A healthy pooh needs only 3 wipes according to

[sandyballs]

Discuss please

Carpet in the bathroom is unhygienic and very lower middle class.

I stand to wipe and I don't drip.

PMSL.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

this is vintage stuff.
Do you think it will make the next book?

I don't think I've got the requisite qualifications to use your loo lonelymum...sounds like the bloody Krypton Factor!

Oh Moondog, I am so sorry, it must be a worry (though it seems if you can just prevent your children playing with the severed heads of slaughtered chickens, you might be alright). I thought it sounded like it was near you. Hope you are keeping a healthy sense of perspective. You can always come home can't you?

Am I the only one then that wipes in one fell swoop, from start of the front crack to end of the back crack?

LOL at this thread

Dh. who occassionally comments that I was too much time has just read this thread over my shoulder and now believes he has proof

Oh and he says he uses one sheet per wipe until it is all clean and he sits down to do it.

I wipe the front first. I stand. I part certain, um, parts gracefully. I wipe. 3 times if necessary. I emerge clean and refreshed, with NO BITS ON THE SEAT.

(was using front bottom in deference to Lonelymum Franny, but thanks for pointing it out sweetie)

waste*

How do you KNOW if three times is necessary?

bits of what....name names, girl

But how many times do you people drip bits from either oriface onto the floor? I suppose as achild, I might have dripped the odd drop of urine on the loo seat, but NEVER on the floor! You sound half incontinent!

franny that's fine
you MAY use my lavatory

I amstill in UK lm-not planning to go to Turkey until April (if at all...)
When we lived in the Pacific,people wiped their arses on a wooden stake jammed into the wall.

I know you should wipe from front to back but I've never quite got the hang of that, I treat both as separate areas and use copious amount of loo roll.

QE2 - you have carpet in your loo!!?? Oh, and you should always wipe poo from front to back, otherwise you can (I think I won't go into the details becuase - despite the tone of this thread I think it might get lower!) get nasty infections. So if you have wee'd too you should wipe the front first (making sure you don't hit the back) and then wipe the back from front to back. So there! I can't believe that there are female stand up and wipers out there! When you stand up doesn't pee dribble down your legs? (oops - so much for the tone!!)

(yes she's being very coy about the BITS issue isn't she mb?)
spit it out franny

Oh god moondog...I could happily have gone through life never knowing that!!!

Obviously - the person who said this has never been the proud changer of one of my DD1's nappies - A sight to behold (they actually argue over who is going to change her at her nursery - they are THAT bad!!!!!!) Yuck!!!!!!!

TWO wipes
one at the front
one at the back
possibly two if required
HC approved methodology

Thank goodness for that Moondog although I am sure the risk is minimal. Should we mention the Arabs who supposedly don't use paper at all?

Hoddy, I am not going near your toilet. There is god knows what festering in the carpet - the next strain of ebola probably

HC, only 2? For big jobs and all?????

Yes I wipe as Nooka describes, only standing up, although I suppose not fully standing up, still sort of at the toilet, never had a problem with dribbles or drips.