**TAMOXIFEN 18**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

oh my,we're starting our 18th !

OneinEight, put any unreasonable child in a cupboard with a good lock for the duration. Breast Cancer will get you off any crime if it gets to court. One of the very few pluses.

Cold cap was mostly okay for me. I didn't mind it, other than looking daft. Also, it's annoying as it means you're stuck in the chemo unit for longer, as you have to put it on for a time before you start treatment and leave it on afterwards for a while too. Other than that, it's heavy and unpleasant at first, but once your head's numbed it doesn't hurt. I used to take two paracetemol half an hour before to take the edge off - they tell you not to, but I ignored them! It worked up to a point, so I kept my fringe and some hair at the back, but had a a massive bald spot. Did mean I could tie scarves across and not scream 'this woman's lost her hair due to cancer' though, which meant it was on balance worthwhile. I had a weird Pavlovian thing going on by treatment 4, so threw up as soon as they put it on my head. Nurses said they'd never seen anything like it before.

Interesting about the 'F' bit of Fec. Didn't know that.

Amber, I have never ever eaten a Daim Bar. Am I missing out?

Hi everyone, old and new iykwim!

Happy New Year, no the sparklerainbows have not emigrated, but rather gone into a Harry Potter obsessed hibernation (thank you ds! )

Smee can I just say in respect of the cold cap.....you are one of a kind and that is why we love you.

Now......what have I missed?

Did someone mention FBS.....yes please, not fussed what at this point, past worrying?!

Just skimmed 17, and seen Kurri's last message. Hope you are ok, I am thinking of you, and will light a candle for you, to send all my positive vibes. I can empathise, pm me if it would help.

Smee - finding suitable cupboard and lock now. I can use you in defense now after all.

Did you have to sit round in a circle like an old peoples home when you were having your treatment - so was it a public throwing-up?

Amber - that's good to know about the 'F' - I don't have to worry about not getting it now.

Still some Terry's chocolate orange here Sparkle - but going fast.

Waving to Sparkle. How lovely to see you. Hurls Sparkle a piece of Christmas cake - the ultimate fbs.

OneinEight, my unit had these rather extraordinary dental type chairs, which were about 10 foot apart. There were curtains round each one, but they were always open, so you could play 'I wonder what cancer he/ she's got'. Always entertaining cancer..

Mine has sort of booths dotted about, all more or less visible to each other, so there was a bit of privacy if we want it, but otherwise you can open the door and look out.

I have some Lindt/Lindor chocolate balls here you can all share if you like. They came in a gift from work, so the dcs don't know I've got them. They are very moreish, but get a bit sickly after the first 8 or so.
Re dh's and coping - mine's perhaps a case on his own, as he's a research scientist, so into looking at all the medical stuff / science of it all in great detail while I stick my head in the sand and shout 'la, la, la' . It's useful though to take him to any appts where they are going to tell me anything, as I hear the one sentence and am at the limit of my understanding, but he grasps it all and can explain things to me slowly, bit by bit as I am ready to understand a little bit more . He has also continued to do all the 'outdoors stuff' he mormally does (and has been encouraged by me to keep going) so he can get some relaxation too. He's been a brick.
I too have found my BCN to be lovely - not called her much (as dh can explain things to me) but whenever I have, she's been lovely.
ds is ACTUALLY DOING SOME HOMEWORK at the moment

perhaps that nice chat the Head Teacher had with him yesterday might have convinced him it's not just his parents who think people in their GCSE year actually ought to have some studying to do every now and then. I think I might have to go for a lie down!

Unfortunately the positive vibes let me down. . .

I have had a positive diagnosis of breast cancer- an invasive duct carcinoma. Got lumpectomy booked for 18th January, then chemo then radiotherapy.

I can't stop crying. Am at a complete loss. Don't know what to do with myself.

Oh god, Ned, I'm so sorry :( I'm not surprised you can't stop crying. You can only pepare yourself mentally so much for a diagnosis and the shock must be enormous :(

Oh Ned, so sorry to hear your news ((((hugs)))))). Cry, cry, and cry again, that's very healthy emotion for you given the shock you have had.

Not sure what else I can possibly say, as I have not walked your road yet, but hopefully someone will come along with wise words.

So sorry to hear your news, ned Chocolate and alcohol a cry and/or a hot bath maybe. It is a shock. But it is doable. I had my lumpectomy at the begining of September. I was lucky not to have chemo (others who have will be along soon) have finished rads now and feeling fit.

ned a huge hug for you- don't despair -you'll get through this.

(((hugs))) for Ned. It still hits you smack in the face when they say the words, even though you are sat waiting for results and know it's a possibility. Cry a lot. It's good for you. Then, after that, reflect on the positive things about your situation - you've found it and it's being treated, and not just growing away inside you. A lumpectomy is definitely 'do-able'. I had my lump removed in the middle of October, and it was fine. I'm doing great now.
There are ladies on this thread who have been through what you have been through. We all know what it feels like now, and we are here to hold your hand. Please come and rant and rave and be angry here, we all have. Then feel free to ask about anything you want, however 'silly' you think the worry might be - it's not silly to ask something if it's something that is on your mind.

More (((hugs))) for Ned.

Ah Ned. crying sounds like the only sensible thing to do to me too. Am sending a huge hug - useless am sure. It makes total sense to be scared and angry too. we're all here for you and honestly if I can do it then so can you. Xx

Sorry to hear it's bad news, ned. What a shock for you. I remember those first few days after diagnosis, the feelings of despair, anger, everything. But try your hardest to stay positive, the waiting game is over now and treatment will soon being and you will be cancer-free at the end of your treatment. Please come here for a rant and a rave, and ask anything you like. ((((((((((((((ned)))))))))))))))

Backforgood Those chocolate balls? Not the Baileys ones by any chance? I was given a box by a little boy from school and I have to say they're the most yummiest chocolates ever. I hope they're not just a Christmas sweetie - I would like them all year round

OneInEight, we had dentist-type chairs with curtains round and each bay had about 4 chairs. Curtains were pulled for those throwing up (if the nurses were quick enough). I got chatting to several patients during my sessions but I wasn't always in the mood and found that people seemed to gauge when to chat or not.

I met a friend today who I haven't seen for years and she is 8 years down the line now. She had a lumpectomy, chemo and rads and is still fighting fit. She and I are both on Letrozole and were comparing notes. We talked about FEC and she reminded me why I can't drink cranberry juice any more, since the red infusion and red wee. Just the thought makes me want to throw up. Seems a long time ago now but only about 9 months.

Morning all. Time for a ? Holiday will soon be over. Have train ticket to Marrakech booked for an unearthly hour on Monday am then have appointments next week with Oncologist and gp to arrange phased return back to work. Feel ready to go back to work, know it will be stressful but it is a big part of the return to 'normal' for me and I want to put bc away in a box marked 2011... I keep imagining that I can feel lumps so I know I am going to be a bit paranoid for a while ever, but I do have some days now when I don't think about it at all and as backfor said it is a positive thing that it has been found and dealt with and is not silently growing. Think it might be rainy here today, aparently there are Friday rain prayers (and the bbc have forecast it)!

Dear ned hope you managed to sleep- more hugs for you today- remember you can vent your feelings safely here.
jane love seeing your photos on fb- looks wonderful,enjoy the last days of the hol.

Ned, ((((hugs)))) from me too. If it's any consolation at all, a lumpectomy means they are pretty darned confident that they can solve it all for you.

Jane, yes please for the and hurrah for the break...and "yes indeed" for the worrying.

Here, got DH's second eye operation today. Feeling more wobbly about it than I'm letting on in most places - think I'm not really over the radiotherapy stress properly yet and the herceptin side effects are kicking in, and now it's back into a hospital again for DH, all day...urk...I'll be ok but it's good to just say it somewhere.

oh ned, I'm so sorry . It is such a terrible shock isn't it. I got my lovely news just before Christmas and spent about a week feeling v weepy. If it's any help, you do recover from the news and start to look forward (and feel glad they caught it when they did). Sending big hugs! Take care of yourself. I found some quiet meditation time helped (though I'm not normally that way inclined!).

Am feeling slightly sorry for myself this am: Went out for a family b'day celebration last night and had a few - which I've been avoiding since my DX - and now have fuzzy head and need more sleep. Have a cleaner coming to blitz the house this am - a kind present before I go for my op tomorrow. Was intending to tiday as she cleans but think may need to take DS2 out for a walk in fresh air instead!

smee and amber great advice on chemo! People are so kind on here . I will come back and read in detail in about 4 weeks time.

amber - you seem v clued up on natural remedies etc wondered whether I could ask you something: Am having reconstruction done using stattice (pig skin - will be part woman, part pig ) and apparently there is quite a high infection rate as they have to leave drains in for 2 weeks. Can you think of anything I could do/take to help combat??

Ned I'm so sorry you got the worst news . Keep ranting on here about what a bastard Cancer is . We will get you through this .
Best advice I ever got on this board was to take one step at a time .

Amber - hope all goes well today for Dh . Will light my candle for him .

Not feeling very sociable this week , I am reading all the posts though and will chat more when I feel up to it .

Oops, Amber just seen your post - am a v slow typist! Best of luck for your Dh and hugs for you. x

Ned, I am sorry, too. The best advice i can offer is to give yourself day or two to cry and worry, it needs to come out. But what everyone else has said is right. It sounds like it has been caught early, they are going to get the bastard out fast, and then make sure it doesn't come back. And you will be fine. It is a hard road but one that really does get you back to where you want to be. I'm not brave, but I've been along the road and it was not nearly as scary (or as long) as it looked on the map. You can do this. x

Amber - chin up. This too shall pass.

I am lighting a candle which is for strength for both of you, and also for Topsy. Take heart, topsy. We miss you when you're not feeling yourself.

My extra bit of advice on chemo - by all means take vitamins before you start treatment, but mention them to the nurses at your pre-planning appt. I was made to stop all mine, although I know individual hospitals have different views on this. But I was not allowed to take anything except Evening primrose (and the MacMillan site advised to stop that too ).