**TAMOXIFEN 18**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

oh my,we're starting our 18th !

Oh - you still got your cold? - poor you, it's taking its time isn't it - hope it clears soon.

grrr about colds kk and sometimes

I say stuff like that to my dd. It embarrasses her no end. I also like to do my bootie shake dance for her, although to save her from a lifetime of teasing I only attempt that one in our kitchen

I too would have enjoyed throwing a few 80s shapes - am reknowned for it at the occasional family party, I know my niece had dilemmas about letting me out infront of all her friends at her recent 18th birthday party . My dh must work in the wrong type of Science Dept, they don't have any posh "do"s where you can dress up and shake your thing - when they go out, it's because they have a visitor to the lab, and they just head off for a curry and talk technical stuff all night, I am invited, but generally find I have something much more important to do that night .
My skin seems to have stopped hurting. Looks rather patchy like when I'd peeled the sunburn off in those hot 70s Summers but I'm not in the habit of flashing my chest around in public much so I can cope with that.
Happy Birthday to miniMarmite - 6 is such a lovely age

Waves to everyone. You've been busy :) I'll catch up later. Happy Birthday MiniMarmite :)

Happy birthday minimarmite

Bit tired today - had a sleep, but not made much difference. My DSis arrived, bearing beautiful cake tin full of different fbs- chocolate, dried fruit, cola bottles, all sorts. she's ace. She is currently entertaining DS doing some drawing, while I check mumsnet rest. . .

I still have some numbness in my armpit. Normal or need to worry about? Not uncomfy, just feels a bit weird.

Waves to all- hope everyone having a peaceful weekend

Today is national Hug Day, a fact that I have gratuitously taken from amberlights Facebook status >>
Big hugs and thanks for all love and support I've found here. I don't think I would be coping without you all

Happy Birthday junior marmite have a great day !

National Hug Day hugs right back at you ned .
As for the numbness , I had my surgery done on 2nd June and my armpit is still numb
But I had mx and total node clearance .

Hello all :) Sorry for disappearing, have had a hectic few days. Yes, would seem that they did not find lymphoma in those nodes so would appear I'm clear. I have to go back for a follow-up appointment and I guess I'll find out what they think then - the phone call was such a blur actually. I was really relieved, but got very emotional and tearful afterwards as the full-force of the stress of the last few weeks hit in one go. So, still not quite sure what's going on, but feeling relieved for now.

Will have a proper read and try catch up with everyone's happenings. Just recovering from a full day out with DS - spent from 9 to 5pm with him in town. Took him to the British Museum and then to Canary Wharf (where I work) so he could see the view across the city (from 37th floor).

That's great Camel - very very pleased for you, the emotional stress is enormous, - so not at all surprising you felt emotional - give yourself a few days to come back down to normality. Sounds like you and DS had a fun day out today

am sure it takes a lot of getting your head around camel - you've had a hugely stressful time.
Ds would be green with envy about Canary Wharf - tall buildings are his obsession.

Boob is bright yellow bruised today- DH helpfully said its progress from the lurid purple of the other day. . .

Underarm scar quite sore today - I think it might be rubbing on bra. However, not comfy not to wear bra cos makes boob hurt. Too complicated to work out. . . .perhaps going back to bed is th only answer.

d don't forget plenty of fbs :)

Hmm Did a long post and lost it. Thought I had managed to cut and paste, but I see not.

Take 2

Looks like a quiet day on here hope everyone is ok.
Camel, good to see you back, glad you had a good day out.

Ned, sorry the scar is rubbing, have you any more dressings or are you dressing free? When I had problems with my bra during rads, I found the vests with a shelf support were really helpful, I got cheapy ones from primark, but m&s do a version too. Secret or hidden support. The other thing I did some days was to wear an old silk shirt under my bra. A good book in bed is a good option, and don't forget the fbs :)

silk scarf wrapped into my bra was very helpful x

This early on, I had a large dressing over my scar still - which obviously meant it couldn't rub on anything.
Later (when skin sore from rads) I just found a folded hankie slapped on top of the sore bits did the job - for me, I found it too uncomfy to go braless as it meant all the rest was then rubbing. I don't have an "old" silk shirt !

Ned, I found alternating different bras helped - they all rubbed a bit but in different places. I also used a bra one size up from my normal one.

Hi Ned - I'm "small of Nork" and I have gone bra less since this whole thing began. I wear snug fitting vests, a size smaller than if they were on show ifygwim. I tried my bras, with and without extensions (M&S) but they were just irritating me.
I had spectactular bruises, black/red/yellow, the whole of my right ribcage. DH took a pic each day for 10 days, just for the record. Then we got bored!
I also had weird sensations in my armpit/back of the arm, which really worried me. Still have a slight numbness in the back of my arm, which I'm only conscious of when I touch it. I would say 90% improvement post surgery and it's still early days. 2 month on I'm a different person, the old me Just a bit delicate atm due to having rads, but feeling positive, that can of course turn on a sixpence. It's a rollercoater, just say how it is each day.

Ned, I found a cropped vest bra (like [http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Sloggi-Sensual-Fresh-Bra-Top-Crop-Top-Vest-White-BNWT-/400213720170?pt=UK_Women_s_Lingerie&var=&hash=item9bffa4ea70#ht_2502wt_1029 this]) useful for a few days after my lymph removal. 9 days later and it's still pretty sore underarm and there's an area on the inside of my arm above my elbow that is really ouchy. You've got a lot more to recover from too - bed and FBS seem like a good idea!

Bah, I did single brackets rather than double so my link didn't work, but you get the idea.

Hi im holsten. i wonder if i might be able to join you once in a while? KK pointed me in this direction from another thread. Im 40 and i was diagnosed 2 weeks or so ago with cancer of the vulva. I have had treatment for a year prior to that including 2 operations for pre cancerous cells (so like CIN which is cervix, they call this VIN) Now it has been found i have invasive cancer so they are going to take out more and also remove some lymph nodes in the groin this week. I have 2 children, 18 and 4. I am a lone parent. My family lives quite a distance away and have all fallen out with each other so apart from one sister they are a bit difficult and not really there to lean on! I have been coping quite well , i was working up til last friday. I now find it is a different story as I have stopped work and have a ct scan today to see if theres any spread. its starting to feel real. I am by turns irritable, angry, depressed, want to be left alone, cant sleep, fatigued, then other times i forget about it and im ok, have some energy and feel happy. I want to find some strength to keep on with this. And i hate myself for being snappy with my 4 year old sometimes. I have asked for help with her from friends and school mates and that has been set up for when i come out of hospital so thats good. My 18 DS is not saying a lot but we have talked a bit about it, and i have told his tutor at college. I have also asked my sister to be his shoulder in case he needs anything. I find it difficult as im single not to have anyone I can collapse on and just have a cry! I havent cried since i found out. My workmates are all good friends and i have other mates too but i dont seem able to tell them when i feel really down/scared. everyone seems to say 'be positive', 'its not that bad' . I think maybe after my scan today i will try to have a good wail when i get home! thanks for listening x

welcome holsten -am glad you found us, but very sorry that you are having to go through this. I hope you will find this is a good place to have your hand held and where you can say how you feel. Friends in RL try to help by urging positivity and saying you'll be alright, but it isn;t always helpful because,as camel pointed out previously, it doesn't allow you to vent your fears and feelings.People obviously want it to all be ok but you need to be able to say that it's scary and unknown etc.

thanks MaryAnn, yes it truly feels like this has changed me into a different person, the fear is huge sometimes.

lots of good thoughts whizzing to you for CT scan today too.

yes, having the scan today makes me feel better as im actually doing something! the weekend was hard as i was sick and not sleeping. trying to keep a face on for the kids. i have a friend coming with me today so itll be nice in a way, i wont be on my own. And then its just one more day til my surgery. cant wait to get it done, find out whats what.

Morning All

Good to meet you Holstein , sorry you find yourself here though .
I have always found the waiting the worst to bear in all of this . Once you know what you are dealing with and you have a plan , it all seems so much easier .
You are in a very tough place right now . Not only are you dealing with bastard cancer , but you don't have the partner or family support you need . Its good that you have good friends though , I have found that a couple of my friends have actually been more use than my family !

Good luck with the CT today . And just to let you know that even if it does turn out that there has been spread , it doesn't always mean you are about to shuffle off ! I have lung secondaries , and I'm not planning any sudden departures
It just means you have to deal with what one of our ladies (amber I believe ?) Referred to as "a new kind of normal"

Anyway , I have rambled too much for a welcome post . Don't feel like you have to brave or strong on here . Come here for your melt downs , your questions , or even just for cake !