Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

:( Will the MRI be soon? You come up in conversation a lot in our house and we're all still holding onto hope for you.

I have only recently joined MN. Just caught up on your heartbreaking situation and wanted to wish you strength and let you know that a total stranger will go to bed thinking of you tonight. xx

You are all in my thoughts and prayers Rinders (a namechanger, but a Shiney).

So sorry to hear the latest updates.

I hope that Richard can get help with his pain so that he can be more rested.

Take care of yourself x

Thinking of you Rinders.

I'm so sorry. Bless both of you and the girls. I hope his pain is being managed well.xx

Gosh, thank you all so much for your wishes. DH's pain is being well managed - the pharmacist was fab today and really talked thru all the drugs and how the morphine can be most effectively used.

I was slightly freaked by the kidney problem as my Dad died in July of kidney failure. The doctors didn't seem overly worried by it though, just wanted to get it stable before starting treatment.

I am astounded by how well DH knows his body. Just a few weeks ago he said he thought it had spread to either his kidneys or liver. I spoke to him a little while ago. He is amazingly upbeat and positive and that's exactly what we all have to be to support him. Nothing less will do.

Brilliant sil is here and we're sharing se wine and nursing our horrible, hacking coughs together (both non smokers sounding like we're on 60 a day).

just want to say so sorry and thinking of your family and you. Reading this has made me cry no words can help i know but just to let you know am thinking of u all {sad}

Thanks Blondie x

Whomoved, MRI should be in the next day or so hopefully, at least that's the plan.

Looking at your girls makes me think of my two DC and DH and shudder - I'm thinking of you all and wish you all the best in this terrible situation. x

Ah glad he's getting it quickly. Hopefully he'll be back on treatment next week. Sorry to hear about the coughs - DS has croup and parainfluenza virus whatever that is - apparently it's doing the rounds where we are so you might want to keep an eye on your DC. I know it's the last thing you all need!

Thanks Dunder. Wmmc sorry Ds isn't well. The girls are both down with a horrible bug too. Am paranoid re infections as it's the last thing he needs.

DH was delighted yesterday. One of the dr's looked at his notes and said, 'you're 42'. DH said 'no 52 actually'. And the dr nearly fell off his chair. Even with this horrendous illness he still manages to look 10 years younger!

He's never 52 . You serious?

No.....you can't be married to someone almost as old as my DH.

Flipping nora!

Practice extreme hand hygiene btw - the bugs are very contagious and apparently the village you used to live in has a chickenpox outbreak at the minute as well.

Wishing you all speedy recoveries. :)

Cancer is the most insidiously horrible disease out, simply because it's our own bodies turning traitor on us.

Many many best wishes for you all, Rindercella

I went into cancer research as a career after my mother got breast cancer while I was a student. I swore then that I wanted to help prevent others going through the same torment. It is getting better but that's no help for you, which makes me feel like hitting my head against a wall that the research process is so damned slow.

I know far too much about prostate cancer - it's my clinical boss's main interest. But please don't give up hope! There's a lot of new drugs and treatments coming, especially for prostate and breast cancers!

Rinder I have just read your threads and I really have no words. Sorry I just didn't want to lurk.

What a brave family you all are and all I can offer is my thoughts and prayers for you all.

Thank you, and thank you for the hope moonbells, we must firmly believe that there is hope. DH said he had a long chat with one of the v experienced nurses and told her what he'd been doing - diet, Penny Brohn, etc and she was really positive.

I haven't actually cried for a week - I discussed getting help for DD1 with the Mac nurse and she said she thought it was too soon. In a strange way that really helped me. DH is different day by day and so I am trying to learn to take each day as it comes and make the most of the good days and deal with the crap days as they come.

DH was due to have his MRI at 11.30, doubtless running late. He should be home later today though.

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I am glad that so many people have reached out to you. You are in my thoughts.

Hi Rindercella,

I have been reading your story and am so so sorry you are all having to go through this. I thought a lot about whether I should post this as I don't want to come across as a wacko who thinks cancer can be cured easily. And I wouldn't want to give you false hope or anything like that. I just wondered if your DH had come across books by this lady. It may be helpful in some way.

www.cancersupportinternational.com/janeplant.com/book-prostate.asp

I apologise if I am being insensitive though

I'm so sorry to hear your story, Rindercella. My DH had cancer 10 years ago and I remember only too well the horror of it all. He is now well, but I live in fear of going through it all again. I wish you and your family could be spared this awful situation.

Rindercella
Please ignore anything pertaining to Jane Plant. She is a geologist turned self appointed expert on cancer. Utter garbage.
I was diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago and have seen so many of my family suffer with various forms of this bloody thing.
If I had one wish it would be to bring an end to this filthy stinking disease.
All the very best to you and yours.

Oh really? Sorry, sorry, sorry I had heard good things and thought I would pass the info on. Apologies again.

Rindercella, so sorry to hear that there was bad news for your DH . You are in my thoughts often and I am sending prayers and hope your way. Glad to hear his pain is managed well now.

I am so impressed with how positive you are sounding - you are one strong lady and I am sure a phantastic support to your DH.

Hope you cough improves soon and enjoy your with SIL - so good that you have her to support you.

Firstly Nikki, please don't feel bad about linking to that book. It was a really kind thought, thank you. There is so much information out there it is difficult shifting through the good stuff and the bad and I guess what works for one may not work for another. It's great to get as much information as possible, assimilate it and then work out what works for the individual situation. Hopefully that makes sense.

I am just so sorry that so many others are living with this disease.

Have had a very long afternoon. I went to visit DH and he won't be coming home for several days. They are starting radiotherapy tomorrow as they have found two new tumours on his spine. So they are tackling the most troublesome things first.

Can't believe I am so calm about this at the moment. Am feeling rather detatched - it must be a coping mechanism or something.

Thinking of you xx

Oh! I have lurked on these threads and never posted, as there is always someone more suitable to give advice etc. Tonight, though, I think advice is off the cards and a very big (((((hug))))) is in order.