yay topsy - well done you, have a good lunch 
Drift, - so sorry you are having such a distressing time, I sympathise very much because I certainly felt the same sense of fear and panic. I know its very hard to do, but try to just concentrate on what you know about and the information you have so far. Deal with any further treatment proposals if and when they are offered. It feels incredibly overwhelming at the start, and it's completely normal to feel 'I just can't do this', but I think it does help if you just deal with it a little at a time, step by step.
Do tell your surgeon/BCN/ a Macmillan nurse, whoever you can talk to about your fears and worries, they are very used to helping people through this part, and the feelings you have are very normal reactions to this frightening situation.
And take your time, - don't feel rushed, ask for time to think things through if that is what you need.
You were feeling well, and this illness has suddenly come along and changed your life, throwing all your plans into disarray, you are bound to feel angry, resentful, sad, tearful - all sorts of things, and IMO its good to talk or write about it, and work it through.
I hope it helps coming on here, BC is a lousy business, but I think women are very good at supporting each other
Much love to everyone, hope you are all having a good day (keep away from those floods topsy)