**t*a*m*o*x*i*f*e*n** number 14

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

forpity - excellent news- sorry that you'll have an op of course, but it'll be fine and a relief to get rid of it - hooray !! Definitely !

fps Yaaaaaahooooooo !!!!
Fan - bloody - tasic news
Get it whipped out , and then forget all about it .
I am so pleased for you .
?

Got Cheeselets x 2 .
Got chicken and chips and onion rings cooking in the oven .
Got a can of full sugar coke beside me .
Got Holby City (where Dr Topsy gets her best medical know how from)followed by The Body Farm on tv tonight .

Night of bliss .
Oh and when DH goes to bed I also have this weeks Planet Word with the delicious Mr Fry to watch .

Smee - so glad you got rid of that drain . Doesn't mean you can start swinging from the light fittings just yet though !

Pig/Dog is sulking . I put his bed through the washing machine this afternoon and it still hasn't dried out yet . He's looking at me as if he is saying "but where am I going to sleep ?" . Not on my bed that's for sure !

Ooh you bad owner topsy - my dog has a terrible huff if I wash her bed, - it takes her ages to get it to the right level of stinky disgustingness, and then I go and shove it in the washing machine.

Is your DH willing to sleep on the floor to make room for doggy?

Owner ???
Oh you so do not understand the dynamics of a dog allowing you to share his house

And the stupid hound actually tried to drag his bed back out of the machine when I turned away to get the washing powder !

forpitys, YEAY and double YEAY. Sod about the operation, but hey it's most definitely a good result. Hope you're celebrating.

topsy, why did you have to say Onion Rings??! I not only want some, but need some. Hope pigdog forgives you.

Hope l4k's okay.

Back again,I'm going to tell you everything if you don't mind,and please be honest with me and tell me what you think.
OK-saw consultant,he had a feel and said he was suprised I had felt such a small lump.Off to mamo,then see consultant radiographer who scans me and can see nothing with ultrasound which rules out cyst.She then says"I don't like the look of your mamogram".She said the two breasts are not the same and there are areas of calcifications.They try to fit me in for core biopsy but can't so she said rather than just book me in she'd rather see my previous mamo films first and then ring me direct maybe thursday,and if needed do biopsy maybe friday.
Back to Mr consultant,he said it was a small thickening he could feel and he knows I must be worried and he will try to ring me himself.Also,I will be discused by his team on monday.
I can't see how this can be good.I am the kind of person who likes to know the ins and outs of everything and would prefer to be prepared.
so please ladies,your experience please.
l4k
ps. fantastic news forpitysake,very pleased for you but shame about needing an op.xx

14k - it's bloody limbo land again isn't it ? I don't have enough experience to guess I'm afraid . I am just so sorry you are still non the wiser . Hopefully you will know by the end of this week and remember we are here for sounding off and hand holding .

smee the onion rings are repeating on me , you wouldn't have liked them ...

l4k, poor you, your mind must be racing. Here's a link for you - it might help reassure a bit or at least I hope it does. At the very least it's a good base to start understanding what the consultants are talking about. Trouble is really that until the biopsy's in nobody can tell you. This is the worst place to be as the waiting game's tough. Stick with us and ask any and all questions or just talk and talk more. We all get how very scary this is. I do think you've a chance of it being okay still though xx

www.macmillan.org.uk/Cancerinformation/Causesriskfactors/Pre-cancerous/Breastcalcifications.aspx

14k - as topsy says its limbo land, and thats very hard. It sounds as if you have a good consultant who is going to keep you as informed as possible. Once you know whether you will have a biopsy, you will know what you are dealing with and your brain will stop racing round in circles thinking of every possible scenario.

Like Smee, - I don't think it out and out bad news, they always err on the side on caution. I think there is still a good chance it is OK, or something that has been caught very early.

We'll all be around to chat, whenever you want. Hang on in there xx

Thank you topsy,smee and kurri. Would I be right in thinking if it is bad news,then most likely would be DCIS ?and that its one of the better ones if you've got to get it.or am I talking crap?
I just wish they had done the biopsy today because I'd be closer to knowing whats going on.
Have been trying to catch up on your stories but my fuzzy brain just won't follow and take it all in.
thanks again.xxx

I don't think you are talking crap 14k, - judging by the info. on Smee's link, I think that's a good likelihood. And DCIS is one of the better one's to get, if you have to get it, MAS (MaryAnn) had DCIS I believe (hope she doesn't mind me saying) so she will be able to tell you all about that.

It is a shame they couldn't do the biopsy today,- it does make it hard, but I hope you can get a bit of sleep tonight, - a good book, a hot water bottle and a warm drink, and tomorrow you'll find you can think more clearly.

It is hard to take everything in today because its emotionally very draining going through all this, you're anxious but you have to try to carry on and keep functioning normally - and it leaves you exhausted. xx

If it is something, then yes I think you're right as DCIS would be a good sort to have (if there can be such a thing!). Try and get some sleep and try not to google too much. Keep talking to us xx

hello 14k - horrid for you to be in this limbo. Microcalcifications can be DCIS and if it was DCIS then that is a 'good' outcome as it's very early and very treatable- sometimes a biopsy will reveal invasive carcinoma underneath or among the dcis (mine was intermixed with dcis). I can understand your wanting to know the possibilities -I was the same. Really hope you get a diagnosis asap- meanwhile we are here for you x

Morning all - lots of and toast available.
14K, sorry you're still hanging on for a proper diagnosis. The waiting has got to be one of the hardest things to bear.
Last rads session for me today. Cant say Ill miss my daily trips to the hospital but the wonderful radiologists have made it bearable. What a lovely bunch of people they are.
Hope everyone has a good day and sending a virtual hug to those that are in need xx

thanks mas ,figgy and others,
just to sayI won't hold you to anything,opinion wise.I just need somewhere with people like you all to explore all the possibilities.My dh insists it will all be fine and I have only told 2 RL friends.Now I feel bad for worrying them.
So honest best guesses is what I'm after with no come-back if its not right.
I'm so glad you are all here(is that the wrong thing to say?wish none of us had to be really)
I'm reading things and can't retain any of the info which is really annoying.
Did I tell you I have 4 dc.16 - 4 in age.
my mum was 37 when she was diagnosed,her op was on my 13th birthday.
I am 38 and my eldest dd is 14 on sunday,she started her periods yesterday and that was the only tear I shed.
Got to go get them all up for school.
Hope everyone has a good day,will be back later if you don't mind.

morning 14k - we'll be with you all the way. I can imagine that dd's first period is a very emotional time on top of everything else and thinking of your mum - I think it does seem likely to be DCIS but if there is also invasive carcinoma too then you'd need some nodes testing (in my case DCIS and grade 2 invasive were found -2.4 cms - so I had a sentinel node biopsy which tested a couple of lymph nodes under my arm. ) My treatment was radiotherapy and tamoxifen after surgery. Anyway,ask us anything or just feel free to say what's on your mind.

Figgy - brilliant news that it's your last one !

14k - did you manage to sleep at all last night ? Have you told any of your DC whats going on yet ? My breast care nurse advised me to keep the DC one step behind what I know .

Wonder how dee is ? Hope she is ok .

Blimming freezing here today . But part cat topsy smart and bought loads of turf and firelogs last night . So today I shall mostly be lounging infront of a roaring fire

Another question for you .
Since staring chemo , my dreams have been so vivid and bizarre . To the point that when I wake up I often ask DH if what I have dreamed about is true .
What are your dreams like ?

14k so sorry that you still have no news. It's awful having to wait, your mind races. My dear mum always told me that it's darkest before dawn and this is my mantra. Hope you manage to have a positive day and your dawn comes with good news asap.

I had a bit of a break down last night (just before the babysitter arrived and DH and I went out to dinner - timing was brilliant, plus we're on holiday in Thailand this week... which is lovely but could do without the extra stress of waiting). Had a good evening and feeling much better since. Worried like 14k that I'll see the consultant on Friday, she doesn't have time to biopsy and it will be another week after that, then wait for the results. After going through the waiting, part of me feels I could tackle anything!

Hope Dee is OK, congrats forpitsake and have a lovely day everyone.

For pityssake - i am so very pleased for you. What a weight off your mind. I hope you had a celebrate, and that you still have the stomach for more today. t is terrific news.

14K - sorry it is still up in the air for you. I am not going to try to second guess what they said because I still know as little as possible about this disease, my choice, I don't want to engage with it more than I have to but i can tell you that they do err on the side of caution and avoid giving false hope, which can mean they go too far and talk the possibilities of it being OK down. it is still perfectly possible that you are OK, or that you have something very minor, or something very early stage. They will be extra cautious in your case, and long term that is good, though worrying at the time.

Butterflies - I hope you get some proper answers on Friday. By then I will be gone on holiday and I am unlikely to come online for a week, but I will be rooting for you and everyone else, I promise. x

MAS, I meant to say, a week on your own with Celeste, even if working, sounds blissful. Enjoy it.

Dd's parents evening went well. Crappy head teacher hadn't bothered to tell teacher of our concerns about school bully being in dd's class - I knew he was lying when he said he would . But I have done it now and teacher says she will keep an eye but she hasn't seen anything yet. I must say, all has been eerily quiet on that front, but I still she think she should have been told of our concerns.

More positively - have just been to the GPs because the oncs keep telling me I should have a mole removed (it is quite near the surgery site). I saw our skin specialist guy and he says it is fine and need not be touched. Hooray!

Topsy - sorry, I meant to say to you, that the dreams thing strikes a chord with me. Very vivid, weird dreams. Also, I would wake up in the night with random words or short phrases repeating through my mind over and over again, sometimes words I didn't even know the meaning of. Or sometimes something would come into my head - like 'toast' for example, and i would not be sure if it was a taste or a sound. I can't explain it better than that.

It did ease, although it still happens occasionally.

You can send the psychs round whenever you want, the kettle's on and I have McVitie's choc digestives

yes thanks topsy,did sleep ok till about 6am then wide awake.Not told the kids anything yet,if I have the biopsy will I have to tell them? or could i get away with it? unfortunately my fil died 6 weeks ago of a brain tumour so cancer/radiotherapy has a terrible connection for them.
Also,been routing in my nhs files/medical records(asked for one bit of info and got everything!!)and found reports on 2 previous mammograms.One said mixed pattern to both,one said unsharp density to left,undetermind.had follow up ultrasuound which was fine.So new problem is with right breast .I just rang nurse at unit and she said will def need biopsy but can still be nothing.They will ring tomorrow.
any thoughts?