**tamoxifen the 13th**

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we are- anticipating halloween

Good luck to Pink for planning meeting today - nearly there, nearly there....

great news Earth! It sounds like they feel confident they got it all. The chemo will be do-able, the anticipation is usually the worst bit: just make sure you tell them about any horrible SEs so they can sort a solution.

MAS. £450???? Yikes!

Smee - glad ds is doing OK with his thuglet. But how gutting the the BoE didn't dish out any cash.

love Sue Perkins too topsy !
Cakes- the car was more expensive than I thought- eek. Dentist check up this week, so all being well it should just be a look around -hope he doresn't want to repair anything...should be about £35 ish ?
Cut my finger on bread knife first thing- small but bled - came over all wibbly and had to go and lie down...

Are you all right MAS? I too an off to the dentist tomorrow, having to pay privately as can't find an NHS dentist, so fingers crossed it is not too expensive, just a polish and clean needed! [glug]

Had to share my morning before I rush off again....you wouldn't believe it but it is true I promise. BT started digging trench down our track to the cottage last week, in olrder to bury BT line, as height breaching current regs. So last week they dug up the track to bury a pipe, so cbale could be pulled along it. As we are desginated a sensitive user cos of ds they have to check in with me all the time. Lane our track joins is also being dug up as severn trent replacing water main....they too have to check with me all the time and provide constant access incl enough room for ambulance....this is a challenge as the lane is only one cars width. This morning ds wakes in severe pain, but get him to school eventually, then bt arrive to lay new cable, and disconnect phone (problem as know ds is in school with severe pain) then one of there men steps off a ladder and falls down a foot wide hole, which is over a metre deep, filled with rain water, so looks like a puddle. Turns out section of the track dug up last week has collapsed. So now we have no phone, no way out of cottage, BT men can't connect and have lost time incident, BT men can't fix the hole as "has to be done by BT ghround works crew" and severen trent there with mini diggers, wacker plates etc can't fix the hole as not their problem", BT ground crew called but can't get to hole because of severn trent blocking the road..........honestly you have to laugh, then rememebr we are all paying for the 10 or so men standing around doing bugger all.

Thay have fixed my phone now by the way....

I'd bet most of us have planned our funerals Topsy and Pogues are a fab choice. I still haven't decided what I want, though I'd trust DH not to play Celinne Dionne. DS has said in the past that Dizzee Rascal's 'Some People Think I'm Bonkers' is my song, but maybe that would be a bit much. .

On books, for anyone who likes thrillers Sofi Oksanen's 'Purge' is dark and gripping - I read it on holiday and rattled through. Not sure what I'd chose for a book club, but I have just read 'When God Was A Rabbit', which is sweet and rather wonderful.

Earth, have realised we're all making it sound like chemo's nothing, which of course it is, but at least through us you can see there's light on the other side, as if we can crawl through it, well you will too. Feel free to be scared and worry though, as we all did/ do and keep on doing so.

Good luck to Pink for the planning. I rather liked mine. Lots of lovely women clucking round me, who were all very kind and funny.

DS is going on 'the Cooking Bus' today. The mind boggles.

sparkle - arghhh !! what a kerfuffle - but very glad that your phone is ok...hope ds is ok.
smee - cooking bus sounds intruiging !
Am ok now- was a teeny cut but as you know am not good with blood...
Am going to take blankets to launderette shortly

at cooking bus.....

I have just finished Eat pray love, never seen the film. There is an awful lot of parying in the middle which for me just dragged a bit. I new friend fromdc school has just lent me One Day, which also haven't seen film of, and said quite good, althoigh she has also said she will not see the film now because thinks it will ruin the book, which often happens doesn't it. I also just reread the Bookseller of Kabul, and the Art of racing in the rain (which is told from the point of view of a dog) also The Book Thief is an amazing book, albeit very emotional.

So many typos sorry!

sparkles, am glad you are reconnected.

Smee, your ds has a rare old time at school I have also recently finished When God was a Rabbit, it was great. Since then I have read The Secret River and that was amazing. I think I may have to read some pap next (though I draw the line at Chick Lit, it just does nothing for me).

So you recommend The Book Thief then, sparkles? I have toyed with trying it, so maybe I will.

MAS, I think £35 should be plenty for a check and polish, can't quite remember.

I know, Cakes, I want to go to his school. It's also Roald Dahl week, so each class is reading one of his books. DS annoyed as they've got 'James and The Giant Peach' and he wanted 'The Twits'.

I couldn't get on with 'One Day' at all - got so fed up with them prevaricating!

I may yet feel the same about One Day...we will see. The Book Thief is a fanastic book, beautifully written, made even more haunting by the fact that it is a true story....but I did sob my way through it.

neither me nor dh got on with One Day,though my dad really liked it..

Phew Sparkle - at least the phone is fixed now!

Good luck with the planning Pink, - radiotherapists are a lovely breed IME

Cooking Bus, Smee- what a great idea, I wonder what it will be - your DS's school sounds great. DD has just bought herself When God was a Rabbit, so I'm glad you liked it.

Well my first time at book club was great, I really enjoyed it - they are a very lively group (mostly older women, but one my age who was really nice, we had a coffee and a good chat afterwards ) its all slightly mad, but I like that. The woman who runs it is blind and her guide dog is adorable, - he kept putting his head on people's laps to be stroked (which he's probably not supposed to do, but was very sweet)

The library gets in multiple copies of the book, so you don't have to buy it, (which is good if its one you hate!). They like suggestions as well so I might go with your recommendation of the Book Thief Sparkle when its my turn.

In case anyone was considering The Millstone (which I doubt!) no one at the group seemed to think much of it, so I wouldn't recommend.

Hope your finger is OK MAS, - I know you don't like that stuff beginning with B, so hope you're feeling less wobbly now.
I think £35 should be enough for clean/polish. At our dentist it is £17 for a check up, i.e. a quick look - they don't seem to do the cleaning any more

I love Sue Perkins too, she is so funny. I laughed out loud at the croque in my bouche remark Did anyone see her a couple of years ago on that programme where celebrities learned to conduct an orchestra? - she was brilliant on that.

Waving to everyone else Earth I hope your leaking is better today, and you are feeling a bit better

Blimey, it's good that you don't have to buy the books, even

I am glad the book club was worth going to, it is so nice to have something to look forward to during the week.

As a sad contrast, I only have the vilely named Stretch'n'Tone to avoid go to today, and i really don't fancy it....

I picked up the next book from the library this morning. It is Tales of Victorian Norfolk, by Mary Mann. A quick glance show episodes of speaking in dialect. Normally I avoid written dialect talk like the plague, so I may struggle with this one (Whole evenings where people sit around chatting (or 'mardling') in dialect is very big in Norfolk, DS was forced to go to one for some work thing he was doing and nearly lost the will to live).

Stretch'n'Tone sounds far to much like hard work. The reason I like yoga is because it involves long periods of lying on the floor asleep

Dialect. Yuk.

We had a friend who loved Sid the Sexist in Viz but he could only understand the Geordie accent if he read it out loud. It was very tedious

Stretch'n'Tone is quite evil. I prefer Pilates for much the same reason you favour yoga, but I had to miss that this week because dh was working late. So now I think I really will have to go to this one, I stiffen up if i don't do anything

oh God- one of my pet peeves is dialect...wrong in so many ways...
have just finished the big bag of crisps in the cupboard..

MAS, why did you have to say the 'c' word?! Glad I'm not the only one who didn't like 'One Day'. Everyone I know seemed to love it, so I thought it was just me.

Dialect is very wrong, but good that book group was a treat, Kurri. They sound like a nice lot.

Off to pick up DS. We're meeting a friend and her boy in a lovely cafe for tea and cake. I will report back on the cooking bus later..

sparkle...hugs thats a bit much on top of everything else,hope they get a move on and sort things out.

well its now all set for the 6th of october and your all right they are really nice people,dd19 came with me and we left with her having a bighead all the nurses were rattling on about how stunning and beautiful she was where the hightlight of my day was i managed to buy an aha bra or what ever they are called.so to cheer myself up i came home and ate two cream cakes yes thats right 2 lol. dd has gone back to uni now to enroll for her second year.oh by the way i squealed like a piglet having my tattoos done(didnt really hurt just a very sensitive and tickilish area)she asked me how i ever managed chemo lol.

the last book i read was "the gypsy king" once you get over the blood and the gore and the oh yeah right as if ,its a facinating read and insight into the gypsy culture and way of life.

Afternoon All
Was such a terrible day here earlier that I climbed back under my duvet after the DC went to school (cheaper than putting the heating on !) And I ended up asleep (suprise suprise) . Thank goodness I set the alarm on my phone though or I wouldn't have woken up to do the school run this afternoon !
I slept for hours

I too have read The Book Thief . It took me months because I kept having to put it down and come back to it later when I had calmed down a bit .
Very good book , but very very emotional .

sparkle - what a PITA your morning has been . Hope you get your lane sorted soon .

smee - do you think the cooking bus can come to my house this evening ? I really can't be bothered making dinner tonight .

flipping job centre are harrassing me about getting a job surely they cant be serious i have a blood clot,cant raise my arm,bone aches legs and hips have shot it today,enflamed stomach,still have chemo in my system,just had a mastectomy,due to start radiotheraphy and im bloody knackered.surely they can cut me some slack and let me recover best of it is i dont claim job seekers as my son gets DLA i get carers allowance,apparently someone is going to ring me tomorrow about a back to work interview grrr

Hi all Thanks for all your kind wishes, I feel so lost compared to you all. You all seem to understand everything thats happening to you I haven't a clue and am scared witless enough not to google.

Leaking is improved today but I'm in quite a lot of pain, it almost feels as though the remaining skin is pulled too tight.

I remembered something the doc said that I was not herceptan indicated but was for tamoxifen. Is that good bad or indifferent??

Earth - poor love- don't worry-things will seem less scary in time. It means that your tumour is receptive to oestrogen (er + - they sometimes write the progesterone too (pr +),but doesn't seem to have any bearing ) If your tumour is HER2 receptive then you can be given herceptin. If you aren't receptive to these then you are termed as triple negative and are usually given chemo (correct me if I'm wrong everyone !) So really being receptive to oestrogen means tamoxifen will be beneficial to you -which is a good thing.

Earth - when I was first DX and going through my chemo, I was too scared to ask anyone what was going on, I didn't read the literature I was given, I didn't want to know. It takes time just to get used to the idea of your diagnosis - so much has happened to you in such a short time. It is perfectly natural for you to feel lost and scared, don't be hard on yourself for that, most of us have felt that way - I am 3 years on now, but I remember those early feelings.

It is very tough, and although you might not think it, you are doing really well. You are through your surgery - that's a big step forward, and you will get through your other treatments a step at a time. It seems daunting, but once you start, you will be able to deal with each bit as it comes along.

There is no shame in feeling tearful, sad, angry. Whatever you feel is OK and valid - there's no rules for this bastard illness.
Let us support you along the way, - you will get there take care xx

thank you, although you made me cry Kurri xxx it feels like its a lonely disease even though so many of us seem to have it.

I had a phone call earlier saying the oncologist (sp) wants to see me on the 3rd October, it is all moving so quickly it's terrifying. I want to say "stop, hang on a minute, let me catch up" I want to know what will happen if I do nothing more, no chemo, nothing. I feel so bloody scared

earth...in my case i got my diagnosis 2 days later i had my first chemo and a week later my first scan, in a way it was much easier to have chemo then my op as i had no time to dwell.im sure having the op first is much harder as you have to much time to think about it.

i can honestly say i dreaded my first chemo after i had it done i remember thinking is that it,i expected to feel ill but didnt just felt drunk . of course you do get side effects but they can be sorted with medication,i had only one session of chemo before they scanned me and already there had been a big shrinkage and that helped me get through knowing it was working.