A healthy pooh needs only 3 wipes according to

[sandyballs]

Discuss please

I could never eat anything cooked according to one of her recipes, or recommended by her, or in any way connected to her. It would just be like eating sh*t.

hi moondog! how are you?
well LM if you insist...
I reach round and between my legs
I wipe
er that's it
I had absolutely no idea that there was another way

Just can't keep off this thread, can you, hoddy?

HC back to front or front to back?

don't move, you have left a clinker, just give me another bit of paper and I'll shift it

Stand-uppers: Do you look at the paper before you flush it? Is that the problem...that you wouldn't be able to retrieve the paper to have a sneaky peek if you were sitting down?

ok (Deep Breath)
you only stand up if it's a poo right?
I mean TELL ME you wipe at the front first
otherwise [gulp] surely you DRIP ON THE FLOOR???
in which case NONE of you are ever invited to my house
we have carpet in the bathroom you see

LM - when you are sitting on the loo, your botty is spread at just the right degree to enable sufficient wiping, with perhaps just a slight leaning forwards required. This lifts the botty just enough to be able to reach round - and in the event that anything should drop off the paper whilst wiping, it can just drop stright into the bowl.

Have you ever tried picking up a piece of poo from the floor with a square of loo roll without squashing it into the crapet?

People who wipe sitting down leave bits on the seat.

It's true.

No I don't drip and I certainly don't wipe the front first! I sit and wait until I have finished so no drips.

Like you, I couldn't believe there were 2 ways of doing this!

YES!!!!!

but it wasn't mine it was the baby's....honest

god now we get to the nitty gritty...
I use one wipe to deal with the front
let's call it the front bottom
and one for the back
with different paper mind you
sometimes I use a baby wipe
am flagrantly wasteful

Well, I don't!

POO DROPPING OFF THE PAPER?

Oh dear me.

That should be carpet, obviously - although highly appropriate given the topic

leave "bits"??? franny what ARE you banging on about ??

They do! I've seen them.

you sit and wait till it stops dripping! noooooo
this is doing my head in, seriously
you MUST wipe away the wee first otherwise it WILL go on the carpet
(tell them QE2)

I don't think I have ever thought that you could stand up to wipe!

dh sits, I sit and the kids sit. Thinking back I used to tip the kids towards be, and wipe their bums, always front to back to avoing infection

gawd but mn is a real education

franny what the dickens are BITS???

bits? That must have been from one of our quinoa-munching friends..... try laying off it for a few days and see if you stop sh8tting iron filings!

Orright harpsi and lm (and everyone else)?!
Have just been reading the uncool music thread and laffing my head off.
Trying to spend less time on MN-was taking over my life (wot life??)
Yes lm,bird flu situation very worrying-started in precisely the region we live in. The children who died (and their surviving sibling)were in the state hospital about 1/2 km from our flat.

This toilet talk is hilarious!!!

None of you are using my loo! I don't care how you wipe your arse, but the thought that you regularly drip wee or flip bits of poo off your bottom when you wipe it is truly disgusting.

Are you memnbers of the human race or gibbering baboons?

better BITS on the seat than BITS on the carpet say I with some force

And EXCUSE ME hc, I never thought I'd see the day that you'd mention front bottoms on here. It's thanks to you that I can't hold my head up in the swimming pool changing rooms any more - ds shouting "Look mummy another vulva!"