**tamoxifen the 13th**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- anticipating halloween

Bloods , unfortunately , are all fine . So chemo goes ahead on Wednesday !
They weren't very interested in my twinges from my mx and node scars .
I actually had to put my old softee in today as Bobby the Silicone Boobie was putting pressure on the scars and making them sore .
Oh well , I suppose it's just another thing we have to just put up with eh ?

DS had a great day at school today . He joined a couple of lunch time clubs , engineering and some kind of technical drawing I think . When he got home he did his homework (periodic table for science) and showed it to me happily .
Hopefully his blip is over , we just need to keep an eye on him .

DD found out today that she was successful in her audition for the school choir , so she is thrilled . Mainly because it gets her out of lessons

Could do with some recipe ideas for minced beef . Have discovered about 5 bags of it in my freezer . And as it's our skint week before payday I am using up the contents of the freezer .
Had spag bol tonight . Please give me your ideas and save my family from spag bols every night this week

Off on my beauty course tomorrow . Shall try and put up pics of the results , if I don't come out looking like a drag queen !

stuffed marrow ? shepherds/cottage pie ? dh makes a fab Argentinian soup with beef mince...can find recipe if you liked...um, can't think of anything else !
pink that's good news about hand
Will be thinking of you tomorrow deeScent

topsy good news about lunchtime clubs and the choir. Hope wednesday not too much of a trial... have a beautiful day today :) mince in our house is spag bol, chilli with rice and a tin of sweetcorn on the side, cottage pie or home made burgers...

Deescent. sorry u have had to join this club. sounds like a similar dx to mine. i had lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy on 1st september 1.1cm lump. mine is hormone +ve so i've started tamoxifen and my rads scan is monday with radiotherapy starting at end of october. Op was nowhere near as bad as thought would be and consultant said i was ok to swim at my 2week appointment. blue wee surprised me and you can have an unusual skin tone for a couple of hours until the blue goes! if thy dont give you written path report ask them to write it down. you will prob have the number of a nurse u can ring with any questions later. Good luck today.

Hi janemacer - your story sounds positive. Good to hear the op wasn't too awful though the nurse agreed with me that the biopsies I had are probably going to prove to be the worst bit of the whole shebang. "Patch" (not a lump even) is so small they had problems finding it so I spent one and half hours on the mammogram machine [no emotion to express the trauma of that!] while they hunted it down.

Loving the blue pallor and wee! Thanks for the tip-off that could have been alarming. I know a 50+year old who went skiing three weeks after her op [impressed].

Saw a hosp doc this morning who filled me in on the sequence of appointments coming up. Operation probably in about three weeks time - he said it makes no difference in outcome to have a delay - has anyone heard this too?

Funny thing is there is a possiblity after the biopsy that the "patch" may be too small to locate and I may have to wait for it to grow for them to find it again! Haha. Well, I suppose that's a positive thing in a way.

Still feel rather detached emotionally although had a tear or two at the hospital. I'm just trying to keep it all as normal as possible for dd who we haven't told yet. Thought we would wait till a couple of days before the op. Any thoughts about telling dcs?

Happily we know several ladies with the all-clear having had similar operations so hopefully she will be reassured. Not easy, telling loved ones, though is it?

DeeScent, glad you had a good appointment and it does sound v.reassuring (if annoying!) that they might have to wait for it to grow. Telling loved one's is impossible and hugely individual. How old is your dd? I have just one DS, and he was only 5 when I was diagnosed. Made it easier in some ways, as he just accepted what we told him.

How is everyone today??

Topsy hope you're okay and ready for tomorrow. I know it's tough, but best to get another one through. Just one to go after that, then fingers crossed it'll keep it in check for the foreseeable.

Pink, Figgy how's the cording??

I've been skiyving as went to visit my friend's baby. He lay asleep on me for an hour while we nattered and drank coffee. So ridiculously cute - I'd forgotten those little whimpering noises babies make as they sleep. Am now daftly behind with work though..

Hi Deescent - glad you had a positive appointment. I think we were pretty much all told that a short delay was not an issue (I was made to go on holiday before having mine, as it was booked, they felt it would do me good). The blue pallor is alarming, you look like a corpse for a bit but it passes in a few hours.

Love to all. Smee - DO SOME WORK!!!!

I've belted to Leeds and back this morning - just got in. God I've heard some crap on the radio (forgot to take a decent CD).

for Cakes. I am working, honest. Mas, I've finished my M&S chocolate raisins. What are you eating today?

Deescent, I was told a week or two made no odds too - try and trust them if you can. Honestly I'd bet we'll all tell you this, but I've found the treatment astonishingly good. Breast Cancer and the NHS is pretty gold star, I'd say..

Ooh a , thanks. I've got mini Chocolate Fingers if anyone's peckish?

Deescent - Smee's right, they know what they are doing with BC, the NHS. Leave it in their capable hands and try to get on with life and interesting stuff. Just turn up for appointments but leave your mind elsewhere. It seems to have worked for me

topsy..how about meatloaf,i only have a softie at the moment but even that makes me sore.have just worn it for the first time for 3 solid days and my scar is looking slightly angry again.im sure these hot flushes dont help.

deescent...im not surprised your feeling weepy you have had a terrible shock a good cry is whats needed but the good news is that is they have cought it very early on even if that means waiting for it to grow a bit.as for telling children i swear thats the hardest part as the last thing any of us want to do is upset or frighten our kids i just kept it simple as possible, kids are very adaptable my kids have amazed me how they have just carried on as normal of course at first they was upset but now its a few months on and they realise im not going anywhere and now they find cancer talk very boring lol.kids have the magic of bringing you down to earth with a bump helping you to carry on as normal as possible.

smee... i was also cooing over a neighbours baby yesterday,she has downs and has the most beautiful smile and big blue eyes i wanted to grab her and bring her home with me she is just so adorable.arms still being a pain i keep trying to exercise it several timesa day but it just wont straighten its a big help its my left arm so i can get by.

sat down this morning and lost 3 hours yep fell asleep on the settee again,still got this cold which doesnt help.im hoping it wont stop my first rads appointment this tomorrow. just had the company of a nice young gas man who was killing time being i was his last job.

Good to hear a round of applause for the NHS. The staff I've met have been lovely ...

Think a good cry would be helpful sometime - haven't had one yet.

This afternoon I feel utterly drained, have had a nap before picking up dd (13). We've decided to carry on as normal and tell her nearer the op. Mainly I've felt chipper about things so I'm sure she hasn't noticed I'm not myself [hopeful].

Am limiting who I tell at the mo as I find it draining having to talk about it, and I want "normal" life as much as possible for as long as possible. My GP rang and was very kind.

deescent - I had many long rambly points about the pluses and minuses of telling my DC . I have a boy of 12 and a girl of 8 .
The Breast Cancer nurses gave me the best advice , which was to keep my DC one step behind what I knew .
So basically I told them I had cancer and was going into hospital to have it cut out . And then once I had the op I told them I needed medicine to make sure it was all gone , and that it would make me sick for a while but it would help in the long run .
I still haven't told them that the docs have since found I have lung secondaries , it's not being dealt with medically right now , so no point in worrying them yet .

They were so laid back about it when I told them , I was so worried about it , but they amazed me . It was all just "oh right , who is going to cook for us when you are in hospital"

Just back from my Look Good , Feel Better course . It was run by the campest make up artist in the world ! I think it may be the law that if you are a male make up artist , you must camp it up as much as possible !
I was the youngest there by about 20 years . But managed to come out not looking like a drag queen . And with a lovely big bag of goodies , imcluding Chanel , Clinique , Estee Lauder and a lovely bottle of Prada perfume .
So that's my birthday pressie sorted

Chemo tomorrow morning , and Unison are staging a major 24 hour strike over here . Should be interesting ...

< uses best stabby elbow technique to get to chocolate fingers before smee snarfs the lot >

Not surprised you're feeling drained, DeeScent. (I do like your name, btw!)
Not sure if this will help, but thinking back, my niece (same age as your DD) was hugely reassured by the idea that it was quite normal as 1 in 8 women are affected by BC at some point in their lives. I told her that though it was scary, it was also quite good news as they'd found it in time, which meant it was both treatable and cureable. She very much appreciated being treated as a grown up about it and has talked about it to me quite easily ever since, which is great and has made us closer. Actually thinking about it, she's better about it than my mother.

Too late, Topsy. I have eaten the lot and they were mmmm...

Glad the goodies were flowing. Sound better than the lot I had, though they were very good too. I had a bit of an icky time on that course. One woman cried her heart out to me, as her husband had left her (mid chemo, what a git!) and then the woman running the workshop picked me to demonstrate mascara on, which as I had no lashes was a bit inappropriate.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hope the strike doesn't delay things. x

Ooh I'd have loved one of those make-up jobs, I wonder why we didn't get them? Though I suppose it is quite possible we did, I was probably wandering around with my fingers in my ears, singing La-la-la and pretending I was somewhere else. Typical.

Now that all the Fingers have gone I think I'd better make tea.

Hope tomorrow goes smoothly, Topsy, I am sure it will now you have the driver.

Figgy and Pink - keep exercising those arms.

No fingers left?...probably a good thing really....Is it the GBBO final tonight?

I would love to have any kind of make over, just to get ideas about how to make my tired face look better.....

Ds has had a bad day in pain with his right hip. It has eased a bit now, but he is a bit snappy with his sisters, so am keeping a close eye, plus dh is away over night, and will need to lift him into the bath....he is getting heavy, so not looking forward to how my back feels after that.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow Topsy.

Ho hum (another posh term for you there MAS) I will relax after dc's bedtime with two purry kittens on my knee, a hot and hopefully GBBO final.

Topsy, sorry to hear you have secondaries; I hope you have some successful treatment.

That makes sense, to give dd chunks of info on a need-to-know basis. We're close so I hope she will trust what I say and believe the good prognosis and not go away and stress about it.

I was going to mention to her that 1 in 3 people get cancer, and 1 in 8 women get breast cancer although I thought it was 1 in 9. Hope those stats don't spook her but then she knows enough relatives and friends who've had it to see how common it is.

I need to find out what consequences me having it has for dd increased chances of getting it. Perhaps it depends on the type of cancer it turns out to be. In any case it will be a spur for her to be breast aware from an early age. (I must admit I haven't been breast aware. 'Twas a random call for early screening that caught it. Very fortunate.)

I hope in her teenagerish way, dd will pause to think about how it might impact her (not very much other than doing a bit more hoovering etc , then get on with her own self-absorbed concerns. Sometimes it's helpful to live in a bit of a bubble!

Feel a bit better now so will cook tea.

You might be able to have genetic testing, DeeScent. Some areas it's easy, others like mine (like mine ) you have to fight for it. If you carry the BRCA gene faults, (I think) your DD has a 50:50 chance of carrying it too.

Hope little Sparkle goes to bed and sleeps himself well again. Could you not do the bath tonight maybe? and kittens sounds purrfect (ha!).

Cakes, is your DD with her Space interests into the Sarah Jane Adventures? DS has just discovered there's a new series on, so he's beyond happy.

I could not do the bath tonight, but I think it will help relax his muscles before bed.

I am glad you are feeling a bit better tonight DeeScent.

hello- I have had proper food today - lunch out with aged parents and an old friend who I grew up with (same age as my youngest brother,so he was her friend,but our families were v close) Was lovely- went to Italian cafe-I had a porchetta panini and peach juice and we shared some chocolate creme brulee tart and a slice of orange polenta cake -yum ! Am sure a FBS will beckon shortly !
DeeScent My son was 12 when I was diagnosed and we kind of assumed he'd pick up on what was happening without sitting him down to explain- so it was bit by bit- mum is having an operation,then radiotherapy etc- cancer was spoken about-so nothing hidden but no big deal made of it,so he wasn't alarmed or anxious. I think matter of fact is a good way to go !
Good luck tomorrow topsy- enjoy GBBO tonight everyone

oh and love to junior sparkle and kittens xx

:)
Am very of your lovely italian food today. Very hard to type as two kittens keep walking over the keyboard, must quickly press post message before it all disappears again.

No more fingers? I've got Hobnobs and - help yourselves.

MAS, I'm enjoying TGBBO - watched it last week on your recommendation and tonight's is looking good too. Your lunch sounds yummy. I had a jacket spud with tuna and cheese.

I hope your DS manages a comfy night, Sparkles and wakes up feeling better. Mind your back though.

Deescent, I am with the others on breaking the news. A little at a time on a need to know basis. That's how I did it with my sons even though they're older - 24 and 20 (youngest has Downs though so we had to be particularly careful).

Topsy, your pampering day sounds fab - those goodies are worth having. I've got a phone number to ring for the local sessions and will definitely ring tomorrow. I think, now my hair's growing, I could do with an overhaul. I don't ever wear foundation but really need to, to even out my skin tone. Finding out how to do that properly would be worth going for. Good luck for tomorrow.

Pink, I'm having lots of afternoon naps at the moment and wake up feeling very refreshed so consider it a must-have so never feel guilty about it. I'm sure your naps are doing you the world of good.

My 9.10 rads appointment was running on-time today and I was out in 20 minutes. Yayy!!!! Then, back to school till 12, delivered a couple of birthday cards and did a huge supermarket shop. I deserved my snooze today