**TAMOXIFEN 18**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

oh my,we're starting our 18th !

MAS I'm sure you're right. The anticipation is always the worst thing.

Try not to worry too much about your DS. Easier said than done, I know. I coasted through high school (originally from America), only managed one rather unsuccessful year at uni yet went on to achieve quite a lot professionally.

Sometimesiwonder Thank you very much for that information.

I do think I will go ahead and have the hair chopped off sooner rather than later. At the age of 59 I have this sudden urge to go through a bit of a punky phase.

I'm not at all keen on ginger beer, but I adore ginger ale. I'll make sure to stock up on some. I didn't know that about pineapple but again it's something I love.

Warm salt water mouth wash / gargle has always been my first choice for any problem with the mouth / throat so that will be no problem.

OneInEight I don't think that when I go for my pre-chemo appointment that the nurses will be able to scare me any more than the oncologist did! Lovely chap but...

Have another

jchocchip

Another question, if you don't mind. For those of you with DH/DP, where do they get their support from? I know DH has found it helpful to follow this thread and wonder if he should start his own for help getting both of us through this.

thanks sometimes jane and righttit for your words about ds - I just feel miserable about it but will try to stay sensible and gently but firmly guide him to applying himself more.
Hope camel is ok - sending loving kindness right now...

Hello ladies, onto No. 18 already? Fast movers.

RightTit, my hairdresser chopped my hair into a very trendy short style just as my hair was beginning to fall out, mainly because the trauma of seeing the huge amount of long hair coming out made me feel so sad. Somehow, shorter hair going down the plughole and in the brush didn't seem so bad. When we could see actual baldy bits of scalp DH lovingly shaved my head with DS1s beard trimmer - that made us both cry but we got over it in minutes and just got on with things. It's growing back quickly now and I've got the hilarious dreaded chemo curl. I got through chemo with a few hiccups along the way but it was certainly doable and the thought that it was doing me good kept me on an even keel (most of the time). Not too sure about support for our DHs, tbh. Mine got a lot of support from my two brothers and went for a drink every couple of weeks with two of his long-time pals but I'm not even sure they discussed my BC, they probably talked about football and cars, which of course would take his mind off my illness so that must have done him the world of good.

MAS, good idea to show DS the letter/e-mail from his drama tutor. Maybe seeing it in black and white will have the desired affect. Is it just drama he's having problems with? If he's doing well/keeping up in his other subjects maybe cut him some slack on the drama? As someone who was painfully shy and didn't like doing anything that involved speaking out/acting/being watched (and still don't to a degree) I believe it's incredibly hard for some people to change that part of their personality.

Still seeing the nurse re mx scar that doesn't want to heal properly. She's dressing it every other day now and says it's coming along nicely but still............the op was August and it's dragging on and on.

It's nice being back at work - and having the house to myself when I get home at 12.30 now that both DSs are back to work/college and DH isn't working from home for a couple of days. The peace and quiet is lovely.

There are still a few FBS under the Christmas tree - boxes of Quality Street, Maltesers and Ferrero Rocher (presents from the children at school). Help yerselves and have a too.

oh figgy -what a pain about your scar How did ds2 cope with the news about his friend ? hope he is ok.
Loads of fbs in a big carrier bag - have just scoffed some mini cheddars
Ds is not really pushing himself in most of his subjects -though this was before the end of term-am hoping her has made an effort since after we talked about it. Drama was chosen really as a way of increasing his confidence- I thought too that as he has no problems singing in front of people that it might suit him.It seems to be a confidence thing- he knows he sings pretty well so he feels he can do that without much trouble.

The funeral was yesterday and, as you can imagine, it was heartbreaking. The family requested his friends wear red so the church was a sea of red. It was a moving service. DS2 talks about his friend a lot and at college today they made a book for his family to keep - DS2 printed off some photos he had on FB to put it in.

I hope your DS is inspired by your chat, when you are up to it and the need to pull up his socks sinks in.

Good idea to put the FBS in a carrier bag - I might do that in a mo, out of sight, out of mind and all that.

Argh! There wasn't enough tissue from the lymph node FNA so there were no results. They're doing an excisional biopsy and going to remove the dodgy lymph node and some of the nearby enlarged ones (which I didn't know about until today) next Friday. I also have a swollen hard lump node in my neck which, this is going to sound weird, I had forgotten about. They did a FNA on the breast lump today, but really he is quite sure that is OK.

Big hugs to everyone this evening. Thinking of you all, especiallythose in or awaiting treatment x x x

thinking of camel especially- hope to hear news soon. . .was driving home and the clock moved to 4.40 as i sat in traffic. Had a little thought for camel.

Don't exactly know what fbs stands for, but had to have mini mars from my classroom treat box today!

Oh camel how difficult for you, so sorry you have to wait again. . .

What did he say about the lymph nodes? Any idea what it might be? Just precaution or . . . ?

Big hugs x

oh camel grrrrr,more waiting - how are you doing/feeling ? Good though that the doc is confident about the breast lump being probably ok.
fbs are fat boy snacks- so anything nice and probably not very good for you.
figgy -the carrier bag is in the dining room,in full view so I know it's there !!
Good that ds2 is talking about his friend -that sounds healthy,still very very sad for him though.

They are investigating lymphoma - couldn't really tell how likely he thought it was though. So the operation is next Friday. I'm not sure how long the results from that will take though. Guess it might be a week again?

They said they would text me the results of the breast lump FNA next week so guessing they must be pretty sure those will be fine if they're not getting me in for an appointment,

Oh camel, sorry you have more waiting, but glad he thinks the breast atbleastvis innocent. Hope next friday is not too difficult.

And hello to righttit, we've not met before, sorry to have to meet you here.

Oh no Camel - more waiting - my first biopsy was non-conclusive too and it is just horrible when you are expecting to get an answer at your appointment.

Ned, is it your appointment tomorrow ? - sorry I am losing track - goodluck if it is.

RightTit - at least I have a positive consultant even if the nurses are a bit depressing so shouldn't complain. Am treating myslef to a large dose of Mamma Mia and some FBS to chase away the blues and am going into work for the next couple of days for some distraction.

Been out at meetings all day and got back soaked. Camel been thinking of you. Can't believe you have no news. What a total sod..Great to hear the doc's confident about the breast lump though. That is at least something. might help?

Topsy, do you take anything to help you sleep? I'm trying those herbal Kalms pills and they're helping a little. I tried some sleeping tablets from the GP, but they made me feel psychotic.

MAS, hope DS is a bit shocked when you show him, but I'd guess it's very hard to motivate a teen. Don't despair if he doesn't get it yet though. A friend's boy knuckled down when he was 19 and realised the world wasn't going to come to him. He's at Art school now and happy.

OneinEight, what did the Nurse say to make you worried?? Glad you've got a start date. What sort / how many if you don't mind me asking. Let us know, as one of us will have had the same am sure and we might be able to suggest ways to help you get through.

Yeay, for RightTit. Wibbling is allowed you know, as is outright terror - I have definitely felt that, especially at the start of chemo - definitely stay this time. I'll have a think on chemo type tips and post more tomorrow. Short hair cut is an excellent idea though. Something about taking control of it helps. And as for your DH, has he got a good BF? if so, ring them up and tell them to take him out regularly for a drink if he drinks, or just for a walk even. With men I reckon you quite often have to nudge them to help. Also maybe make a time each week to talk over a meal together. That definitely helped me and my dh.

Drift, hope you're okay today and didn't have such a long haul to get to Rads and back.

Figgy, g'ah about your scar. That's annoying. Hope it heals soon.

Waving to Pranma. Lovely to see you.

Hope Kurri's alright too - seems strange not to see her on here.

Ned, you're tomorrow aren't you?? What time so we can all be thinking of you. Hope you're feeling okay x

Looonnngg post.. Hope I haven't missed anyone. Waving to Jane in Morocco with her servants. Am too.

Yes, my appointment tomorrow, at 4.30. Long day coming on, but at least got 23 year 6s to distract me on first day of term! Thanks for everything, all of you. Feeling the positive vibes. Feeling weirdly calm about it today- facing what will be will be, i suppose. Heading for bath with rotten headache after number crunching data and targets and progress tracking in front of a computer most of the day!

Will let you all know tomorrow. . .

Good luck, ned!

yes good luck from me too ned -will be thinking of you x

These late appointments seem so cruel. Ned, we'll all be rooting for you. Everything will be crossed xx

good luck ned (nice name btw are your yr 6's in your band? :))

Ned fbs = fat boy snacks (I had to ask a few weeks ago - and yes, Mars Bars would count). Am so impressed by people working through, when they work in schools - it's a hard enough job at the best of times, without treatment and worry on top.
Camel sorry to hear you didn't get clear results - you really psyche yourself up for appts so it must be awful to come away no further on.

Thanks. I've found out this evening that apparently FNAs are not really much use for diagnosing lymphoma (They are better at seeing if there is BC metastasis.) and that they would need a whole node which is why they're doing the excisional biopsy. I guess if I'd known that, I'd have expected what happened. Oh well.

Eek, how did it get so late?! Night all.

Loving the fbs acronym ... I have had none today for the first day in weeks. Begone Christmas pounds! :)

Good luck for today Ned , hope all goes well for you .

Just a quick good morning for now! Must shower and wash hair before the central heating engineer gets here to hopefully sort out the boiler which decided to start make horrendous noises on Tuesday morning.

Best of luck for this afternoon, Ned.

Hi, just also dropping by v quickly to check up on everyone .

camel so sorry your appointment didn't get you any further. What a bummer to have more waiting! Pity they didn't explain the limitations of FNA when they did it. Hang in there. Still hoping for you.

ned best of luck for today. Will be thinking of you!

Belated thanks for my replies re digestion issues. Definitely stress and has eased since I started lazing around on the bed doing more meditation. Now have v itchy scalp instead. must find some scalp oil.

BTW have just been reading an excellent book recommended by my SIL who is a clinical psychologist - 'Kitchen Table Wisdom' by Rachel Naomi Remen. Short pieces on healing in all its guises written by a well-respected US physician.

Have to run but hellos and love to everyone else. x

Best of luck for today, ned. x

Camel - sorry you are still waiting. That's tough. Fingers crossed for news soon, as then it is easier to deal with, just not knowing is the worst, I find.

Righttit - I am embarrassed to say I don't know how my dh got through. I think he discussed it quite a bit with his family, especially one member who is a medic, and he read a book about BC, although he hid it from me and has never mentioned it, I happened to find it while having a clear out one day. I have just shoved it back where it should have been and left it unspoken about: I guess he needed something private (most unlike him) so I have left it that way. However he managed, I know he was an absolute rock to me, bless him. I reckon, as others have said, a regular night out with a good mate would be a godsend for your dh. Make sure you have a few with yours, as well.

OneinEight - i found the nurses depressing too. Speak to the oncologist whenever possible: they are so much more pragmatic. You can and will cope, I am quite sure, don't listen to the doom mongering.

Figgy, I am amazed your wound is proving so unhelpful. My oncologist did say that when you get a wound infection it can be a complete git to kill off once and for all, and mine went on for a while, but this is above and beyond. Sympathies.

MAS, not surprisingly I have no words of wisdom for your ds, although I think there have been some wise words offered here already. I think they do have to get to that realisation that the world is not going to beat a path to their door, and you can only push them towards that. Showing him the correspondence may well help, and prove you are being open and trying to involve him in the discussion like a grown up: but he may well be still too much of a kid to react well initially. I predict a bit of a tantrum [ sad] You can only try....