee - am so pleased GP did his job properly. Do tell us what we need to look out for, that would be a useful tool to help put paranoia back in its box....

Just had to pick up a dead pigeon in the garden. Looked OKish until I got it on the spade, and then it sort of fell apart Is it OK to have put it in a sealed bag in the dustbin? I can't be fagged to bury it, especially with the ground so hard and all....

Yuk, dead pigeon's are horrid. Don't envy you that one, sometimes. I haven't a clue on binning, but always put the cat's 'presents' wrapped up in the bin. Hadn't even thought of burying them.

Okay, so here's what my GP said on neck lumps. Mine is teeny (smaller than a pea), squishy and mobile. It sits a good three finger width above my collar bone on left/ middle side. GP was confident it's a slightly inflamed lymph node. Obviously, they tend to swell when you're fighting infection, but he explained that anything that high in your neck will relate to problems with the head, so a cold, an ear infection, etc. The only time nodes that high up are to do with cancer are if you've got serious metastatic cancer and if you have you'll probably feel very ill already and have lots of other symptoms.

He said he'd worry about a neck node if it was lower than mine, so closer to the collar bone and harder and rougher edged, as that's the way cancerous nodes tend to present. He also checked under my arms and across my breasts, as he said any spreading secondaries or recurrence usually would show in nodes under arms too. Fortunately he found nothing.

Phew...!

Well done for going to GP Smee - so pleased he was able to reassure, and useful information for all of us.
Sorry you have had paranoia too jane. When does it stop I ask myself - never is probably the answer, - not trying to jump on the bandwagon, but I also had a panicky moment or ten at the weekend - ad a lot of pain round my shoulder and shoulder blade. I know what it is, because I've seen a physio and had it treated before now, but I still managed to convince myself it was something sinister.

Holsten - also feeling on your behalf, you should not be having to put up with this much pain. Can you phone your surgery and ask to speak to a GP? - they can write you out a script without having to see you. Maybe you could get some sleeping tabs, or something as well just to get you through the next few days.

As for feeling yukky - (and I do sympathise, ops do make you feel foul) I would just sponge off your top area, and legs atm - just to freshen up. Don't worry about hairy legs etc. they can wait, - bit of nail varnish might cheer you up though, and a squirt of perfume.

But honestly ring up and get the pain sorted, - you know you can take nurofen and paracetamol together(so you can have something every 2 hours and alternate so you are constantly topped up) if that helps in any way. But I think something stronger is needed, can you take morphine, or does it have the same effect as codeine on you? There are other no morphine based things they can give if so.

Reiki is supposed to be nice - I've never had it, but I have friends who swear by it, and they don't touch you, - just sort of hover hands above you or something similar - supposed to be very relaxing.

Sometimes - are your DH and mine separated at birth? - my dh is perfectly happy to live in complete mess, - if he wasn't married to me I'm sure he'd be a sort of hermit, surrounded by old rubbish in a crumbling house (that's what I've told him anyway )

Yuk to dead pigeon - grim - I think wrapped and binned will be OK though - it's not much different from say a chicken carcase [sp?]

DD has gone off to London, I think she plans to get that bus Smee, if they will take the travel card thing she's got, - she doesn't want to pay extra as her funds are tight, but she liked the sound of the bus.

Waving to everyone, have been yoga-ing all morning - must have a cuppa!

That is very interesting, smee!

I am glad he checked thoroughly and found nothing (I hope that goes without saying). The neck thing has been an ongoing concern, I had quite a thing about it immediately after I finished rads, not sure why, I seemed to have lots of aches and pains in my neck and i was massively paranoid. My GP has an intimate knowledge of the geography of my neck I have calmed down a bit since, but that's good to know for the future.

Ah you are right, it is like a chicken carcass, isn't it! Thanks!

Shoulder pain is easy to fret about. Hope it's over with now.

Your dh does sound like mine. DH's fave is to repaint a room, then leave all the brushes etc in white spirit to soak, outside, until they rot. I swear they would stay there forever. Which is why we now get a man in, unless it is very straightforward, when I do it myself

My DH is both messy and picky, which is a rather annoying combination. It took us 8 years of living together before we agreed on a single picture to be hung round the house!

Shoulder pain gets me sometimes too, Kurri. I had it yesterday, right in between the shoulder blades, convinced myself it was connected to the lump in my neck, but then realised this morning it had gone completely, so was probably due to tension..

I've found it interesting how all the way through cancer, my emotions have been pretty much as text books describe. I've got nothing on the horizon now other than Tamoxifen and fear of recurrence and read somewhere that this is the point paranoia really kicks in, and yes that's me, classic text book case! So bloody annoying to realise it never ends...

Hopefully it will ease a bit though, smee.

I think the problem lies in the fact that its known and normal reaction when treatment finishes, but no one really talks to you about it, and there's no support in place - unless you are lucky enough to have a cancer support centre near you, but they are usually separate from the NHS and not everyone has one.

On the subject of messy husbands, (and putting on my amateur psychologists hat) my DH's mum was an incredibly tidy woman, - the sort that hovers Mrs Doyle stylee, while you eat a sandwich so that the second you finish she can whip the plate from your hands and wash it up - has this made DH go completely the other way? (his DSis is very tidy like her mum).

I'm not brilliantly tidy, but I do find clutter and 'stuff' all over the place opressive and depressing.

I wonder if OneinEight got her chemo? - hope so.

yes - shoulder pain a bit of a vicious circle for me - pain makes me tense up = more pain. Sigh. It's not too bad today though - yoga helped, and I think I need to get back to doing my physio exercises regularly.

Have just scoffed a bag of flying saucers and a very nice caramel wafer.
Am sorry to hear of paranoia and pains. I do sometimes wonder about my collar bone aching but am quite sure it must be from leaning over my desk.My hip still hurts but I always get told it's age/wear and tear etc etc,so I feel unable to say anything about it.
I've heard that one of our (as in my family) oldest friends,the mother of children we grew up with is pretty ill in hospital with pneumonia. She has dementia too - so sad- she was the most wonderful,kind and bright women ever,and much loved by us all. Her eldest ds (my contemporary) has come over from NY to see her and emailed from the hospital that she may not have much longer - so please send good vibes to her (her name is Patience) for whatever happens. It feels bad to anticipate these things,but have had to pass this info on to my parents -they will of course be very sad indeed.

Sometimes - do let me know how you murdered the pigeon - there are some HUGE ones around here that eat everything in our garden. I'll think of a way to get rid o the corpses.
Ned - I was lucky and didn't have to have chemo, but my friends was 6 weeks (had her op just before Christmas which might have extended it the extra week?). - re wondering what to do for 5 weeks....... you know that eternal list of jobs that you "are going to do in the school holidays" but somehow never get round to ? I presume that's not just me, well you can start on one of them. A gentle one you can do in front of tele, like sorting all your photos and labelling and putting them in albums, rather than a full on 'clear out the loft' type job

Good vibes to Patience and her family who are coping with this difficult time x

Oh mas that is sad. I'm glad Patience's ds has made it to her bedside though.

My hip doesn't hurt. Hasn't for a few weeks. I think this may be related to the swimming and running and general weight loss. It used to hurt if I slept on my left side quite regularly.

Sucessful morning at work, the customers were all lovely with manageable questions! I walked past a new yarn stall that was selling baby llama wool and was tempted, but bought some peruvian merino dip dye to play with. Done my run and now need to decide what to have for tea.

Hi everyone. I am sorry I have been awol again. Just wanted to pop in and generally distribute chocolate birthday cake...as of saturday I am fabulous and 40!

Sorry I am not up to date with everyone's news and how everyone is doing. You are always in my thoughts, but I am not always able to get online at the moment, ds is going through a bad patch.

From my bed; I'm doing the para/ibuprofen combo. Codeine or sleeping pills at night. Phoned Macmillan nurse at hosp today and left message. Have found baths getting easier and really relaxing on my sore groins! Undercarriage pain seems to mainly b from stitches digging in so am goinng to ask nurse if she will remove the offenders. Have painted nails and washed hair. Someone left a box of maltesers on my doorstep - have a handful anyone? I'm feeling bit better , laying down as a babysitter is here. Best wishes to all.

Happy 40th sparkle, I'm in that club already!

Happy Birthday too from me sparkle -sorry that ds is going through a bad patch,poor love.
holsten I am just thinking how very sore my stitches were after ds was born -I guess that's only a tiny bit of how it is for you though. My GP asked me if it was still sore at my 6 week check and said there was quite a lot of cutting done -eeeeeee. Glad the baths are getting easier for you.

Oo holsten that does sound sore. The midwife told me to put teatree oil and lavender oil drops in the baths I took after dd2....(she was big and I had lots of stitches !) I know it is not the same at all, but are you allowed to do anything similar....? Ahh maltesers....someone is a nice friend.

MAS, smee's ds will have to take over world saving single handed for the moment....good job he is up to the challenge. Ds will be fine...but he is very very very grumpy!

Happy Birthday Sparkle - 40's a distant memory for me . Sorry ds is struggling a bit at the moment.
Maltesers... you have a lovely friend there holsten..... don't mind if I do share a handful

smee's ds will certainly hold the fort while junior sparkle is out of action

Happy birthday Sparkle (you are considerable younger than me - life begins at 40 and all that ) -hope you had a lovely day on Saturday, and yes please to cake! Hope DS is feeling better soon, has he been on the super-hero phone to alert Smee Junior yet?

Holsten - glad you're feeling a little better, maltesers should have been in your drugs bag from the hospital! - Its good you have a babysitter, so you can rest a bit. How are you set up for help atm? - don't try to do anything that isn't absolutely essential, - and don't do that if someone else will do it for you. What are those things you have after you've had a baby+stitches - is it sitz baths? - something like that I think - would that be something you could have? (In my day we were just told to throw a load of salt in the bath water after childbirth or ops.)

MAS - so sorry about your friend, - your parents and you are having a tough time of it at the moment It is good she has her DS with her, I'm sending good and peaceful thoughts to her. xx