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Original poster

Update on Rindercella's DH

1000 replies

Rindercella · 09/02/2011 12:21

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

OP posts:
Buda · 18/02/2011 23:43

Rinders - I am sorry there are more tumours. It's a fucking plague of a disease. Too damn strong. Like an advancing army.

My Dad has it. His is aggressive apparently. But it has not spread and has responded to hormone treatment. But he is 72. 20 years older than your DH. Your DH shouldn't be facing this and be sicker than my Dad. Even my Dad agrees.

sybilfaulty · 19/02/2011 01:18

Just seen this. Dear Rinders. Thinking of you and your family tonight.

PollyLogos · 19/02/2011 06:58

Sorry to hear those results Rinders.

Thinking of you all, as always. Have you got your wonderful sister in law there with you? I'm sure you need support too, in the face of all this. As does she, too.

essenceofSES · 19/02/2011 08:15

Rindercelle - I've only just seen this thread and wanted to add my support. Cancer is just feckin' awful.

You are a strong lady and I'm glad you have your SIL with you - support for eachother I'm sure.

I'm sorry to see your post from yesterday about another couple of tumours. I've got everything crossed for his next bout of treatment and you will all be in my thoughts and prayers.

essenceofSES · 19/02/2011 08:17

Sorry, didn't mean to miss-type your name, Rindercella

Original poster
Rindercella · 19/02/2011 08:30

Thank you everyone, it was so nice to see your well wishes this morning. Haven't heard from DH yet. Just hope he had a comfortable night.

Both DDs slept all night (actually, are still sleeping) and so I slept like a baby too Smile

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 19/02/2011 08:52

Morning Rindercella
Just read this thread - hope you're able to keep strong, and that today gives you some happy moments.
x

Sariska · 19/02/2011 09:10

Still thinking of you Rinders. Glad you had a good night's sleep. It always helps, doesn't it!

PacificDogwood · 19/02/2011 22:37

Wishing you another good night, Rindercella Smile

whomovedmychocolate · 20/02/2011 08:50

Morning Rinders - well it's good that he's getting treatment though, even if you have to be apart for that. If there was no hope they wouldn't bother trying.

ohboob · 20/02/2011 13:19

Am thinking of you too. My heart just breaks for you.

ChilledChick2 · 20/02/2011 21:10

How are you feeling today Rindercella?

Hope you're taking care of yourself and the DC.

I've just read your post and have the utmost admiration for everything you've coped with so far. My thoughts are with you.

Original poster
Rindercella · 21/02/2011 08:40

Thank you, again, for all your well wishes.

DH is still in hospital, I can't see him coming out before Thurs at the earliest. Saw him yesterday and he's not doing great tbh. Although he has put some weight o, he is still really struggling with the pain. He is in a morphine-induced haze and I can get little sense out of him. One of the most intelligent people I have ever met - and certainly the quickest witted, just devastating.

I haven't cried for 10 days now.

OP posts:
ThePosieParker · 21/02/2011 08:45

Keep talking, Keep recording everything, I have no experience of this and my heart goes out to you.

EverettUlyssesMcGill · 21/02/2011 08:45

I am really sorry. Have they considered using LDN? It doesn't work with opiates but can work instead of, and he wouldn't be so hazy. It's a bit of a leftfield drug though so they might not want to go there...worth asking consultant though.

Perhaps it seems there is no point in crying at the moment; please don't worry about your reaction, it is totally OK and normal.

much love, Rinders xxx

Original poster
Rindercella · 21/02/2011 11:51

Thanks PP. Am feeling very strong at the moment. Surrealy so.

Everett, I shall ask his palliative team re LDN. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Rindercella · 21/02/2011 11:56

Buda, sorry just re-read your last post. So much gets lost when doing all this by phone. So sorry about your Dad. This is such a bastard disease. X

OP posts:
ThePosieParker · 21/02/2011 13:00

If you or DH belong to a trade/professionla group they sometimes pay out. A friend of mine was an accountant, they got a sizeable sum from the association, paid for a huge extension and the holiday of a lifetime.

PixieOnaLeaf · 21/02/2011 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

shinyshoes · 21/02/2011 15:04

sorry you're going through this,I have absolutely no idea what you're going through as I haven't been through it.

I can only offer unmumsnetty hugs ((((rindercella)))

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 21/02/2011 15:22

Rinders - you may not have cried for 10 days, but I am crying 10 days worth of tears for you :(

I don't know how I missed this thread before today? It must be a month or so ago when we were on the other thread. When I saw it, I just assumed it was going to be good news and it hit me like a plank.... I just want to hug you all.

DD1 talking to you in the car just broke my heart. They just absorb so much and accept it don't they :(

None of you should be going through this. It's a horrible, horrible bastard disease.

I wish I could do so much more for you than just give blood. I wish I had a magic wand.

I don't have any practical advice to offer you - just lots of love x

noddyholder · 21/02/2011 15:26

I am thinking of you too I also thought this thread may be good new s I am so sorry. I am glad you are getting this super strength from somwhere to help you through this xx

whomovedmychocolate · 21/02/2011 15:30

Gaining weight is good. I know he's out of it - but given what he's going through for him it's probably better that he is. I'd far rather not remember it because I was off my face on opiates because that old tenet about no-one remembers pain is bollocks (as anyone who has had a baby can probably attest).

Since you can't actually do anything at the minute, is this a good time to take a couple of hours out for you? Get your hair done or something, just to have a few hours off being so brave? :)

We are making cookies tomorrow if your DDs want to come over and play? (Don't worry, I know you always say no, but I'm going to keep offering and one day you'll be worn down Wink).

PacificDogwood · 21/02/2011 20:34

Yeah to weight gain. Boo to being out of it on morphine - how is he getting it? Orally? Injections? Or via a syringe pump? This can work very well - palliative care should advise you on that.

I hope you had positive news from him today. Have you been able to see him?
I hope there was some time for time-out for you too Smile

essenceofSES · 21/02/2011 21:37

Thinking of you Rinders
WMMC is right, weight gain is a good sign. I hope the balance between pain relief and (not) being out of it is found.

Hope you sleep well tonight xx

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