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A healthy pooh needs only 3 wipes according to

247 replies

sandyballs · 12/01/2006 12:44

Discuss please

OP posts:
moondog · 13/01/2006 21:16

That's something I never understand.
How could anyone be so filthy and slatternly as to leave skid marks in their undies????!!!!!

(Under 7s excluded obviously.)

Lonelymum · 13/01/2006 21:16

Well Franny, how do you know the paper will be clean until you have wiped at least once?

And no, nooka, I can honestly say I do not drip (I think).

4blue1pink · 13/01/2006 21:16

Those who dont look at the paper ..do you just guess when your arse is clean and tut later when you check out your pants if it wasn't?????

Mmmmmm...nice!

Lonelymum · 13/01/2006 21:17
Grin
Meanoldmummy · 13/01/2006 21:17

I bet Gillian McPhart leaves skid marks in her undies. She probably keeps them for future reference - like a slide library

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:18

ah - moondog some people have between loo visits problems! Especially guy's who love to fart very loudly... (but also some women as a result of birth stitching botchups)

Meanoldmummy · 13/01/2006 21:18

I look at the paper!!! I just though it would be fun to make someone admit it

MrsSpoon · 13/01/2006 21:18

Moondog, do they not have that system in Turkey? It's years since I visited, but they certainly do in Greece, it's the loo paper in the bin. In some places it is really vile when nobody has empted the paper bin for days on end.

QE2 · 13/01/2006 21:18

OMG - I can't stop laughing at this thread - surely it will go down as an MN classic?

Lonelymum · 13/01/2006 21:19

Oh now this discussion is going too far! tell us about the botched up stitching nooka!

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:19

I believe you Lonelymum! you must have a good pelvic floor

4blue1pink · 13/01/2006 21:19

You should go and rinse your bum Q

MrsSpoon · 13/01/2006 21:19

Also surely if you are quick you don't drip. I certainly have toilet paper in hand before my bottom leaves the toilet seat.

MrsSpoon · 13/01/2006 21:20

ROFL at Meanoldmummy's slide library!

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:20

I have a couple of friends with faecal incontinence issues from tears/epesiostomies

Lonelymum · 13/01/2006 21:21

Quite MrsSpoon.

Not sure how good my pelvic floor is (never did the exercises) but I am not yet wetting myself now and I am certainly laughing hard enough to!

Meanoldmummy · 13/01/2006 21:21

Most loos in Greece are fine apart from the paper bin thing... but I went to an old-fashioned kapheneion and drank about 6 pints only to discover that there was no ladies' - only an outside "holesquatter" designed for drunk and none-too-fussy men. It consists of a ceramic plate sunk into the ground with a hole in the middle and two depressions either side to plant your feet in. Not only was it most undignified but there were flies buzzing round it and the door kwpt swinging open. I'd forgotten about that until now.

Blandmum · 13/01/2006 21:21

we all seem to need this list

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done pooping, have pulled your underwear up to your knees and you realize you have to poopie some more.
POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so hard you practically have a stroke.
LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: This kind of poopie is so huge, you are afraid to flush without breaking it up with your pencil.
GASSEY POOPIE: It is so noisy that everyone within earshot is giggling.
DRINKER POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks at the bottom of the toilet bowl.
CORN POOPIE: (self explanatory)
GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you could do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
SPINAL TAP POOPIE: This kind hurts so bad coming out, you swear it is leaving sideways.
WET CHEEKS POOPIE (aka POWER DUMP): The kind that comes out so fast, your behind is splashed with toilet water.
LIQUID POOPIE: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out and splashes all over the toilet bowl and you.
UPPER CLASS POOPIE: The kind of poopie that does not smell.
SUPRISE POOPIE: You are not even at the toilet because you are positive you will only fart, but...(oops!) a poopie.
DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop even though you know you are done pooping. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.
ATOMIC POOPIE: The kind that burns on the way out and it still burns hours after you poopie.

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:22

Ahh, how to spend a Friday night, hey girls! Never thought life would be this fun

4blue1pink · 13/01/2006 21:22

My dp has started farting and in quotes "have to go and do a dirty" after reading this thread......thanks alot girls!

moondog · 13/01/2006 21:23

Hmmm,Turkish loos bearing up well so far (apart from them being squat ones.Convinced that this is some deeply misogynistic think,forcing women to wee in a craven vulnerable fashion while the blokes straddle it and wave penes about in macho fashino.)

Onle weird thing is that they automatically put the loo roll holders very low (for the crouchers) so reaching for it while on regular loo requires some ingenious moves.

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:25

Oh that reminds me about a really annoying thing my dh does now - calling poos poops. I hate it, suddenly he loves everything North American! I dunno why but poop sounds like baby language to mee - and as for poopie, words fail! Still good list!

MrsSpoon · 13/01/2006 21:25

LOL MB!

I remember the squatting toilets in Turkey now, they were a bit of a shock to the system. Funnily enough I remember many of them being beautifully tiled but don't think I could ever come to terms with having to use them longterm.

Do you have a normal sized loo in your house in Turkey Moondog?

nooka · 13/01/2006 21:26

squat loos are supposed to be better for you though (similar concept to childbirth really)

moondog · 13/01/2006 21:26

Agree nooka.
Would never have sex again with a man who talked of poop....
I'm sorry,can't even write it,absolutely hideous word.