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Original poster

Update on Rindercella's DH

1000 replies

Rindercella · 09/02/2011 12:21

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

OP posts:
ThisIsANiceCage · 10/02/2011 20:43

You're probably not be ready to think about it yet, but when you are (as much as one can be), this is an excellent thread with lots of good ideas for videos, huggy cushions with photos on, birthday cards and wedding letters written in advance.

God, I'm bawling just typing that. So surreal to have to have to make such plans...

Thinking of you.

Sariska · 10/02/2011 20:55

I don't know what to say to you, Rinders, but I want to say something. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You, your children and, of course, your DH do not deserve this blindly vicious strike from the universe. I am so sorry.

And, on a more practical note, if you ever want any info on palliative care (although I'm sure the hospice will be genned up on that) my cousin is a palliative care consultant and I know she would happily pass along information / her opinion if it might help.

PacificDogwood · 10/02/2011 21:23

Rindercella, I read this thread this morning, but had to run off to work so did not post.

I am so so sorry to hear how things have developed for your DH Sad, in fact I am really quite angry at this bastard disease: what it is doing to him, to you, to your DCs and so many other people up and down the land!

And reading about your DD1's reaction to her daddy's illness is just heartbreaking. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job being there for everybody and looking after the LO's needs. I know, you have to be strong for everybody whether you feel like it or not, so please look after yourself too.

I am speechless in the face of this terrible injustice; it is truly not fair.

I very much hope his pain can be sorted out, get a specialist palliative care person involved.

As ever, thinking of you often (usually when I am dealing with somebody in RL affected by the Big C Sad) and wishing you a miracle.

notnowbernard · 10/02/2011 22:22

Rindercella I am so sorry Sad

thumbdabwitch · 10/02/2011 22:45

Oh Rinders, so so :( to hear how things are going.
Rant away as much as you like on here - you need an outlet. ARe you still seeing someone yourself to talk about things?

Your DD1 sounds fantastic btw, so grown up about it.

Big unMNly (((hugs))) to you all.

triplets · 10/02/2011 23:00

Dear Rinders..........I don`tknow how I came across this thread tonight....guess it was meant to be. I feel so much pain in my heart for you and your darling children, it is a nightnmare, a wide awake, living nightmare.My position is very similar, my dh was diagnosed in Feb 08 with bowel cancer, now spread to his liver and lungs.Endless chemo, surg, scans, you are scared, feel sick, angry, every emotion you can think of. We have 13 year old triplets, our first son Matthew died suddenly in 1994, he was 14. Life is very ufair, cruel. I am so so sorry for you..............xxx

SpeedyGonzalez · 11/02/2011 01:01

Oh, Rinder. SadSadSad

What a horrible time you're having. I am so very sorry.

Will be thinking of you lots. Huge hugs.

PollyLogos · 11/02/2011 06:01

I've very, very sad to read this update Rindercella. I have been checking your old thread regularly hoping for good news.

I often wonder about you and your family andd send you all love and strength.

Triplets,sorry to read your update too.

Sad
onlyjoking9329 · 11/02/2011 11:20

Another one that is thinking about you and your family.
So sorry things are worsening for Richard and that's a difficult place to be and for you and the kids to observe.
Each day is different and you can go throu many emotions within five minutes.
I hope he can get proper pain control, he really shouldn't have to be in pain.
Our mac nurse was fab at sorting steves drugs out which enabled steve to be painfree, do the district nurses come out to him?
I really feel for you, I was in the same position as you
3 years ago, there are loads of my threads still around from that time with loads of advice.
I have a few childrens books somewhere that you can have if you think they'd be useful.
Do use the mac nurses they are a fab support, our mac nurse was the only person I could really really talk to about it all, it was a massive help for all of us.
I'm happy to send you my phone number so if you want to talk cry scream offload you can ring me.
J.

chicaguapa · 11/02/2011 11:33

How terribly sad. Sad Sad My heart goes out to all of you; you, your DH and DC. Life is horribly unfair. Sad

MavisEnderby · 11/02/2011 11:40

So sorry about your wonderful dh.

i hope they have managed to get his pain under control,Is your dh at home with you?Hopefully the Mc nurses can suggest something.Is he on tablets or patches that they could adjust the dose of,with oramorph/oxycontin for breakthrough pain.Have they considered a syringe driver for continuous infusion for pain control?

Your daughter sounds wonderful.I know it is the most painful thing in the world.(Worst thing I have done telling dcs Daddy was dying)but I think in some ways it is good that she is asking questions.Winstons wish is a good source of support.And no it isn't fair at all.But please if you need to rant and let off steam keep posting.There will be people here listening

sending strength and hugs Mavis xx

MummyElk · 12/02/2011 20:29

Hi Rinders
Awful to hear this and as ever, in awe of you and your parenting - you sound like you are doing a wonderful wonderful job with your girls and being a brilliant wife too.
I would come to you if that helped....and I would help you here in Bristol if Penny Brohn can offer anything at this late stage...
And I don't know what else I can say....IMHE regret is a pointless, well, helpless emotion, particularly after the event - say everything you need to and do everything you need to, on MN, in RL, wherever....Hospices provide the most amazing place for the entire family, and it's not always about the palliative side - it's about respite, care, and peace, so it's great that you are all looking at this.
We're here for you and we believe in you, Rinders

belledechocchipcookie · 12/02/2011 20:35

Oh Rinders Sad

I'm thinking of you and your family. Winstons wish are useful for helping children. I'm so, so sorry.

scooby26 · 13/02/2011 00:41

Rinders- what a terrible terrible time you're having. The mad marchers 2010 love you and are thinking of you all. I so wish I could offer something concrete to you - thoughts and prayers are in abundance. I hope you can enjoy the family time you have while he tickles their toes and makes them giggle. Remember the good and happy times... They will hopefully last longer than you think. Make memory boxes and write letters so girls know he is thinking of them in years to come. What an unthinkable time x

adcd · 13/02/2011 20:09

Sending love, hugs and strength to you all xx

Original poster
Rindercella · 17/02/2011 18:57

Sorry for not updating before been v busy and hoping for good news. Thank you all for your prayers, messages of support, advice, etc., means the world to us.

DH was meant to be having 1st chemo today. Had scan yesterday. Unfortunately the news isn't good. Cancer has spread to more lymph nodes and more bones and also probably to his liver. MRI being done to find out for sure. Also kidneys not functioning v well and Hgb levels v low.

Amazingly he's in great spirits.

Positive thoughts, prayers, whatever are very very welcome xxx

OP posts:
MrsDollFace · 17/02/2011 18:59

Oh Rinders :( So sorry

Sending lots of positive thoughts, prayers, whatever else might help in the slightest

LilRedWG · 17/02/2011 19:10

You are all in my thoughts and prayers Rindercella. I just wish I could be a fairy godmother for you and wave a wand for you. x

innocent-21 · 17/02/2011 19:15

Rinders have just read your thread and I am so sorry you and your family are facing this. I lost my dad when I was very young and my best friend at school got cancer when she was only 14 years - she did recover.

But I still cannot comprehend what you are going through I can only imagine the pain.

I send you all my best wishes, positive thoughts and prayers. So glad to hear he is in great spirits I hope you are all able to be together and talk and just be as a family.

Tes x

Northernlurker · 17/02/2011 19:23

Sorry to hear the latest.
The kidney failure and the anaemia may well be related. Your kidneys produce a hormone which triggers the production of red blood cells. When the kidneys don't work you don't get this happening as much as it needs to. You can have supplementary injections of an artifical form which works very well. If his kidneys are really packing up you may need to consider if you want to pursue haemodialysis treatment. It would be time consuming - typically 4 hours x 3 a week and whilst it should relieve some symptoms nobody on dialysis feels exactly well.

It's good to read dh is in great spirits - just hold on together.

chimchar · 17/02/2011 19:24

just seen this for the first time.

so very sorry you are going through this. i know nothing will help at all, and that words can be empty, but i do know that mumsnet will hold your hand, laugh with you on good days and cry with you on bad days.

i wish you, your dh and your little children much strength. x

sybilfaulty · 17/02/2011 19:38

Oh, Rinders, I am very sorry to read this. I don't have any experience of what you are going through but I am thinking of you and sending you and your family lots of positive thoughts and very best wishes.

Take care.

ilythia · 17/02/2011 20:01

Rinders, have seen previous threads and never know what to say, wil be thinking of you and your gorgeous DD's and sending you and Richard all the strength I can, xxx

boohoohoo · 17/02/2011 20:16

Rinders, I am so so sorry for you, your daughters and all of your family. Just sending you thoughts and much love xxx

BlueyDragon · 17/02/2011 20:21

Prayers and love and hugs for you all, Rinders, and wishing you all the strength you need.

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