**tamoxifen** number 15 ****

[MaryAnnSingleton]

can you believe it ??!!

Hello to our new ladies - oneineight, ledkr and cat. So sorry you're here but I hope these wonderful ladies will help you on your roads to recovery.

14k - what can I say? That's the most fabulous news and I am feeling all tingly for you. Bloody marvellous!!!!!!!!!

Well done to Butterflies - hope you're coping okay?

KK, enjoy your trip and I am keeping fingers crossed your dear dad doesn't take a turn for the worse and indeed gets better by the day. What a worry for you though.

Topsy, brilliant that you're through your chemo now and you've sorted out your DLA. A girl can never have enough shoes.

Oh dear, Jane - shame about the chlorine but I can understand how it would damage your skin during rads. Maybe the gym for the next few weeks is the way to go.

Pink, my nails are only just beginning to show over the finger but are still very thin and bendy. At least I can trim them now though. Were your toe nails affected too? A few of mine went black and are still growing out. Thank goodness for bright red nail polish during the summer.

Thank you for all your good wishes and thoughts yesterday when we scattered mum's ashes. It was windy which made us giggle (mum would have laughed her head off). It was lovely catching up with my brothers (mum would have loved that too, seeing us all together) so all in all, not a sad day but one filled with laughter and cherished memories.

14K -amazing and fabulous news !!!!!! so very happy for you x
I'm away for an afternoon and there are so many posts ! welcome to ledkr and cat
ledkr - a friend of mine has had an oophorectomy - I can ask her about how it's affecting her, oestrogen wise.

Saw my bcn this afternoon for cup of tea and catch up- she did touch on something that I bury deep and I feel really quite upset about it- silly I know,but I think I was feeling a bit down anyway.
Boys have gone to MILs and Celeste is faffing around by the locked cat door.

Hi haven't you all be busy, 15 already! I am glad to hear peoples' good news and sorry about anyone who is struggling.
All is OK here, DD is managing chemo well and keeping up with her studies. However she has had so many gifts of pjs, we counted them yesterday and she now has 27 pairs and 7 dressing gowns!!! In addition to this she has agreed for her boyfriend's sister to use her as her final photography project for her degree, she is going to make a photographic record of DD's journey through cancer. The early shots are wonderful but the distinct changes picked up by the camera already are heartbreaking. On a brighter note DS is in love for the first time ( 17), so very, very sweet.
Have had a good half term. Had a memorial service for DH last Sunday and then a 'gathering' which was lovely. So many of his patients turned up and said such wonderful things about him we were all beaming with pride. It is terrible to die at 53 but he left such a legacy of love and affection that he will never be forgotten not just by family and friends.
Take care everyone.

Sorry mean't to say had an e-mail from the elves, thank you very much whoever was so kind,

ILGC I was wondering where you were .

I think it's a fabulous idea that your daughter has a photo diary . I have a couple of pics I took of myself (topless) before surgery . I just wanted to remember . And yes I am sure it is heartbreaking for you to see the pics at the moment , but once she is out the other side of this bastard disease it will be a fabulous testament to all she has achieved .

And aaaaw about DS , I am trying to remember my first love . Suppose as I met DH at the grand old age of 18 , it would be him !

Sounds like a wonderful memorial service for your DH . It's good to be reminded how much he was loved by people I bet ? Is it an anniversary date for his passing ?

I can't believe you have been through so much recently , and you are still standing . You are some woman !

figgy I am glad spreading your mums ashes went so well . It must be hard doing the final letting go i bet ?

mas are you still enjoying your freedom?

jane were you having rads today ? Apologies if my brain is spasming and it wasn't you !

Right , off to bed topsy . Been a full day today , and tomorrow I have DDs parent teacher meeting . The DCs broke up from school today for the Halloween hols , but the poor teachers have to go in tomorrow to run the meetings .

Night night all .

Hi Topsy,
No not an anniversary yet, he died in January, just we had a smallish family/friends funeral and I was constantly being asked if there could be a tribute to him. He was a GP in the same small town for nearly 25 years and also very involved in the community so it started to feel mean that people who cared about him had not had an 'official' opportunity to express the fact they missed him.
Have a good day tomorrow everybody

ILGC - lovely to hear about dh's memorial- bittersweet though it must be. And dd - thinking of her and sending love.The project sounds really interesting. Ds in love is so sweet
topsy - am off to bed too - Celeste has pooed on the doormat -she wanted to go out but it is late and she does have a tray...grrrr
Feel a bit emotionally churned after bcn chat.

Good morning everyone. So much going on with all your treatment. It's quite frightening what you all have to go through. It's so nice to hear the positives.

ILGC photo album is fantastic idea. I did it when I was poorly a few years ago and my family thought I was barmy taking photos every day, but it has been a great tool for when I recovered.

I just wanted to say a big thank you to the person who nominated me to the elves. I am so thrilled and humbled. Thank you.

Hi everyone, I've been AWOL again I'm afraid[hblush] Sometimes I find the whole back and forward to hospital too much too even try and think of anything else.

Finally after 7 long bloody weeks my wound has stopped filling up and needing drained 3 x week. I've also agreed to have radio therapy, not chemo, but my oncologist thinks the benefits of chemo would be minimal anyway.

My family, while supporting my decision not to have treatment, were so worried I compromised a little, well quite a lot actually. Treatment of 15 sessions begins 10th November so please can someone over rads fill me in on what to expect.

Today I have to have a thyroid biopsy to look forward to because after saying I didn't need one they've changed their minds(sigh)

The other problem is transport, the hospital that do the treatment is miles away, local one doesn't do it, and we have no transport so I'm going to spend a lot of time in ambulances in November.

Hope everyone doing ok xxx

Morning ladies

Welcome to ledkr and cat and a huge sigh of relief to 14k. Figgy, glad you were OK, wondered how you were doing. ILGC, I can't imagine what you've been through and the strength you must have.

Got home in time for DD's bedtime last night, slept OK and no pain to speak of so all doing well. Small incision on left side and about 2 inches on right side so twice as big as I was told it would be - not sure what went on there. Lovely waterproof dressings but no bulky compression dressing thank goodness. I have an appointment on Tuesday for biopsy results. Can't seem to sit still but am trying to take it easy (honest!). Off for a cuppa and a browse through the Kurt Geiger site (thanks Topsy!!!).....

Any appointments today?

Good morning to everyone.

14 years cancer-free ledkr gives hope to us all and hope someone can answer your questions and hello to cat (only signed in yesterday myself too).

I am enjoying a couple of days with my parents - as predicted my darling sons told grandpa the news within minutes of us entering the house - well at least it got it over with. Actually, they took it quite calmly - helps that my fathers prostrate cancer is being managed very well (nearly five years since diagnosis). Think telling the boys was the right thing to do as tempers were much calmer yesterday - its amazing how they pick up on things.

Am googling dishwashers instead of b.c. today as we have a new kitchen arriving on Monday which should be good distraction.

Hope you all have a good day.

Morning all. No one has told the cat that it is half term so still had an early wake up call... Good to hear from you ilgc - glad that dd is managing to study and the memorial service is a positive to hear about.

Cousin took me to rads yesterday. Aunty has managed to stand so that is good news. Dh is going to come with me this afternoon.

Must do something to keep the weight off while not swimming, I know it is not for long and I am lucky that I only had a lumpectomy and no chemo but I do stress if I don't exercise. I have a tendency to manic depression (bipolar disorder) and got myself sectionned 10 years ago next month. I am always worse in the winter with the lack of light. I haven't taken any drugs for this for over 9 years, keeping my mood under close observation. This is why my gp would consider changing the tamoxifen if necessary.

Hi Earth. Hope they are nice to you at the hospital today. Glad you have stopped filling up.

Figgy - glad the ashes day went well.

Butterflies - glad you are doing ok. Try to rest before Topsy tapes you to the sofa. :)
1in8 - glad you have been able to tell family. It is hard telling people.

earth good to see you back again . Glad you have made your mind up about what treatment you want . I too will be starting rads , end of November or beginning of December . You will be ahead of me so I shall be pumping you for information !

mas Celeste was bold last night , but at least she pooed on the mat and not in your shoes . Which is what a truly bold cat would have done

Glad to see you are home butterflies , and very happy to hear I have enabled another shoe freak

onein8 my DC were exactly the same , told everyone in site about me !

jane morning to you . I think that you are probably the best person to be keeping an eye on your own mental health . Sounds like you know what to look out for in regards to you starting an episode . Hope you can get back to exercising soon because that sounds like it really helps you .

My household is on it's first day of the Halloween hols today . The DC are still in bed . I am not as I have to phone the district nurses and tell them I have DDs parent teacher meeting at 11am (time the nurse usually pitches up) . I have already managed to miss one parent teacher meeting this week by getting the day wrong , so I really think I should make the extra effort to get to this one

What's for breakfast today ?

pump away topsy[hwink]

I forgot to say the doc has put me on Letrozole, anyone know anything about this drug? It's only one tablet a day but it's apparently for at least 5 years.

I spoke to my bcn yesterday on another matter and mentioned my weight loss, over 4 stone since March[hshock] she asked how I was managing with clothes as nothing fits properly obviously. She went on to say I may be entitled to a Macmillan grant, I'd never heard of this before. She's sending me forms out so fingers crossed.

earth Macmillan grant is a one off thing to pay for things like new clothing due to weight loss , new washing machine , heating bills , childcare . Basically anything that will make your life easier in connection with your cancer . You normally will get a cheque for around £450 .
If I remember correctly you have to have an income of less than £100 per week (for every family member , children included . So 2 adults and 2 kids need at least £400) after mortgage and insurance policies etc are paid out of your income .

I also got a grant from a local charity too . Have you been assigned a hospital social worker yet ? It's their job to inform you of all you are entitled to . And get yourself a Macmillan benefits advisor appointment . They don't just deal with benefits , they can perform a complete financial check for you and let you know whats out there and what you are entitled to .

Ah so its means tested then? Dh is the wage earner and with overtime he earns more than the £400, is overtime counted do you know?

No hospital social worker though, no-one mentioned that one either.

Does he get more than £100 per week per family member after bills are paid ?
That would be aprox £1600 per month after bills based on a 4 member family .
Let them work it out for you , thats what the Macmillan benefits advisors do .

figgy...so pleased that everything went well with scattering your mums ashes sounds like a perfect day and will create such a lovely memory.

yep lost all my toenails every single one,had to buy shoes bigger because the nail beds are so sensitive.none of my nails went black they all turned a cream colour same as when i lost all the skin on my hands elbows and feet.

ILGC...your dd sounds like shes coping brilliantly can imagine the photographic jounal must be very upsetting to witness,but how wonderful will it be to see her start to bloom again .your ds sounds so sweet 17 and in love awww bless him how lovely.the memoral service for your husband must have made you feel so proud must mean so much to know he was so loved by everyone.

mas..i hope your feeling much brighter today...lol at your celeste she just wants to keep you busy to take your mind off things.

earth...i have just finished 15 rads this week and compared to chemo its a doddle,i was given a small toothpaste size aqueous cream and was told it would last my whole treatment forget that i got a big tub from superdrug for a couple of pounds and piled it on.i was told that aqueous can cause you to burn as its so greasy so i use to make sure it was washed off before treatment.rads can make you tired but didnt make much difference to me as i have been tired the whole way through treatment anyway,apparently it can make some people quite emotional during treatment or a couple of weeks afterwards but at least if that happens you know why.it didnt make me emotional but did find i got quite snappy and irritated between day 13/15 but thats lifted now.

butterflies..so glad that you have made it home.

oneineight...thats kids for you but on the positive at least its got telling your parents out of the way.

im feeling quite pleased today my hair is definitely growing back all leftover bald patches have gone and i know resemble a short haired johny rotten but hey its progress,i was terrified it was going to grow back black/grey/ginger no offence to anyone but i liked my blond hair and its growing back the same colour.

but best of all my eyelashes are starting to grow back which means i can wear makeup again and start to look human again.

So many posts...!! Kurri and Cakes will have to spend a whole day reading by the time they're back.

Drift, there's a lot of irony amidst BC. My friend who I met last night was laughing, as she thinks I'm possibly the last person on earth she'd imagine might have cosmetic surgery, but due to BC I've just had perky new breasts courtesy of the NHS.

Topsy, can I join Jane in the shoe buying tutorials?? How you feeling today? Is the driver still keeping it all at bay?

Jane, hooray for one day down and for an upright Aunt. I thought you lived in Birmingham still. The bi-polar pattern must be hard, especially when you're going through BC treatment. You've done amazingly well to avoid medication. With exercise, could you do a long speed walk every day? I cycled through rads - not far, but it made a massive difference. Lucky to live in London, as I used to pick up one of those free Boris bikes from outside the hospital every day and scoot a few miles until I was tired, then just jump on the bus for the rest of the way.

Butterflies . Glad you're feeling okay though.

Hello to cat. Sorry you're here - not sure about the others, but I always feel a jolt when I see a new name crop up. Stick with us - this place has saved my sanity more than once.

Figgy, your day with the family sounded perfect. How lovely to laugh and remember your mum.

ILGC, your memorial for DH sounds wonderfully heartfelt. Must have been quite something for all of you. Glad to here DD has got enough pyjamas! How long will her treatment last, I can't remember?

MAS, hope the emotion's something that might be helpful in the long run. My BCN is very adept at making me realise I'm burying things. Mostly good, but sometimes her timing's off.

Earth, glad you're back. Brilliant you've made your decisions too. I don't know anything about Letrizole, but I'd bet someone on here will.

OneinEight, your boys sound fab. Far better to be upfront. I want a dishwasher. DH insists we don't have room.

Waving to Pranma and Ledkr and anyone else I've missed. Am a bit worried about Sparkles, so hope she's okay.

Such a v.long post, but didn't want to miss anyone.

Quick daft quiz for you. Last night, 3am was doing my usual hot flush mooch around the house. Heard the cat purring and growling with ecstasy in the bathroom and went in to find he'd trapped a mouse in a corner. So what did Smee do next....?

Boo - knew I'd forget someone. PINK, HOORAY FOR HAIR AND EYELASHES !!

smee scream and run ? Rescue mouse ? Back away and shut door and leave cat and mouse to battle it out ?

Managed to knock my syringe driver out an hour ago (blardy door handles !) . But nurse is here now setting up a new one for me .

Shoe buying tutorials start by allowing yourself plenty of time with a laptop infront of you to browse . I am allowing my wildest shoe fetishes to come to the suface as I have decided life is too damn short to play it safe anymore .

I am presently waiting for delivery of a pair of kitten heeled leopard print shoes (decided the last pair were really much to high for me to manage to totter around in) and 2 pairs of the same dolly shoes from Kurt Geiger , one in patent black and one in patent red .
Also waiting for faux fur jacket (grey colour) to arrive .
The beauty of not working right now allows me so much free time to search out bargains on the interweb !

Topsy, what I most need is shoe training. I can never find ones I like, so have some old converse, a pair of gnarled old boots and one pair of funky yet dull camper flatties. Hypnotherapy might fix me.

Wrong on all guesses on mouse front..

smee..lol i wonder if you react like me last time my cat brought a mouse in i turned into a crazy woman screaming and crying and charging at it waving a brush.

i hope you didnt do what i did once my old cat dropped a mouse at my feet while i was hoovering and it ran under the hoover then ran out and sat on my foot of course i screamed leapt in the air and crushed it with my bare foot i then ran out down the garden screaming and crying causing both sets of neighbours to run out to find out what was wrong but i guess at least i made them all laugh.i still shudder now thinking about it i could feel it under my foot for days as you can guess i have a real mouse phobia.

Aw, Pink sounds yukky. I thought you were going to say you'd sucked it up into the vacuum cleaner. Nope, wrong again. I didn't scream, though I admit to low level eeking..