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General health

Update on Rindercella's DH

1000 replies

Rindercella · 09/02/2011 12:21

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

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Rindercella · 11/04/2011 20:05

Thanks everyone, so excited about getting DH home tomorrow. Everything is more or less in place. Bed, hoist & slide sheets arrived today. I have 3 SILs, one is staying here and one brought my MIL up today. She also brought up a fridge full of the most wonderful food. I could snog her for being so wonderful!! Made dinner time (a late one, they're just finishing) a breeze for the girls.

The 2 carers are meeting Richard at the hospice in the morning and then being driven over here. Imagine, coming to a stranger's house and that's it - you've got to stay and look after him! I am full of admiration for them already as I don't think I could do that.

Have had a good day today. Took Indy for her first ever theatre trip, which she loved! So pleased I did that and it's lovely that we had some time doing something nice together. Jas is doing great but has nearly weaned herself off the boob - was a little sad last night as my milk obviously wasn't enough for her. But actually quite relieved as well. I have been either pregnant or b/fing (or both) for the best part of 4.5 years. It's time to stop I think.

So, the 'bunting' (welcome home!!! sign) is up, gotta do some shopping in the morning, thankfully I have my mother's help in tomorrow am so she can help with cleaning and then I will go to the hospice, get his stuff and follow the ambulance home. Richard is so looking forward to it. He's been great the last week or so, but was very tired and quite out of it today.

Thank you all so much. Our families, friends and virtual friends have all been such a fantastic help. You're amazing xxx

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