**tamoxifen the 13th**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- anticipating halloween

Pink - I hope you will too. But don't be too surprised, the machines break down a LOT (that may just be my hospital, of course ). I have found the best thing to do is expect it to take a while and come prepared - that way you have stuff to do if necessary, and you can skip happily out if it it isn't.

Hope it is going ok jane

MAS I am sorry you are feeling blue....as pink says offload if it helps, I am hoping it lifts soon.

Been at the hospital ds this morning, just routine and more tests, ecg today the electrode one, not ultrasound echo, which I am going off to have this afternoon! Fun fun fun, more waiting rooms, think dd3 thinks all families spend large chunks of the days in hospital waiting rooms. Lovely school teacher told ds that if he wasn't back in time for this afternoon she would postpone the planned science lesson becasue she needed his help, being a science boffin/future astro physicist. Brought tears to my eyes, that they thought of him and didn't want him to miss out.

Off to tidy and clean, ready for kitten o'clock on Friday. Dh says he wants to get up and get them at about 8.00am me thinks he might be a bit excited.

Pink, that first cup of tasteful coffee's a huge landmark. Definite sign you're on the up.

Hope janemercer's out in the sunshine by now. I think morning appointments give you less chance of delays, but as Cakes says when the machines break down everyone's stuffed.

I'm just back from hospital pre-op clinic check. Had managed to successfully push the op somewhere obscure in my brain, but now am fully back into eek mode. I found ginormous chocolate buttons in M&S on way back, as I deserve and need them. MAS, I blame you for going on about them.

Cakes, my trip was good - not sure if I managed to get the work or not as they've yet to tell me, but I had a lovely train trip and I didn't feel as though I made an idiot of myself, so all in all a good day.

Kurri, hope little dog's comfy today. MAS, hope the sunshine helps with negative thoughts. Waving to all. Sorry I can't post to everyone, but I'd really better do some work..

x-posted Sparkle. That is so lovely of DS's teacher. Hooray for his new school. At least he has that amidst all of the medical trauma.

thanks -you are all sweet-Cakes-you are right-Mindfulness ! it's just that I started thinking quite hard about something that led me down a gloomy path of what ifs and how would I cope- nothing to do with my health -have had a nice walk to town so that should help.

Oh how lovely of the teacher sparkle ! Smee- I bought some of those giant choc buttons too

Great minds think alike, MAS. Either that or you've brainwashed me!

Oh that sounds familiar MAS. Most of my wobbles are about money (future potential to earn) and about my frequent difficulties with technology. (the two are not unconnected). It is shit and hard to shake off. I hope yours passes soon.

Smee - I have my fingers crossed for you over the new work. Yesterday we finally got a contract signed for a bit of work we got given verbally in July - but we haven't been able to start until now so this is good, and I got a new little piece of ad hoc work drop in my lap this morning, so I am quite smiley and stressed, both at the same time. I hope yours goes the right way. I am sure the giant buttons were medicinal.

Sparkles - your ds's teacher sounds lovely, how fab of her. Methinks your dh is a tad keen on getting the kittens, and I don't blame him.

A few doors down from us the new neighbours have got a parrot. He is out in the garden tooting and warbling and wolf whistling away. I know for a fact that it is mightily pissing off people who live nearer by, but from here it is really a very cheery sound

oh smee- do hope you get the work ! and hooray for new contract
I was thinking of my parents,specifically dad and what would happen if he died and it just spiralled from there -how would I cope with the responsibility of everything etc etc - horrible- I just felt that I couldn't- not that he is ill or even frail- he is very healthy and active. I suppose I'm aware of the restrictions I impose on myself and the way I can only operate if I do certain things-the curse of the ocd mind...I can't think why I started thinking of it. I should know that living in the present moment is the best way to deal with it,but that bit of advice always evaporates when I need it !

MAS, I do think you're amazing the way you've embraced mindfulness and also how you support all of us too. Maybe it would be odd if you contained all wobbles all of the time. Parents are major worry for me too. I was awake in the small hours worrying about my mother's alzheimers, which is daft as she's early stages and pretty well at the moment. I have no solution, though obviously chocolate buttons are a mighty good distraction.

Cakes, hark at you with the work piling up. Most impressive. I like the sound of the parrot. Always loved that story about Churchill's parrot, who apparently swore like a trooper.

thanks smee- I'm afraid that I don't really live as mindfully as I should- it's very hard to block out everything else,or rather acknowledge things but not get involved in thinking about them..I shall keep practising though.
There's a brilliant parrot in our pet shop - I took S in once when i was minding her and he chats away,she found him a little unnerving
I have also discovered mini twirl bites which are extremely yummy!

Mmm, twirl bites sound essential.

Have just remembered a parrot story. Many moons ago, I was pushing DS in his buggy past our local pet shop when a huge parrot flew out and landed by us on the pavement. We stopped to watch as the shop assistant tried to usher it back indoors and the parrot just stood there going "f*@k off!". DS then chanted it all the way round Sainsburys..

what a fab parrot! Sadly I don't think our neighbour's one can say that. It would be magnificent if he could. I'd even offer to birdsit when they went away

parents are a major worry (and my Mum is fine at the moment, though 81). It's enough to upset the apple cart for anyone. especially worrying about what would happen to a bereaved parent, which is always heartrending. I have to say both my mum and DH's coped brilliantly, and I had thought DH's would be a nightmare. I know this doesn't help. It's alarming how bad stuff can seem in the wee small hours

Twirl bites. Ooohhh....

cakes, I think you should teach it a few new words.

yes -go on Cakes ! smee-that parrot story made me laugh
I finished up the twirl bites but have put the bag of giant buttons in it's place - no one will notice !

Smee, re parrot story.

Twirl bites? Yes please! available.

bit of a non event today. found out i am going to have four weeks. the extra week is a boost at the site of the lump. still have to wait for 'proper' planning meeting.

thanks for all the good wishes for today and any one?

Four weeks is a bit of a downer, but it'll be over in a flash. Start rubbing in the aqueous like a loon, if you haven't already...

yes,it'll speed by !

Ooh loads of posts!

Pain about the extra week jane, but it does go by fairly quickly once you are into the routine of it, - as Cakes says moisturize like a mad thing

MAS - sorry you are feeling down today, I think the worries about parents do build up obviously as they grow older. I have days of complete panic about mine too - so you are not alone hope you feel better again soon.

I see I am to late for a twirl bite

My GBBO laugh out loud moment was when Sue compared Janet's croissant to a neck support - I did like Janet though, she didn't get all tearful when she messed up - you feel at home she would just plonk it on a plate and say 'dig in'.

Parrot sounds fun Cakes - but they are noisy creatures. I remember going to a zoo with DH and my dad when DS was little. They had a cockatoo (One of those big white ones with a crest on their heads), it was bobbing up and down and saying parrotty things, and DH was standing in front of its cage also bobbing up and down making parrot noises. My dad looked at me in despair and said 'tell me again why you married him'

Hope everything went fine at the hospital Sparkle, and great that DS has a nice teacher so he doesn't miss fun stuff.

First enjoyable cup of coffee is definitely a landmark Pink, I'd offer you a twirl bite if MAS hadn't eaten them all

Those giant chocolate buttons sound good Smee, - I'm glad Monday went well, good luck with the job.

We are going to stay with my parents next week, and the dog is coming with us (she likes riding in the car). And when we go to Liverpool, DD will be at home to look after her, so she's all sorted out. She's seeing the vet again first thing saturday morning before we leave.

Isn't the weather lovely? - we had a beautiful sunset last night - all pink and orange, and we had V's of wild geese flying across the sky

ooh I like a nice sky in the evening.

It really is lovely - so nice to have an Indian Summer.

I am glad that your little dog is coming away with you. We always took our dog everywhere with us as well. Couldn't bear to leave him, he was so ace, such good company, just like yours

Janet was very gracious and lovely...I ignored the call of croissants and iced fingers today ! Lovely that dog is going with you KK- wish that I could whisk Celeste away with us !